For the first time, I began to wonder if Haylee was the more vulnerable of us after all. She went after friends, whether they were girlfriends or boyfriends, with more desperation than I did. She had more of a need to be popular. She would hate to hear me say it, but I now believed that I was the one with more self-confidence. Mother dreamed of having two daughters who would never suffer from sibling rivalry, but Haylee was and probably would always be afraid that people would like me more than they liked her. She flaunted the attention boys gave her. She emphasized anything she could do better than I could. She was a more aggressive athlete and often let me know it. Now she was stressing how much more sophisticated she was. After all, she knew more about sex and drugs.
Maybe my feelings toward her should be more in line with pity than anger, I thought. It brought a smile to my face thinking how angry she would be if she knew I had even considered it.
I returned to the homework. As usual, I would have it done before she would, and she would copy most, if not all, of it. It was only the essays we had to write for English that she had to do on her own, but I usually read her work and repaired the grammar and syntax. I still studied with her for exams, and although she wasn’t keeping up with my grades, she was close enough to keep Mother from making it an issue.
Just after six, she returned to my room, wearing the dress Mother had chosen for us.
“I feel like someone’s Barbie doll. She’s going to treat us like two storefront displays for the rest of our lives,” she said, as I went to put on my dress. “She’ll press buttons to make us smile simultaneously and will want us to say the same things at the same time, too. ‘Pleased to meet you.’ Maybe we should make it sound like a question. ‘Pleased to meet you?’ Think she’ll put us in the pantry if we do that?”
“Don’t toy with her about this, Haylee. It obviously means a lot to her. She’s been in such a dark fog since she discovered what Daddy was doing. If she’s happier, we’ll be happier,” I pointed out.
“You’re right. You’re always right,” she said, grimacing for a moment and then smiling again. “Luckily for me, I have you as my twin sister. We each provide what the other needs, right?”
“Haylee-Kaylee,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm that she either ignored or didn’t hear.
“Kaylee-Haylee,” she replied, as if it was something automatically triggered, maybe in both of us.
Despite everything, how could I hate her? Mother was probably right about that. It would be like hating myself or at least a big part of myself. We all went through valleys and over hills. Who else could really be my best friend or hers, even though she might not realize it as much as I did?
“Okay, let’s get down to the stage,” I said.
Mother was waiting in the living room. She looked more nervous than I had seen her lately. “How do I look?” she asked us.
She stood up and did a slow turn, like someone modeling the dress in an expensive boutique. Her hair and makeup were as perfect as ever, and she was wearing a dress that always brought her compliments. She had first worn it two years ago at a dinner celebrating her and Daddy’s anniversary. It was a black silk-blend, sheer-insert, fitted Victoria Beckham.
Somehow, despite her depression and rage, Mother held on to her willowy figure. She wasn’t an exercise enthusiast but kept herself so busy around the house that she probably took more steps and burned more calories than women who ran a mile daily.
“You look beautiful, Mother,” I said.
Haylee came in on “beautiful.”
She was also wearing her rose gold Swarovski watch, which had been her anniversary present that night two years ago. I think she saw the way I was staring at it.
“I’m not going to toss out the beautiful things your father bought me. I earned everything, believe me. That would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.” She held her wrist up, displaying the watch. “Consider it premature alimony,” she said, and laughed. “It will impress Mr. Paul.”
Haylee looked stunned. Neither of us had seen Mother this high on anyone, especially another man.
“What does he do?” I asked.
“Oh. He’ll especially appreciate this watch. He owns three jewelry stores in Pennsylvania. Two are in Philadelphia, and one is in Pittsburgh. He’s working on fourth and fifth locations. You’ll like this, too. He plays piano. His mother made him take lessons when he was a child and continue when he was a teenager. He kept it up. Maybe he’ll play something for us.”
“He sounds very nice. Why did he get divorced?” Haylee asked.
Mother widened her smile. “Why do you think?”
We both shook our heads.
“His wife cheated on him. See how much we have in common?”
As if on cue, the doorbell sounded. We really were on a stage, I thought. Everything we and the people around us did seemed to be following a script.
Darren Paul had a bouquet of red roses in his hands. He was taller than Daddy and had a light brown, red-tinted, well-trimmed beard. He was stouter also, and I didn’t think he was nearly as attractive as Daddy, but then again, not many men were. He was smartly dressed in a dark gray suit and a light blue tie. His hair was thicker and longer than I had expected.
“Hi,” he said. “This is a nice location. I always thought about buying something in this area. Oh, for you,” he said, holding out the flowers.
“Oh, how beautiful!” Mother cried, as if she had never seen red roses or been given any flowers. Matt’s had been just as beautiful. “Thank you,” she said, taking them from him. “We’ll put them in water right away. Girls,” she called, and we stepped forward. “I’d like you to meet Mr. Paul.”
“Oh, they should call me Darren,” he said. He had a voice much deeper than Daddy’s and a smile that looked tentative. Daddy was always sure of himself when he met someone new. I imagined I would always compare men with Daddy, especially any men Mother dated.
