“No. ” I almost felt bad about telling her that, but she smiled bitterly at me and I remembered why she was here.
“You’ve turned him against me. I knew you would. But . . . ” She shrugged emptily. “It doesn’t make things easier, does it?”
“I don’t know. ” I leaned in toward her. “Look, M— . . . Kim. I am here for a reason. I want to know what I am. ” I backtracked quickly. “I mean, what you think I am. ”
“You’re a changeling,” she said matter-of-factly. “I’m surprised you didn’t know that by now. ”
My heart dropped, but I tried to keep my expression neutral. I pressed my hands flat on the table to keep them from shaking. It was just as I had suspected, and maybe I had always known.
When Finn told me, it had instantly made sense, but I don’t know why hearing it from Kim made things feel so different.
“How could you possibly know that?” I asked.
“I knew you weren’t mine the second the doctor placed you in my arms. ” She twisted at her hair and looked away from me. “My husband refused to listen to me. I kept telling him that you weren’t ours, but he . . . ” She swallowed, pained at the memory of the man she’d loved.
“It wasn’t until I was in here, when I had all the time in the world, that I found out what you really were,” she went on, her eyes hardening and her voice strengthening with conviction. “I read book after book searching for an explanation for you. In an old book on fairy tales, I found out what kind of parasite you truly are—a changeling. ”
“A changeling?” I fought to keep my voice even. “What does that mean?”
“What do you think it means?” she snapped, looking at me like I was an idiot. “Changeling! You were changed out for another child! My son was taken and you were put in his place!”
Her cheeks reddened with rage, and the orderly took a step closer to her. She held up her hand and fought to keep herself contained.
“Why?” I asked, realizing that I should’ve asked Finn this question days earlier. “Why would anyone do that? Why would they take your baby? What did they do with him?”
“I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing. ” She smiled sadly and fresh tears stood in her eyes. Her hands trembled when she touched her hair, and she all but refused to look at me. “You know what you did with him. You know far better than I do. ”
“No, I don’t!” The orderly gave me a hard look, and I knew I had to at least look like I wasn’t freaking out. In a hushed voice I demanded, “What are you talking about?”
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“You killed him, Wendy!” My mother snarled. She leaned in toward me, her hand clenched into a fist, and I knew she was using all her willpower to keep from hurting me. “First you killed my son, then you drove my husband insane and killed him. You killed them both!”
“Mom . . . Kim, whatever!” I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. “That doesn’t make any sense. I was just a baby! How could I kill anyone?”
“How did you get Matthew to drive you here?” she demanded through gritted teeth, and an icy chill ran down my spine. “He would never drive you here. He would never let you see me. But he did. What did you do to him to make him do it?” I lowered my eyes, unable to even pretend to be innocent. “Maybe that’s exactly what you did to Michael!” Her fists were clenched, and she breathed so hard, her delicate nostrils flared.
“I was just a baby,” I insisted without any real conviction. “I couldn’t have . . . Even if I did, there had to be more people involved. It doesn’t explain anything! Why would anybody take him or hurt him and put me in his place?”
She ignored my question. “You were always evil. I knew it from the moment I held you in my arms. ” She had calmed herself a bit and leaned back in her chair. “It was in your eyes. They weren’t human. They weren’t kind or good. ”
“Then why didn’t you just kill me then?” I asked, growing irritated.
“You were a baby!” Her hands shook, and her lips had started to quiver. She was losing the confidence she had come in with. “Well, I thought you were. You know I couldn’t be sure. ” She pressed her lips together tightly, trying to hold back tears.
“What made you so sure?” I asked. “What made you decide that day? On my sixth birthday. Why that day? What happened?”
“You weren’t mine. I knew you weren’t. ” She brushed at her eyes to keep the tears from spilling over. “I had known forever. But I just kept thinking about what the day should’ve been like. With my husband, and my son. Michael should’ve been six that day, not you. You were a horrible, horrible child, and you were alive. And they were dead. I just . . . it didn’t seem right anymore. ” She took a deep breath and shook her head. “It still isn’t right. ”
“I was six years old. ” My voice had started quavering. Whenever I’d thought of her or what happened, I’d only ever felt numb. For the first time, I really felt hurt and betrayed.
