More than two weeks after Ilyenna and Rone had escaped from Undon, she would finally bring her grievances to the Council. Unable to help herself, she spent most of the morning straining to look behind them. The Riesen were an animated group, singing songs about rye, harvesting, and whiskey. Staring at the rippling grasses all around them, Ilyenna couldn’t help but compare the rolling hills of grain and the bright sunshine to the cool mountains and shady forests of the Shyle.
She missed the bleating of the sheep, Enrid’s mutton stew, and the mountain breezes on her face. She missed her father and her brother and the yelps of the sheep dogs. She kept searching for the mountains to use as a compass point, and the constant straining made her eyes tired.
Occasionally, Ilyenna caught sight of a summer fairy. Usually, they blended in with nature, appearing as a butterfly, a bird, or a leaf on the wind. Most of the fairies darted away as if they felt her gaze on them, but a few stared back at her.
When the travelers stopped at a stream for lunch, Ilyenna noticed a slate gray fairy with mossy wings, dancing on the rocks. As they’d passed beneath a stand of trees, a fairy with orange eyes and the wings of a maple leaf watched her from inside an empty bird’s nest. The group camped for the night beside a small pond, and Ilyenna saw a fairy with iridescent skin and dragonfly wings perched atop a water lily. And nearly every butterfly drinking nectar was actually a fairy. Ilyenna tried to catch sight of Jablana, but there was no sign of the little pink fairy. Ilyenna hoped the summer queen wouldn’t punish Jablana for helping her. She didn’t want to get the fairy into trouble.
After dinner, the Reisen began dancing. Ilyenna went to her blankets under the wagon, determined to watch for Rone. Instead, she immediately fell asleep.
She could see the mountains in the distance, could almost taste the glacier-fed streams, the cold water numbing her throat. Lifting her skirts, she hurried forward. But the ground under her gave way, and her home kept moving farther from her no matter how fast she ran. Frustrated, she stopped. The land stilled.
In the distance, she saw her father and brother laughing as they rode from the forest into the lower meadows. She shouted for them, calling for them to come for her. But they couldn’t seem to hear her and never once looked her way.
Rone galloped up from behind them. The smile on his face made Ilyenna’s chest ache. She shouted at him, begging him to come to her. He looked at her sadly as if he wished he could.
Gasping, Ilyenna jerked upright, smacking her head on the underside of the wagon. She rubbed the sore spot, her gaze darting around. It was dark, and Ressa slept soundly next to her. The guards were positioned around the wagon, also asleep. Flushed with heat, Ilyenna tugged the woolen blankets off. Her underdress was heavy with sweat. The cool air felt wonderful against her skin.
She couldn’t shake the feeling she’d never see her home again, never be a part of her family again. And she worried that no matter how much Rone might want to, he’d never see her as anything but a sister.
Unable to sit still, she wrapped up in one of her blankets, tiptoed past the guards, and began walking the perimeter of the camp. A sentinel nodded to her. Embarrassed for not putting on her overdress, she nervously tried to smooth down the hair that had escaped from her unruly braid.
In the light of a dying fire, Ilyenna saw something move. She froze, her breathing coming up short. Rone’s glittering eyes watched her from beneath one of the wagons.
Her hand fluttered to her chest. Not thinking, she took a step forward and opened her mouth to speak. Rone shook his head, his finger pressed to his lips as he glanced at the sleeping men around him. He eased out of his blankets, grabbed his axe, and walked toward her.
Without a word, he took her hand and led her away from the wagons.
The guard nodded to them as they passed him, a teasing smile on his face.
“When did you get in?” Ilyenna whispered.
The muscles in Rone’s jaw bulged. “Just before supper.”
She was still awake then. Why hadn’t he found her?
Rone pulled her to a stop out of the guard’s hearing, but not out of his line of sight. Before Rone could say a word, she blurted, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you!”
He wouldn’t meet her gaze. “You were pretty drunk.”
She watched him stare back at the wagons as if he’d give anything to be back there. By the Balance, his indifference was killing her. “So-so you forgive me?”