“I’m Haylee,” Haylee said quickly. “This is my sister, Kaylee.”
“Pleased to meet you,” we both recited in perfect unison, and he looked at Mother to see if this was some sort of rehearsed, clever little amusement. She kept her proud smile.
“Yes, pleased to meet you guys. When your mother said you were identical, she meant identical. But in your case, it’s identical beauty,” he quickly added.
“Thank you,” we recited.
He widened his eyes. I was sure he was wondering if we would say everything together like a chorus.
“Kaylee, would you put these in a vase for us and bring them into the living room? I thought we’d have a cocktail before leaving,” she told Darren.
I took the flowers.
“Perfect,” he said, and followed Mother and Haylee into the living room, complimenting Mother on the house. She immediately went into how it had all fallen on her shoulders, the decorating and the furniture purchases, especially all that was bought for us.
When I brought the vase in, Haylee was sitting on the settee across from Mother and Darren. He must have waited for me before asking any questions, because the moment I entered, he said, “I hear you’re both very good students. Any idea what you want to go for?”
“Go for?” Haylee said.
“What career to pursue,” I said. “No. We both have varied interests right now, and there’s time.”
“Very wise,” he said, nodding.
Mother smiled.
“Mother tells us you’re in the jewelry business. Is that what you always wanted to do?” I asked.
“I thought I was going to be governor,” he said. “No. My father started the business, and I expanded it after he passed away.”
“Why didn’t you expand it when he was still alive?” Haylee asked.
He laughed. “Dad was somewhat reluctant to make changes or take chances,” he said. He looked at Mother. “These two are bright and not shy.”
“They’re far more mature than other girls their age,” she said. “And most important, t
hey’re dependable.”
“I can see why you’re very proud,” Darren said, and sipped his drink. “It’s not easy when there are two working at it, from what I see.”
“No, it wasn’t easy on my own.” Mother made it sound as if Daddy had died years and years ago.
“How long were you married?” Haylee asked.
“Nearly ten years,” he said, and then took a longer sip on his drink, as if the answer drove him to it.
“How come you don’t have any children?” Haylee quickly followed, sounding like a prosecutor in a courtroom.
I thought Mother would be angry at her pointed question, but she still looked pleased.
“It didn’t work out for us,” he replied. “And as it turns out, that was a good thing.”
“Mother says you play the piano,” I said, rushing to change the subject.
“I tinker a bit.”
“We’d love to hear you play,” I said.
“Oh, well, you have to lower your expectations.”
“That’s easy. We have none,” Haylee said.
“In that case, I’ll do it,” he said, rising and going to the piano.
Mother looked even more pleased, her eyes dazzling. We rose, too, and the three of us gathered around the piano.
“I’m not up on modern songs,” he warned. “But this is a favorite through time.”
I had heard the song, but I didn’t know the title. Haylee looked uninterested, but when she saw my face, she brightened quickly. Suddenly, Mother sang a line, in French, and Darren sang another. When he finished, they laughed.
“I’ve heard it,” I said. “But I don’t know the title.”
“It’s ‘La vie en rose’ by Edith Piaf,” Mother said. “You’ve heard it because it was your father’s and my wedding song. Actually, I chose it. Your father wasn’t into wedding songs. That should have given me a hint.”
“It’s always been one of my favorites,” Darren said. He finished his drink and rose.
“Everything is ready for you to warm up for dinner,” Mother told us. She took Darren’s glass and brought hers and his to the kitchen. We followed them.
“All set, then?” Darren asked her.
“Yes,” Mother said.
“Enjoy your evening,” I said.
“Have a nice time,” Haylee added.
“It’s been great meeting you, girls,” Darren said. “Next time, you’ll play something for me.”
“Yes, they will,” Mother said.
We watched them leave.
“Next time?” Haylee said. “He sounds like they should start planning a wedding.”
“Let’s eat,” I said. I didn’t want to talk about it. I was still trying to accept the fact that Daddy was basically out of our lives, and, as they say, this was another nail in the coffin.
Haylee shrugged. It was obviously not bothering her as much, or she was better than I was at hiding it. At least, that was what I thought until a little while later, when we sat to eat our dinner, and she suddenly said, “I know I don’t act like it most of the time, maybe more because it would upset Mother, but I do miss Daddy.”
“Why shouldn’t we?”
“It’s so strange seeing her with another man,” Haylee said.
“Maybe it’s mostly for her ego. She feels she’s been dumped, remember, even though she’d never say it.”
“You’re right. I never thought of it like that. I’ve got to stop hanging around with infant minds,” she said. “What they have is contagious.”
I laughed. I was really laughing at her, but she thought I was laughing at her clever remark. Would she ever notice the difference?
“What should we do tonight?” she asked. “I really don’t want to play any board games. You always win. I just said it to please Mother.”
“Let’s practice piano,” I said. “We’ll work on Mozart’s Figaro duet just the way we used to and surprise Mother and Darren when he comes again.”
“If he comes. Maybe she’ll have a boring time, or maybe she’ll meet someone else.”
“Whatever. Let’s do it for Mother, then.”
