It was slightly satisfying to see Peg's hand fly to her mouth, but Alec was far from through.
"You were really upset when I said I was going home yesterday, and now I know why. You know better than anyone that what you did was wrong. It is not your place to tell my housekeeper what to clean. If you think I'm doing something wrong, then you seem to feel justified to step in. It's not your place, Peg."
"Well, someone's got to," she blurted suddenly, and Alec could only shake his head in disbelief. His hands went out, palms up,incomplete defeat.
"Ted, what is it I'm doing wrong?"
"It's that woman!"
"No, it's not. You felt this waybeforeSophie came."
Peg's mouth opened and closed, but no words came forth. Her hands clenched and unclenched. When she still didn't speak, Alec went on gently.
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"You've always been overly protective, Peg, but since Van's death, you're completely unreasonable. The kids and I are doing better now than I ever dreamed we would, but still you interfere. I heard you trying to tell Rita what kind of man to date. That's not your place. Rita isn't seeing anyone right now because she's not ready, and I think that's fine." Alec stopped and took a huge breath. He had to get to the real crux of this matter.
"What happened to your faith, Peg? Vanessa told me that you led her to Christ when she was a child. What happened? You're so fearful and difficult to be around these days that I don't even want the kids to be with you for fear of what you'll say or do."
His words were too much. Peg buried her head in her hands and sobbed. It really wasn't his place to do this, but Jim wasn't getting through. Since Peg touched his family in a very direct way, he could not and would not sit back and say nothing.
"My only daughter is gone forever," muffled words now came out.
"Not forever," Jim corrected her, "just in this life."
"I don't find that comforting," she admitted through sobs and sniffs, and Jim shook his head.
"Then we can't help you, Peg.You'rethe only one who can trust God for Vanessa and the kids.You'rethe only one who can surrender for yourself."
Now in control, Peg raised her head but didn't look at either of them. Her eyes were on the dark stone fireplace that covered one wall.
"I think I'm ready for that cruise now, Jim," she said softly after long minutes of silence.
Alec looked to his father-in-law with questioning eyes.
"I've been trying to get Peg to go on a Christian cruise with me for a few years, but the one I'm interested in goes around Thanksgiving time, and she won't go because she wants to see the kids."
"I think you should go," Alec told Peg's profile. She turned to him.
"When would I see the kids?"
Alec shrugged. "I'm not trying to keep them away from you as some sort of punishment, but there isn't much trust here, and I don't want them exposed to our conflicts."
Since she was always the one to begin the quarrels, there wasn't much she could say to that. Alec wasn't certain that anything had really been accomplished that night, and his belief
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was confirmed when Peg rose slowly, went to the bedroom, and closed the door behind her.
***
"How's Grandma?" Craig asked his dad the next morning.
Alec shook his head. "I don't know. I confronted her, but I'm not really sure she understands how serious it could have been."
"I feel angry at her."
Alec put a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Don't stop loving her, Craig. She needs our love and prayers. It's hard to know what she's thinking, but I know she is hurting. Only God can comfort her. Please keep praying."
Craig nodded and turned back to his pole. They had rented a boat for the last day and hoped to end their last night with a fish fry. It had only worked out a handful of times over the years, but Alec and Craig never stopped trying. Most years Jim came with them, but this time he'd come out only long enough to tell them he would pass this year.
"Will we stay all day tomorrow?"
"I don't know yet. If your grandmother seems uncomfortable, then probably it will be best to get packed up and out of here right after breakfast. I'd like to stay until lunch or later, but I'll have to play that one by ear."
Craig suddenly chuckled.
"What's so funny?"
"Sophie. She tried to use that expression one day and totally blew it. She started with 'I'll have to play the piano for that,' but Tory and I just stared at her, and it went downhill from there. She listed every instrument in the United States before we caught on, and then when we told her the real saying, she asked us how a person could play their ear. I'm not sure if she ever did catch on."
