What, not who. I stopped dancing with her there and then, and with all those rich kids looking at me like I had three heads, I ran out the heavy beautiful door of that house and drove back to Stow. Joley mentioned that Emily?s older sister and Jane were friends. That they all moved in the same circles. It is quite possible Jane was even at that party.
This is what comes to mind when Joley brings up his sister: that maybe she saw me, and will walk up to me the minute she sets foot on my orchard, and laugh her head off. ?Aren?t you-?? she?ll say, and on my own land, she?ll make me feel as worthless as I did when I was just a kid.
?Earth to Sam,? Hadley says, coming back from the bathroom. He?s got the red-leather girl in tow. ?Look who wants to buy us all beers.? He winks at the girl. ?I?m just kidding. I told her you wanted to buy her a beer.?
?Me.? I smile at the girl. ?Um. I-I-?
?He?s engaged,? Joley says. ?This is his bachelor?s party.?
?Oh,? says the girl. ?A kind of Last Supper?? She leans across the table. ?
I?m not getting married, though,? says Hadley.
?Look, the truth is, I?m not getting married. The truth is, he?s going to blow a fuse unless you dance with him. He?s likely to become violent. Please do us this one small favor.? Hadley, on cue, drops to his knees and assumes a begging position.
The girl laughs and grabs Hadley?s hand. ?Come on, Fido.? She looks at me as she?s leaving. ?You owe me one, and don?t think I?m not going to collect.?
Joley and I watch Hadley dancing with the red-leather girl. The music is Chubby Checker?s ?Twist,? but Hadley is slow dancing. His face is buried in the girl?s neck. It is difficult to see if he is standing, or if she is holding him up.
After the dance, the girl slips away in the direction of the bathrooms and Hadley comes back over to us. ?She?s in love with me,? he says. ?She told me.?
?We gotta get him out of here before he fathers a child,? I tell Joley.
?Hey,? Joley says, ?I never got to tell my stupid joke.?
Hadley and I look at each other. There?s always time for another stupid-bar joke.
?Okay.? Joley rubs his hands together. ?There are these three strings, standing outside a bar.?
?Strings??
?Yeah, strings. And they want a drink. So the first string goes into the bar and hops onto the bar stool and says to the bartender, ?Good evening, sir. I?d like a drink.? The bartender says, ?I can?t serve you. You?re a string!? and he kicks him out of the bar.?
?A string,? Hadley says, ?I love it.?
?The second string goes into the bar, and decides to try another approach. He sits down on the stool and slams his fist on the table and says to the bartender, ?Gimme a drink, Goddammit!? And the bartender looks at him and laughs and says, ?I?m sorry, but I can?t serve you. You?re a string.? And he boots this guy out of the bar too.?
The red-leather girl comes back and sits on Hadley?s lap.
?So by now the third string sees what?s going on. He looks at his two friends and says, ?I?ve got it.? Then he reaches up by his head and unravels himself a little and then he twists himself up. He walks into the bar and sits upon the bar stool. ?Hi,? he says to the bartender, ?I?d like a drink.? And the bartender sighs and says, ?Look, I?ve told you once, I?ve told you twice. I can?t serve you. You?re a string.? And the string takes offense. He squares his shoulders. He looks the bartender in the eye. And he says, ?I?m a frayed knot!? ? Joley starts to crack up. ?You get it? I?m afraid not ??
I start to laugh. Hadley either doesn?t understand it or he doesn?t find it funny.
The red-leather girl purses her lips, trying not to laugh. ?That?s the stupidest joke I?ve ever heard.?
?Oh! You hear that!? Joley reaches for the girl and kisses her on the mouth.
She laughs. ?It was really stupid,? she says, ?really.?
?Mine was more stupid,? Hadley insists, banging the table.
?I don?t know,? I tell him. ?This one was really dumb.?
In the background, the bartender announces last call. Hadley and Joley look at me, their eyes glinting with competition. About those dumb joke contests: I?m the judge. The categories are the content, the punch line, the delivery. Oh, and the confidence the joke teller has in his story. I hem and haw for effect, but this time I have to agree with the girl. Hands down, Joley is the winner.
