“Later, I think. We’ll come to it. Go on now about the funeral.”
“Very well. Beesty took over the job of seeing the people from the papers, but it was snatched from him by Denyse, who had prepared a handout with biographical details. Silly, of course, because the papers had that already. But she achieved one thing by it that made me furious: the only mention of my mother in the whole obituary was a reference to ‘an earlier marriage to Leola Crookshanks, who died in 1942.’ Her name was Cruikshank, not Crookshanks, and she had been my father’s wife since 1924 and the mother of his children, and a dear, sad, unhappy woman. Denyse knew that perfectly well, and nothing will convince me that the mistake wasn’t the result of spite. And of course she dragged in a reference to her own wretched daughter, Lorene, who has nothing to do with the Staunton family—nothing at all.
“When was the funeral to be? That was the great question. I was for getting it over as quickly as possible, but the police did not release the body until late on Monday—and that took some arranging, I can assure you. Denyse wanted as much time as possible to arrange her semi-state funeral and assemble all the grandees she could bully, so it was decided to have it on Thursday.
“Where was he to be buried? Certainly not in Deptford, where he was born, though his parents had providently bought a six-holer in the cemetery there years ago, and were themselves the only occupants. But Deptford wouldn’t do for Denyse, so a grave had to be bought in Toronto.
“Have you ever bought a grave? It’s not unlike buying a house. First of all they show you the poor part of the cemetery, and you look at all the foreign tombstones with photographs imbedded in them under plastic covers, and the inscriptions in strange languages and queer alphabets, and burnt-out candles lying on the grass, and your heart sinks. You wonder, can this be death? How sordid! Because you aren’t your best self, you know; you’re a stinking snob; funerals bring out that sort of thing dreadfully. You’ve told yourself for years that it doesn’t matter what happens to a corpse, and when cocktail parties became drunken-serious you’ve said that the Jews have the right idea, and the quickest, cheapest funeral is the best and philosophically the most decent. But when you get into the cemetery, it’s quite different. And the cemetery people know it. So you move out of the working-class and ethnic district into the area of suburban confines, but the gravestones are really rather close together and the inscriptions are in bad prose, and you almost expect to see jocular inscriptions like ‘Take-It-Easy’ and ‘Dunroamin’ on the stones along with ‘Till the Day Breaks’ and ‘In the Everlasting Arms.’ Then things begin to brighten; bigger plots, no crowding, an altogether classier type of headstone and—best of all—the names of families you know. On the Resurrection Morn, after all, one doesn’t want to jostle up to the Throne with a pack of strangers. And that’s where the deal is settled.
“Did you know, by the way, that somebody has to own a grave? Somebody, that is, other than the occupant. I own my father’s grave. A strange thought.”
“Who owns your mother’s grave? And why was your father not buried near her?”
“I own her grave, because I inherited it as part of my father’s estate. The only bit of real estate he left me, as a matter of fact. And because she died during the war, when my father was abroad, the funeral had to be arranged by a family friend, and he just bought one grave. A good one, but single. She lies in the same desirable area as my father, but not near. As in life.
“By Tuesday night the undertakers had finished their work, and the coffin was back in his house, at the end of the drawing-room, and we were all invited in to take a look. Difficult business, of course, because an undertaker—or at any rate his embalmer—is an artist of a kind, and when someone has died by violence it’s a challenge to see how well they can make him look. I must say in justice they had done well by Father, for though it would be stupid to say he looked like himself, he didn’t look as though he had been drowned. But you know how it is; an extremely vital, mercurial man, who has always had a play of expression and even of colour, doesn’t look like himself with a mat complexion and that inflexible calm they produce for these occasions. I have had to see a lot of people in their coffins, and they always look to me as if they were under a malign enchantment and could hear what was said and would speak if the enchantment could be broken. But there it was, and somebody had to say a kind word or two to the undertakers, and it was Beesty who did it. I was always being amazed at the things he could do in this situation, because my father and I had never thought he could do anything except manage his damned bond business. The rest of us looked with formal solemnity, just as a few years before we had gathered to look at Caroline’s wedding cake with formal pleasure; on both occasions we were doing it chiefly to give satisfaction to the people who had created the exhibit.