“Of course.” He took a step toward the camp. “Is that all you wanted to say, because we shouldn’t be seen together like this.”
Ilyenna folded her arms protectively over her chest and tried to sound indifferent. “Like what?”
He finally glanced at her briefly. “I don’t want to start any rumors.”
She dropped her head, unable to look at him. But she had to ask the question. “Do you regret that night?” She shifted her weight from one foot to the other before forcing herself to meet his gaze. “I have to know.”
He jammed his thumbs in his clan belt and looked away from her, the muscles in his jaw working. “Of course I regret it.”
For a moment, her mind refused to accept his answer. But when it did, she wasn’t sure her legs would hold her. Fat tears spilled down her cheeks. Not trusting herself to speak, she hurried past him, toward camp.
Rone grabbed her wrist. “Ilyenna, please. I’m sorry. I thought you’d understand.”
She understood perfectly. Tears coursed steadily down her face, and she could barely hold back her sobs. “There’s nothing more to say, Rone, so let me go.”
He hesitated, then released her. She went from him like a dove freed from its cage. He called something after her, but she didn’t stop. She went back under the wagon to sob silently until morning came.
Ressa kept glancing at Ilyenna’s red, puffy eyes. “We’ll be seeing Cardenholm soon.”
At least the Riesen clan mistress seemed to know better than to pry. For that, Ilyenna was grateful. But if she continued to remain silent, the older woman might feel it necessary to ask questions, so Ilyenna said, “It’s been years since I’ve been to Cardenholm.” Even this far away, she could smell the briny water and the village—fish and smoke. The smoke she could stand. It was the fish that turned her stomach. She tried to take shallow breaths. How could people eat something that smelled so bad?
Long before they saw the village, the ocean came into view. On and on it stretched. Used to the comforting embrace of the mountains, Ilyenna’s mind shied away from such vastness. Water so deep you couldn’t see the bottom . . . water she couldn’t swim in. She could almost feel the water’s arms close around her, wrapping her in their deadly embrace. She shivered. Then she shook off the memories and focused on the sunshine on her back and the sight of steady ground beneath her.
When Cardenholm finally came into sight, Ilyenna stood in the wagon, her hand shading her eyes. With the constant threat of Raiders, Cardenholm had been built to withstand sea attacks. The town sat on a high knoll and was surrounded by a rock and mortar wall. The houses inside were made of rough wood planks and moss-covered wood shingles. The wood had weathered to a dull gray to match the sharp-cut stones of the wall. Ilyenna didn’t like the wall. It made her feel trapped.
“Do you see the Shyle clanmen?” she asked.
“No.” Looking uneasy, Ressa adjusted her grip on the reins. “Don’t plan on seeing any of them, Ilyenna. Rumor is Undon forbad it.”
Ilyenna sat down hard, her fists clenched at her sides. If her clan couldn’t sell their goods, how would they survive the winter? “What right does he have?”
Ressa pulled the team up just outside the earthen walls. “He doesn’t.”
The Riesen brought out high-poled canvas tents from some of the wagons. Ilyenna spent the remainder of the day helping set them up. From now until the end of the Council, the men and women would remain separate, with the exception of suckling babies. Ilyenna sha
red a tent with Ressa and three of her four daughters, including the newlywed Varris, all of them full of prodding questions Ressa managed to fend off with an exceptionally fierce clanmistress glare.
After the tents were up, the women set about making supper—with plenty extra to sell. When the men had finally finished with their side of camp and came in for their food, Ilyenna caught sight of Rone. He didn’t glance at her as he took a wooden bowl of beef stew and rye bread from a Riesen girl.
Ilyenna watched him, her hatred suddenly seeming as strong as her love ever had. Abandoning her ladle, she stormed into the tent. Once inside, she paced back and forth. She couldn’t decide which emotion was stronger—hate, love, hurt, or betrayal. She only knew she was drowning in them all.
Ressa came inside and lowered the tent door behind her. “Ilyenna?”
“I can’t do it anymore. I can’t,” she huffed.
Ressa looked at her sadly. “You mean the baby?”
