He focused his attention on the door, but nothing happened. His braces weren’t swirling—not even a little.
“That’s weird. My tech isn’t working.”
He scanned the room and spotted a bright orange device mounted on the wall. “What’s that?”
The Hyena climbed up on her cot to eye the device closer. “This is an EMP transmitter—an electromagnetic pulse device. It shuts off electronics.”
“That means no braces.”
“So you’re just a normal kid?”
“Aside from my incredible good looks and amazing athletic ability, yes. I’m totally normal.”
“We’ve got to get out of here, Jackson,” the Hyena said.
“Got any good ideas?”
She sat next to him. “Not a one. Some superassassin I turned out to be.”
“Yeah, I know how you feel. I’m like the worst secret agent in the history of secret agents.”
“All I ever wanted to do was kill people,” the Hyena said sadly. “I’m going to be the laughingstock of the union.”
Jackson smiled. “You say you’re a killer, and you dress like one, but you act more like a hero to me.”
“Just when I was starting to like you.” She sighed.
“So, if you want to kill people, why didn’t you kill Munoz?” Jackson said. “You had the perfect opportunity.”
“It was his little girl. She loved him so much. They reminded me of me and my father, before he died,” she said.
“My mother died last year,” Jackson said.
“I’m sorry. You must miss her. I miss my father a lot. He used to call me Giggles,” she said, then paused. “If you tell anyone that, I will murder you.”
Jackson swore he’d keep her secret.
“He was a helicopter pilot—used to fly rich people around, and sometimes he’d take me. He taught me how to get one into the air. I was nearly as good as he was. But he didn’t make a lot of money, and when he was gone there wasn’t much left. Our lives became about survival. We started entering beauty pageants to make money, but really they kept us just busy enough so that we wouldn’t have to talk about him.”
“Where’s your mom now?”
“She moved from people to dogs. She won the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show last year,” the Hyena said. She sounded bitter. “She’s got a West Highland white terrier named Daisy. You should see how she treats her. You would think Daisy was a person.”
Butch flashed in Jackson’s mind. “I think I understand.”
“Ugh, we’re becoming friends, aren’t we?” the Hyena said.
“I’m afraid so,” Jackson said.
Suddenly, the door opened and in walked Dr. Jigsaw.
“Am I interrupting something?” he said.
The friends were on their feet in a flash. “What have you done with my team?” Jackson demanded.
“Oh, you mean the NERDS and the dashing Agent Brand and the weirdo who dresses like a lady? Don’t worry. They’re safe and sound. In fact, they’ve got front-row seats to the recreation of the world. Despite the fact that they came here to stop my plan, I’m taking pity on them and letting them watch the show.”
“You’re a screwball,” the Hyena said. “You’re going to kill billions of people for a silly jigsaw puzzle.”
“You have no appreciation of order and beauty,” Jigsaw said as a loud siren blasted Jackson’s ears. “Oh, there’s the alarm. My machine is almost ready to use again, which means it’s time to put my silly puzzle back together. You two stay here. You don’t get to watch the show.”
Jigsaw left the room in a huff and slammed the door behind him.
“OK. We have to get out of here, now!” the Hyena cried.
“I agree,” Jackson said as he got down on his haunches and peered at the tiny hole in the door. “But how are we going to get out of here? Think! I’ve seen those James Bond movies. How would he get out of this?”
“He’d use his laser watch or his exploding bow tie,” the Hyena said. “You got either of those?”
“Not the tie,” Jackson said as he tapped his watch, but it was as dead as his braces. “And the EMP is fudging the laser watch.”
Jackson scanned the room for anything that might help. What he needed was something small and metallic, something that he could use to pick the lock. He went back to his cot and tossed the sheets and pillows onto the floor. Lifting the thin mattress, he spotted some rusty springs that might have worked, but were impossible for him to break off the cot. As he tossed everything back onto the bed, one of the pillowcases got caught on the end of his headgear. He tugged on it, but it was caught tight. Jackson unfastened the metal headgear from his bicuspids, removed the protective chinstrap, and tugged at the fabric until it was free. It was then that an idea came to him. Of course! His headgear might just be what he needed.
