We watched him walk over to his knapsack and pull something out. He had brought along a spare bulb for the overhead projector. Who would even think of that?
Our professor, Andy van Dam, happened to be sitting next to me. He leaned over and said, “This guy is going places.” He had that right. Norm became a top executive at Macromedia Inc., where his efforts have affected almost everyone who uses the Internet today.
Another way to be prepared is to think negatively.
Yes, I’m a great optimist. But when trying to make a decision, I often think of the worst-case scenario. I call it “The Eaten By Wolves Factor.” If I do something, what’s the most terrible thing that could happen? Would I be eaten by wolves?
One thing that makes it possible to be an optimist is if you have a contingency plan for when all hell breaks loose. There are a lot of things I don’t worry about because I have a plan in place if they do.
I’ve often told my students: “When you go into the wilderness, the only thing you can count on is what you take with you.” And essentially, the wilderness is anywhere but your home or office. So take money. Bring your repair kit. Imagine the wolves. Pack a lightbulb. Be prepared.
47
A Bad Apology Is Worse Than No Apology
A POLOGIES ARE not pass/fail. I always told my students: When giving an apology, any performance lower than an A really doesn’t cut it.
Halfhearted or insincere apologies are often worse than not apologizing at all because recipients find them insulting. If you’ve done something wrong in your dealings with another person, it’s as if there’s an infection in your relationship. A good apology is like an antibiotic; a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.
Working in groups was crucial in my classes, and friction between students was unavoidable. Some students wouldn’t pull their load. Others were so full of themselves that they’d belittle their partners. By mid-semester, apologies were always in order. When students wouldn’t do it, everything would spin out of control. So I’d often give classes my little routine about apologies.
I’d start by describing the two classic bad apologies:
1) “I’m sorry you feel hurt by what I’ve done.” (This is an attempt at an emotional salve, but it’s obvious you don’t want to put any medicine in the wound.)
2) “I apologize for what I did, but you also need to apologize to me for what you’ve done.” (That’s not giving an apology. That’s asking for one.)
Proper apologies have three parts:
1) What I did was wrong.
2) I feel badly that I hurt you.
3) How do I make this better?
Yes, some people may take advantage of you when answering question three. But most people will be genuinely appreciative of your make-good efforts. They may tell you how to make it better in some small, easy way. And often, they’ll work harder to help make things better themselves.
Students would say to me: “What if I apologize and the other person doesn’t apologize back?” I’d tell them: “That’s not something you can control, so don’t let it eat at you.”
If other people owe you an apology, and your words of apology to them are proper and heartfelt, you still may not hear from them for a while. After all, what are the odds that they get to the right emotional place to apologize at the exact moment you do? So just be patient. Many times in my career, I saw students apologize, and then several days later, their teammates came around. Your patience will be both appreciated and rewarded.
48
Tell the Truth
I F I could only give three words of advice, they would be “tell the truth.” If I got three more words, I’d add: “All the time.” My parents taught me that “you’re only as good as your word,” and there’s no better way to say it.
Honesty is not only morally right, it’s also efficient. In a culture where everyone tells the truth, you can save a lot of time double-checking. When I taught at the University of Virginia, I loved the honor code. If a student was sick and needed a makeup exam, I didn’t need to create a new one. The student just “pledged” that he hadn’t talked to anybody about the exam, and I gave the old one.
People lie for lots of reasons, often because it seems like a way to get what they want with less effort. But like many short-term strategies, it’s ineffective long-term. You run into people again later, and they remember you lied to them. And they tell lots of other people about it. That’s what amazes me about lying. Most people who have told a lie think they got aw