“That night people began to call. Paying their respects is the old-fashioned phrase for it. Beesty and Caroline and I hung around in the drawing-room and chatted with the visitors in subdued voices. ‘So good of you to come … Yes, a very great shock … It’s extremely kind of you to say so …’ Lots of that sort of thing. Top people from my father’s business, the Alpha Corporation, doing the polite. Lesser people from the Alpha Corporation, seeing that everybody who came signed a book; a secretary specially detailed to keep track of telegrams and cables, and another to keep a list of the flowers.
“Oh, the flowers! Or, as just about everybody insisted on calling them, the ‘floral tributes.’ Being November, the florists were pretty well down to chrysanthemums, and there were forests of them. But of course the really rich had to express their regret with roses because they were particularly expensive at the time. The rich are always up against it, you see; they have to send the best, however much they may hate the costly flower of the moment, or somebody is sure to say they’ve been cheap. Denyse had heard somewhere of a coffin being covered with a blanket of roses, and she wanted one as her own special offering. It was Caroline who persuaded her to hold herself down to a decent bunch of white flowers. Or really, persuaded isn’t the word; Caroline told me she was finally driven to saying, ‘Are you trying to make us look like the Medici?’ and that did it, because Denyse had never heard any good spoken of the Medici.
“This grisly business went on all day Wednesday. I was on duty in the morning, and received and made myself pleasant to the Mayor, the Chief of Police, the Fire Chief, a man from the Hydro-Electric Power Commission, and quite a crowd of dignitaries of one sort and another. There was a representative of the Bar Association, which called to mind the almost forgotten fact that my father’s professional training had been as a lawyer; I knew this man quite well because he was a frequent associate of my own, but the others were people I knew only by name or from their pictures in the newspapers. There were bank presidents, naturally.
“Denyse, of course, did none of the receiving. It wouldn’t have suited the role for which she had cast herself. Officially, she was too desolated to be on view, and only special people were taken to an upstairs room where she held state. I don’t quarrel with that. Funerals are among the few ceremonial occasions left to us, and we assume our roles almost without thinking. I was the Only Son, who was bearing up splendidly, but who was also known not to be, and to have no expectation of ever being, the man his father was. Beesty was That Decent Fellow Bastable, who was doing everything he could under difficult circumstances. Caroline was the Only Daughter, stricken with grief, but of course not so catastrophically stricken as Denyse, who was the Widow and assumed to be prostrate under her affliction. Well—all right. That’s the pattern, and we break patterns at our peril. After all, they became patterns because they conform to realities. I have been in favour of ceremonial and patterns all my life, and I have no desire to break the funeral pattern. But there was too much real feeling behind the pattern for me to be anything other than wretchedly overwrought, and the edicts Denyse issued from her chamber of affliction were the worst things I had to bear.
“Her edict that a
t all costs I was to be kept sober, for instance. Beesty was very good about that. Not hatefully tactful, you know, but he said plainly that I had to do a great many things that needed a level head and I’d better not drink much. He knew that for me not drinking much meant drinking what would be a good deal for him, but he gave me credit for some common sense. And Caroline was the same. ‘Denyse is determined that you’re going to get your paws in the sauce and disgrace us all. So for God’s sake spite her and don’t,’ was the way she put it. Even Netty, after her first frightful outburst, behaved very well and didn’t try to watch over me for my own good, though she lurked a good deal. Consequently, though I drank pretty steadily, I kept well within my own appointed bounds. But I hated Denyse for her edict.
