Silence.
“You have to be faster than that, Grace. You were doing really well,” Holly prodded gently.
“Can we take a break?” I sat back in my chair and leaned my head on my hand.
“Sure, but you ask for a break during this junket and you’ll be a diva who is combative and unresponsive during interviews.” She tossed me a bottle of water. I sipped and thought while she pecked on her laptop.
“Sixteen pounds! Sixteen pounds and they’re ready to get a crane to lift me out of the house! I’m underweight for my height, for God’s sake. It’s ridiculous!” I snapped, flipping through the most recent pictures of me in another tabloid magazine. The weight I had lost came back on as soon as I stopped the cucumber-and-air diet. I kept up the additional workouts, trying like hell to get back to at least my starting point, but my body knew where it was healthiest, and it was where I was now. Me + 16. “I can’t believe this is the story; this is how this new series is being framed. I feel terrible for the other actors.”
“Don’t. It’s press. Not the kind of press I would have liked, but it’s press. And it’s starting to turn in our favor, so buck up, asshead.”
“Were you always this tough?” I snorted into my water.
“Yep.”
“Does Michael like it when you’re tough?”
“Not answering that.” She smiled, a blush creeping into her cheeks.
Michael and Holly had officially been an item for some time now. They went into it slow, starting with a few dates here and there, spending time together when they could, and it had developed into a relationship. I had never seen her happier. She’d always been someone who dished everything—and I mean everything—about the guys she was dating. This one she was keeping pretty close to the vest, which showed me how much she was truly in love. I still saw Michael on set all the time, and it was now clear to me (and everyone else who spent any time with him) that Michael thought the sun rose and set on Holly. Still, it was nice having my friend with me as I went through this. Both my friends, actually.
“While we’re breaking, can we talk about Jack?” Holly asked.
“He’s your client. You talk to him.” I sighed, knowing where this was going.
Jack’s behavior had gone from questionable to really questionable in the last few weeks. He’d been on location longer than initially planned, mostly due to constant script rewrites and weather delays. Which made for plenty of playtime in Las Vegas, only an hour away. We talked every day, e-mailed, texted, and he came home as often as he could. But there was beginning to be a breach between Home Jack and On-Location Jack. Guess which one I preferred?
At the beginning, even though I didn’t like Adam, I brushed most of it off. Jack was young and having a good time, and as hard as he worked, he deserved to blow off a little steam. But we were getting into a gray area now, beyond steam blowing and into just plain blowing it. He was due back in town tonight, and I planned on seducing him, then trying, once again, to talk some sense into him.
Adam Kasen continued to be at the center of the trouble. I knew I didn’t like him, didn’t trust him, and my instincts had proven to be true. The earlier reports of his having cleaned up his act were bollocks, to use a phrase from Jack, and he was just as much of a party boy as he always was. Getting cast in the same movie as Jack was the best thing he could have done for his career, as he was all over the tabloids again and constantly linked with my boyfriend. My sweet, young, beautiful boyfriend who was smart but not infallible. Who was smart but impressionable.
And Adam was impressioning him right off a cliff and within reach of Dr. Drew, who was already commenting to anyone who would listen that Jack would be the next celebrity involved in a Lindsay Lohan–size scandal.
Not on my watch. I wasn’t going to let it happen.
The problem was he’d grown increasingly belligerent whenever Holly tried to talk to him about his public persona—the way he was behaving with his fans and the choices he was making. He didn’t want to hear it from her, and he barely wanted to hear it from me.
“He’s coming home tonight. I’ll talk to him,” I told her. “But you’re his manager. There’s only so much I can do.” I hoped I’d closed the subject before it really opened.
Jack felt terrible for what was being said about me in the press. He felt it was his fault—he felt directly responsible for the snipes and barbs being thrown at me by his fans.