“Okay,” she said. “And then we’ll just make some popcorn and watch a dumb movie, the dumber the better.”
“Haylee-Kaylee,” I said, shaking my head.
“Kaylee-Haylee,” she replied.
We cleaned up after ourselves and went to the pianos. Of course, we were quite rusty, not having practiced for a while, but Haylee surprised me by staying with it until I thought we had done enough.
“A few more practice sessions,” I said.
“Okay. Time for a movie?”
“Pick out what you want. I’ll look into the popcorn.”
I never would have expected it, but we had one of our best nights together in a long time. When Mother came home, she found us both on the sofa, the TV still on, both of us asleep next to each other.
When I woke, Haylee woke, and we sat up quickly, because Mother was standing right in front of us and smiling.
“We didn’t hear you come in,” I said.
“I’ve been standing here for almost ten minutes. I didn’t want to wake you. You looked like you did when you were infants. My girls.”
“Did you have a good time?” Haylee asked, wiping her eyes.
“Good enough,” Mother replied. “I learned something from you.”
“What?” Haylee asked, astounded that Mother could learn anything from us.
“Have no expectations,” she said. “Then you have nothing to lower in order to be pleased.”
For a moment, we said nothing, and then we both laughed. Mother laughed, too.
And for the first time in a long time, we were all laughing together.
12
At breakfast on Sunday, Mother told us that she had invited Darren Paul to come to dinner at our house Friday night. This little romance she had begun had instantaneously stirred up the gossip she was hoping for. The silence we were so used to now in our house was shattered. She seemed to be on the phone all day having conversations with women she had hardly spoken to during the last year or so. She appeared to relish the attention. Haylee and I quickly realized that as long as she was so occupied with her own romantic adventures, she wouldn’t hover so closely over our social lives, whatever they might be.
I was skeptical when Haylee told me she was through with Jimmy Jackson, but she didn’t call him all weekend. He didn’t call her, either, which made her angrier. She wanted to be the one to do all the disrespecting and dumping.
“He’s taking me for granted,” she told me on Sunday night. “He’s in for a surprise.”
He sauntered over to us almost as soon as we entered the school building Monday morning.
“Hey, girls, what’s happening?” he asked with a smug grin on his face.
Neither of us replied, but he tagged along.
“Hey, what’s the rush?” he said as we quickened our steps toward our homeroom.
“Sensitive stomachs,” Haylee said. “Bad odors make us sick.”
“Huh? Oh, I get it. Sorry you missed me Saturday night,” he told Haylee just as we joined the other girls in front of our homeroom.
She turned on him. “Don’t flatter yourself. I found our old jack-in-the-box, and that gave me the same laughs and thrills you could.”
“Ha ha. I have a thrill for you,” he said, and tried to put his arm around her.
“Take a bath before you approach someone,” she said, moving away from him.
He turned crimson. He looked at the other girls, who were amused and amazed. “Big deal, twin,” he muttered. “You’re about as hot as yesterday’s hamburger.”
“Which is probably still in your pocket,” Haylee retorted. None of the girls laughed or smiled at that. Everyone held her breath, waiting for his response.
“I’m not wasting my time talking to you,” he said, and walked off, as if her rejecting him was as meaningless to him as tossing away a gum wrapper.
She then wen
t on to lecture the girls about wasting their time with immature boys. Suddenly, she sounded like the prude in our family.
“You have to have more respect for yourself,” she said. “You don’t ever want to be labeled. Don’t act desperate,” she continued. “Once they think they have you, they’ll treat you badly. Never commit entirely to any boy—at least, any boy here.”
If I closed my eyes, I could think I was hearing Mother talking. Because of how easily Haylee had driven off Jimmy, the girls surrounding her looked very impressed. Even Melanie was awestruck, and I knew she considered herself the leader of our pack.
“What did he do to deserve the brush-off?” she asked.
Haylee glanced at me and then turned back to all of them and said, “He opened his mouth—and not while we were kissing, either.”
There was a moment of silence and then loud laughter. Haylee smiled at me and nodded in the direction of our homeroom.
Matt was standing near the doorway. He wore the look of a frightened puppy, glancing at me and then shifting his eyes down quickly. I stepped forward and paused in front of him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you over the weekend,” he said. “I started to a few times and stopped, because I wasn’t sure how to begin and how you would react.”
“I felt the same way. I guess it was good that we both had time to think about it.”
He watched the others around us and then shifted left a few steps so we’d be beyond their hearing range. “Look. You have to understand what happened. I was dozing off because of what they put in our drinks, and then I looked up and saw who I thought was you coming out of the bathroom, your bathroom. What was I to think? It was dark and—”
“You told me all that. When exactly did you realize it wasn’t me, Matt?”
“Not until it was almost over. I had my eyes closed, and you two sound so much alike, and . . . you wear the same perfume—”
The bell rang.
“It’s hard for me to accept. Maybe we should stop talking about it,” I said. “See you later.” I didn’t mean to sound skeptical or indifferent, but I supposed that was how it sounded to him. After all, he wasn’t giving me anything new.