“Nor was that her only edict. On Wednesday, before lunch, she called Beesty to her and told him to get me to look over my father’s will that afternoon, and see her after I had done so. This was unwarrantable interference. I knew I was my father’s principal executor, and I knew, being a lawyer, what had to be done. But it isn’t considered quite the thing to get down to business with the will before the funeral is over. There’s nothing against it, particularly if there is suspicion of anything that might prove troublesome in the will, but in my father’s case that was out of the question. I didn’t know what was in the will, but I was certain it was all in perfect order. I thought Denyse was rushing things in an unseemly way.
“I suppose if you are to do anything for me, Doctor, I must be as frank as possible. I didn’t want to look at the will until it became absolutely necessary. There have been difficulties about wills in our family. My father had a shock when he read his own father’s will, and he had spoken to me about it more than once. And relations between my father and myself had been strained since his marriage to Denyse. I thought there might be a nasty surprise for me in the will. So I put my foot down and said nothing could be done until Thursday afternoon.
“I don’t know why I went to my father’s house so early on Thursday, except that I woke with an itching feeling that there was a great deal to be settled, and I would find out what it was when I was on the spot. And I wanted to take farewell of my father. You understand? During the last forty-eight hours it had been impossible to be alone in the room with his body, and I thought if I were early I could certainly manage it. So I went to the drawing-room as softly as possible, not to attract attention, and found the doors shut. It was half-past seven, so there was nothing unusual about that.
“But from inside there were sounds of a man’s voice and a woman’s voice, apparently quarrelling, and I heard scuffling and thudding. I opened the door, and there was Denyse at the coffin, holding up my father’s body by the shoulders, while a strange man appeared to be punching and slapping its face. You know what people say in books—‘I was thunderstruck … my senses reeled.’ ”
“Yes. It is a perfectly accurate description of the sensation. It is caused by a temporary failure of circulation to the head. Go on.”
“I shouted something. Denyse dropped the body, and the man jumped backward as if he thought I might kill him. I knew him then. He was a friend of Denyse’s, a dentist; I had met him once or twice and thought him a fool.
“The body had no face. It was entirely covered in some shiny pinkish material, so thickly that it was egglike in its featurelessness. It was this covering they were trying to remove.
“I didn’t have to ask for an explanation. They were unnerved and altogether too anxious to talk. It was a story of unexampled idiocy.
“This dentist, like so many of Denyse’s friends, was a dabbler in the arts. He had a tight, ill-developed little talent as a sculptor, and he had done a few heads of Chairmen of the Faculty of Dentistry at the University, and that sort of thing. Denyse had been visited by one of her dreadful inspirations, that this fellow should take a death-mask of my father, which could later be used as the basis for a bust or perhaps kept for itself. But he had never done a corpse before, and it is quite a different business from doing a living man. So, instead of using plaster, which is the proper thing if you know how to work it, he had the lunatic idea of trying some plastic mess used in his profession for taking moulds, because he thought he could get a greater amount of detail, and quicker. But the plastic wasn’t for this sort of work, and he couldn’t get it off!
“They were panic-stricken, as they had every right to be. The room was full of feeling. Do you know what I mean? The atmosphere was so alive with unusual currents that I swear I could feel them pressing on me, making my ears ring. Don’t say it was all the whisky I had been drinking. I was far the most self-possessed of us three. I swear that all the tension seemed to emanate from the corpse, which was in an unseemly state of dishevelment, with coat and shirt off, hair awry, and half-tumbled out of that great expensive coffin.
“What should I have done? I have gone over that moment a thousand times since. Should I have seized the poker and killed the dentist, and forced Denyse’s face down on that dreadful plastic head and throttled her, and then screamed for the world to come and look at the last scene of some sub-Shakespearean tragedy? What in fact I did was to order them both out of the room, lock it, telephone the undertakers to come at once, and then go into the downstairs men’s room and vomit and gag and retch until I was on the floor with my head hanging into the toilet bowl, in a classic Skid Row mess.