“But if you weren’t with me, this wouldn’t be happening! Of course it’s my fault!” he shouted on the phone one night after a particularly nasty blog post had surfaced. I tried not to look anymore, but someone had shown it to him on set, and he exploded when he saw the expletives used to describe my ass . . . in a pair of shorts I wore one day to the gym. They were on the short side.
“I don’t see it that way, Jack. There’s not much anyone could say about me that would make me rethink being with you. Unless Joey McIntyre got involved. I’d have to really think hard about that one,” I joked, trying to sooth him.
“Who’s that?” he asked, his voice still tense and angry.
“Duh, he’s the youngest New Kid on the Block, and my personal favorite. I covet him.”
“You covet him?”
“Yes. This would be a good time for us to make our lists. You know, celebrities we are allowed to run away with if the opportunity arises? However, in your case, you actually have access to any celebrity you want, so I may have to be the only one in our relationship to have this privilege.”
“Now, now, wait a minute. I demand my list be in consideration,” he challenged, his voice relaxing now into the Jack I knew, the one I loved.
“Wait, wait, you already have a list?”
“Of course! Catherine Zeta-Jones is on that list.”
“Uh-oh, anyone else I need to know about?”
“Hmm, I have always had a soft spot for Jennifer Lopez. I’d be down with Jenny from the block.”
“This list is fascinating. Anyone else?” I laughed, sinking back into my bed. We were catching up after playing phone tag for two days. I was exhausted after a long day of reshoots but wanting to connect with my Sweet Nuts.
“I think the only other one on the list might be Norah Jones: great voice, decent tits, lovely face.”
“Okay, enough. Enough. No redheads on your list?”
“There’s only one redhead for me, Crazy, you know that. You’re my one and only ginger.”
“Oh, that’s sweet, love!” I sighed, pointing my toes as his words washed over me. I liked being his one and only.
“Who’s on your list? Come on, give it up!”
“Well, Joey Joe you know about. That goes without saying. And I suppose Johnny Depp is always on the list, now and forever.”
“He could be on my list, actually. He is quite dashing.”
“And there’s this new actor—he’s been around only for a little while. Someone introduced me to his work last year. He’s pretty dreamy.”
“Last year. Is that so?”
“Yeah, he’s an up-and-comer, one to watch for sure. I think his name’s Jack Hammond or Hamfield. Something like that.”
“I’ll give you a hamfield!” We both laughed.
“Are you going out tonight?” I asked after we had quieted down.
“No, I’m too tired.”
“I wish you were here, George.”
“Me too, Gracie, me too.”
“You still with me, asshead?” Holly’s voice brought me back from my daydreams.
“What’s that? Oh, yeah. What are we talking about?”
“What does Jack Hamilton think about the pictures that have surfaced recently of you considerably heavier than you are now?”
“I imagine he feels the same way any other actor would feel if pictures of him were sold to a tabloid to make a quick buck, to profit off of someone else’s personal struggle. Was I heavier than I am now at one point? Yep, and while for me personally I made a choice to live a healthier lifestyle, i
t doesn’t take away from the fact that women in this industry—and in society for that matter—are held to a standard that men are not. So show that picture as often as you need to. That was me then, and this is me now. And I’m okay with it,” I finished, my voice growing stronger at the end. I realized I wasn’t just shoveling bullshit to a reporter. I believed everything I’d just said. And I was going to tell anyone who asked me what I really thought. I glanced at Holly, waiting for her reaction.
“Okay, fruitcake, I think we’re done here. Let’s go talk Michael into making us dirty martinis and bringing them to us in my hot tub.” She snapped her planner closed and winked at me. Press junket, here we come.
Later that night, I was home waiting for Jack. He was actually driving himself back from the desert for a change. He liked the drive. He said he liked the peacefulness he derived from speeding through the desert at night. But he was more than two hours late, and as I cleaned the sink for the tenth time, I considered calling him again. Then I saw his headlights pull into the driveway.
