“My name?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.
“Yes. At the christening ceremony. ” She looked at me for a moment, then turned sternly to Finn. “I thought Finn told you about it. ”
“Yes, but isn’t that name already decided?” I was definitely confused. “I mean, Dahl is the family name, isn’t it?”
“Not the surname. ” Elora rubbed her temples, clearly annoyed. “I meant your first name. ”
“I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t my name be Wendy Dahl?”
“That isn’t a proper name for a Princess,” Elora scoffed. “Everyone changes their names. Willa used to be called something different. What was it, dear?”
“Nikki,” Willa said. “I took the name Willa, after my mother. ”
Garrett smiled at that, and Elora tensed up slightly, then turned her focus back to me.
“So what is it? What name would you like?” Elora pressed, possibly using me to deflect the tension.
“I . . . I don’t know. ”
Irrationally, my heart had started pounding in my chest. I didn’t want to change my name, not at all. When Finn had told me that about the christening ceremony, I had assumed it would only be my last name. While I wasn’t thrilled about that, I didn’t care much. Eventually I would probably get married and change my name anyway.
But Wendy, that was my name. I turned to Finn for help, but Elora noticed and snapped my attention back to her.
“If you need ideas, I have some. ” Elora spoke in a clipped tone, and she was cutting her food with irritated fervor. “Ella, after my mother. I had a sister, Sybilla. Those names are both lovely. One of our longest-running Queens was Lovisa, and I’ve always thought highly of that name. ”
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“It’s not that I don’t like any of those,” I explained carefully. Although, really, I thought Sybilla was quite terrible. “I like my name. I don’t know why I have to change it. ”
Elora waved off the idea. “Wendy is a ridiculous name. It’s entirely improper for a Princess. ”
“Why?” I persisted, and Elora glared at me.
I flat-out refused to change my name, no matter what Elora said. It’s not that I thought Wendy was a particularly fabulous name, but Matt had given it to me. He was one of the only people who had ever wanted me, and I wasn’t going to get rid of the one thing that I had left of him.
“It is the name of a mänsklig,” Elora said through gritted teeth. “And I have had enough of this. You will find a name to suit a Princess, or I will choose one for you. Is that clear?”
“If I am a Princess, then why can’t I decide what is proper?” I forced my voice to stay even and clear, trying not to let it shake with anger and frustration. “Isn’t that part of the glory of being a Princess, of ruling a kingdom? Having some say in the rules? And if I want my name to be Wendy, why is that so wrong?”
“No Princess has ever kept her human name, and none ever will. ” Her dark eyes glared severely at me, but I met them firmly. “My daughter, the Princess, will not carry the name of a mänks. ”
There was a bitter edge dripping from the word “mänks,” and I saw Rhys’s jaw tense. I knew what it was like to grow up with a mother who hated me, but I had never been required to sit quietly while she openly made derogatory remarks about me. My heart went out to him, and I had to struggle even harder to keep from shouting at Elora.
“I will not change my name,” I insisted. Everyone had taken to looking down at their plates while Elora and I stared each other down. This dinner had to be considered an epic failure.
“This is not the proper place to have this discussion,” Elora said icily. She rubbed her temple, then sighed. “It’s no matter. There isn’t a discussion to be had. Your name will be changed, and clearly I will be picking it for you. ”
“That’s not fair!” Tears welled up in my eyes. “I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. I should at least be able to keep my own name. ”
“That’s not the way things are done,” Elora replied. “You will do as I say. ”
“With all due respect,” Finn interrupted, startling everyone. “If it is as the Princess wishes, then perhaps it’s as it should be. Her wishes are going to be the highest order of the land, and this is such a simple one that I can’t imagine anyone would find offense with it. ”
“Perhaps. ” Elora forced a thin smile at him, giving him a hard look, but he stared back at her, his eyes meeting hers unabashedly. “But right now my wishes are still the highest order, and until that has changed, my word will remain final. ”
Her smile deepened, growing even more menacing as she continued. “With all due respect, tracker, perhaps you care too much for her wishes and too little for her duties. ” His expression faltered momentarily, but he quickly met her eyes again. “Was it not your duty to inform her of the specifics of the christening and have her completely ready for tomorrow?”
