That night, my nightmares were relentless and full of cows with red eyes, rivers of blood, and water that rose around me until I woke up gasping. I pushed the blanket off me and wiped my clammy forehead, afraid I’d woken my mother, but she was still asleep.
Even though I didn’t sleep well, I couldn’t take the next day off. It was my first day at Eden High, which was a brick building that looked more like a large barn than a school. There were hardly enough students to bother building one in the first place, let alone keep it running. Enrolling had been my mother’s idea; after I’d missed my senior year to take care of her, she was determined to make sure I graduated.
I drove my car into the parking lot two minutes after the first bell rang. Mom had gotten sick that morning, and I didn’t trust the nurse, a round, matronly woman named Sofia, to take care of her properly. Not that there was anything particularly menacing about her, but I’d spent most of the past four years caring for my mother, and as far as I was concerned, no one else could do it right. I’d nearly skipped to stay home with her, but my mother had insisted I go. As difficult as the day had been so far, I was certain it was about to get worse.
At least I wasn’t alone in the walk of shame through the parking lot. Halfway to the building, I noticed a boy following me. He couldn’t have been old enough to drive, and his white-blond hair stuck out almost as much as his overgrown ears did. Judging from his cheery expression, he couldn’t have cared less that he was late.
He dashed forward to reach the front door before I did, and much to my surprise, he held it open for me. I couldn’t think of a single guy at my old school who would’ve done that.
“After you, mademoiselle.”
Mademoiselle? I stared at the ground to avoid giving him an odd look. No use in being rude the first day.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, stepping inside and walking faster. He was taller than me though, and he caught up in no time. Much to my horror, instead of passing me, he slowed so we were walking together.
“Do I know you?”
Oh, God. Did he expect me to answer? Luckily, he didn’t seem to, as he didn’t give me a chance to respond.
“I don’t know you.”
Brilliant observation, Einstein.
“I should know you.”
Right outside the office, he swung around, placing himself between me and the entrance. Sticking out a hand, he looked at me expectantly.
“I’m James,” he said, and I finally got a good look at his face. Still boyish, but maybe he was older than I thought. His features were hardened, more mature than I’d expected. “James MacDuffy. Laugh, and I’ll be forced to hate you.”
Seeing no other choice, I forced a small smile and took his hand. “Kate Winters.”
He stared at me for longer than was strictly necessary, a goofy grin on his face. As the seconds ticked by, I stood there, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, and finally I cleared my throat.
“Er—could you maybe…?”
“What? Oh.” James dropped my hand and opened the door, once again holding it open for me. “After you, Kate Winters.”
I stepped inside, drawing my messenger bag closer. Inside the office was a woman dressed head to toe in blue, with sleek auburn hair I’d have given my right foot to have.
“Hi, I’m—”
“—Kate Winters,” interrupted James, falling into place next to me. “I don’t know her.”
The receptionist managed to simultaneously sigh and laugh. “What is it this time, James?”
“Flat tire.” He grinned. “Changed it myself.”
She scribbled on a pink pad of paper, then tore off the sheet and handed it to him. “You walk.”
“Do I?” His grin widened. “Y’know, Irene, if you keep doubting me like this, I’m going to start thinking you don’t like me anymore. Same time tomorrow?”
She chuckled, and finally James disappeared. I refused to watch him go, instead staring down at an announcement taped to the counter. Apparently Picture Day was in three weeks.
“Katherine Winters,” said the woman—Irene—once the office door closed. “We’ve been expecting you.”
She busied herself looking through a file, and I stood there awkwardly, wishing there was something to say. I wasn’t much of a talker, but I could at least carry on a conversation. Sometimes. “You have a pretty name.”
She raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows. “Do I? I’m glad you think so. I rather like it myself. Ah, here we go.” She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. “Your schedule, as well as a map of the school. Shouldn’t be too hard to find—the hallways are color-coded, and if you get lost, just ask. We’re all nice enough around here.”
I nodded, taking note of my first class. Calculus. Joy. “Thanks.”
“Anytime, dear.”
I turned to leave, but as my hand touched the doorknob, she cleared her throat.
“Miss Winters? I just—I wanted to say I’m sorry. About your mother, I mean. I knew her a very long time ago, and—well. I’m very sorry.”
I closed my eyes. Everyone knew. I didn’t know how, but they knew. My mother said her family had lived in Eden for generations, and I’d been stupid to think that I could get away with coming here unnoticed.
Blinking back tears, I turned the knob and hurried out of the office, keeping my head down in hopes that James wouldn’t try to talk to me again.
Just as I turned the corner, I ran directly into what felt like a wall. I stumbled to the ground, the contents of my bag spilling out everywhere. My cheeks burned, and I tried to collect my things as I mumbled an apology.
“Are you okay?”
I looked up. The human wall stared down at me, and I found myself face-to-face with a varsity football jacket. Apparently James and I weren’t the only ones running late that morning.
“I’m Dylan.” He knelt next to me, offering me a hand. I only took it long enough to sit up.