35 JOLEY
Dear Jane-
Do you remember when the Cosgrove?s house burned down? You were in high school, and I was still a little kid. Mama came into my room in the middle of the night, and you were with her- she?d just woken you up. She said, ?Mr. Cosgrove?s place is on fire,? really calm. The Cosgroves were the neighbors behind us, through the backyard and the woods. Daddy was already dressed and downstairs. We had to get dressed too, even though it was three in the morning. As we came into the kitchen the telephone rang. It was Mrs. Silverstein, across the street. She saw the orange flames, like a halo, behind our house, and she thought our place was on fire. ?No,? I remember Daddy saying, ?it?s not us.?
When nobody was looking, you and I stole into the backyard, where the small forest behind was exploding. We walked through the woods, through the cool, tall birches, across the wet pine carpet. We got as close to the house as we thought we could. The Cosgrove?s den faced the woods, and when we got near we could hear the fire breathing like a lion. It sucked all the air away and sent sparks into the night, millions of new stars. You said, ?How beautiful!? and then, realizing the tragedy, covered your mouth.
We tried to walk around the house, towards the street, to where the firemen were working to put out the fire. We saw windows explode in front of us. Some kids we knew from the neighborhood were standing on the flat, inactive fire hoses. When the firemen opened the hydrants, the water would pulse through them like arteries, popping the kids off one by one. We decided there wasn?t that much to see, especially because the Cosgroves were huddled in a pocket on that side of the house, crying in their bathrobes.
Daddy was back at our house rigging up hoses and buckets, convinced that the fire was going to spread to the entire neighborhood, what with the houses so close together. He was spraying our roof. He figured, if you keep it wet, it won?t ignite.
The fire didn?t spread. The Cosgrove?s house was gutted. They tore it down, and started to build the exact same one, something my mother didn?t understand, with all the money they got from the insurance company.
That week, another catastrophe happened in Boston. The new windows of the John Hancock building spontaneously started to pop out. They?d fall fifty stories to the ground, shattering so dangerously that the police roped off entire blocks surrounding the building. It seemed the windows were not treated for the lower pressure experienced so high up, and the air in the building was pushing out the windows into the sky. Eventually at great expense the windows were removed. The next thing we knew, the Cosgroves had a huge pane from the Hancock building in their new home. It was fine for a home, they said. Just not right for a skyscraper.
Just before Route 2 takes you into Minnesota, get off on Rte. 29 South. Take it to Fargo and get on 94 East. This highway should take you directly to Minneapolis. Make sure you are there by seven A.M. Saturday morning. I won?t tell you what?s going on, but let?s just say you?ve never seen anything like it.
I hope Rebecca enjoyed her birthday-how many kids her age get to turn fifteen at the geographical center of North America? Speaking of which, you will be heading towards Iowa next. I think you know where you have to go.
Give my love to the kid.
Joley
36 JANE
Although Joley hasn?t mentioned where I should go in Minneapolis, I have no trouble finding what it is I am supposed to see. Rebecca and I have been up since four A.M. to ensure that we will reach the city by seven, but for the last hour and a half we have been sitting in traffic. Policemen in white gloves are directing people and blowing whistles. There are lots of teenagers here in souped-up cars. They put their Camaros into
park, and sit on the roof, smoking. ?I?ve had it,? Rebecca says. ?I?m going to ask what this is all about.?
She jumps over the passenger door before I can tell her not to and runs up to a young policeman with a crew cut. He takes the whistle from between his lips and says something to her, and then she smiles at him and runs back to the car. ?They?re blowing up the old Pillsbury building.?
I am not sure if this really explains the commotion, so early on a Saturday. Do people really come out of the woodwork to watch catastrophes?
It takes us another twenty minutes, but we inch towards the policeman who spoke to Rebecca. ?Excuse me,? I say, leaning over the windshield. ?We don?t really know where we?re going.?
?Not too many places you can go, lady. The whole city?s roped off for the demolition.?
We drive along a barricaded path, following other cars blindly. We pass the central post office and drive through its parking lot. We cross a river. Finally we get to a point where other people have stopped and are parking haphazardly. I find myself wondering how we are ever going to get out of here, now that six other cars have flanked our own, like petals. A fat man walks by selling T-shirts: I Knew Minneapolis Before They Changed the Skyline.
