Danny didn’t say anything except to shh me and murmur something about it being over. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I knew I shouldn’t be embarrassed in front of Danny, my brother, but I was. I was the oldest. I was supposed to be the strong one. I hated to let loose and he rarely had seen me do so.
So we didn’t speak. He did the best thing he could do for me. He didn’t ask me questions about what happened or try to calm me with empty ‘Sorry’s’ and ‘It’s ok’s’. He just put his arm around me and let me cry myself to sleep in the dark.
Merrick - Manhunt
Chapter 23
It was so hard to pry her scared shaking fingers from my shirt. I knew she needed me but, I had to go. Phillip couldn’t get away with this.
I couldn’t look at those eyes so I ran like a coward. Ran away before she could speak and I wouldn’t be able to go and do what needed to be done.
I sped up the stairs, out the fall out hatch and the back door. It was dark outside already. That was not going to make things easy for Phillip.
I searched everywhere outside. I couldn’t see anything moving so I circled the store, trying not to be too fast in case someone was there and saw me. Margo was minding the store.
“Have you seen Phillip?” I asked her just as quickly as I could get the door open.
“Yes, about five minutes ago, he ran through here but, that was it. He didn’t stop or anything.”
“Which way?”
“Out back but, I think he got in Sherry’s car. I thought I saw it leave. What’s the matter, Merrick?”
I couldn’t even begin to answer her so, rudely, I left without a word letting the door slam behind me.
I ran around back and saw that, yes, Sherry’s car was gone. The van was coming my way in my peripheral.
“Get in!” Jeff yelled.
I hopped in and he sped off fish tailing. This was so dangerous, especially at night, two Keepers alone, but I had to look for him. I might need to.
Could I kill a human? Not could, would. Would I kill a human with my bare hands? I was afraid of the answer. We would find out when I found Phillip.
“I’m sorry, Merrick. I should have ran after him but Sherry was...” Jeff told me gruffly.
“I know. I saw. Thank you for staying with her.”
Her face in Jeff’s memory when he found them like that was the most scared I’ve ever seen her, even watching her all these years.
My breath catches when I remember Phillip pulling her hair, pressing himself against her and kissing her violently before Jeff grabbed him and threw him across the room.
Her eyes were round and wide, red from crying and smudges underneath them. Her cheeks were pink, not in a good way. Too pink, from scratching and rubbing.
I had to close my eyes and force out Jeff’s memory that I took from him. It physically hurt to see it.
“I told you not to look,” Jeff snapped as he looked in my mind, seeing what I was seeing.
“I know. I also knew you wouldn’t tell me the whole truth and neither would she. I needed to know. I don’t even want to think about what happened before you got there.”
“Don’t, Merrick, just don’t. She’s ok, just shaken. That’s what’s important.”
“If you hadn’t left to go get the drawn plans that were on your bed. If you hadn’t been-”
“Merrick, stop! Don’t do this to yourself. Despite her being...tiny, she’s strong. She’ll be over this in no time.”
“Thank you, Jeffrey. You’ve always been really good to her. Throwing him across the table was a nice touch. Didn’t know you had it in you.”
I could barely speak, let alone think, just stare into the darkness.
“You’re family, so now so is she. She is one of the best humans I’ve ever met. Ever. She’s got some Keeper qualities and watching him slam to the floor was only the tip of the iceberg of what I wanted to do. I’ve never thought of actually killing a human...until tonight.” He shook his head in disgust. “Let’s just look for him, ok. We’ll stay out all night if we have to.”
“Yeah. Ok,” I answered but barely heard it myself.
I could feel myself slipping into a strange numb but painful unawareness. It felt messy and awkward in my head and body. Some kind of human sadness but more.
It hurt so bad in my chest, my stomach, the opposite of what I usually feel when I think of Sherry but, this hurt. I kept quiet for a while and looked out my window for a white VW Rabbit and the dead man driving it.
We drove around all night and didn’t find a trace or sign of Sherry’s car nor Phillip. Jeff kept going, waiting for me to call it off. I eventually gave in and told him to go home. We were both exhausted and I knew Phillip was long gone.
“So now, we’ve got to worry about him turning us over, don’t we?” I asked, suddenly stiff.
“I don’t know. You think he would turn Trudy in?”
“I don’t know, I hope not. We’ve invested too much into the bunker to lose it now.”
“I know. Let’s go home. You need to check on Sherry anyway.”
As Jeff spoke her name the hurt in my chest and stomach returned like a punch in the gut.
Fear. It was brutal fear.
Fear that she wouldn’t want my comfort, fear that she would hate me for not being there when it happened to stop it, for not protecting her, fear that she would hate me for leaving her to look for Phillip, that she wouldn’t want me, fear that she wouldn’t be able to forgive me.
I knew we had been gone a long time. The wall clock in the stock room read 3:30 am . Almost five hours gone. Wow. We drove around for five hours. I knew she would be asleep and maybe that was for the best. It would give her some time.
I came down the stairs to the silent bunker, everyone was asleep. Only the sound of the humming kitchen appliances could be heard. Jeff headed straight to his room and I headed to mine. Mine and Sherry’s.
