“No! No!” I raced forward, bare feet slipping across blood and gunk, just as Abbot tossed the black salt toward the trap. “Roth! No!”
In that tiny moment of time, just a flicker of a second, his golden eyes met mine. “Free will, huh? Damn. It is a bitch.” And then he smiled—he smiled—at me, a real smile, revealing those deep dimples. “I lost myself the moment I found you.”
My voice broke, and my heart...
Zayne’s arms wrapped around me and he turned, forcing me down onto my knees. His wings stretched out and then curled around me as his body bent, sheltering me.
Red light flashed, so brilliant and intense that it blinded me from underneath Zayne. A howling wind roared through the gymnasium. I screamed. I screamed because I knew Roth would make no sound as the fiery pits welcomed him. And I didn’t stop screaming. Not when the smell of sulfur choked me. Not when the blistering heat hit us, causing tiny dots of sweat to break out across my skin. Not until the wind, the heat and the smell of sulfur receded.
Then there was silence.
“I’m sorry,” Zayne whispered, and then he loosened his grip.
I tore free, taking a few steps toward the burned-out circle before my legs gave out. I fell to my knees. The space where Roth had stood with Paimon was scorched, the floor charred through.
Someone said something to me. Maybe Abbot or Nicolai. It didn’t matter. There was nothing they could say right now. Roth had sacrificed himself for me—for Zayne. A demon had chosen an eternity of suffering for someone else.
I couldn’t bear it.
Tears tracked down my cheeks, mixing with blood and soot. I lowered my head until my forehead rested against the floor and I did something I hadn’t done in forever.
I prayed.
I prayed for Roth. I prayed for the Alphas to step in. What he had done should’ve earned him a divine intervention. I prayed that the angels would descend into Hell and lift him up. I prayed until I wanted to scream again.
But prayers like this weren’t answered.
Something cool and slick nudged my hand, and I slowly lifted my head. Blinked once and then twice before I believed what I was seeing. “Bambi?”
The large snake coiled around my arm, raising her head until she rested it on my shoulder. A fresh wave of tears clouded my eyes, but not enough to prevent me from seeing a Warden coming toward us with a murderous look in his eyes as they landed on Bambi.
“Do it and it’ll be the last thing you do,” I warned in a voice I barely recognized.
The Warden stopped and then backed off. No one else came near us.
My gaze swiveled back to the circle. Near the stake on the right, a tiny hole had burned through the floor. Most likely a blowback from Hell and nothing like that charred spot in the center, on which Astaroth, the Crown Prince of Hell, had made a very un-demonlike stand.
I lost myself the moment I found you.
I stared at that spot.
Roth was gone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Tucking the icy blond strands of hair back into a messy bun at the nape of my neck, I picked up my tank top. The material felt weightless in my fingers. Sometimes I felt weightless.
In a few days I’d be going back to school, making a miraculous recovery from mono, much to Stacey and Sam’s delight. Classes had been canceled for three days after a little piece of Hell had visited the school. Abbot and the police commissioner had convinced school officials that they’d thwarted some kind of domestic terrorist attempt.
The general populace remained unaware that demons walked among them and of the Wardens’ true purpose. The threat of the Lilin was over—sort of. At least as long as there weren’t any more demons who were in love with Lilith or wanted to kick-start the end of the world. Things were about to go back to normal. As if October and November never happened. So all was good, at least for the Alphas and the Wardens.
I hadn’t shifted since that night not too long ago.
Maybe I’d never do it again, and Abbot hadn’t pushed the issue. I wasn’t a mule anymore, but I wasn’t like other Wardens, either. If anything, now that I knew what I looked like, I felt more different than I had before.
I also tried not to think of Petr and my father, knowing that Elijah was still out there and most likely plotting my untimely demise. None of that really mattered right now. I’d deal with him when the day came.
But for the time being, there were more important things to deal with.
My eyes moved to the mirror, and like every day since the showdown in the old gymnasium, I was surprised. Years would probably pass before I got used to what I saw.
I twisted in front of the mirror, oddly relieved and comforted by what I saw in my reflection. My new and unexpected tattoo served as a bittersweet reminder.
Lowering my gaze, I let out an unsteady breath as tears pricked my eyes. Bambi had fused to the only demon left standing. Me. She was much too big for my body, but we were trying to make it work. Right now her lower body was wrapped around my torso; her thick, shiny onyx neck stretched between my breasts and sloped over my neck. The diamond-shaped head rested on the back of my shoulder. Somehow the detail still amazed me. Each scale perfectly replicated; the darker line running down the center of her body and the softer underbelly.
