I was so completely sorry. “Zach, I wanted you to go home.”
I spoke to no one.
Zach didn’t get to go home. We’d lost him. Another death from Sandler Cartel. Another soul lost.
I woke to the pinging from my tablet. It had been going off for a minute, according to the readout, and I simply hadn’t heard it. My eyes were blurry, my head fuzzy, and I’d been asleep for no more than two hours. Alertness washed through me, and I sat up straight. They were getting ready to travel through time. They needed me.
I threw on my purple scrubs and ran out the door. It was six at night, and people were crowded around the Mess. I ran past them without stopping. I’d forgotten my coat, and so I was relieved the door swung open when I reached the compound. Jackson must have coded me in. I was grateful. I’d have to go get a coat if I was going to wait outside.
I ran down the hall stopping fast as soon as I saw Canyon. He grabbed on to my shoulders. “Waverly.”
“Canyon. Am I holding you up?”
He shook his head. “Not at all. I think they thought to give you an hour. You were crying earlier. I heard you.”
“I…” It had to be ridiculously hard to get through the day hearing everything that everyone did. “I’m sorry.”
He turned his head slightly to the side, and the light hit his eyeballs. There was a strange glint. I refused to stare. Maybe he had something wrong with his eyes.
“I can’t see people. You all look like heat signatures to me. Technology I can see perfectly. It was an alteration they made in my eyes.”
The things he and Rohan had been through, no one should have to endure. “I’m so sorry that you went through that.”
“You apologize for crying when I eavesdropped on you doing it, and you apologize for my eyes, again not something you are responsible for.” He tilted his head do the side. “Why do you do this?”
I was too tired for this conversation. “I just do.”
Jackson poked his head around the corner. “Rohan said you were here. I didn’t see you. Are you okay? I know we woke you. I’m sorry about that.” He walked toward us. “Were you crying? Your eyes are all puffy.”
“She was.” Canyon stepped away from me. “For an hour.”
Jackson’s face was steel. “What happened?”
I strode into the room. I really didn’t want to talk about it, not unless they all wanted to see me crying again. “One of my patients died.”
“Oh no. I’m sorry.” Jackson tugged me against his side. “That’s awful.”
Ari walked into the room from the Med Bay. “I heard. There wasn’t a thing you or the doctor could have done. It was too far.” He tugged me out of Jackson’s embrace, and I oomphed into a hug with Ari.
“Hey,” Jackson snapped. “Watch it.”
Ari seemed to ignore him. “It hurts. Every time it hurts.”
I appreciated that he cared, but I was holding it together by a thin thread. “I can’t lose it now. I’m tired and overdone.”
Ari squeezed once more before letting me go. “I get it.”
“So,” I said, digging up a smile for all of them, including Rohan who watched me from across the room. “You’re all getting ready to go. Where are you going? Can I know?”
Jackson stormed past us, shooting Ari a look I couldn’t interpret. “We’re going into Sandler Cartel headquarters. Going to do some snooping.”
That sounded dangerous. “What will happen if you get caught? I mean, how do you manage not to end up showing up in the middle of a gathering of generals?”
It was Canyon who answered. “So far, the scanner seems to put us in closets and empty rooms. It’s always a risk. But it seems to scan, so to speak. And pick. We enter timing and location. It sends us to the best possible location within those parameters.”
“There’s always a risk,” Rohan answered. “The trick is not to get killed. If we don’t die, eight hours later we come back regardless of where they have us.”
Jackson winced. “Yeah, that happened once. Rohan was all tied up. Then boom, back here. Ari cut the ropes off him.”
Rohan climbed on the medical bed. It struck me right then that none of the scientists were there. It was as though when it came down to it, they didn’t have anything to do with this part of the time travel operation. It came down to these four guys and now me, in the small role I would play.
Ari got onto his med table. “Waverly, remember what I told you. It’s very important that you get whatever information we give you in the first two minutes. When we come back from the quasi-delirious state, some of the details will have faded.”