?Well, let?s go.? I climb out of the car and start to follow the people who are skipping eastward, like a pilgrimage. Whole families are going, the fathers carrying the youngest on their shoulders. We reach an area where people have stopped moving. Bodies start to settle on steps and railings and billboards, anywhere you can find a spot is okay. The woman next to us stops abruptly and hands the man she is with a styrofoam cup. She pours coffee from a thermos. ?I can?t wait,? she says.
Rebecca and I find ourselves standing next to a large ruddy man in a flannel shirt with cut-off sleeves. He is holding a six-pack of Schlitz. ?Beautiful day for wrecking,? he says to us, smiling.
Rebecca asks if he knows exactly which building is the Pillsbury building. ?It?s this one now.? He points to a large skyscraper fashioned of chrome and glass. ?But it used to be this one here.? He moves his finger across the skyline to a stubby grey building, a sort of eyesore next to all the modern ones. No wonder they want to knock it down.
?Did they try to sell the building?? Rebecca asks.
?Would you buy it?? The man offers her a Schlitz, and she tells him she is underage.
?Well,? he snorts. ?Could?ve fooled me.? He is missing a tooth in the front. ?You?re sure here at a historic moment. This building has been here forever. I remember when it was one of the only skyscrapers in Minneapolis.?
?Things change,? I say, because he seems to be waiting for a response.
?How are they going to do it?? Rebecca asks.
At this, a woman on the other side of Rebecca turns her head towards our conversation. ?Dynamite. They?ve layered it on every other floor, so the whole thing?s gonna crumble systematically.?
Over an unseen loudspeaker, a voice booms. ?We cannot demolish-the building until everyone is standing behind the orange line.? The voice repeats itself. I wonder where this orange line is. If it is as crowded up front as it is back here, the bystanders should not be blamed. They probably can?t see their own feet.
?You must move back behind the orange line before the demolition begins!? At this second warning, the crowd begins to press itself tightly together, like a thick knit sweater. I find myself pushed into the soft belly of the larger man. He uses my shoulder as a coaster for his beer.
?Ten . . . nine . . . eight . . .? the loudspeaker booms.
?Fuckin? A,? the man says.
?Seven . . . six . . .? Somewhere, a fire engine screams.
I do not hear the final five numbers. The building caves in, in sequence, top down. It is only after the second layer falls that I hear the dynamite howl. The cinderblock crumbles floor by floor.
Boom! We hear the next explosion after the fact, after an entire section has been leveled. They are erasing history in one swoop. It takes no more than five minutes, the blasting, and then nothing?s left but a hole in the skyline.
The crowd begins to jostle and shove, and Rebecca and I get thrown into this flow. People, pulsing like blood, rush beside us.
About halfway to the car I realize why everything looks so different. Dust has settled over everything that has been immobile. Grey-white, like the artificial snow you see on television. Rebecca tries to pick some up but I brush it out of her hand. You don?t know what?s in that stuff.
I don?t even recognize the MG when we reach it: because we haven?t put up the top, it too is chalky. This dust gets on our clothes and between our fingers and we have to blink to keep it from getting into our eyes. The dust keeps coming, drifting over from the demolition site like nuclear fallout. Rebecca and I pull up the convertible top, something we haven?t done since we bought the car.
I know I still have to get Joley?s letter but I am reticent to walk the streets of Minneapolis. What if the other buildings fall? I suggest to Rebecca that we go out for breakfast.
Over bacon and hash I tell Rebecca that we are going to go to Iowa. To the place where her plane crashed. I tell her that I?ve been thinking about it. Since we?re out here anyway, I say. I tell her we can go right up to the ruins. From what I hear, they are still in the cornfield. I wait for her to raise an objection.
Rebecca doesn?t say what I am expecting. There is no resistance, really. Maybe Joley is right; she is ready for this after all. She asks, ?Why are they still there??
37 REBECCA
Uncle Joley talked my mother into joining the self-help group for abused wives when she returned to California after my plane crash. He said when you?re with other people living the same life as you, you feel better-and as always, she believed him.