“Kate,” I said. He handed me my notebooks, and I snatched them from him, shoving them back into my bag. Two textbooks and five folders later, I stood and brushed off my jeans. That was when I noticed that he was cute. Not just in Eden, but cute by New York standards, too. Even so, there was something about the way he looked at me that made me want to pull away.
Before I could do just that, a pretty blonde girl attached herself to his side and gave me a once-over. She might’ve been smiling, but with the way she was leaning against him and clutching his arm, she might as well have peed on him. He was clearly marked territory.
“Who’s your friend, Dylan?” she said, tightening her grip.
Dylan looked at her blankly, and it took him a moment before he wrapped his arm around her. “Uh, Kate. She’s new.”
Her fake smile grew, and she stuck out her hand. “Kate! I’m Ava. I’ve heard so much about you. My father, he’s a real estate agent, told me all about you and your mom.”
At least now I had someone to blame for the leak in my room. “Hi, Ava,” I said, biting the bullet and taking her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Everything about the way she looked at me screamed she wanted nothing more than to take me out into the woods and bury me alive. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, too.”
“What’s your first class?” said Dylan, craning his neck to look at my schedule. “Calculus. I—we can show you where that is, if you’d like.”
I opened my mouth to object, figuring there was no reason to tempt fate more than I already was by continuing the conversation now that Ava was here, but before I could say a word, he took me by the elbow and paraded me down the hall. I looked at Ava, about to apologize for hijacking her boyfriend, but when I saw the flush of red on her cheeks and the clench of her delicate jaw, the words died on the tip of my tongue.
Maybe my mother would outlive me after all.
CHAPTER 2
AVA
I wasn’t spectacularly pretty. I wished I was, but I was just me. I’d never modeled, never had guys
drooling over me, and never looked like much of anything next to the genetically blessed socialites that attended my preparatory school back home.
Which was why I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Dylan was still staring at me.
He stared at me all through History, all through Chemistry, and all through lunch. I ate alone at the empty end of a table, my nose buried in a book, not wanting to bother with making friends. I wasn’t going to be here for very long anyhow, so there wasn’t much of a point. Once this was over, I had every intention of going back to New York City and picking up what few pieces of my former life I’d be able to find.
Besides, I was used to eating lunch alone. I hadn’t had many friends back home either, since my mother had gotten sick at the beginning of my freshman year, and I’d spent all my time outside of school camped out next to her hospital bed as she went through round after round of chemo and radiation. It hadn’t left much time for sleepovers and dating and hanging out with people who couldn’t possibly understand what we were going through.
“Is this seat taken?”
Startled, I looked up, half expecting to see Dylan standing there. Instead, carrying a cafeteria tray full of french fries and wearing a huge pair of headphones that hid his elephant ears, James stared back at me, a jaunty grin on his face. I didn’t know whether to be horrified or relieved.
Silently I shook my head, but it didn’t matter anyway. He was already sitting. I stared at my book, trying my best to avoid looking at him in hopes he would go away. But the words blurred in front of me, and I read the same sentence four times, too aware of James to concentrate.
“Technically, you’re in my seat,” he said conversationally. Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a full-size bottle of ketchup, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head as I abandoned all pretense of reading. Who carried around a bottle of ketchup?
He must’ve seen my look, because as he squirted it all over the massive pile of fries, he nudged the tray closer to me. “Want some?”
I shook my head. I had an apple and a sandwich, but the arrival of James made me a little queasy. It wasn’t that I didn’t think he might be a sweet kid—I just wanted to be left alone. As an excuse to avoid talking to him, I took a bite of my apple, taking my time as I chewed. James started to dive into his fries, and for a few brief seconds, I hoped the conversation was over.
“Dylan’s staring at you,” he said, and before I could swallow and make it clear I wanted nothing to do with Dylan, James nodded to something behind me. “Incoming.”
I frowned and twisted around, but Dylan was still sitting across the cafeteria. It didn’t take long for me to see what he was talking about though. Ava was heading straight toward us.
“Great,” I muttered, dropping my apple onto a napkin. Was it really too much to ask that I get through my senior year unscathed? And if that really was so impossible, couldn’t I at least have a day to settle before all of the drama started?
“Kate?” Ava’s high-pitched voice was unmistakable. I sighed inwardly and forced myself to turn around, plastering an innocent smile on my face.
“Oh, hi—Ava, right?”
The corner of her lips twitched. I bet no one had ever asked for her name twice before.
“Right!” she said, her voice dripping with fake enthusiasm. “I’m so glad you remembered. Listen, I wanted to ask—do you have plans for tomorrow night?”
Other than scrub bedpans, change my mother’s sheets, and measure out her medication for the following week? “I’ve got a few things going on. Why?”
She sniffed haughtily, but then seemed to remember that she was trying to play nice. “We’re all having a bonfire in the woods—it’s a pep rally, sort of, except it’s not…well, you know. School-sponsored.” She giggled and tucked a lock of blond hair behind her ear. “Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to come. I thought it might be a nice way for you to meet everyone.” Glancing over her shoulder at a long table full of jocks, she grinned. “I know a few of them are really eager to meet you.”