“Our side needs this information, so we get it for them.” Jackson took his place.
Canyon entered the room and sat between Rohan and Jackson. “See you soon, Waverly.”
Rohan leaned over and took the scanner in his hands. It made a whooshing sound, glowed green, and then buzzed. I’d never seen it on before. Fear settled in the base of my spine. This had been hypothetical right until this moment. And now it was utterly terrifying.
What they did… it had never been done before.
Rohan passed it to Canyon. The scanner turned green again. My breath caught in my throat. Jackson took it from Canyon. Green. My hands were sweaty. Ari shrugged and took the scanner from Jackson. “Are we having fun yet?”
Pop.
All four of them were gone, the scanner with them.
One second they were there, and the next they just weren’t. This was real. This was actually happening. My knees threatened to give out, and I sat down on a chair across the room. Eight hours. I hit a button on my tablet, telling it to buzz me in seven hours and forty-five minutes.
There really wasn’t anything for me to do until then except stand here and obsess about the fact they had popped out of the room. To some unknown Sandler Cartel location. They weren’t just traveling through time, they were traveling through space.
I pulled my knees up to my chest.
At some point, my day caught up to me, and despite the fact I was in an uncomfortable chair, sitting up, I fell asleep, deeply.
I dreamed, which I didn’t always do.
I ran through my childhood home. My father was close on my heels. He called my named, over and over. I cried out for my mother, for help, but no one came. He’d divorced my mother when I was two. He never wanted to breed with her again so that he couldn’t end up with another child who looked like me, but he still came to visit twice a year.
We could never figure out why. If his first four children were so perfect, why didn’t he stay with them?
I’d made a mistake. A big one. I’d told him that I didn’t want him to come around anymore. I didn’t like how he made Mama cry. He’d picked up a fork and started beating me with it. I ran from the table. He chased. I was six.
I jolted awake. My heart was in my throat, my ears ringing. I knew how that memory ended. He’d really hurt me. That was the first of many serious beatings I would take at his hands. My mother died shortly following the incident. He had to deal with me more regularly, and I had learned how to avoid his beatings.
Sometimes.
My head pounded, and my mouth was dry. I’d slept a long time in the chair, and I made myself get up. My alarm was going to go off any minute. I’d really conked out. I couldn’t remember ever sleeping in a chair before. On the floor, yes. When my father had taken me prisoner and then sold me to men who were going to put me on a marriage block, I’d slept on the floor a lot. I might prefer the floor. Stiffness made it hard for me to move my neck.
I stretched as best I could without making things worse. My body would unstiffen if I somehow managed not to injure myself again in the meantime. I opened shelves and drawers. Whoever had stocked this place had basically followed my organization system in the other Med Bay. It was probably Ari. I’d really gotten the others who worked there used to managing things my way.
I was ready. I bounced on my feet, waking up my body. I needed coffe
e, but I wouldn’t get any in time to be back when they returned. I just had to wake up. I ran to the sink and splashed water on my face. It helped. The next time I came here, I was going to bring a coffeemaker. I’d replicate one with my rations. That way, this situation would never be repeated. Maybe I’d also ask for a cot.
The minutes passed, then suddenly a pop echoed in the room. A few seconds later, all four were back. The whole thing would be like a giant magic trick if I didn’t know it was some kind of amazing science I’d never understand.
I scanned them quickly. All four of them moaned, and it was an unpleasant sound. The traveling around must hurt. They were physically sound.
“Talk to me,” I spoke to the room. Whoever wanted to speak first could go right ahead.
Jackson nodded. “Tell Tommy there are four hundred ships, but most of them are dinged. They’re not fully repairing in between battles. Painting and banging out holes to look stronger than they are. The engines are shitty.”