“It was,” Finn replied without any trace of shame.
“It seems you have failed,” Elora surmised. “I’m beginning to question how exactly you’ve been filling your time with the Princess. Has any of it been spent on training?”
Suddenly Rhys knocked over a glass of wine. The glass shattered and liquid splattered everywhere. Everyone had been too busy staring at Elora and Finn to notice, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him do it on purpose.
Rhys started apologizing and rushing about to clean it up, but Elora had stopped glaring at Finn, and he no longer had to defend himself. Rhys had come to his rescue, and I couldn’t be more relieved.
After the mess was cleaned up, Willa, who had never seemed that fond of Rhys, suddenly began chatting incessantly with him, and he eagerly reciprocated. They talked just so that Elora and Finn couldn’t.
Elora still managed to squeeze in a few biting comments toward me, such as, “Really, Princess, you must know how to use a fork. ” But as soon as she finished her sentence, Willa would pipe up with a funny story about this girl she knew or this movie she saw or this place where she went. It was endless, and in general we were all grateful.
When dinner was over, Elora claimed she had a migraine brewing and a million things to do for tomorrow. She apologized that dessert would not be served tonight, but she didn’t leave her seat at the head of the table. Unsure of what else to do, everybody started to excuse themselves. Garrett suggested that they should be heading out, and she nodded non-committally.
“I will see you tomorrow evening,” Elora replied hollowly. She stared into space instead of looking at him, and he tried not to look troubled by this.
“Take care of yourself,” Garrett said, touching her shoulder gently.
Finn, Rhys, and I rose to see Garrett, Willa, and Rhiannon to the door, but Elora’s voice stopped me cold. I think it stopped everyone else too, but they did a better job of playing it off.
“Finn?” Elora said flatly, still staring off at nothing. “Would you escort me to my drawing room? I’d like to have a word with you. ”
“Yes, of course,” Finn replied, giving her a small bow.
I froze and looked to him, but he refused to look at me. He just stood stoically, hands behind his back, and waited for Elora to ask for further assistance.
I might’ve stood there until Elora dismissed me, but Willa looped her arm through mine and started to drag me away.
Rhys and Rhiannon were just ahead of us, whispering quietly to each other. Garrett stole one last glance at Elora and walked on to the front door.
“So, I’ll come over about ten tomorrow morning,” Willa said, purposely keeping her tone light and cheery.
“What for?” I asked, feeling somewhat dazed.
“To help you get ready. There is so much to do!” Willa said and then shot a look in the direction of the dining room. “And your mother doesn’t seem to be the helpful type. ”
“Willa, don’t talk bad about the Queen,” Garrett said without conviction.
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“Well, anyway, I’ll be over to help you with everything. You’ll be fabulous. ” She gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my arm right before she left with her father.
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Soon Rhys and I were alone, standing in the entryway.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied.
I felt oddly shaky and ill, and I was pretty sure that I didn’t want to be a Princess anymore, if I ever did. There weren’t many more dinners like this I could handle. I took a step away, preparing to tell Elora just that, but I felt Rhys’s hand warm on my arm, stopping me.
“If you go in there, you’ll just make it worse,” Rhys insisted gently. “Come on. ”
He put his hand on the small of my back and ushered me over to the stairs. When we reached them, I expected him to try to push me up the stairs to my room, but he didn’t. He knew that I had to wait for Finn to find out what had happened.
I peered in the direction of the dining room, hoping to catch a glimpse of something. I wasn’t sure what that would help, but I thought if I could just see what was happening, I could somehow make it okay.
“That was a rough dinner,” Rhys said with a joyless laugh and sat down on the stairs. I couldn’t see anything, so I gave up. Pulling my skirt underneath me, I sat next to him.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t your fault,” Rhys assured me with his lopsided grin. “You just made this house a whole lot more interesting. ”
Elora had purposely pulled Finn aside to make a public spectacle. Otherwise, she would’ve lectured him privately, inside his head. For some reason, she had wanted me to witness that. I didn’t understand what exactly he had done wrong, except disagree with her. But he had been respectful and hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true.
