TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is sadly correct.
2. Due to my frenzied attempt to spit shine my shoes and blitz out a few minor scratches in my brass and still get to my destination on time, the signing out procedure that I would surely have conformed to had I not been so particular about my customarily immaculate appearance, slipped my over-burdened mind. I offer my humble apologies in lieu of any punishment.
3. The offense was very, very unintentional.
20 October 1964
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “SMI Pet in room 10 October” D/L 19 October
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. When I first came upon the cat, she was cold, starving, and did not even purr. Due to the love and affection in my heart, my soul told me to help this orphan so she could once again purr. Also realizing the family of rats which inhabit my dwelling every night, the cat would be able to help me get rid of the rats. Cat (as I called her) became efficient at exterminating the unwanted creatures. Cat brought joy and comfort to my heart in hearing her once again purr, and in showing her affection for me.
3. The offense was intentional.
(handwritten): Your love and devotion should be devoted to higher vertebrates.
14 March 1966
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “Showing rear end in public 12 March 1966,” D/L 14 March 1966. TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. I was performing a gymnastic clown routine at the halftime of the Blue-White Football game at Johnson Hagood Stadium, when due to excessive stretching and bending, the seam in the rear of my shorts tore. At the time I did not realize my shorts had torn to the extent which they had. If I had realized such I would have confined my movements to eliminate such undue embarrassment. I was performing the act as a favor to Mr. Reed of the Athletic Department, and had no intention of including such an exhibit in the show. The accident was an event which could not have been prevented.
3. The offense was not intentional.
17 April 1962
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “SMI Termite in Pom-Pom 4 April 1964,” D/L 15 April 1964.
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is believed to be incorrect.
2. When I fell in for Friday Afternoon Inspection on the date of the offense, my uniform (to include the pom-pom on my shako), was clean and free of extraneous matter, animal or otherwise. That afternoon, I could not help but notice the unusually large number of flying insects flitting about my head, harassing me and practically every other man present and standing in formation. This type of insect is called scientifically, Insecta, Arthropoda, Diptera, and is commonly referred to as, the “gnat.” During the time between assembly for inspection and the moment the inspecting officer confronted me, a number of some type of insect apparently became enmeshed in the fuzz of my pom pon and were unable to free themselves. Upon falling out after completion of inspection, I checked my shako and found that there were one or two Insecta Arthropoda Diptera (“gnats”) imbedded in my pom-pom. They were definitely not, as stated in the report, Insecta Arthropoda Isoptera Reticulitermes, common “termites.” Only a small percentage (queens and their mates) are able to fly, and since the ordinary workers and soldiers far outnumber the queens and their mates, and also since the latter types seldom leave the colony, it would have had to have been workers or soldiers that alighted on my pom-pom; and since this type of “termite” is unable to fly, they would have encountered considerable difficulty in reaching my pom-pom between assembly and inspection. The insects on my pom-pom were, therefore, “gnats,” rather than “termites.” The following visual aids are submitted:
Insecta Arthropoda Isoptera Reticulitermes
“termite”
Insecta Arthropoda Diptera
“gnat”
3. There was no offense.
8 May 1966
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “Blue T Shirt 29 April,” D/L 6 May
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. In my four years at The Citadel, I have bought innumerable T shirts, all white. However, due to the pilfering and mangling of my shirts at the laundry, my supply has dwindled. Alas, I have sunk to the depths of poverty in being forced to wear a Citadel athletic blue T shirt. It seemed, better at the time, to wear it than the v necked, no necked, no sided, and no bottomed pieces of cloth, rags, that I get back from the laundry.
3. The offense was unintentional.
2 April 1965
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report, “Absent Reveille 29 March,” D/L 31 March.
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. On the 26th of March 1965 at 1700 I departed The Citadel en route to Washington, D.C., on Special Leave. My leave was to terminate on the 28th of March at 2330 hours. My means of travel to my destination was via Air Force C-119. My return trip was to be by commercial airline scheduled to arrive in Charleston at 2200 March 28. I boarded the plane in Washington and it departed on schedule. Upon arriving in the Charleston area the plane, crew and passengers found Charleston enveloped in a blanket of fog 400 feet thick. This is below the commercial airlines minimum requirement for safe landings so the pilot was directed to divert to Jacksonville, Florida. Realizing at the moment of announcement of the diversion that this would cause me to be late returning from leave, I went immediately to the stewardess and asked what could be done to put me on the ground prior to 2330. She assured me that there was no possible way. At this time I requested that the pilot fly near the area of The Citadel campus and I would parachute down and thereby arrive on time. This plan was thwarted when the discovery was made that no parachutes were on board. Returning to my seat I determined to contact the appropriate personnel immediately upon my arrival in Jacksonville and notify them of my situation. We had not flown more than an hour toward our destination when we were directed to divert to Orlando, Florida, as the fog conditions existed in Jacksonville. Upon approaching our second alternate objective we were again notified that we would not be able to land due to unfavorable visibility. At this point we began to fear for our gasoline supply but we were assured by the pilot that there remained enough fuel to reach Charlotte, North Carolina, which was reported to be clear of the fog at the time. After some time we arrived in Charlotte and were able to land on the second attempt. The reason for two attempts was because the fog was fast closing in on the Charlotte airfield. Upon entering the terminal I went at once to a telephone and contacted the Officer in Charge at The Citadel. Reporting my situation to him as best I could in three minutes, I received his assurance that the required arrangements would be made for my absence from the campus. Returning to the Eastern Airline desk I found that I was to be housed and fed in a nearby motel at the expense of Eastern Airline and that I would be sent on to Charleston at the first opportunity. The first flight to Charleston left Charlotte at 1250 March 29, 1965, and arrived Charleston at 1345 hours that same day. I reported in to Law Barracks guardroom at approximately 1430 hours March 29, 1965. It was for the above stated series of occurrences that I was absent reveille, the 29th of March.