“He intends to head for Earth as soon as the quadrant is cleared. He thinks his ten fleet holding ships will get the job done. They should target those. He’s got no ability to take on Earth without them.” Rohan’s voice sounded scratchy. I stared up at the readings coming into the med machine. Blood pressure was high, but Ari had said to expect that. Otherwise, they were fine except for some serious brainwave activity above and beyond normal on all of them.
Rohan was thirsty. I grabbed some water and handed it to him. If he had two minutes he had to do it quickly. “Drink.”
Canyon sat back on his elbows. “Tell C.J. their systems show they have three people embedded here in our engineering department. Jackson would deal with it, but he’s going to go under. Otherwise we’re clear.”
Finally, Ari added. “They have different intel on Evander than we do. It’s bad, Waverly. They’re experimenting on people in the Dark Planets. They’re going to have to be stopped.”
My heart was in my throat. I grabbed the tablet. I sent the message to Tommy.
“Rohan, who do you want me to tell about the quadrant?” He hadn’t specifically said, and I didn’t see Makenna as an option.
He rubbed his eyes. “Sterling.”
“See, I told you: stressful but not hard.” Ari laughed. It was a strange sound. What was funny? Their brainwaves were really altering. This had to be the delirium coming on. Okay, now I was on.
I sent out the messages. The guys had gone quiet. In fact, they looked like they were sleeping. Maybe this would be easier than I’d imagined. Ari hadn’t said, but perhaps they’d just sleep through the whole thing and…
They all started talking at once. They’d start. They’d stop. I darted around. Who needed my attention the most right at that second? I’d give it to them. My heart was in my throat.
Jackson jumped up. His pupils were huge. “The snow kills more people than the Queen’s forces.”
I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I expected I wouldn’t, considering he was in the midst of a hallucination. “I imagine in very cold places, that would be true.”
I grabbed a washcloth and pressed it to the back of his neck. Vaguely, I could remember my mom doing that once when I had been sick. It had felt nice. Jackson wasn’t feverish, but maybe it would help just the same.
He nodded at me. “Why does it always have to be so cold, Waverly? Why can’t I ever have it warm?”
Okay, so maybe not the cold washcloth. I took that away. Instead, I grabbed a blanket from the cabinets to my left. “Let’s see if we can make you warm, now.”
After helping him back to the bed, I tucked him in and that seemed to settle him. He dug down into the blankets, going quiet. I hoped wherever he’d gone in his head, he wasn’t cold.
Canyon grabbed my arm. Like Jackson, his pupils were huge. “I can’t see color except when I come back here. The universe is filled with colors. Purple. Green. I think those are the colors. I never saw them, not really. I don’t know. I’m not sure.”
I took his hand in mine. “What else does it look like?”
“Swirls. Colors.” He shook his head. “I can’t…”
I wasn’t sure what he couldn’t do. Like Jackson, he stopped speaking. Canyon couldn’t see colors, and Jackson was always cold. These were secrets I’d keep to myself forever. I made sure Canyon was settled.
Ari rolled over onto his side. His eyes looked the same as the other two.
“My father used to beat my mother. We never told anyone.” He sounded so sad. “He’d smack the crap out of her, and then we’d all pretend it didn’t happen. Until I was fifteen, then I beat the shit out of him. I had to leave after that. I used to worry he’d have one of his friends kill me.”
I leaned toward him. “My father used to beat my mother. I know how hard that is. He used to beat me, too.”
Ari blinked rapidly. “I’ll kill him.”
“Okay.” I shook my head. “We can both give that a try. We might have to get in line.”
He faded off after that which left only Rohan. He sat straight up in the bed, grabbing my arm, hard. He’d probably leave a mark. I winced. Ari’d had to sedate Rohan, and I really hoped I wasn’t going to have to.
He whispered in my ear. “They’re here. They’re in the shadows. I can’t see them. Only Canyon could and he’s not here. So we have to be very careful. They’re going to jump out, Waverly. And I’m going to do my best, but I’m going to fail. You have to get away. I have to see you get away, okay? I have to…”
I put my hands on the sides of his face. “I’ll get away. If you lie down and relax, okay?”
