I lift her off her feet so that she’s forced to wrap her legs around me and I press her more firmly against the wall. She reaches her hand down into my pants and strokes me, sending me reeling off the edge of sanity. All I can think of is pounding into her. I’ve completely lost control and I don’t care. I relish it.
I hear another tearing sound and realize vaguely that I just tore her thong off. Damn thing was in my way. She breathes in sharply, and then moans loudly as I move my fingers around her wet opening, not penetrating, just spreading the wetness around in slow circles. I feel a growl come up my chest at the feel of her slickness. "Always so wet for me," I choke out.
She brings her arms up around me to hold on tight, and leans her head back against the wall, giving me perfect access to taste the sweet skin at her neck. I continue to finger her, spreading her juices up and around her clit. She’s squirming and whimpering which fuels the desire for me to consume her. I hope she’s ready for a rough ride because that’s about all I’m capable of right now.
I lean my hips back and feel a burst of pre-cum when Evie whimpers in protest.
"Take my cock out, Evie," I say, feeling like my voice is thick and far away.
She reaches through the tear in my pants, into my boxers and takes me in her hand. The feel of her hand on me is almost too much. But she lets go quickly, and I grip her ass with one hand and position myself at her entrance with the other, and slam into her, none too gentle. She cries out and it brings me back to myself momentarily, and I still for several seconds as I stare into her lust filled eyes, making sure that she’s okay. When I see that she is, I pull back very slowly and then thrust back into her again. The friction of her tight muscles wrapped around me feels so good that I let out an involuntary hiss. Evie closes her eyes and moans deeply, parting her lips and I lose it again, my body taking over, and my mind taking a backseat on the pleasure ride I’m on.
I crash my mouth back over hers and start thrusting wildly into her, hard and deep, slamming her against the wall. I want to possess her, own her, and confirm that she’s mine. Convince myself that something beautiful in this world is mine, and only mine.
I feel another burst of pre-cum and a spike of overwhelming pleasure pulses through my abdomen. I reach down between us and roll my finger against her sweet spot, and she starts panting and moaning into my mouth as her orgasm rolls through her.
I rip my mouth off of hers and watch as the pleasure washes over her features, and it’s so incredibly beautiful that the words, "Mine. Only mine. Only. Ever. Mine," pour unbidden from my brain to my lips as I continue to pump into her relentlessly.
My own climax swirls downward and my head automatically drops back, the intense pleasure taking over, and stars bursting in front of my eyes as I swell and jerk inside of her.
As the stars diminish and fade away slowly, control flows back in, and I wonder at what just happened. As unbelievably incredible as it was for me, I hope I didn’t hurt her. Walls aren’t exactly soft. But as I bring my head back up and gaze into her eyes, still gliding in and out of her slowly, the look on her face calms me. She looks awe-struck and satisfied, and very thoroughly fucked. Pride wells up in me, a fierce feeling of ownership.
"You are so beautiful," she says lazily.
I smile, letting her down to the floor very slowly. "You're the beautiful one," I whisper.
She leans up and kisses me sweetly, and I lead her to the bedroom.
Later, after we’ve cleaned up a little and fallen into bed, Evie is snuggled tightly against me, breathing deeply. I know she’s asleep. "I love you," I whisper, needing to say it, even knowing she doesn’t hear.
"Mmm, Leo…" she murmurs back. My whole body freezes, the steady beat of my heart pausing and then resuming as her words slam into me. Oh my God. Holy shit. My heart races furiously now, my brain cloudy, eyes wide in the dark. I don’t know what to feel, but it takes me several hours before I fall into a fitful sleep.
CHAPTER 22
Evie leaves for work the next morning, and I laze around for a little while before getting up and heading to the gym. I keep hearing Evie's voice in my head, whispering Leo in her sleep. I still don't know what to think about it. Does she still dream about me? What does that mean? Is there something inside of her that still holds on to the boy that I once was? Is that going to make it easier or harder for her to hear the truth about me?