Baby? What does a baby have to do with anything? Ilyenna studied the clan mistress in bewilderment.
The older woman blushed furiously, then said gently, “Oh. You haven’t realized yet, have you?” She sighed. “You’re a healer, yes?”
Ilyenna nodded dumbly.
Ressa took a deep breath. “If a clan woman came to you complaining of tiredness and stomach upset, and she had a faint line traveling down from her navel, along with a flushed face and palms, would you say she was ill? Or would you think—”
Ilyenna’s blood froze in her veins. “A baby?” she gasped.
Her arms out, Ressa stepped forward, as if afraid Ilyenna might faint. “When was the last time you bled?”
“A few days before the Argons were attacked.” Nearly five weeks ago. Suddenly, she knew without any doubt.
She was with child.
She collapsed. Ressa broke most of her fall. Ilyenna sat, numb and unfeeling. She wasn’t sure how long she stayed that way, but finally, everything she’d experienced over the last weeks came crashing down on her. She folded in on herself, silent sobs wracking her body.
Ressa tucked Ilyenna’s head on her lap and rocked her back and forth like she was a child. “Let it go. Let all of it go.”
“I can’t do it. I can’t!” Her words came in lurching gasps. She wept until no more tears would come. Then she sat up, exhausted. Ressa gave her a scrap of linen, which Ilyenna used to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.
When she tried to hand the cloth back, Ressa shook her head. “Keep it. I have a feeling you’re going to need it more than me.” She cocked her head to the side. “Who’s the father?”
“Rone.” Even to her own ears, Ilyenna’s voice sounded dead.
Ressa raised her eyebrows. “Not Darrien?”
Ilyenna couldn’t answer. Couldn’t tell Ressa that this baby was not forced upon her, that she chose to lay with Rone. She chose this dishonor.
Ressa rubbed Ilyenna’s back in small circles. “When?”
“The night we escaped. We thought we were going to die.” Ilyenna hiccupped on a sob. “I’ve loved him since I was a child.” From some deep reserve that never seemed to run dry, tears started coming again.
“And Rone?”
She wiped her cheeks. “He’s always thought of me as a little sister. He told me last night he regretted it.”
“Ah, that explains your red eyes this morning.” Ressa continued softly, “You’re his responsibility now. He’s an honorable man. He’ll do the right thing.”
Ilyenna jumped to her feet. “No!” She refused to spend the rest of her life with a man she yearned for who didn’t return her love. She’d rather go back to her father and live in ignominy and disgrace. She glared at Ressa fiercely. “You will keep this to yourself.”
With that, Ilyenna stormed from the tent. She didn’t know where she was going, only that she couldn’t bear to spend another minute within shouting distance of Rone Argon! More than one Riesen watched her barrel out of camp, but Ressa must have called off the guards, for they didn’t follow Ilyenna.
Her mind reeled with the consequences of what she’d done. If by some miracle the Council released her as a tiam, she’d return home to disgrace and dishonor. If her father chose, he could throw her out. Either way, she’d lose her title as clan mistress. She could even lose her place in her clan.
But if the Council sided with Undon and Darrien, the consequences were much worse. Ilyenna’s child would be born a tiam, with no rights. Her hand unconsciously strayed to her belly. Was there really a child growing there? For a moment, she hated it as much as she hated Rone. She immediately felt guilty.
It’s not your fault, her lips formed the words, but no sound came. It’s no one’s fault but my own.
She started when she realized she’d walked to the sea. She stepped into it. The water breathed in and out around her ankles. Could she throw herself into the ocean, let it swallow her deep inside its belly and hide her forever from sight?
She stepped out of the water as if waking from a nightmare. She collapsed on the sandy shore, listening to the rhythmic waves and praying for the dead to come and take her with them.
“Hello, Ilyenna.”
She darted to her feet, her heart pounding in her throat. Darrien stood behind her, a wicked grin on his face. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, she backed away from him until she stood shin deep in the water.
“Now, this looks familiar. But this time, there’s no cliff to jump off. Don’t worry, I’ll catch you if you fall.”