By now Alec was laughing. He could well imagine the conversation-he had no problem imagining Sophie at all. She was never very far from his thoughts, and now that Craig had fallen silent, Alec felt free to let his thoughts roam. What was she doing now?
***
"It's noisy, my Sophie. Where are you?"
Sophie laughed in delight. "I'm in a phone box with
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million dollars in change. This way I won't have to pay Mr. Riley back."
"Why don't you like to do that?"
"He never lets me. He always says the bill has come, but he'll cover it. I try to reason with him, but he won't listen."
"He's certainly good to you, isn't he?"
"Yes."
It was a very small word, but Kasmira was wise.
"Do you have feelings for him, my Sophie?"
"I don't know," she answered honestly, her voice soft. "He is unlike any man I've ever known." Tears were coming now, but Sophie didn't know why. "He corrects my English, babushka. You should hear him. He's so gentle and sweet, and he never makes me feel like a fool. I admire him so much, and I hurt when I think of him being alone."
"Maybe you will fill his heart, my Sophie."
"Oh, babushka," she was crying in earnest now, "I think he still loves the children's mother."
"Please insert $5.80 for the next five minutes."
Sophie sniffed and tried to blow her nose and insert coins all at the same time. The operator's voice had startled her, and she'd dropped a few of her quarters. When all the coins had dropped into the phone she tried again.
"Are you still there, babushka?"
"I'm here, my darling. Are you all right now?"
"Yes."
"Please don't let the interruption stop you. Tell me again how you feel."
Sophie sighed. "Some days I'm not sure. I do have feelings for him, but I think he's still in love with his first wife."
"What would you expect him to be, Sophie?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, there is no one else to fill his heart and arms. Naturally, he would long for her."
Sophie was quiet for a moment. "What are you really saying, babushka?"
"I'm not going to spell it out for you."
Sophie was silent for a moment. What was she missing?
"How do you know all of this?" Sophie finally demanded, only to hear her grandmother laugh.
"Sophie, Sophie, I am old, but not blind. I have read your letters repeatedly, and it's all there. You talk of these children
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with such love. And when you think no one is looking, you speak of their father as well. You say how much you admire him, Sophie, but I see more than admiration. You say how kind he is and how well he treats you, but I see more than gratitude. If I am wrong, then there is no harm done. But if I am right and you have not faced this, then it is time."
"But what can I do?"
"Now that, my Sophie, I cannot tell you. If I were there, maybe I would. But I'm not, and you must discover this on your own. God will show you, Sophie. He will lead your heart as He has always done."
Sophie could not reply. Her thoughts were in a whirl. They were going to be out of time again soon, and Sophie felt utterly distracted. She could put more money in, but her mind was a blan
k. She hadn't even asked her grandmother how she was feeling. She now tried, but Kasmira only laughed.
"We must close now, Sophie, and write each other. You need to think. I can tell without even seeing your face."
"All right, babushka. I'm sorry we only talked of me."
"And I am furious as always."
Sophie laughed. She loved her grandmother beyond words. They did close their conversation then, but both vowed to write that very day and share all their thoughts. Sophie gathered her coins and walked home. She didn't hurry or dawdle, but her mind was not really in Middleton, Wisconsin. She was sitting at the feet of her Lord, her head resting on His knee as she asked Him to comfort and guide her. She had walked less than a mile when she understood her own mind. Shedidwant to know Alec Riley better, that much was certain. But there was one thought that chilled her to the bone. She did not want to be a substitute. She would never ask him to forget his first wife, but the thought of filling in for Vanessa Riley so that Alec would no longer pine was not something she could do. But how would she know?
Again, Sophie knelt at Christ's feet. This time she remained there even after she had walked all the way home and started a letter to her grandmother.