3. The offense was unintentional.
28 April 1963
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “Intentionally late April,” D/L 26 April. class 24
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. Just as Mr. Johnson and I were stepping out of the sallyport at exactly 0800 hours we glanced toward the corner of Bond Hall and Number Four Barracks; there we saw Colonel Courvoisie standing by the mailbox, taking the names of all the cadets who passed him. As an almost involuntary reflex action, we ducked back in the sallyport to make an estimate of the situation. We realized that if Colonel Courvoisie caught us being late to class, he’d give us 5 demerits for this offense, which normally cal
ls for 2. Both of us had gotten 5 demerits from the Colonel for this very thing a few days before, and another 5 would have brought us up to 10, dangerously close to the cut off point. On the other hand, if we could have made it to class without the Colonel seeing us, the section marcher would have reported us late and we would have gotten the usual 2 demerits. At this time, Colonel Courvoisie started walking toward the sallyport; we retreated to the janitor’s room, hoping that he would walk past the sallyport and on to the hospital. Unfortunately, the Colonel walked into the barracks looking for us and a few others who had gone too far to give ourselves up and come out of this thing relatively unscathed, so we stood there hiding behind the door in the janitor’s room, hoping we would be able to slip past the Colonel and make it to class before we were ten minutes late, but with that feeling that we didn’t stand a chance to escape. We were right; Colonel Courvoisie walked right in the janitor’s room, found us, chewed us out, took our names, and booted us out of there. The whole thing was like stepping in quicksand—once we took the initial step, we couldn’t stop sinking.
3. The offense was intentional.
14 November 1963
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “Repeated Tardiness 5 November,” D/L 12 November
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. For the most part my tardiness took place during the first month of classes, from 12 September to 10 October. During this period of time I was afflicted with a frequent and almost overwhelming desire for sleep, especially in the mornings from after breakfast until 0800. Although I rarely succumbed to the temptation of the rack in these mornings, my struggles to resist the rack resulted in my acting with an unavoidable lack of haste. Consequently, when class call sounded I was often faced with the problem of deciding to either shave and be late to class or not to shave and be grossly on time. I always chose the former, and subsequently I was reported late to a preponderance of 0800 classes.
Retrospection leads me to the conclusion that the narcoleptic-like malady with which I was afflicted during the first month of school, with its inherent symptom of repeated tardiness, was a hangover from the habits I formed while attending summer school. It may be remembered that my tardiness in summer school has resulted in my being placed on Colonel Byrd’s list of the Top Ten Most Wanted Cadets. Realizing that this inglorious distinction in the Corps of Cadets can only lead to disastrous things, I have taken corrective action in order to improve my status. I have been reported late to only one class since 10 October. This class was not an 0800 class; as a matter of fact, it was an 1100 class to which I was on time. Unfortunately, I had a test in that class for which I had made little or no preparation. Instead of immediately entering the classroom, I lingered in the hall for a few minutes in order to pursue my notes; I got an 80 on the test, and a bonus of 10 demerits for being late. Again, retrospection has shown me that an 80 is not worth 10 demerits. It shall not occur again. I shall repent.
3. The offenses were unintentional.
23 September 1962
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “Officer of the Guard allowing ghost in barracks 17 September,” D/L 21 September
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is believed to be incorrect.
2. On the evening of Monday, 17 September 1962 at approximately 2330 hours, the Officer in Charge and the Junior Officer of the Day appeared at the front gate of Andrew B. Murray Barracks. While serving in the capacity of Officer of the Guard, I allowed them to enter the barracks. Upon proceeding to check late lights we were confronted with what appeared to be a ghost. Enrobed in a costume resembling an alb it minced backward towards the Bravo Company stairwell. As we approached the unsavory creature, it ascended the stairwell in such a manner that we were unable to continue our pursuit. The Officer in Charge and the Junior Officer of the Day then left the barracks. After the said incident the specter did not reappear.