I work out for a couple hours and then head home. I’m also keyed up because I know that Lauren is meeting with the board today – and I don’t know why. Whatever it is, I can pretty much guarantee that her only motivation is to have something to control me with, and that knowledge alone fills me with a sickening anger. How long am I going to have to deal with her crazy shit? How can I ask Evie to deal with any of this? It never fucking stops. And I know for a fact that if Lauren realizes that Evie is back in my life, it will only get worse. A lot worse.
Dealing with Lauren today or any day is about the last thing I want. But I have to know what she’s up to. My personal feelings aside, I owe it to my company to know what she’s planning. Best to meet her in public before I leave to pick up Evie. If I didn’t want to know what board business she thinks she has, I suppose I could avoid her call like I usually do. But then she’ll try to show up while Evie’s here and, oh Christ, now I just have a headache. I sit at the bar in my kitchen with my head in my hands for a few minutes, just considering this mess. Then I get up and take a shower, shave and work at my desk in workout pants and a t-shirt for the remainder of the afternoon.
I have Lauren’s number programmed to go straight to voicemail, so I check my phone every so often until I see that I have a message. When I listen to it, it’s Lauren and I call her back.
"Jake, I’m on my way up." She doesn’t even wait for me to say hi.
"What the fuck, Lauren? I didn’t tell you to come to my condo. Who let you up anyway?"
"The front deskman let me up – I told him who I am. Of course he did."
Ah hell – I forgot to talk to Joe. I’m going to ream his ass when I go down there.
I step out into the hallway just as the elevator dings. Lauren steps off, giving me a huge grin. I don’t smile back.
"Still a moody teenager, I see," she says, breezing past me into my condo.
She looks around. "I love it, Jake." She goes over to the window and looks out at the view. "You know I’d move here if you want me to. I’d prefer you move back to San Diego with me but–"
"Lauren, why are you meeting with the board? Why’d they have to sacrifice a Saturday for you?"
She sighs, stepping closer. "Jake, I met with the board today to let them know that I’m contesting the will. Phil wasn’t in his right mind when he left the majority of the shares to you. My lawyer has advised me that I have a very good case. I made an appeal to the board to halt all financial decisions until I reclaim ownership of the company, which I will."
I stare at her for a couple beats. I wondered if she’d try to make this play. "It’s not going to happen. Phil’s will was ironclad, and he was very much in his right mind. You have all the money you’ll ever need. You know the only reason you’re doing this is to try to control me. Life was pretty good for you when you had control over me, wasn’t it?" I grit out.
"Oh, Jake," she sighs. "What this is about is me getting what is rightfully mine. I was married to that workaholic for twenty years. Do you know how much I sacrificed? Until you came along, I was lonely all the time. You need to let go of the unnecessary guilt. Phil being gone makes it easier for us to be together. It’s the truth. It’s just how it happened. You don’t need to feel badly about it. It isn’t possible for two people to be as attracted to each other as we are and it not be right."
"Lauren, this is a waste of my breath because you hear what you want to hear, but I was never attracted to you – at least not for more than twenty very confusing, ultimately horrifying minutes eight years ago, during an episode that was the beginning of the end for me. The most
fucked up part of what happened between us is that a part of me complied with you because I didn’t want to disappoint you. I had been a disappointment all my life and I thought… I thought I was finally going to have a family who cared about me. A very fucked up, very confused part of me just wanted you to like me, under any circumstances. And somehow, I think you knew that, preyed on it even. When you talk about what’s "rightfully yours," I get the feeling you’re referring to me more so than the company, Lauren." I’m practically spitting the words at her, my jaw tight. She won’t hear me, but maybe I needed to say that anyway, not for her, but for myself.