He bent the gear so he could get it into the lock. When he recalled how it had painfully twisted and turned his teeth, he felt an odd sense of revenge. When it was twisted into shape, he knelt down to the keyhole.
He had seen people pick locks on TV and in movies, but he had never done it himself. He wasn’t sure that locks could be picked at all. Still, he had to try. He gingerly inserted an end of the headgear into the lock and jiggled it back and forth, hoping to turn the lock’s internal machinery.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” the Hyena asked.
“Not really,” Jackson said. There was an odd click and he looked up at his partner. “I think I’m getting somewhere.”
Then he was hit with a powerful jolt of electricity. It shot up through his headgear and knocked him backward across the room.
He tasted metal in his mouth, and his head felt like it had spent an afternoon inside a toaster oven.
“What happened?” Jackson asked.
“The lock must be electrified,” the Hyena said as she helped him to his feet. “Here, let me try.”
Jackson shook his head. “No! One of the things the team said about me was that I was worthless without the upgrades. They told me I lacked imagination and didn’t use my brain. Well, they were wrong. I’m going to get us out of this room using my wits and my stubbornness. A little zap of electricity isn’t going to stop me.”
He snatched the fallen headgear off the floor and went back to work on the lock, only to have another powerful shock course through his body. When he picked himself off the floor, his hands felt numb and his whole body ached. Still, he returned to his task.
“Is this some kind of macho male thing?” the Hyena asked.
Jackson ignored her and continued to work on the lock. The following shock made Jackson bite down hard on his tongue. He knew he would feel the pain for days, but on he continued. The following shock made his eyes water and his temples hot. The one after that knocked him off his feet again. He lay on the ground, panting, frustrated, and feeling as if his very blood was boiling inside him. He fumbled with his headgear, doing his best to get a good grip with his clumsy hands, and jammed it into the lock again. He pushed and pulled, twisted and turned, all the while dreading the shock that would soon come, but he kept on probing, jabbing, turning, and then— click! Jackson stared in disbelief as the door swung open.
“Nerdboy, you rule!” the Hyena said. She cupped his numb face in her hands and gave him a happy kiss on the mouth. Then she ran into the dark hallway. It was his first kiss and he hadn’t felt a thing.
Jackson rushed after his beautiful partner through a series of dark hallways. He was just beginning to wonder if she had gotten them lost when they raced through a set of double doors into what appeared to be an observation room. On one wall was a bank of windows that looked out over an enormous laboratory. A laptop computer sat on a desk, and there was a huge jigsaw puzzle spread out over the floor. One glance revealed that it was a map of the world, only with the continents crammed together into one huge island.
“Look at this,” the Hyena said as she stared through the windows.
In the lab b
elow, a gigantic satellite dish was pointed toward the sky. At its center was a large rod that seemed to grow brighter with every passing minute. Henchmen rushed about running tests on the dish, and in the far corner a group of scientists wearing orange jumpsuits cowered in fear. Jackson saw Dr. Badawi among them.
“Look!” the Hyena said, pointing to the other side of the room. There, with their arms and legs locked inside heavy silver balls, was his team: Heathcliff, Ruby, Matilda, Duncan, Flinch, Agent Brand, and the lunch lady. Jackson wondered why they didn’t just use their upgrades to escape, but then spotted more of the bright orange EMP transmitters mounted around them.
“We’ve got to save them first,” Jackson said. “Then we take out the machine.”
“Not so fast,” the Hyena said. “That lab is swarming with henchmen and goons. We’re outnumbered. If we’re going to save the day, we need to have a plan.”
“I’m all ears,” Jackson said.
“Me? I’m supposed to make the plan?” the Hyena said. She looked out on the lab one final time, then took off her boot. She turned the heel toward the glass that separated them from the lab below, and used it to carve a large circle. A circle of glass fell back into the room. Jackson heard the loud rumblings of the machine through the hole in the window, and could feel a strange and powerful vibration. It shook his internal organs and bones and magnetically tugged on his braces.
