I felt more and more uneasy with each word.
“Most witches get lost and never find themselves again,” he continued. “They lose their ability to feel anything but pain and paranoia.”
I wondered then if Rhys was one of these people. Sometimes his passion and desire were almost tangible—like when he’d kissed me in the rain a few hours ago. Other times, he felt distant. Although he proclaimed love to me, I didn’t know if he was just remembering what he’d felt for me before he became a Channeler.
“So, uh, you had Isolde to keep your faith in?”
The shadow of a smile crossed his face.
“Yes. I had my aunt. That’s how I pulled through. But even then, it was difficult beyond measure.” He turned to face me again. “But you see, the stronger the bond is, the easier it will be. Being Isolde’s nephew, I have a natural bond with her. But it’s obviously not the same as… a lover, for example. It would have been easier had I had that.”
I averted my eyes to the floor, feeling uncomfortable beneath his gaze.
“Of course, you are already bonded to me,” he went on. “Physically. But mentally, I know you’re still not. And that is what will cause you problems once the process starts. I can guide you through this, but only if your mind becomes one with mine.”
I stared at him, my mouth drying out as his words sank in.
“And how do I know what you’re saying is true? How do I know you’re not just saying all this because you want me to love you?”
He chuckled. “I would have thought that you’d know me better than to suspect I’d mix up my own personal agenda in something as serious as this.”
Remembering how quickly he’d dismissed his own sister’s death, I did have trouble doubting his intentions.
The only guaranteed way I can survive this is by falling in love with Rhys. Thoughts of Kiev filled my mind. But how? And what if I lose myself to him before I ever make it out the other end?
Although Rhys still hadn’t explained what this mysterious “process” was, I knew that I wouldn’t be the same person after it. I would be like Rhys and his family. Blindly devoted to reviving the power and so-called glory of our kind. And if I wasn’t like them, the process wouldn’t have worked and I wouldn’t have gained the powers I needed to break free from him.
It seemed like an impossible situation. In order to be strong enough to free myself, I needed to lose myself. But once I’d lost myself, would I still even want to break free?
I realized then just how desperate I was.
Even if my life ends up becoming worse, I just can’t remain stagnant like this any more. Staying as I am now is guaranteed ruin. At least if I succeed at this, I’ll have the ability to overcome the bonds that tie me now. I just have to pray that I’ll remember what led me down this path to begin with…
“I’ve been trying to make it easier for you,” Rhys continued, picking up a glass of blood and taking a sip. “Giving you advice on how to stay out of trouble so I don’t have to punish you. I’ve been trying to express my own feelings for you. All to make this process easier.”
I couldn’t believe I was even entertaining the idea of being in love with Rhys. A few months ago, I would have been screaming at myself to stop. Now, a part of me was wishing that it was easier for me to fall for him.
“Of course,” he said, “you don’t need anybody. You could go through this all by yourself. But the chances of you losing a piece of yourself are much, much greater.”
He placed his glass down on the table and looked back at the fireplace.
“What is this process?” I asked. “You still haven’t told me.”
He stood up and began to pace up and down the room.
“You’ll know when it’s time.”
I looked at him in exasperation. “Can’t you give me some idea?”
He breathed out impatiently.
“Whatever it is doesn’t change what you have to do. You need to trust me on this.”
He walked over to me and bent down so that his eyes were level with mine. His face was filled with concern.
“Mona, I don’t want to risk breaking you. I’ve witnessed too many unsuccessful attempts to want to witness another one.” I could practically see the dark memories whirling behind his eyes as he spoke.
“All right,” I croaked.
Silence fell between us as we stared at each other.
Slowly, cautiously, he took a seat next to me.
“I don’t know what more I can say,” he breathed.
“There isn’t anything more,” I whispered after a pause. Bracing myself for what I was about to say, I shut my eyes. “I will love you, Rhys.” I felt insane hearing myself say those words out loud.
He exhaled sharply.
I leant closer to him, brushing my cheek against his, breathing in his scent. He reached up, caressing the side of my face. I remained still. Feeling the moment, the space we were sharing.
I slipped my hand beneath his shirt, running it up along his broad, muscular chest. I shifted myself onto his lap, my legs spread out either side of him on the couch.
His expression remained serious as he held my waist. Allowing me to take the lead. I unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders, down his arms.
“Undress me,” I whispered into his ear.
He betrayed his hunger for me as he scooped me up in his arms and laid me down in his bed. He drew out his dagger and ripped through my dress. I shivered as the tip of the blade grazed my skin. Removing the rest of his clothes, he spread himself out over me. He groaned as I pulled his face against mine and pushed my tongue between his lips. He pressed me harder into the mattress, his weight making it a struggle to breathe.
I was trying to lose myself beneath Rhys’ touch. Let him envelop my heart and soul. But the harder I worked to forget the vampire, the more images of him came flooding through my brain.
No.
This is no good.
As Rhys’ need began to consume him, I gripped his thick hair and tugged.