In this case, it was a good idea. She never told my father, and since I was still practically a baby she took me along. She?d pick me up from preschool and we?d go to a therapy session. There were seven women. I?d crawl around the floor playing between their shoes with my toys. Sometimes a red-headed woman with bright jewelry would pick me up and tell me I was pretty; I think she was the psychologist.
The way the sessions began was what I liked: women who were almost always crying lifted up clothing to reveal welts and bruises in the shapes of kettles and pelicans. Other women would hum softly, or touch the less tender parts of the bruise. They were hoping to heal. Those, like my mother, who had no physical signs to show, brought their stories. They had been yelled at, put down, ignored. At this early age I could see the differences between physical and verbal abuse. I?d stare at the splits and swellings of the battered women. My mother always told a story. In comparison I thought we were lucky.
Within several weeks my mother stopped going to the group. She told me things were fine again. She said there was no reason to continue. My mother did not keep in touch with these battered wives. As mysteriously as we had met those women, we never saw them again.
38 JOLEY
Dear Jane-
You may not want to hear this but I have been thinking about why Rebecca survived.
The day her plane crashed, I was in Mexico. I was working on translating some Incan document, I think-part of my Grail ordeal. I knew you were at Mama?s; I had talked to you there a couple of days before. Anyway, I called to see how you were doing and you started to tell me what Oliver had done. He was going to send the FBI, you said, and even though I told you he didn?t have the clout for that you said you had put Rebecca on a plane that morning. ?You?re an idiot,? I told you. ?Don?t you see you?ve just played your ace??
You didn?t understand what I meant by that, but then again you didn?t really see Rebecca the same way I did. I?d known it from the minute I first held her as an infant: She belonged with you; she was you. All my life I had been trying unsuccessfully to explain to people the wonderful combination of elements that made up my sister, and then, without even trying, you created a replica of yourself. Sending her back to Oliver; well, that was making the same mistak
e twice.
I argued with you about whether or not I should drive up to California (I could just about make it by the time the flight arrived) to intercept Rebecca before Oliver got her at the airport. You told me I was being ridiculous, that Oliver was after all the baby?s father and it was none of my business. I am pretty sure that you knew how hard it was for me to put calls through from Mexico, but you slammed the phone down and hung up on me anyway.
This is what I figured out: At the moment we were talking, Rebecca?s plane was exploding over the cornfields of Iowa. And it is my hypothesis that the very reason she is still alive today is because you and I were fighting about her. Only souls that are at peace can go to Heaven.
I tried to call you when I heard about the plane crash that afternoon. But like I said, it was almost impossible to put calls through to the States and anyway, you were on your way to Iowa. I heard through Mama that you and Oliver had arrived at the hospital at the same time. The next time I spoke to you, everything was fine. ?We?re back to normal, Joley,? you told me, and you didn?t want to discuss Oliver, or if he apologized, or the fact that he hit you in the first place. You shut me out. You acted just like you did when this kind of thing first happened, when we were kids.
I decided to let sleeping dogs lie. And this is why, Jane: because this time, you had Rebecca to consider. I know that when you were a kid you kept quiet about Daddy because of me, but this wasn?t Daddy and this wasn?t me. Oliver was different; even the way he hurt you was different. More important, Rebecca was different. I kept hoping, silently, that you would want to save her like you hadn?t been able to save yourself.
I have waited years for you to see that you had to get away. I know you think that because you threw the first punch you are at fault, but I believe in histories, and Oliver was the one who started this a long, long time ago. So this is why Rebecca survived that plane crash: she was spared twelve years ago so that she could save you now.
When I first came back from Mexico, before I went to visit either you or Mama, I stopped in What Cheer, Iowa, to see the remains of Rebecca?s plane, and I realized why that farmer had never bothered to remove the wreckage. It had nothing to do with posterity, or tribute. It was simply that the ground was dead. Nothing will ever grow there again.
I don?t expect this will be easy for either of you to see. But it means that you have come more than halfway, that you will be at the apple orchard before you know it. Take Route 80 to Illinois, to Chicago, to the Lenox Hotel. As always, there will be a letter.