I peeked in, not sure if she was even there, thinking maybe she stayed with Trudy, but there she was, with Danny. Thank goodness she wasn’t alone. I could see her hair was still mussed, her eyes were puffy, she had apparently been crying even more and a faint bluish dark ring banded around her upper arm which was laying over Danny’s stomach.
Phillip’s fingerprint bruises.
My stomach churned. I couldn’t go in there anyway, there wasn’t room and I didn’t want to wake her, so I went to stew in anger in the living room. Phillip better hope this Keeper didn’t run across him again.
Ever.
When I woke up only a few hours later on the couch, a few people had begun to stir and make their way out of their rooms. I sat up from the uncomfortable sofa silently cursing as my neck stung with a kink.
Marissa immediately sat by me.
“She’s ok. Danny stayed with her last night,” she offered and patted my arm quickly before jerking it back just as quickly.
“I know. I saw.”
“Don’t treat her like she’s breakable. She’s stronger than you know. She wants to have a purpose, she needs it.”
“I know how strong she is but she is breakable, Marissa. What happened doesn’t help that, it proves it.”
“Physically, yes, but she doesn’t want to feel weak. She doesn’t want to feel like she can’t take care of herself.”
“She can’t! It’s a full time job trying to keep her out of trouble.” My voice cracked as the memories of all the time I had to rescue her flooded my mind.
All those close calls. It wasn’t her fault. It was just a fact that the girl was a magnet for trouble and there was nothing she could do about it.
“I know. Listen to me, I’ve seen it. Sherry will be fine. She won’t be harmed from this and Phillip won’t be back. He won’t tell them our location either, but...”
“But what?”
“He will become a Lighter.”
“You see that?”
“Yes. I don’t know when but, it will happen. I think revenge has been served, don’t you? Please don’t tell Trudy. She’s
had a rough night. Hard to believe your own flesh could do such a thing, you know.”
“Yeah, I won’t. Thanks.” I started to get up from the couch and paused. “Say, Marissa? Why are you helping me?” I was exhausted and couldn’t wait for pauses and couth and manners like usual conversations.
“Because, she helped me. Sherry. I had a gun to her head but, she begged me to come with her. She even defended that jerk, Phillip, about why he was snooping through my van. She wouldn’t let it go, wouldn’t let me go, even when I resisted she kept telling me how much she wanted me to come, to protect me.”
“Yeah. That sounds about right. Well, thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome, and I’m sorry about before, the vision. Really sorry,” Marissa said and got up to walk into the kitchen.
As I watched her go, I could tell that she really meant it.
I decided instead of waking Sherry I’d go do some work for a while to keep busy. I knew deep down I was procrastinating but I couldn’t help myself. I should go in there right now and snatch her up, hug her to me and ask her if she was ok but I was still a coward. I could take anything in this world but Sherry’s hate or rejection.
I did some things in the laundry room. Stacked up some boxes and baskets that others had left in there.
Our washing machine was two huge utility sinks. I started the water and poured in the lavender scented soap. I needed to just keep busy until she woke up. Maybe she wouldn’t even try to find me, still too upset with me. Maybe she needed to just spend time with Danny for a while. Maybe she wouldn’t want to see me at all.
I plunged my shirts into the water over and over and picked up the wad to wring and rinse but then I heard Sherry’s voice. She was singing and I froze.
A Whole Lot of Loving Going On
Chapter 24
I woke up to see Danny still there with me in my room. He stayed with me all night. Sweet guy. Who knew how long he’d stayed up after I fell asleep, stewing.
I tried to get up without disturbing him and I succeed. I slipped out the door quietly and shut it behind me.
I ran my fingers through my hair in an attempt at fixing it and prepared myself for the onslaught of sympathy and questions and stares and worst of all- attention. Even after he was gone, Phillip still got to torture me with unwanted attention.
At least, I thought he was still gone.
I glanced down at my arms and there was a purple uneven ring and circle bruise. One a little darker and wider than the other. I wished I had a different shirt with me before I had to see anyone. Me and my dang tank tops.
I didn’t want any more sympathy.
When I reached the end of the short hall, I saw them, the mass of people waiting to ambush me. Trudy wasn’t there, which was good, though I smelled coffee so she may have been in the kitchen.
I got a lot of quick glances but that was it. Surprisingly, Marissa came up to me first.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I was a little off put by her sudden interest.
She never spoke to me first unless there was a painful vision to follow.
“Are you ok today?”
“Yeah, fine. As good as I can be, I guess. Have you uh...seen Merrick?”
“Yeah, listen, he got home last night late. He didn’t want to disturb you. He thinks you’re upset with him, for not being there...with Phillip.”
“That’s absurd. How can he-”
“I’m just telling you what I know. He’s really worried about you but he’s angry at Phillip and himself, he’s scared that you won’t forgive him.”
“That’s ridiculous. Of course I’m not mad at him.”
“It’s a guy thing and Merrick is a guy now.”
I just nodded. I really needed a shower to wash away the events of the past day so I walked out past the kitchen, not looking for Trudy. I was not ready to see her heartbroken face yet.