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IT WAS GREAT TO BE HOME FROM THE LAKE, and in no time at all the Riley family was settled in for the summer. Craig was at Rick Bennett's house quite a bit of the time. Tory was happy to play at home or talk on the phone with Crystal. And there was a young man by the name of Kurt Marx calling on Rita. She had not actually dated him yet, but his family was new to the church, and he seemed to have spotted the oldest Riley girl. He had called a few times and even come by once. He seemed very nice, and Sophie was impressed when she heard the two of them discussing something they had learned in Sunday school.
Rita came into the kitchen one day after he'd called, her expression faintly dreamy.
"Kurt is so nice."
Sophie only smiled.
"I think he would like to ask me out, but whenever he tries I change the subject."
Sophie stopped what she was doing and turned to face Rita.
"Why, Rita? What do you fear?"
"I don't think I'm afraid, Sophie-not like I was. But I have found out that it's so fun to go slowly. At the beginning of each school year the freshmen girls come in, and a week later they're paired off and holding the hands of senior boys. I can't believe how much you miss when you do it that way. I mean, you miss weeks of getting to know each other just as friends.
"I don't ever want to be a tease, Sophie, and I really don't want to be rushed. I know I'm not normal, but I really feel God's peace about this."
"Oh, my Rita," Sophie said and she hugged her close. "You may not be normal in today's times, but you are doing best. The others could learn much from you."
"Thanks, Sophie. Would you handle it the same way?"
"I think so, Rita. You see, I have not had experience."
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Rita got a fiendish glint in her eye. "You'd probably go wild on the first date."
Sophie now caught the game and nodded swiftly. "I am sure I would. I will jump in his arms and kiss his face."
"Well now," Alec's voice came from behind her, and Sophie spun in surprise. "What's all this?"
Rita laughed. "I've decided that Sophie's going to go nuts on her next date and kiss the guy."
Sophie's face was a dull red, but that didn't stop the teasing. Rita threw her a huge grin before leaving, and Alec came right up to her, his eyes alight with humor.
"Rita was just tease," she stammered as she turned to face him, her eyes still huge with surprise.
"Oh, don't apologize, Sophie," Alec said softly, and then bent to speak into her flushed face. "I envy the man."
With that he moved out of the kitchen, and Sophie's hands flew to her face. Her cheeks felt on fire. She wanted to ask herself what he must think, but she was too busy with her own thoughts. He had looked at her so... Sophie couldn't find the word, but his look had been so warm, almost intimate.
"Hey, Sophie," Tory was talking before she even entered the room, "I can't find that blue shirt I like. The one with- What's the matter?"
"Nothing," Sophie said faintly.
"Oh. Well, I can't find my blue shirt-the one with the kittens and yarn."
"It was not in wash, Tory. Did you leave it at Crystal's?"
"I'll bet I did. I'll call and ask if she has it."
She had only been on the phone for a matter of minutes when Craig came in wanting to call Rick.
"She will not be long, Craig," Sophie told him.
"Who's she talking to?"
"Crystal."
Craig rolled his eyes. "She'll be forever."
Sophie couldn't help but smile; Craig was just as bad when he was talking with Rick. In the midst of all this, Sophie remembered a phone call that had come in for Mr. Riley. The message was in her jeans pocket, and she now walked to the office to see if he was there. Alec happened to be on his way out at that exact moment, and they ran smack into each other. Alec's hands came out with gentle ease and caught Sophie's waist, and for just a moment Sophie's right hand rested on his chest. Alec's hands
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lingered even after Sophie's dropped, and for an instant she forgot what she was doing.
"Did you need something?" Studying her face with interest, Alec was now leaning nonchalantly against the doorjamb.
"I, well, I, um, I have phone message."
"From?"
Sophie handed him the paper and would have normally turned away, but he took it without ever taking his eyes from her face. Sophie felt rather trapped.
"That light pink is a good color on you," he said, referring to her blouse.
"Thank you." Sophie's voice was barely audible.
They continued to look at each other until Sophie swallowed and said, "I have work now."