“Interesting footwear you have there,” he said.
“Expensive, too,” the Hyena said as she stepped through the hole in the glass and onto a tiny ledge that ran along the walls of the massive lab. The ledge was a foot wide and there was nothing to catch them if they fell. “C’mon.”
“C’mon where?” Jackson asked.
Impatiently, the Hyena pointed to a ladder that led down from the ledge on the other side of the enormous room. The ladder would drop them right behind the platform where the NERDS team was imprisoned. Knowing he had few options, Jackson slowly followed the Hyena.
“If we fall, it’s going to hurt,” Jackson said.
“Then don’t fall. It would still feel better than getting zapped with one of those,” the Hyena said as she pointed down to the floor. A team of thirty henchmen with huge weapons strapped to their chests marched into the lab. “Those guards are carrying microwave blasters. Instead of bullets, they shoot high-intensity microwave radiation. If we get caught in their sights, we’ll be cooked like a Hot Pocket.”
The duo did their best not to look down at the floor far below them. Every one of Jackson’s nerves was tense by the time they reached the ladder and climbed down to the platform where the team was held.
“What are you doing here, Jackson?” Ruby asked.
“I’ve come to save your life and the world, if we get lucky,” Jackson replied.
“And you brought one of Jigsaw’s goons to help you?” Matilda asked.
“I’m not a goon!” the Hyena cried.
“She’s very sensitive about the goon thing. Any idea how to get you out of these shackles?” Jackson asked, steering the conversation back toward the dilemma at hand.
“I’ve tried to break free but they’re too strong,” the lunch lady said.
“It doesn’t matter,” Agent Brand said. “If you free us, the team is helpless with those EMPs jamming their upgrades.”
“How do we turn them off?” the Hyena asked.
“There’s a control panel over there,” Duncan said, turning his head toward the group of goons with the microwave blasters.
“You mean that tiny panel on the wall where the murderers with superweapons are?” Jackson complained, then turned to the Hyena. “Any suggestions?”
“Hey, I can’t come up with all the plans,” she said.
“The two of you should just go,” Heathcliff said. “We’re already in hot water. You’re just going to make it worse.”
“Heathcliff, I was a jerk to you and you’re probably going to hate me forever, but right now I’m here to save your life.”
“I’d be happy if you saved my life,” Flinch said.
“I’ll do my best.” Jackson scanned the room and noticed two guards standing at the front of the platform. They had their backs turned to the hostages and hadn’t heard a word of the conversation over the sounds from Jigsaw’s noisy machine. “I’ve got an idea. Give me that boot of yours.”
The Hyena understood what he had in mind. They tiptoed to the front of the platform, and Jackson brought the boot down hard on one guard’s head. He toppled over unconscious, and the duo went to work on his companion. Then they dragged the henchmen back behind the platform.
In a flash they were dressed in the guards’ clothing. The outfits were both way too big, but they rolled up the sleeves and legs and tucked in the pants. As they strolled across the floor, no one gave them a second look. They stepped right into the crowd of goons and stopped at the control panel.
“Hey, anyone know which button turns off the EMP machines?” Jackson asked.
“Yeah, it’s the green button,” one of the goons said without a second look.
“Thanks,” Jackson replied as he slammed his hand down on the button. There was a loud siren and several flashing lights, and all the goons turned toward them.
“Hey! Who are you?” one shouted at Jackson.
“We’re the people they sent to kick your butts,” the Hyena said as she spun a roundhouse kick and caught one of the giant goons in the stomach. He hunched over and she brought his head down on her knee. Seconds later he was drifting into dreamland.
Jackson could feel his braces coming to life. They shot out of his mouth and slammed into the guards’ jaws, one after another. The two of them made quick work of the thugs. Jackson looked back at his team. He guessed the person to watch would be Flinch, and he was right. The silver balls that locked Flinch’s hands cracked open. A second later he was pulling his feet out as well.
“Let’s knock some heads!” Flinch shouted, then banged on his chest like a gorilla.