In regard to the report one should examine more closely the psychic phenomena concerned. Men have not merely believed in ghosts, from the most ancient of days, but have claimed to have seen them. But are there really any ghosts? William James, the great American psychologist, was enthralled by the problem, but never reached any positive conclusion. The noted magician and escape artist, Harry Houdini, carried out a similar crusade up to the end of his life. The findings of various Societies for Psychical Research have never achieved any widespread acceptance either.
In search of the truth to the report, I consulted The Devil’s Dictionary which stated:
There is one insuperable obstacle to a belief in ghosts.
A ghost never comes naked; he appears either in a winding-sheet or “in his habit as he lived.” To believe in him, then, is to believe that not only have the dead the power to make themselves visible after there is nothing left of them, but that the same power inheres in textile fabrics.
In the light of this knowledge the apparition could have merely been one of several misplaced sheets suddenly hurled up in a gust of wind at a most untimely moment, since it is common knowledge that linen is often displaced on Monday mornings when the Corps of Cadets air their bedding. Such an incident could have quite possibly occurred on Monday, 17 September 1962.
On the other hand, one usually conceives of a ghost as a disembodied spirit of a dead person, unbound by any restrictions whatsoever. Under such circumstances any mortal would be completely defenseless in trying to keep a ghost out of the barracks, as well as any other place on campus. Such an omnipotent creature could freely come and go through the walls, windows, doors, and gates of the barracks, not to mention the more novel approach of leaping over the fourth division onto the quadrangle.
Deducting, however, from his choice of retreating via the stairwell rather than materializing vertically above the quadrangle and then disappearing, and from various campus rumors, I have come to believe that the said ghost was perhaps no more than a “wolf in ‘lamb’s’ clothing.”
3. The offense was unintentional.
12 March 1964
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report, “Two minutes late returning General Leave,” D/L 11 March
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. While being called by one of man’s most inborn instincts, that of being loved, the hour of doom when all Boo-fearing cadets turn into pumpkins began its evil approach sooner than I had scheduled my evening to be completed. Realizing my liberty was in jeopardy, I quickly (but quite efficiently) concluded my affair and with all due godspeed, my fair damsel clinging to my neck, took leave of her most hospitable abode and made for my chariot. Alas and alack, my chariot would not start, for the death of its prized battery, overworked and sternly overlooked in the annual chariot check at The Fortress.
Push as she did, (for I deigned to soil my proud uniform), my lass could not conjure the strength to attain the proper speed. “Oh, woe is me,” thought I, but low and behold to my aid in that moment of crisis came her chivalrous and valorous father, and with a push from his wife’s mighty back (for he, too, deigned to soil his proud uniform) started yon chariot, and with a final kiss from my fair damsel off went I into the gloom of the night only to enter The Fortress gates into the understanding and benevolent arms of the Officer in Charge, alas, two blissful minutes late.
For my fate I now wait in dire anxiety and surely no matter what my sanction, I shall fiercely face my penalty.
3. The offense was unintentional.
23 March 1964
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “Talking at parade,” D/L 21 March 1964
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct, I think.
2. Hardly does a parade pass each week that I don’t have something to say at one time or another. However, I’m sure that the date of the infraction in question is the parade which was held on March 13th which was the first day of Corps Day Weekend. I will not attempt to deny that I sinned, however, I’m sure t
hat my comment was only said at a whisper and it could not have been heard by all the parents and guests who were attending this function. It is hard to refrain from saying something at a parade at which many of our beloved ones are watching. Nevertheless, since this parade was in celebration of our 121st birthday and since this was the parade at which I sinned, I please ask for a birthday present in this case, i.e., no demerits.
3. The offense was unintentional but the talking was intentional.
27 November 1963
SUBJECT: EXPLANATION OF REPORT: “Unauthorized persons in barracks 16 November,” D/L 26 November.
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.
2. On the weekend of the offense I was amazed to receive a surprise visit from two friends which I had made at summer camp. They had driven to The Citadel all the way from Connecticut in order to witness with their own eyes the wonder of The Citadel. Being tired, confused, and innocent of the ways of the big city of Charleston, I could not turn them loose into the claws of Charleston. Furthermore, being young Second Lieutenants on their way to branch school, they had no money to spare. Thus it was in the finest tradition of The Citadel that I exhibited The Citadel Code (page 78, 1963 Guidon).
“… to exhibit good manners on all occasions,” and
“… to be generous and helpful to others and to endeavor to refrain them from wrong doing.”
If I had turned them out into the cold, cruel, bitter night of Charleston, who knows what “wrong-doings” and vices their pure hearts would have been subjected to.
3. Thus it was purely an unselfish act which I committed, upheld in the finest tradition of The Citadel, for their safety, and for the good name of this school.
4. The offense was intentional.
18 May 1966
SUBJECT: Explanation of Report: “Failure to sign restrictions 13 May,” D/L 16 May.
TO: The Commandant of Cadets.
1. The report is correct.