“The undertakers came. They were angry, as they had every right to be, but they were fairly civil. If a mask was wanted, they asked, why had they not been told? They knew how to do it. But what did I expect of them now? I had pulled myself together, though I knew I looked like a drunken wreck, and I had to do whatever talking was done. Denyse was upstairs, having divorced herself in that wonderful feminine way from the consequences of her actions, and I am told the dentist left town for a week.
“It was a very bad situation. I heard one of the undertakers ask the butler if he could borrow a hammer, and I knew the worst. After a while I had my brief time beside my father’s coffin; the undertakers did not spare me that. The face was very bad, some teeth had been broken; no eyebrows or lashes, and a good deal of the front hair was gone. Much worse than when he lay on the dock, covered in oil and filth, with that stone in his mouth.
“So of course we had what is called a closed-coffin funeral. I know they are common here, but in North America it is still usual to have the corpse on display until just before the burial service begins. I sometimes wonder if it is a hold-over from pioneer days, to assure everybody that there has been no foul play. That was certainly not the case this time. We had had fool play. I didn’t explain to Caroline and Beesty; simply said Denyse had decided she wanted it that way. I know Caroline smelled a rat, but I told her nothing because she might have done something dreadful to Denyse.
“There we all were, in the cathedral, with Denyse in the seat of the chief mourner, of course, and looking so smooth a louse would have slipped off her, as Grandfather Staunton used to say. And he would certainly have said I looked like the Wreck of the Hesperus; it was one of his few literary allusions.
“There was the coffin, so rich, so bronzey, so obviously the sarcophagus of somebody of the first rank. Right above where that pitifully misused face lay hidden was the engraving of the Staunton arms: Argent two chevrons sable within a bordure engrailed of the same. Crest, a fox statant proper. Motto, En Dieu ma foy.
“Bishop Woodiwiss might have been in on the imposture, so richly did he embroider the En Dieu ma foy theme. I have to give it to the old boy; he can’t have seen that engraving until the body arrived at the cathedral door, but he seized on the motto and squeezed it like a bartender squeezing a lemon. It was the measure of our dear brother gone, he said, that the motto of his ancient family should have been this simple assertion of faith in Divine Power and Divine Grace, and that never, in all the years he had known Boy Staunton, had he heard him mention it. No: deeds, not words, was Boy Staunton’s mode of life. A man of action; a man of great affairs; a man loving an
d tender in his personal life, open-handed and perceptive in his multitudinous public benefactions, and the author of countless unknown acts of simple generosity. But no jewel of great price could be concealed forever, and here we saw, at last, the mainspring of Boy Staunton’s great and—yes, he would say it, he would use the word, knowing that we would understand it in its true sense—his beautiful life. En Dieu ma foy. Let us all carry that last word from a great man away with us, and feel that truly, in this hour of mourning and desolation, we had found an imperishable truth. En Dieu ma foy.
“Without too much wriggling, I was able to look about me. The congregation was taking it with that stuporous receptivity which is common to Canadians awash in oratory. The man from the Prime Minister’s department, sitting beside the almost identical man from the Secretary of State’s department; the people from the provincial government; the civic officials; the Headmaster of Colborne School; the phalanx of rich business associates: not one of them looked as if he were about to leap up and shout, ‘It’s a God-damned lie; his lifelong motto wasn’t En Dieu ma foy but En moi-même ma foy and that was his tragedy.’ I don’t suppose they knew. I don’t suppose that even if they knew, they cared. Few of them could have explained the difference between the two faiths.
“My eye fell on one man who could have done it. Old Dunstan Ramsay, my father’s lifelong friend and my old schoolmaster, was there, not in one of the best seats—Denyse can’t stand him—but near a stained-glass window through which a patch of ruby light fell on his handsome ravaged old mug, and he looked like a devil hot from hell. He didn’t know I was looking, and at one point, when Woodiwiss was saying En Dieu ma foy for the sixth or seventh time, he grinned and made that snapping motion with his mouth that some people have who wear ill-fitting false teeth.