We both had new cars, my little convertible I traded in on a large Escalade that I felt safer in when driving. And Jack now had his own convertible safely tucked away in a private garage in the Valley. He now drove a much less conspicuous but still tricked-out Tahoe when he was out and about without Bryan.
I smoothed my shirt as I walked to the front door, nervous energy charging through me. I hadn’t seen him since the wrap party for my show, and I was anxious to see him, hold him.
I opened the door, and there he was. Hair starting to grow out a bit and looking messy, even though it couldn’t be more than a half inch long. Circles, huge bruised-looking circles under his eyes. He looked exhausted, and even the way he was walking seemed tired, plodding across the pavement with his duffel bag and guitar. I was glad to see he still had it with him. He seemed to have lost some interest in playing over the last few months. His smile, though, that still belonged to me, and it greeted me twenty feet from our front door. He was home.
“Hey.”
“Hey, yourself,” he replied, walking past me inside the door, dropping his belongings and catching me into a close embrace. I wrapped my arms around him, sighing as I breathed in his scent, accented by sun and sage from the desert he’d been living in. His body was lean and hard against my own. He had lost some weight while he was shooting, and he seemed to be all angles and limbs, hugging me tight.
We held each other in front of the front door, kissing and connecting, holding and remembering. I pulled back to look at him, resting my forehead against his as he leaned down.
“I’m so glad you’re home.”
“Me too, love.”
“Are you hungry?”
“I’m too tired to know.” He laughed ruefully, looking down the hall toward our bedroom.
“How about you take a nice, hot shower, and I’ll heat something up for you. How does that sound?”
“Can you bring it to me in that red silky thing you wear for me sometimes?” he asked, one eyebrow raising.
“I thought you were tired?” I pushed back against his chest as he nuzzled into my hair.
“I’m never too tired for that, Crazy.” He pulled me close again and lifted me a few inches off the ground, swinging my legs around in a circle.
“Okay, you go shower. I’ll make you something to eat, then I’ll play dress up for you. How does that sound?” I teased, removing myself from his arms and starting for the kitchen. I turned to see him watching me walk away. Grinning big was his only answer as he headed the opposite way. I heard the shower turn on, and I smiled to myself as I fixed him a snack.
A little of this, a little of that, and then I slipped into his favorite red negligee, lacy and see-through in all the right places. I waited a few moments after I heard the shower turn off, then headed into the bedroom with a tray piled high with all of his favorites.
There, in our bed, Jack lay sideways, still in his towel, sound asleep. I set the tray down and sat next to him on the bed, trying to rouse him enough to have him turn the other way. He sighed in his sleep, turning on his side, reaching out for me and placing his head in my lap. With a small sigh escaping, he was back to sleep almost immediately.
I sat in my lace and peekaboo, running my fingertips across his face and down along his neck, through the closely cropped hair and across his eyelids.
My star needed some sleep.
A pair of solid hands pulled me backward, sliding me against a warm body. I shuddered a bit, sleep pushing from my eyes as I realized I was in our bed, with my Jack. My star was no longer sleeping. My star was on the prowl.
“Jack, you should sleep,” I protested, rolling over and raising up on one elbow, peering down at him. He ran his arm from my knee to my thigh, up and over my backside, plucking at the red lace he loved so. His hand was warm, and so was his smile.
“I slept,” he whispered,
“You still look tired.” I caught his roving hand and brought it to my lips for a kiss.
“What a nice thing to say. Do I get five orgasms now?”
“Funny.” I chuckled, relaxing into his side and tucking in, resting my head on his shoulder. I sighed, still sleepy but craving his skin.
“I could probably handle at least one, then a snack?” He pressed his lips against my forehead. I threw one leg over, sat up above him, and smiled.
“I can handle that.” I went to work.
A while later, I lay in our bed, snuggled on Jack. I wrapped around him like a blanket, still perched on top of him, legs and arms around him, my head tucked into his shoulder. His hands traced a path from my thigh to my backside, up to my shoulders, then pressed into each dent in my spine. They were hands no longer frantic and frenzied, now quiet and soothing.