“Wait,” I gasped.
He looked down at me, his eyes hooded, and frowned.
“What?”
He lifted himself up away from me and allowed me to sit up. I leaned against the headboard and buried my face in my hands.
Am I really going to risk this?
What choice do I even have now?
My throat felt parched just thinking about what I was about to do.
“Did I hurt you?” Rhys looked at me with concern.
“No, no. Rhys. I just… I think I need you to give me a memory potion.”
His lips parted in surprise.
“A memory potion?”
“It’s just that every time you touch me, I keep remembering the time when we were best friends,” I lied. “And I find it hard to be truly intimate with you. It feels strange.”
He nodded slowly.
“But not a complete memory wipe.”
“No, of course not,” I said quickly. I recalled one potion I had made recently before we left for The Shade. It was to test out on a human. They’d wanted to erase only select memories from his brain.
“All right,” he said.
I reached out and brushed a hand over his cheek, attempting a smile.
‘That way, it will be a fresh start for us.”
Chapter 15: Mona
I stared at the dark green liquid. I’d concocted it in the castle’s spell room with Rhys. But now that it was made, I’d asked to be left alone while I went about wiping the memories. I’d retreated to the spare bedroom of our apartment. He’d understood my desire for privacy.
I sat on the edge of the bed and reached for the jug I’d filled with the potion. I poured some into a metal goblet. Sniffing it, I almost choked from how foul it smelt.
I placed the goblet on the bedside table and stared at it. My eyes glazed over with tears and my hands were trembling.
This is it.
There will be no going back after this.
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Now that I was on the verge of losing the vampire forever, the full impact of how much I had grown to need him hit me full force. I felt winded.
What were you thinking, Mona? Of course, if you erase everything that’s happened, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever be with him again even if you do manage by some miracle to remember to break free from Rhys. He’ll be a stranger to you. And he may have already found someone else. He has no problem finding women to share his bed.
I shook my head, trying to clear my head. It was useless having these thoughts now.
Trying to steady my hand, I picked up the glass again.
I shut my eyes and took the first sip.
Before I swallowed, the memory of the first time I’d laid eyes on the vampire flashed across my mind. I forced out memory after memory with each gulp of the potion I took, each another puncture to my bleeding heart.
By the time I’d finished half of the jug, tears were streaming down my cheeks. It was hard to control my sobs.
Rhys knocked on the door. “What’s wrong?” He sat down next to me on the bed.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “It’s just these memories... I’m going to miss them.”
He remained silent, sitting with me for a few minutes while I cried. Then he got up and left the room again. I guessed he thought this was just something I had to work through on my own.
After I’d finished the jug, I left the room and climbed into Rhys’ bed, sliding beneath the covers. He wrapped his arms around me, stroking my forehead.
As I lay there in his arms, I was determined to stay up all night. Because now those memories were alive in my mind, more vivid than ever before. And for once, I allowed myself to get lost in them. I allowed myself this one last indulgence, because by the morning, they would all be gone.
Chapter 16: Mona
When morning arrived, I woke up to feel Rhys’ breathing against the nape of my neck. Whatever I’d taken that potion to forget was gone from my mind. I couldn’t remember anything about it. But it must have been dear to me because my cheeks were stained with tears.
I rubbed my temples, realizing that I had a headache. And my bladder felt like it was about to burst. I’d drunk a whole jug of that liquid, after all. I rushed to the bathroom. In the mirror my skin was looking pale as usual, the circles beneath my eyes dark as ever.
When I returned to the bedroom, Rhys had woken up. He sat leaning against the headboard, looking me over as I approached the bed.
“Get dressed,” he said, standing up. “I want to take you somewhere.”
Once we were ready, he held my hands in his and we vanished. The next few seconds were chaos as wind howled around us. Then I felt a warm breeze against my skin and solid ground beneath my feet. Opening my eyes, I took a step back.
We were standing at the foot of a waterfall, the crash of waves filling our eardrums. I gasped at the sheer beauty of the place. The trees towered up almost higher than I could see and their leaves spread out to form a shimmering canopy, sheltering us from the sun. There were bright flowers, and butterflies the size of Rhys’ hand. A lilac mist hung over the churning waters.
Then it dawned on me.
“Aviary,” I gasped, looking up at Rhys.
He nodded, giving me a small smile.
Memories of being trapped here serving Arron came flooding back. I’d escaped this place. But for some reason I couldn’t remember how.
“Why are we here? Isn’t it dangerous?”
Rhys chuckled and shook his head.
“Not while you’re with me. As to why we’re here…”
He scooped me up in his arms and led me closer to the water. I thought that he was going to jump in with me. Instead, he walked around the edge of the pool and ducked behind the waterfall. The sounds were deafening now as Rhys walked into a cave behind the falling waters.
The beauty of the place took my breath away. There was a wide patch of soft moss in the center, surrounded by an array of precious stones and gems. He walked over to it and put me down. He lowered himself next to me. We both sat staring at the gushing water.