He pointed to the side of the room. “They’re in the shadows.”
“I’ll be careful.”
He nodded and did as I asked.
When I was satisfied no one was going to hurt themselves, I sat back down in my chair and waited. My hands tingled and my gaze kept turning to the clock on my tablet. One hour and then they’d rouse to be moved. I’d never had an experience quite like this, and I’d always be grateful I didn’t have to travel through time myself.
What must it be like to lose control of your own mind?
Jackson came back to himself first, and I guided him to his room. He managed to walk on his own, although I was prepared to catch him if needed. At the very least, I was pretending I could manage that. These guys were all much bigger than me. If they fell, I’d be in trouble. Maybe I needed a rolling chair.
He crawled into his bed, muttering thanks, and was asleep before his head hit the pillow—or so it seemed. His medical readings on my tablet, which I’d uploaded, showed he was in a dream state. Not the zigzagged, odd jumping around his brainwaves had done when he’d been going through his hour of delirium. I wasn’t sure that was the right word. It was more like he’d somehow reset his consciousness.
Ari was next, which surprised me because he hadn’t been the first to speak to me when he wasn’t in his right mind.
He crawled into his bed and turned to me. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m not the patient here.” Doctors were the worst to treat. “Turn off your head. Sleep.”
Ari dug his face down into the pillow. “I hate the dark, Waverly. The monsters come.”
For Ari, that had to be very real. My father had done this to him, had poisoned the mind of his own nephew. Not that I should be surprised. Dad had tried to destroy his own sons and me as well. He’d had a bastard son he’d driven mad with jealousy and power. Who knew what he was doing to my younger sisters? Ari wasn’t blood related to him, so what did Sandler care?
“No monsters tonight. You did well. You made it back. Sleep.” I pressed my hand on the back of his shoulder.
He said something and then seemed to fall into a deep sleep. That’s what his readings said, anyway. I stayed there watching him for a long moment. His blond hair fell around his shoulders. He had it tied behind his neck most of the time. He was so silent in sleep. Ari had to be around Tommy’s age, which would put him somewhere ar
ound 27 years old. I sometimes forgot he wasn’t that much older than me.
Five years. His eyes were old, like he saw nothing but pain. My heart broke for him. He was a beautiful man who took care of everyone around him. I wanted to be a good friend to him. I wanted to be part of the lives of the four guys whose secret ramblings I would take to the grave with me.
By the time I made it back to the room, both of the Super Soldiers were sitting up on their beds. Rohan moaned. “Did I hurt anyone?”
“No.” I helped him get down. “Of course not. Come on, let’s get you both up so you can help each other get back to your rooms.”
Rohan nodded. “Thank you, Waverly.”
Canyon was silent, but he put a gentle hand on my back.
Yes, I really did want to be part of their group here in whatever way I could be, which was probably on the outskirts since I couldn’t travel through time. Rohan collapsed on his bed, mumbling thanks again.
Canyon wandered around his room, holding onto the side of the bedpost for a second before he got into it. “Were you okay? While you waited?”
I smiled at him. “Perfectly fine. I slept in the chair. Don’t worry about me.”
“Hmm,” he said, crawling under his covers. “See you later.”
I thought about what he’d said, how he couldn’t see colors, but he could when he traveled through time and space. I wondered if he liked it. This was clearly exhausting for all of them, but maybe somewhere deep inside, he enjoyed the experience.
I might ask him someday when we knew each other better.
They had thirty hours to sleep now. Ari had said I was done, but weren’t they going to be starving? This was a long time considering that Rohan told me that he, for one, ate every six hours when he was awake. They had to be ravenous upon waking. I hated to snoop, but I opened Canyon’s refrigerator. The contents—a bottle of water, some kind of chicken that I was going to throw out because it had seen better days, and a small bar of chocolate—were as sad as what I kept in mine.