I ran my hand over my tummy and her tail twitched. The movement startled me, even tickled a little.
“You’ve got to stop that,” I told her.
Bambi shifted her head and I shuddered, the feeling giving me the willies. The snake shared some of Roth’s personality. In the short time she’d been with me, I truly thought Bambi lived to find new ways to torment me. Like in the middle of the night when she wanted to come off and go hunt. What she was hunting I was afraid to even find out.
I just hoped it wasn’t small animals...or children.
Or when she shifted on my skin so she’d be visible when Zayne was around, just like I imagined Roth would’ve done if he...
Tugging my tank top on, I cut that thought off, but the back of my throat burned. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, refocusing back on Bambi.
Yesterday she had made her way to the side of my face when Zayne had been watching a movie with me, and she wouldn’t leave no matter what I did.
Zayne tried to ignore her, but all that did was provoke Bambi into coming off my skin and flopping her head right on his upper thigh.
So, yeah, the snake was like Roth.
There was a knock on my door, drawing my attention. “Yeah?”
Zayne came in, his hair pulled back in a low ponytail. I was expecting him today, and not just because he’d been spending a lot of time with me. We really didn’t talk about what had gone down or what Roth had done for him—for us. But I knew it bothered him that he didn’t know the right thing to say.
I didn’t, either.
So we’d just spent a lot of time together since then, and there weren’t enough words in this world that could show my gratitude. Zayne’s presence had done what Roth had known it would. It kept the rougher, darker edges of the pain at bay. Our bond since childhood was like a buffer, blocking out the harsh reality that I’d lost a part of me before I’d been given a chance to realize it.
“Are you sure you want to go with me?” I asked.
“Yes.” His gaze dipped along the hem of my tank top. “Man, I hate how that thing just moves all over your...”
“Body?”
A faint pink crept over the hollow of his cheeks. “Yeah, that.”
I laughed softly. “Hey, Bambi’s a girl.”
“Doesn’t make it any better,” he grumbled as he picked up my hoodie and handed it to me.
I took it from him. “I think she likes you.” I slipped it on and then zipped up the front. “I think that’s why she messes with you.”
“I think she hates me and that’s why.” He reached out and straightened the strings so they were even. “The snake’s a—”
Bambi’s tail suddenly slithered up
my waist, and I jerked to the side, giggling.
Zayne lowered his hands. “What?”
“Bambi,” I gasped. “She’s moving—it tickles.”
His eyes narrowed as his lips turned down at the corners.
“That mean face doesn’t help. It provokes her.” I smiled when Zayne’s eyes rolled, but the smile quickly faded when I thought of what lay ahead. “You ready?”
“Are you?”
“No,” I whispered and then shook my head. “Yes.”
Zayne waited. “It’s okay. Take whatever time you need. I’m here with you.”
Just as Roth had known he’d be.
* * *
We parked several blocks from Roth’s apartment, and Zayne waited at a small park a block down. I didn’t think the demons would be thrilled with a Warden’s presence even though Zayne wouldn’t try anything today. I wasn’t sure how welcome I’d be with my Warden blood, but it wasn’t going to stop me.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the doors and stepped into the opulent lobby, looking around. Demons were pretty scarce. There was a Fiend sitting on a couch, drinking a cup of coffee while messing with his phone.
He looked up, spotted me and then went back to his screen. Okay. I prowled toward the stairs, hitting my destination without interruption. I reached the door to the stairwell, but my gaze went to the elevator nearby—the portal to Hell.
“I know what you’re thinking.”
I spun around. “Cayman.”
The infernal ruler tilted his head in acknowledgment. “There’s no way you can go down and find Roth.”
I opened my mouth, but he kept going. “If you don’t get eaten by the first dozen or so demons you come across and you actually make it to the pits, the Boss still isn’t going to let you in.”
Exhaling roughly, I glared at the elevator’s doors. “I’m not stupid enough to try it.”
“No. You’re not. But a moment of desperation could’ve led you to make a very unwise decision. It’s not what Roth would’ve wanted.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I hate that you talk about him like he’s dead.”
“Isn’t that how you think of him?”
The sharp slice of agony that lit up my chest told me yes. “I just want to go to his apartment. That’s all. He had these kittens...”
“Oh, the three little monsters?” he asked. “They were tattoos.”
My eyes widened. “They were? I never saw them on him.”
Cayman stepped around me and opened the stairway door. “He rarely had them on. I don’t know if he did that night. I haven’t thought to check his room.”
“You’re going to let me?”
He gestured toward the stairwell. “After you.”