Although it felt odd, I appreciated Rhys’ romantic gesture. He was making an effort to make this easier for me.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” I said softly, looking up at him.
He nodded.
I reached for his hand, a few inches away from me. I held up his branded palm and ran a finger over it, tracing the outline of the black rose. I pressed my lips against the center of his palm and watched the brand come alive, even as my own rose began tingling.
Rhys raised a brow, as if asking for permission to take things further.
I lay back on the grass, never breaking eye contact with him. Slowly, he bent over me and began easing me out of my dress. Then he stood up and undressed himself. Just looking at his muscular physique made me feel weak and vulnerable.
“Kiss me,” I whispered.
He leant over me and gripped both of my arms, pulling me into standing position against him. Goosebumps ran along my skin as he propped me up against the wall of the cave.
And then his lips were on mine. He kissed me slowly at first, but soon he was ravishing me. He left my lips and began pressing his mouth against my neck, sucking on my skin and grazing me with his teeth.
He touched my feet to the ground, leaving a trail of kisses as he made his way down my body. He stopped just above my navel.
I gripped his hair as he ran his hands down my legs.
“I’ve always loved you, Mona,” he breathed against my stomach. “And I can fulfill you, if you’ll just let me.”
He fell silent as he began to make love to me.
It was strange. Although I’d made love to Rhys before, somehow, that morning felt like the first time.
Chapter 17: Mona
At first, I found my mind wandering occasionally, wondering what it was I had made myself forget. It was strange having a blank space in my memory. But then I stopped thinking about it. It was idiocy trying to remember. Whatever I’d forgotten, it was to help move me forward.
I was surprised by how easy it was to fall for Rhys. Over the following weeks, Rhys kept me alone with him in the castle. With his attention on me night and day, he became my life as much as I became his. It was as if nobody existed in the world but us.
His passion consumed me, so much that I couldn’t help but return it. When someone desired and wanted to please you so intensely, it was hard to not reciprocate.
And that reciprocation—although small at first—set me on the right path. It was the spark that lit the fire I’d thought was long extinguished.
I found myself wanting to satisfy Rhys as he was satisfying me. I found myself wanting to bring a smile to his face, to lavish my own affections on him.
Although we remained away from everybody, he didn’t just keep me on the island. He took me to some of the most beautiful places in all of the supernatural world. Most of the realms he took me to I had never visited before, some I hadn’t even known existed. He romanced me in each of them.
Slowly, I found my mind becoming aligned with his. My desires beginning to match his own. I fell deeper and deeper into him.
He consumed my mind so much that I even wondered whether he was using magic on me. But I doubted it. My feelings for him had to be genuine or this whole exercise would be pointless. Rhys had told me that no magic could last during the transformation, whatever it was.
One evening, we were lying next to each other on a deserted beach in The Cove, the realm of the mermaids. I stared up at the starry night, holding his hand in mine, listening to the waves crashing against the shore. A warm breeze blew over us.
I leaned on my elbow and looked down at him. Running a hand through his dark hair, I placed a kiss on his cheek.
“Why do you love me?” I whispered, staring into his eyes.
His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed. I thought he was about to answer, but he stood up and pulled me to my feet. Holding my ha
nd, he led me toward the waves. He stopped once the water was at my waist.
“There’s fire in you, Mona.” He ran his hands through my hair. “And I don’t want you to lose that.”
I had no idea what he meant by fire. I thought back to my past. I couldn’t remember a time since I’d left the Sanctuary that I had felt much fire in me. Except for these past few weeks with Rhys, it felt like I was gasping to keep my head above water and not be overcome by the darkness surrounding me.
“Maybe I see a piece of myself in you.”
He leaned down and touched his nose against mine, closing his eyes.
We both remained silent, listening to the lapping waves around us.
I realized that whether I liked it or not, Rhys also held a piece of me now. How large a piece it was, I was beginning to be fearful of. But now that I’d let him in, I wasn’t sure that I could ever fully let him out. These weeks had been so intense, just the two of us. It felt like I’d allowed him to make a mark on me that ran far deeper than my rose.
Chapter 18: Kiev
It would have been a lie to say that I didn’t see it coming. I’d known what I had with Mona was temporary. Even that small respite I had bought us by kidnapping the humans had come with a heavy price.
So when she told me it was over, it was hardly a surprise. There wasn’t much else either of us could do. Mona was bound to Rhys. She couldn’t leave him, even if she’d wanted to be with me.
Still, I couldn’t shake the frustration that had boiled up within me as she spoke the words. When she’d left the island, I’d thought it would pass, but it didn’t. If anything, it grew worse.
I tried to distract myself around the island. But there wasn’t much to be distracted by other than the ghastly rituals that were held each evening. The rest of the time, there wasn’t much to do. Even my siblings didn’t appear busy despite the fact that we were supposed to be rulers of this island.