She looks defeated for just a second, and I wonder if maybe my words penetrated, but then she comes closer to me, and tries to put her hand on my cheek. I block her, moving away. "You don't have to act like this. Let me make it better, honey." Then she leans up on her tiptoes and tries to press her lips to mine. I step back, and put my hand up in front of me. Done. It always comes to this.
"Don't start this shit. I explained to you in San Diego the nature of our relationship and that is that there isn't one, okay?"
"You lie to yourself, Jake. You can't just make this go away. You can't just make me go away."
"The fuck I can't. Get out."
She steps toward me again and tries to wrap her arms around me.
"Get the fuck OUT!" I yell, the anger spiking inside of me now. Why did I even waste my breath with her? I swear to God, she’s psychotic.
She looks down and whispers so softly I can barely hear it, "I'm never going to get you back, am I?"
I don't even answer. What's the point? Her saying that doesn't mean anything – she'll just come at me in some other way once she regroups.
I stride over to my door, flinging it open. Holy fuck, Evie is standing there blinking at me from the hallway. My adrenaline is pumping through my veins and this is the worst possible scenario I can think of. How much did she hear? I can’t even remember what was said, I’m so filled with anger and now fear. "Shit. Evie. What the fuck are you doing here?"
Her face goes pale, her mouth opens to say something and then closes as her large, expressive eyes fill with hurt. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! I want to roar and smash something.
I clench my jaw, struggling to keep control as Lauren walks out my door and halts in her tracks when she sees Evie. She looks between the two of us and then clips out, "Really, Jake? Already?"
This is a nightmare. Evie cannot find out about Lauren in this way. I close my eyes momentarily, fighting for strength, and say as calmly as I possibly can, "Get out."
Lauren ignores me, as usual, and walks over to Evie saying, "I’m Lauren," in the bitchy, condescending voice that means something bad is coming.
Evie blinks and starts extending her hand, whispering, "Nice to meet you, I’m…"
"Mom!" I yell. Evie cannot say her name. Lauren never met her, but she sure as hell knows her name since I said it about a thousand times on our way to San Diego. She knows that Evie is the name of the girl on my back. I doubt if she’ll recognize that this woman is that girl, especially since she’s only seen my tattoo a couple times, but I can’t have her hearing her name. I know that calling Lauren 'mom' will get her attention. She's always hated it.
"If you don't get out, swear to God, I will call security to haul you downstairs." My hands clench and unclench at my sides.
Lauren pouts momentarily but pulls herself together and says, "Fine, Jake, have it your way."
I’ve never had it my way, not with you, you crazy bitch.
Then she steps onto the open elevator, turns and looks directly at Evie and says, "You're just one of many. You should know that."
Evie lets out a small sound that, quiet though it is, slams into my chest like a ten-ton wrecking ball. Appalled shock runs down my spine.
I stand where I am for several long seconds, trying to get a handle on my control, trying to rein in the swirling rage, wanting to choke on the overwhelming disgust at having Lauren and Evie in the same hallway.
Evie is the first to move, walking over to the elevator and pushing the button. Her movement snaps me out of my angry trance and I feel a surge of panic. She’s going to leave me now.
"Evie! Where are you going?"
"I'm leaving, Jake. Obviously you don't want me here. I'm sorry, I got off work early and I thought, I mean, I thought it would be okay. I called you… " She trails off, her eyes filling with tears, undoing me.
"Evie, baby, please. Let me explain. I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry. I keep messing up." I run my hand through my hair, trying to figure out how to make Evie understand. I pull on her hand very, very slightly, hoping she’ll follow me into my condo. She remains still for a minute, studying my face before she lets me lead her inside. It isn’t lost on me that she leaves her things right next to the door. She’s going to let me explain, but she’s ready to make a quick getaway, should it be necessary.
**********
We sit down in my living room and I begin. "First of all, I'm so sorry I made you feel badly for coming here. You can show up here anytime you want to. I never expected my mom to…" I sigh, "We're… estranged. Things are not good between us, which I guess you could tell." I laugh humorlessly. There is nothing remotely funny about this situation.