Was that what this was about? She wanted to find me a boyfriend so Dylan would leave me alone? “I don’t date.”
Ava’s mouth dropped open. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Why not?”
I shrugged and glanced at James, who seemed to be determined not to look at Ava as he built an elaborate teepee made of fries. He wasn’t going to be any help.
“Listen,” said Ava, dropping her fake act. “It’s just a party. Once everyone meets you, they’ll stop staring at you. It’s no big deal. Just an hour or whatever, and then you won’t have to do it again. I’ll even help you with hair and makeup and stuff—you can borrow one of my dresses, if they’re not too small.”
Did she even realize she’d just insulted me? I tried to refuse, but she kept going.
“Please,” she said, her voice cracking with sincerity. “Don’t make me beg. I know it’s probably not what you’re used to in New York, but it’ll be fun, I promise.”
I eyed her as she gave me a helpless, pleading look. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll stay for an hour. But I don’t need your makeup or your dresses, and after this, you leave me alone, all right?”
Her smile was back, and this time it wasn’t fake. “Deal. I’ll be at your place at seven.”
After I scribbled down my address on a napkin, Ava sauntered back to her table, her hips swaying outrageously as virtually every male eye turned her way. I glared at James, who was still focused on building that ridiculous hut. “Some help you are.”
“You seemed like you were handling it.”
“Yeah, well, thanks for throwing me to the wolves.” I reached over and took a fry from the plate, making sure it was the one that was holding up the structure. It came toppling down, but James didn’t seem to mind. Instead he popped another fry into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully.
“Well,” he said once he’d swallowed. “Seems you’ve officially made a date with the devil.”
I groaned.
As I walked to my car after the last bell had rung, James caught up with me, music blasting from the headphones that hung off his neck, but at least he was silent. I was still annoyed he hadn’t stepped in and helped me with Ava, so I waited until I’d reached my car to acknowledge him.
“Did I drop something?” I said, unable to think of any other way to make myself clearer. I didn’t want to talk to him.
“What? No, of course not. If you did, I’d give it back.” His bewilderment confused me. Did he really not understand?
I lingered with my key in the lock, wondering how long this was going to last. Was it just for today, or did I have to wait for my status as a new curiosity to wear off? I’d been stared at all day long, but no one but James, Dylan and Ava had approached me. I wasn’t surprised. They’d all known each other since diapers, and they’d carved out their groups since kindergarten, more than likely. I had no place here. I knew it, they knew it, and that was perfectly fine with me.
“I don’t date.”
The words came out before I could stop myself, but now that I’d said them, I had to keep going.
“Even back home, I didn’t date. I just—I don’t. It’s nothing personal. I’m not making excuses. I really mean it—I don’t date.”
Instead of looking disappointed or crestfallen, James stared at me with wide blue eyes and a blank expression. As the seconds ticked by, I felt my cheeks grow warm. Apparently dating me had been the last thing on his mind.
“I think you’re pretty.”
I blinked. Or maybe not.
“But you’re at least an eight, and I’m a four. We’re not allowed to date. Society says so.”
Eyeing him, I tried to figure out if he was being serious. He didn’t look like he was kidding, and he was staring at me again, like he expected some sort of answer other than a snort.
“An eight?” I blurted. It was the only thing I could come up with.
>
“Maybe a nine, if you put on some makeup. But I like eights. Eights don’t let it go to their heads. Nines do. And tens don’t know how to be anything other than tens—like Ava.”
He was serious. I turned the key in the lock, wishing I had a cell phone so I could pretend someone was calling me. “Well…thanks, I guess.”
“You’re welcome.” He paused. “Kate? Can I ask you something?”
I bit my lip to stop myself from pointing out that he already had. “Sure, shoot.”
“What’s wrong with your mother?”
I froze, and my stomach churned. I didn’t say anything for several moments, but he still waited for an answer.
My mother. Her illness was the last thing I wanted to talk about. It seemed wrong to spread it around, like I was somehow spreading her around as well. And selfishly I wanted to keep her to myself for these last few days, weeks, months—however much time I had left with her, I wanted it to be just her and me. She wasn’t a freak show they could stare at or some piece of gossip they could whisper back and forth, and I wouldn’t let them do that to her. I wouldn’t let them taint her memory like that.
James leaned against my car, and I saw a flicker of sympathy in his eyes. I hated being pitied. “How long does she have?”
I swallowed. For someone with zero social skills, he could read me like a damn book. Or maybe I really was that obvious. “The doctors gave her six months to live when I was a freshman.” I clutched my car keys so hard that the metal cut into my skin. The pain was a welcome distraction, but it wasn’t enough to make the lump in my throat disappear. “She’s been hanging on for a really long time.”
“And now she’s ready.”
I nodded numbly. My hands were shaking.
“Are you?”
The air around us seemed unnaturally heavy for September. When I focused on James again, racking my brain for something to say that would make him leave before I started crying, I realized that nearly all of the other cars had left.
James reached around me and opened the door. “Are you all right to drive home?”