"Okay," Alec said easily. "Thank you for the message." His eyes followed her until she was out of sight, and then he moved back into his office and dropped into his chair.
Rita had said that Sophie needed to feel feminine. Alec was doing his level best, but right now all it did was fluster and embarrass her. However, he still felt compelled to go on. Something remarkable had happened the day they returned from the lake. Sophie had obviously heard the van and come down to greet them. She had hugs for all the kids, and then Alec had watched something very much like yearning cross her face as she looked at him. She hadn't embraced him or touched him in any way, but her expression had spoken volumes. Alec had known such a peace over his relationship with her that his whole approach had changed. It was finally time to court Sophia Velikonja.
In the days that followed, Alec made an effort to validate Sophie as a woman whenever possible. He was careful not to just tell her that the meal was good after they had eaten, but also to comment when he saw how graceful her hands were, or if her cologne smelled nice. His latest attempt was his comment about the color of her blouse. As usual, she didn't know quite what to make of it. He wasn't just going with his feelings, for they would have him moving too fast, but he was keeping careful watch of Sophie's reaction to him. She watched him more often than she thought he realized, and this gave him great hope. She wasn't completely immune to him, and with this knowledge Alec could carry on with great forbearance.
It was at this point, in the middle of Alec's wanderings, that Tory called him to supper. He realized then that he hadn't even
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looked at his message and swiftly read it before going out to eat. It was a blessing in disguise that it wasn't important since he had forgotten about it the moment he saw Sophie standing in the kitchen. As usual, he thought she looked so "right." He knew it would sound like a cliche if he said it out loud, but it was true. He wanted to sit and stare at her for hours. But for Sophie's sake, he was careful to keep his attention in check during the meal. He was also quite aware of Craig and Tory's ignorance. The whole ordeal was a study in patience, but at least the Four
th of July was coming up. They could spend nearly the whole day together. With that in mind, Alec could hold his feelings at bay for a little bit longer.
***
"Tory, please tell Sophie again about Grandma in Mazolee."
"Mazomanie," Tory corrected her, and watched Sophie frown. "Here, Sophie, let me write it. Rita showed me a great way to help people pronounce it."
Tory brought forth paper and printedMAY-ZOE-MAY-KNEEin large, bold letters.
"You see, May-zoe-may-knee. It's an Indian name that means Walking Iron."
"Walking Iron," Sophie tested the words.
"Right. For the railroad."
"Oh." Sophie now understood. "And your grandmother lived there, in Mazomanie?"
"Dad's grandma, my great-grandma. She went to church in Black Earth, you know, where we went to The Shoe Box."
Sophie nodded.
"Anyway, every year the church-Black Earth Congregational-has a great Fourth of July picnic. We eat and play games and then have fireworks. It's really fun. We go every year, even though my great-grandma died about four years ago."
"I see." Sophie finally understood. Gladys had asked her about her plans for the Fourth, but by then the Rileys had "claimed" her-Mr. Riley, to be exact. He had told her that they had plans for the day, and then asked if she would join them. He had looked at her very tenderly, and she had forgotten to ask what they were going to do. Now it was just two days away, and she finally understood.
Rita and Tory had been assigned to prepare the food for the potluck supper, and Sophie was to have the day off. She was
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feeling tired these days with all the new emotions she was experiencing, and sleeping late in the middle of the week sounded like bliss. But what in the world was she going to do about her employer? He had been wonderful to her in the past, but now ... now he was indescribable. Sophie had tried so hard to keep the emotions from her face, but she knew she had not succeeded.
What if he pities me?she asked herself, and knew an ache so deep she thought she would cry.It just can't be,she told the Lord.Please don't let him pity me. Please don't let me make a fool of myself. I know he thinks I'm capable, but he may not want a younger woman. I must accept this. My babushka said I would understand, but still I search in the dark. Please, Lord, please help me to know.