“What’s his story?” the Hyena asked.
“He eats a little too much sugar,” Jackson explained as they ran over to his team.
“Flinch, free Choppers first!” Agent Brand shouted, and the littlest of the team did just that. Then he smashed the bindings holding Wheezer, then Gluestick, then Pufferfish. Lastly, he freed Agent Brand and the lunch lady. In the meantime, a group of angry henchmen with microwave blasters were heading their way.
Matilda’s inhalers shot her into the sky, and she buzzed over the villains. They lifted their weapons to fire on her, but she circled them so quickly that in an instant they were blasting one another with microwave radiation. Their numbers went from twenty to five. Duncan stepped forward and grabbed the remaining henchmen’s hands. A thick river of adhesive sprayed from his fingertips. They cried out in frustration when they aimed their blasters; their fingers were glued in place and they could not pull the triggers.
As Ruby looked on, her entire body began to swell and her skin turned blotchy and red. “There’s more on the way!” she cried. “My allergies tell me there’s at least a hundred.”
No sooner had she spoken than doors at both ends of the lab flew open. Dozens of armed henchmen and goons raced in, firing into the air and barking threats. The lunch lady leaped off the platform into the fray, and with fists flying he pounded the men off their feet. Agent Brand wielded his white cane. He flipped it around, cracking the goons on their noses and slamming it into their Adam’s apples. Despite Brand’s wounded leg, Jackson could see what Ms. Holiday had said about him was right. He was the best secret agent the world had ever seen.
The Hyena and Ruby leaped into the fight as well. The Hyena’s fighting style was elegant, almost like a dance. She kicked and punched with confidence and her opponents collapsed around her. Ruby, on the other hand, had an incredibly uncanny ability to avoid being injured. She seemed able to leap or duck out of the way of every attack. Jackson suspected she was allergic to physical violence. Many of t
he henchmen collapsed in exhaustion from trying and failing to beat her to a pulp. Others exposed themselves at the wrong time, and Ruby took advantage of the opening with a well-timed kick or karate chop.
“They’re amazing,” Jackson said as he looked out on the team.
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” said Agent Brand, who was catching his breath nearby. “I … I couldn’t get past their ages, Jackson. I felt like I was baby-sitting a bunch of high-tech crybabies but … they’re as good as I ever was.”
Jackson nodded. “Don’t feel bad. I thought they were a bunch of misfits and losers. I guess we were both wrong.”
The doors flew open once more, and a hundred more goons raced in with microwave blasters. There seemed to be an endless supply.
“Choppers, this would be a good time to use your upgrades,” Agent Brand called to the bucktoothed boy.
“Yes, I agree,” Heathcliff replied. He stepped toward the thugs, paused, and then turned back toward his team.
“What are you doing, Choppers?” Ruby asked.
“That’s not my name,” the boy said as he reached into his pocket. He took out a black mask and slipped it over his head. It had a white skull painted on the front and exposed his bright, ivory teeth. “My name is Simon, and what Simon says … goes.”
“You’re Simon?” the Hyena cried. “But that means you’re behind all this!”
Duncan looked faint. “No!” he cried.
“Yes,” Simon replied. “Well, of course I had help from Dr. Jigsaw.”
Dr. Jigsaw and Dumb Vinci stepped through the crowd of henchmen, all of whom had their blasters aimed at the team.
“Heathcliffi Why?” Matilda said.
“Because I am sick and tired of this world, Matilda. It’s upside down and inside out. Nothing makes sense. How else can you explain a world that cherishes charm and good looks over intelligence? How else can you explain a place where people are tormented because they are smart? Or because they don’t wear the right clothes? Or because they can’t fit their round bodies into the square holes? The planet is terrible, Wheezer. Especially to people like us. We’re brilliant, creative people but we’re treated like fools—shoved in lockers. Given wedgies. Laughed at. Things have to change. Luckily, my good friend Dr. Jigsaw thinks so too. Admittedly, we have different agendas. He wants to re-create a world that’s long gone. I just want to smash it to pieces.”