In silence we headed up to the top level, the muscles in my legs burning by the time he unlocked Roth’s door.
When I stepped in, Cayman remained outside. I don’t know what I was expecting to feel by going in here, but nothing could prepare me for the aching void that opened in my heart at the musky scent.
Things were the way Roth had left them, I guessed. There was a book on his desk, turned facedown. I picked it up and saw that it was Tales of Poe. Smiling faintly, I placed it back the way I’d found it. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to disturb his things.
I sat on his bed and waited for the little furballs to materialize and attach themselves to any exposed skin, but they never did. And I still sat there, my gaze tracking across the walls, the books, the TV and all the little things that made Roth real—made him more than just another Crown Prince.
Swallowing hard, I knelt down and lifted the covers. No kittens. I checked behind the piano. Nothing. The same in the bathroom. The closet was surprisingly empty. I wondered where Roth got his clothes. I checked all the nooks and crannies in the loft. The kittens were gone.
I glanced at the hallway beyond the open door.
Cayman waited. “He must have been wearing them.”
I nodded. I didn’t know if I should be relieved or not. At least they hadn’t been left here to starve. Then again, I had no idea what they ate. Probably blood.
“I just need another second,” I said.
Cayman smiled faintly, and I turned, opening the door to the roof. Up the stairs I went, one last time. The garden flourished and the knot in my throat grew. A demon that gardened? Roth... God, Roth was nothing but surprises.
Taking in the lounges and softly moving canopies, I sighed and made my way to the edge of the roof. The pain inside me felt too real, and I really couldn’t imagine it going away. Logic told me it would fade one day, but—
The sweet, musky smell came out of nowhere, overwhelming the scents of the flowers surrounding me. Tiny hairs rose on my body as a shiver of awareness danced over my skin.
I spun around, heart pounding against my ribs. “Roth?”
No one was there, but his scent lingered as my gaze tracked back to the chaise lounge. Something metallic caught my eye. Moving toward it, I found a silver chain coiled on the tiny table beside the lounge. It hadn’t been there seconds before. I picked it up, surprise stealing my breath.
It was my chain—the one Petr had broken. But the clasps had been repaired, the metal cleaned until it looked shiny and new. I knew it was mine because I’d never seen a chain so intricately knotted before, as if it matched the ring. In a way, I guessed it did.
Tears clogged my throat as I slowly turned around. It couldn’t have been...but where had the necklace come from?
“Roth?” I whispered, my voice cracking halfway through his name. “Are you here?”
I don’t know what I expected. For him to pop out of nowhere in front of me like he normally did? He didn’t. I glanced down at the necklace. It hadn’t been there.
A warm breeze, more like a soft breath of air, caressed my cheek, causing my heart to jump, and then...then the musky scent faded away, as if it had never been.
Closing my fingers around the chain, I pressed it against my chest and squeezed my eyes shut. The ache increased until I thought it would surely pull me under.
God, as much as I hated to cry, I respected the tears that sneaked out of my tightly closed lids. They meant something. They meant everything. They were the only way I could repay Roth for what he’d sacrificed.
Cayman was still waiting in the hall when I returned. “I’ll take care of the garden.”
I blinked slowly. “Thank you.”
We didn’t speak as we went back downstairs and I started toward the door, my heart and thoughts irrevocably heavy. I didn’t know what the necklace really meant, if I had just not seen it at first or if his scent was simply a product of my hope-fueled imagination. I wasn’t sure, but the hand that held the necklace shook.
“Layla?”
I turned back to Cayman. “Yeah?”
He smiled a little. More of a grimace, but I guess for a demon, it counted. “You know, demons don’t die when they go to the pits. Roth did his job, Layla. He came here to stop the Lilin from rising.” His gaze locked with mine. “The fiery pits are kind of one-way only, but the Boss is old-school, and Roth has been the Boss’s favorite Crown Prince yet.”
I sucked in a breath, too close to everything to let that little spark of hope grow. “What are you saying?” Hand still trembling, I held out the necklace for him to see. “I found this on the roof. It wasn’t there when I first went up, and then it was.”
Cayman’s smile stretched a little and then he shrugged as he slipped his hands into his pockets. He turned, heading across the lobby. Halfway between the couches and chairs, he glanced over his shoulder at me and winked. Then he blinked out of existence.
Hope and disbelief warred inside me. I wanted—needed—to believe that Roth wasn’t in those pits. That he was okay, that it was he who’d left the necklace for me. It made facing tomorrow a little easier, thinking there might be a chance I’d see him again. One day.
I’m not sure how long I stood there, but finally I forced