“What do you think she’s saying?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Rhys said. “She’s never really yelled at me. ”
“You’ve got to be kidding. ” I stared at him skeptically. Rhys was always flouting the rules, and Elora was about as strict as they came.
“No, seriously. ” Rhys laughed at my shock. “She’s snapped at me to knock stuff off when she’s around me, but do you know how often she’s even around? I was raised by nannies. Elora made it perfectly clear from day one that she wasn’t my mother and she never wanted to be. ”
“Did she ever want to be a mother at all?” From what little I knew of her, she seemed to be lacking even the slightest bit of maternal instinct.
“Honestly?” Rhys debated whether or not to tell me, before sadly replying, “No. I don’t think she did. But she had a lineage to carry on. A duty. ”
“I’m just part of her job,” I muttered bitterly. “For once, I just wish that somebody actually wanted me around. ”
“Oh, come on, Wendy,” Rhys admonished me softly and leaned in closer. “Lots of people want you around. You can’t take it personally that Elora’s a bitch. ”
“It’s a little hard not to. ” I fidgeted with my dress. “She’s my mother. ”
“Elora is a strong, complicated woman that you and I can’t even begin to understand,” Rhys explained tiredly. “She is a Queen above all else, and that makes her cold and distant and cruel. ”
“What was it like growing up with that?” I glanced over at him, suddenly feeling guilty for moping about my life when he’d had it even harder. At least I had Matt and Maggie.
“I don’t know. ” He shrugged. “Probably like growing up in a boarding school with a strict headmistress. She was always lurking in the background, and I knew that she had the final say on everything. But her interaction with me was at an absolute minimum. ” He looked at me again, this time uncertainly.
“What?”
“She’s not quite as secretive as she thinks, though. This is a big house, but I was a sneaky little kid. ” He bit his lip and fiddled with a button on his blazer. “You know she used to sleep with Finn’s dad?”
“I do,” I said quietly.
“I thought he would tell you. ” Rhys fell silent for a minute, chewing his lip. “Elora was in love with him. She’s strange when she’s in love. Her face is different, softer and more radiant. ” Rhys shook his head, lost in a memory. “It was almost worse seeing her like that, knowing that she’s capable of kindness and generosity. It made me feel gypped that all I ever got were icy glares from across the room. ”
“I’m sorry. ” I put my hand gently on his arm. “I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But to be honest, I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been to grow up like that. ”
He forced a smile, then shrugged, pushing away the memory.
“Anyway. Finn’s father left Elora, for his wife, which was just as well. ” Rhys looked thoughtful for a moment. “Although I bet she would’ve thrown it all away to be with him, if he had really loved her. But that’s not the point. ”
“What is the point?” I asked shakily.
“Rumor has it she keeps Finn around because she still loves his old man, even though he never loved her. Nothing’s ever happened between Finn and Elora, I’m sure. ” Rhys let out a heavy sigh. “But . . . ”
“But what?”
“Finn’s dad never looked at her the way Finn looks at you. ” He let it hang in the air for a second as I tried to figure out what he meant. “So you’ve got that strike against you too. She never wanted to be a mother, and you’re getting the one thing she never had. ”
“What are you talking about? I haven’t gotten anything she never had, and I definitely don’t have Finn. I . . . we never . . . it’s just official business. ”
“Wendy. ” Rhys looked at me with a sad smile. “I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, but you’re just as bad. ”
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stuttered and looked away from him.
“All right. ” Rhys laughed. “Whatever you say. ”
To lighten the moment, Rhys made some joke that I didn’t really catch. My mind raced and my heart pounded. Rhys must be imagining things. And even if he wasn’t, surely Elora wouldn’t punish Finn for that. Would she?
TWENTY
resignation
Finn reached the stairs, and I scrambled to my feet. He had probably only been with Elora for fifteen minutes, but in my mind it seemed like forever. Rhys had been sitting next to me, but he got up much slower than I had. Finn looked over us with disdain, then turned and started walking up the stairs without a word.