I tell Evie about Lauren being in town to appeal to the board, and that despite having told her I want nothing to do with her, I need to deal with that issue.
I explain to her about my complicated relationship with my mom, only leaving out details of why. Even talking about Lauren at all is difficult for me. I’ve spent so many years trying to pretend the situation doesn’t exist, trying to stuff the feelings away and numb the pain of what happened in that house. It obviously didn’t work, but it was a way for me to try to move past it. I find that even telling Evie the nature of my relationship with Lauren, and that she was the reason for me acting out in high school and my stilted relationship with my dad, is very difficult.
Despite the fact that I don’t give Evie a lot of details, this is a hundred times harder than telling Doc all my darkest secrets. For one thing, Doc was my psychologist, Evie is… Evie is everything to me. The fear of her turning away when she hears even a portion of my truth is terrifying on a very deep level.
I want her to understand where my lashing out at her came from. It wasn’t right. I know that. But it came from a place that had nothing to do with Evie, not really.
"When I saw you standing there, I couldn't believe that you were even about to share her air. She's a ruthless bitch and she'll do or say anything that she thinks will further her own agenda. I wasn't mad that you were here, I was mad that you were even in the vicinity of that pit viper. And that was not your fault, but I lost it, and I'm so sorry." I plead for her understanding with my eyes.
"Jake," she says, "I feel like when you're talking about yourself, you're talking to me in code. I get the gist of what you're saying but you really haven't told me anything."
She’s completely right of course, and I feel shitty about that, but this is all I can give right now. Telling her everything about my hatred for Lauren means telling her who I am, and I just can’t muster up the courage to do it in this moment. I’m a coward. When it comes to her, I’m a coward. But, if anything, I want her to know how sorry I am.
We’re both silent for another minute before I squeeze her hands and say, "Forgive me for talking to you like that, for making you feel that way? God, for that whole fucked up situation?"
She takes a deep breath and looks at me for several moments, frowning slightly before saying, "Yes, I forgive you. And you don't have to apologize for your mom, Jake. I know better than anyone you can't help who your parents are."
"Thank you," I say quietly, bringing her hands to my mouth and kissing her knuckles. "I never want to do anything to hurt you, Evie. Everything I do, it's because my feelings are so strong for you… I … Christ, I'm so out of my element here and there are all these fucked up things… Just, be patient with me?"
/> And then my sweet Evie does the one thing that no one has done for me in eight years, the one thing I couldn’t have even asked for because I didn’t know how much I needed it. She puts her arms around me and holds me close.
CHAPTER 23
I order dinner while Evie takes a shower. I screwed up and I know it. Talking to Evie the way I did weighs heavily on my mind. My anger was at Lauren and I took it out on her. And I’m still asking her to be patient with me. How much longer will she be willing to do that? She knows I’m holding back from her, and yet she’s trusting me anyway. I think she senses that my feelings for her are honest, but she must know that what I’m holding back from her has the potential to change her mind about me. I’ll hurt her either way. And I’ll lose her either way. I stare out at the city unseeing, misery roiling through my gut.
I feel Evie’s arms wrap around my waist from behind and I sigh, leaning back into her warmth. She lays her head against my back, and I take her hands in mine from the front. I want her comfort. Crave her comfort. We stand like this quietly for several minutes, me finding peace in her warmth and her sweetness. Being held in her arms is like a balm to my heart.
I breath deeply, letting Evie’s magic wash over me – nothing in this crazy, messed up world feels quite so bad when I’m standing in her embrace. Nothing feels like it can’t be overcome when I feel her love surrounding me. I want to turn around and fall to my knees at her feet and declare my undying love, tell her that I would charge into battle for her, do anything and everything to keep her. Will you tell her the truth? Will you risk losing her? A small whisper resonates in the back of my mind. I hold onto her more tightly.