“I missed you, Crazy,” he breathed into my hair, and I sighed, content with his hands on me.
“You have no idea,” I answered, kissing his ear, tickling with my lips until he laughed.
“How are things here going?” he asked, bringing his hands up to move my hair away from my face, his green eyes piercing even in the moonlight.
“Good. Busy, but good.”
“No, I mean, how are you doing with everything? You ready for tomorrow?”
“The junket?”
“The junket. You ready for that?” He sat up underneath me, my legs automatically going around his waist. He sat cross-legged with me on his lap, his strong hands dipping down to my backside and pulling me closer.
“I think so. I mean, Holly and I prepped and went over the likely questions, when to dodge and when to answer.” I nodded, feeling my tummy clench a little at the thought of facing the firing squad in less than twelve hours.
“I hear what you’re saying, but how are you really feeling?” he prodded, his hands moving under the red lace to be closer to me.
“I’m scared to death,” I admitted, throwing my arms around his neck and clutching him close. He chuckled into my hair, holding me tight.
“I know, sweet girl.” He got it.
“It just makes no sense. I haven’t even done anything yet, and they all want to know how I feel about being a fat actress in Hollywood, and how you’re dealing with my weight gain. How absurd! This makes no sense!” I spilled my secrets to the back of his head.
“None of it makes any sense. The sooner you get that, the easier it’ll be,” he said, pulling back just enough to kiss me soundly on the forehead.
“How are you dealing with Grace’s recent weight gain, Mr. Hamilton?” I asked, thrusting my thumb microphone into his face.
“Yes, well, it’s pretty tough to take. I suppose really the only thing to do is just grab a handful and go to town,” he answered deadpan, followed quickly by him actually grabbing a handful.
We wrestled on the bed, slapping and tickling. We finally came to rest somewhere near the headboard, Jack pinning me down and playing with my lace once more.
“You’re going to be great. You know that, right?” he said, breathing h
ard from our playful fighting. “Just be yourself. That’s who I love. They’ll love her too.”
“And when they ask me about dating you?”
“Tell them yes, tell them no, tell them to bugger off. I’m not the story. You’re the story. So tell it your own way, Nuts Girl.” He gave my bottom a slap. “Now where’s that snack? I’m starving.”
After a few minutes, I perched cross-legged in our bed and watched Jack slurp leftover sesame noodles and crunch through the egg rolls I had reheated for him. Naked, sheet tucked around his middle, he ate everything with gusto, telling me about the rest of the shoot and how much he’d enjoyed working on this project.
“I mean, what other job in the world would I, some wanker from London, get to fire off rounds from big giant guns and drive a tank—a sodding tank! Are there any more egg rolls?”
I chuckled as I went to the kitchen. It always made me laugh how the more excited he was about something, the thicker the accent got.
I set about heating up the rest of the egg rolls, toying with the idea of slicing up some fruit for him as well, when I heard his phone go off. It was on the counter. And he was in the other room. It was Adam calling. I debated whether I should take it to him or throw it out the window, but then I remembered that the windows were closed, and I didn’t want to replace anything right now, and that the mature thing to do would be to take the phone to Jack.
You wanted to talk to him about this tonight anyway. Now’s your chance . . .
I realize that, but things were going so well.
Give him the phone, heat up his egg rolls, and then have your Come to Jesus conversation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I took him the phone, throwing it maybe a little harder than I would have normally. He was still in bed, sheet pulled down low on his hips as he reclined against the headboard.
“Phone call,” I said, leaving the bedroom as he answered it. I finished the reheating, then headed back in, just as he was finishing up his call.
“Right then, tomorrow. Sure thing. Yep, ’bye.” He hung up and looked hungrily at the plate I brought him. He reached for it, but I held it just out of his reach.