Fear strangled her voice. She stared at him like a sheep stares at a mountain lion. Slowly, Darrien walked toward her. She tried to dart to the side, but he caught her around the wrist. Painful memories raced through her mind. Her legs trembled so badly she could barely stand.
“Good,” he whispered. “It’s about time you were afraid of me.”
His words finally seemed to awaken some long-dead courage inside her. She brought up her knee, trying to catch him between his legs. He twisted, neatly avoiding her, then shoved her. She landed in the water with a splash. For a moment, she was back in the river. Then the waterfall. Drowning.
The sand shifted beneath her hands. She tasted the salt in her mouth and remembered where she was. She managed to get to her knees, away from the water’s embrace. Not wanting to let her go, fingers of it clung to her, making her clothes and hair swirl around her. She coughed and gasped for breath.
Darrien stood above her, his laughter fading. “Good to see you still have some embers of your former fire. This wouldn’t be any fun otherwise.”
To her disbelief, he turned and began walking away. He wasn’t going to claim her as his tiam, force her to come back with him? She gaped, letting the waves rock her. Finally, she came out of the water and looked down at herself. She very much resembled a drowned sheep. She shook some of the water from her hands before crossing them over her stomach and hurrying back toward the Riesen encampment.
When she’d first come down this path, she’d been blind to everything but the need to escape. Now, she noted the wild roses, heavy with bloom, their fruity scent crowding the damp air. Her mouth still tasted of briny water. A breeze danced across her clammy skin, and she shivered. When she was about halfway to the camp, Rone came running toward her, his axe at the ready, his face the one she’d seen him wear before he killed a man.
He was the father of her child.
She hugged herself tighter.
“Ilyenna! What happened?”
Tears stung her eyes. By the Balance, she was tired of crying. She planted her feet and glared at him. “What do you think happened?” His gaze darted around, panic plain on his face. Her heart softened a little, the tenderness she’d so firmly tamped down tempering her voice. “Darrien found me by the sea.”
“So he tried to drown you!” Rone roared.
Ilyenna shook her head. “No. He shoved me when I tried to hurt him.”
She finally allowed herself to look at Rone, really look at him. He was a good man. He migh
t not love her, but he didn’t deserve her hatred. Neither did her baby. With that thought, the newborn flames of hate Ilyenna had nurtured toward him sputtered and died. She could only hope those same flames hadn’t charred part of her soul.
She hadn’t quite forgiven him. But somehow she knew she would.
“He let you go?” Rone asked, his brow furrowed.
Had he? Ilyenna got the feeling Darrien would never let her go. That she’d never be strong enough to completely free herself of him. Unable to stop herself, she reached up and cupped Rone’s face in her hand. “For now.”
He took her hand in his. “I’ll get you back. From now on, you stay inside the encampment until the Council meets.” He began pulling her toward camp.
Ressa stumbled into the tent. Behind her, Varris came in, holding a small tub of water. After she’d set it down, Ressa motioned for her daughter to leave them. The younger woman glanced at Ilyenna before moving to obey. Ressa inspected Ilyenna as if doubting her eyes. “He really let you go?”
“Yes.” Ilyenna stripped off her clothes and dropped them into the water Varris had brought. She pushed the clothes down to release the air, then began wringing out the salt.
Ressa crossed her arms. “I’m sorry. Rone was right. I shouldn’t have let you go anywhere alone.” Her lips pulled down into a severe frown. “I just wanted to give you a moment’s peace. I’m so sorry.”
“Rone didn’t want me to go?”
Ressa shook her head. “He started after you and I stopped him. When word came that the Tyrans had come, he took off after you.”
Ilyenna tried to smile, but her lips seemed to have forgotten how. “No harm done.”
Ressa nodded shortly. “Otec is here.”
“My father?”
“He’s asked to see you.” The older clan mistress seemed to be gauging Ilyenna’s reaction.
Ilyenna crumpled, her hands slipping to her lap. She watched the soapy water run down her naked thighs. “See me?” she said in a daze. “I can’t see him.”