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“Finn!” I jogged after him, but Rhys rather smartly made his escape to the kitchen. “Wait! Finn! What happened?”
“A conversation,” Finn replied glibly. I scurried to keep up with him, but he made no effort to slow down, so I grabbed his arm, stopping him halfway up the stairs. He glanced back over his shoulder as if looking for Rhys, clearly avoiding my gaze. “I thought I told you to stay away from the mänsklig. ”
“Rhys was just sitting with me while I waited for you,” I said. “Get over it. ”
“It’s very dangerous for you to be around him. ” Finn faced the top of the stairs but looked at me from the corner of his eye. “It’s dangerous for you to be around me. ” I didn’t appreciate the way he wouldn’t look at me directly. I missed his dark eyes.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
“Let go of my arm,” Finn said.
“Just tell me what’s going on, and I’ll leave you alone,” I said, tightening my grip.
“I have been relieved of my duties,” Finn answered carefully. “Elora no longer perceives a threat, and I have been insubordinate. I am to pack my things and leave the premises as soon as possible. ”
The air completely went out of my lungs. It was my worst fear. Finn was going to leave, and it was my fault. He had been defending me when I should’ve been defending myself. Or I should’ve j
ust kept my mouth shut.
“What?” I gaped at him. “That’s not right. You can’t . . . You’ve been here for so long, and Elora trusts you. She can’t . . . It’s my fault! I’m the one who refused to listen!”
“No, it’s not your fault,” Finn insisted firmly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. ”
“Well, you can’t just leave! I have the ball tomorrow, and I don’t know anything!” I continued desperately. “I’m not a Princess at all, Finn. You have so much left to help me with. ”
“I wouldn’t be helping you after the ball anyway. ” Finn shook his head. “A tutor will be coming in to help you learn everything you need to know from here on out. You’re ready for the ball, no matter what Elora says. You’ll do wonderfully tomorrow. ”
“But you won’t be here?”
He turned away from me and quietly said, “You don’t need me. ”
“This is my fault! I’m gonna talk to Elora. You can’t leave. She has to see that. ”
“Wendy, no, you can’t—” Finn said, but I had already started back down the stairs.
There was an unbearable panic settling over me. Finn had forced me to leave the only people who had ever made me feel loved, and I had done it because I trusted him. Now he was going to leave me alone with Elora and a monarchy I wanted no part of.
Rhys would still be here, but I knew that it was only a matter of time before she sent him away as well. I was going to be more alone and isolated than I had ever been before, and I couldn’t handle it.
Even as I was running down to Elora’s drawing room, I knew it was more than that. I couldn’t stand to lose Finn, and it didn’t matter how Elora or anyone else treated me. A life without him just didn’t seem possible anymore. I hadn’t even realized how important he had become to me until Elora threatened to take him away.
“Elora!” I threw open the drawing room door without knocking. I knew it would piss her off, but I didn’t care. Maybe, if I was insubordinate enough, she would send me away too.
Elora stood in front of the windows staring out at the black night, and she wasn’t startled at all by the door slamming open. Without turning to look at me, she calmly said, “That’s completely unnecessary, and it goes without saying that that is not at all how a Princess behaves. ”
“You’re always going on about how a Princess should behave, but what about how a Queen should act?” I countered icily. “Are you such an insecure ruler that you can’t handle the slightest bit of dissension? If we don’t bow instantly to your opinion, you ship us off?”
Elora sighed. “I assume this is about Finn. ”
“You had no right to fire him! He did nothing wrong!”
“It doesn’t matter if he did anything wrong, I can ‘fire’ anyone for any reason. I am the Queen. ” Slowly she turned to me, her face stunningly emotionless. “It is not the act of disagreeing that I had a problem with; it was why. ”
“This is about my stupid name?” I spouted incredulously.
“There is much you still have to learn. Please, sit. ” Elora gestured to one of the couches, and she lay back on the chaise lounge. “There’s no need to get huffy with me, Princess. We need to talk. ”