I glanced back and saw everyone in their own world. No one was watching or staring at me. I don’t know who talked to them but I will needed to thank them as they all graciously tried in vain to look busy.
I turned our homemade sign over to show the ‘In Use’ side as the door had no lock. I closed the door to the little green bathroom and removed my clothes. My arms ached and I could still smell Phillip on my shirt as I pulled it over my head. I immediately threw it across the room far away from me. It fell in a heap in the corner by the trash can. Fitting.
I felt a little panicky in the shower. I didn’t know why. Maybe because it was so far away from everything else and I was alone and confined.
I tried to focus on relaxing, imaging the stress and everything else falling from me and going down the drain. I let the hot water rinse away the previous night and everything that happened with it.
I scrubbed with my washcloth and soap on my sore arms and jaw. I didn’t want to be one of those women who wasn’t able to get over an attack, always fearful. I felt for them and understood now more than ever their panic.
My heart started to pick up again so, I sang. Billie Holiday’s ‘The Very Thought Of You’, the first song Merrick and I danced to, was the only song that came to mind.
The very thought of you
and I forget to do,
those little ordinary things,
that everyone ought to do.
I’m living in a kind of daydream,
I’m happy as a queen.
And foolish though it may seem,
To me it’s everything.
Then I heard his voice in my head, saying my name, his voice stretched with strain and guilt.
My Merrick.
I peeked out and he was there, walking in and shutting the door behind him. I couldn’t think to care about anything else but getting to him.
I jumped out of the shower and ran the short distance, naked, wet and probably still a little soapy. I jumped up into his arms and wrapped my legs around him.
He didn’t try to stop me. He wasn’t bashful with me anymore, didn’t care about anything but me. He turned us around a couple times in a whirlwind of emotion and then fell back against the door, sliding down to the floor with me still in his lap.
He held me to him in a tight embrace, keeping me there, his uneven breaths harsh against my ear. We were a heap of heaving thankful sighs and breaths.
After a minute of just sitting in each others arms, letting him calm me like nothing else ever did, I finally speak to ease the silence. The only other sound was the still running shower making steam pour over us from the floor.
I had to speak. He couldn’t feel guilty or responsible for this. I couldn’t allow him to feel that.
“Merrick,” I whispered but he continued to hold my head down to his chest so I couldn’t see his face. “Merrick, look at me.” He slowly obeyed. “I’m ok. Look at me. I’m fine, I just-”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Merrick, it wasn’t your fault.”
“If I had been there-”
“Don’t do that. Listen to me.” I grabbed his face and pulled it up to see his eyes. They were tired, angry, clouded and tortured. “Merrick. Babe, I need you. I need you to be you. I need things to just be normal. Please?” His eyes glanced down to the dark rings on my arms and then quickly looked away. “I’m fine. I promise.”
“You’re not fine, Sherry. Look at what he did to you.” He gently rubbed the bruises on my arms with his fingertips. “I wasn’t there. For the second time in your life you really needed me, I wasn’t watching and wasn’t there.”
I didn’t contradict him, knowing he was talking about the Marker attack but he hadn’t seen the first time when Matt tried to force himself on me either. I knew he was just beating himself up and there was no use in trying to take that road of reason. So I took another one instead.
“It’s nothing. He didn’t hurt anything that won’t heal.”
“It’s not nothing,” he snapped.
I could see I was going to get nowhere so I changed the subject.
> “I need to talk to Jeff today and tell him thank you. He was very sweet to me...but you know that. You shouldn’t have looked.”
“I needed to know and yes, I’m very grateful to Jeff too. I owe him everything.”
“What time did you get in last night?”
“After 3:00.” He shook his head. “We didn’t find anything.”
I tried to hide my disappointment at the news.
“Why didn’t you come to me?”
“I did, but I thought you might need Danny more than me. I didn’t want to wake or disturb you.”
“I’ll never need anyone more than you, ever again. I’m ok and I don’t want you to worry about me. You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions anymore than I can blame myself.” I bit my bottom lip in frustration. The words that seemed to fit just wouldn’t come to me. “I love you...so much.”
He put his head on my chest and cried, wrapping his arms around me tightly and protectively and I let him. Of course, I was crying too.
I was shocked by the emotion he felt. I could almost physically feel his hurt for me, his needless shame and guilt was pulsing off of him. My Merrick, who loved me so much and would do anything for me and his constant need to keep me protected and safe was breaking, for me.
My heart stopped and broke right along with his as I felt him shake and squeeze me to him.
I would no longer refer to him as an angel nor an alien nor anything else. Whatever he was, he was just Merrick. He was more human than most people and that was all I needed to know. No one had ever loved me like him and no one else ever would.
“If anything had happened to you I would never have forgiven myself.” He ran shaky hands down my arms and my hair, his fingers grazing my cheek and neck.
“Merrick, you can’t watch over me every minute.”
“I don’t see how I can not,” he joked but didn’t laugh. “I can’t live without you, Sherry. I won’t live without you.”
“You won’t have to. I’m not going anywhere. I just want to forget this ever happened. You are the only thing I want to think about right now. You and finding more of us out there.”