“Six years old. Do you understand that? I was a little kid, and you were supposed to be my mother!” Whether she really was or not was irrelevant. I was a child, and she was in charge of raising me. “I had never done anything to anyone. I never even met Michael. ”
“You’re lying. ” My mother gritted her teeth. “You were always a liar, and a monster! And I know you’re doing things to Matthew! Just leave him alone! He’s a good boy!” She reached across the table and grabbed my wrist painfully. The orderly came up behind her. “Take what you want, take anything. Just leave Matthew alone!”
“Kimberly, come on. ” The orderly put his strong hand on her arm, and she tried to pull away from him. “Kimberly!”
“Leave him alone,” she shouted again, and the orderly started pulling her up. She fought against him, screaming at me. “Do you hear me, Wendy? I will get out of here someday! And if you’ve hurt that boy, I will finish the job I started!”
“That’s enough,” the orderly bellowed, dragging her out of the room.
“You’re not human, Wendy! And I know it!” That was the last thing she yelled before he carried her out of my sight.
The staff let me sit there for a minute, trying to catch my breath and get myself under control. Matt couldn’t see me like this. I really, really thought I was going to throw up, but I managed to keep it down.
Everything was true. I was a changeling. I wasn’t human. She wasn’t my mother. She was just Kim, a woman who had lost her grasp on reality when she realized I wasn’t her child. I had been switched for her son, Michael, and I had no idea what happened to him.
Maybe he was dead. Maybe I really had killed him, or someone else had. Maybe someone like Finn.
She was convinced that I was a monster, and I couldn’t argue that I wasn’t. In my life, I had caused nothing but pain. I had ruined Matt’s life, and I still was doing that.
Not only did he constantly have to uproot himself for me and spend every minute worrying about me, but I was manipulating and controlling him, and I couldn’t say for sure how long that had been going on. I didn’t know the long-term effects of it either.
Maybe it would’ve been better if she had killed me when I was six. Or better yet, when I was still a baby. Then I wouldn’t have been able to hurt anybody.
When the staff finally led me back to the waiting room, Matt rushed over to hug me. I stood there, but I didn’t hug him back. He inspected me to make sure I was all right. He had heard there was some kind of scuffle and was petrified that something had happened to me. I just nodded and got out of there as fast as I could.
FIVE
insanity
So . . . ” Matt began on the drive home. I rested my forehead against the cold glass of the car window and refused to look at him. I had barely spoken since we’d left. “What did you say to her?”
“Things,” I replied vaguely.
“No, really,” he pressed. “What happened?”
“I tried talking to her, she got upset. ” I sighed. “Sh
e said I was a monster. You know, the usual. ”
“I don’t know why you even wanted to see her. She’s a terrible person. ”
“Oh, she’s not that bad. ” My breath fogged up the window, and I started drawing stars in the mist. “She’s really worried about you. She’s afraid I’m going to hurt you. ”
“That woman is insane,” Matt scoffed. “Literally, since she lives there, but . . . you can’t listen to her, Wendy. You aren’t letting anything she said get to you, are you?”
“No,” I lied. Pulling my sleeve up over my hand, I erased my drawings on the window and sat up straighter. “How do you know?”
“What?”
“That she’s insane. That . . . I’m not a monster. ” I twisted my thumb ring nervously and stared at Matt, who just shook his head. “I’m being serious. What if I am bad?”
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Matt suddenly put on his turn signal and pulled the car over to the shoulder. Rain pounded down on the windows as other cars sped by us on the freeway. He turned to face me completely, putting an arm across the back of my seat.
“Wendy Luella Everly, there is nothing bad about you. Nothing,” Matt emphasized solemnly. “That woman is completely insane. I don’t know why, but she was never a mother to you. You can’t listen to her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. ”
“Be serious, Matt. ” I shook my head. “I’ve gotten expelled from every school I’ve ever gone to. I’m unruly and whiny and stubborn and so picky. I know that you and Maggie struggle with me all the time. ”
“That doesn’t mean you’re bad. You’ve had a really traumatic childhood, and yeah, you’re still working through some things, but you are not bad,” Matt insisted. “You are a strong-willed teenager who isn’t afraid of anything. That’s all. ”
“At some point that has to stop being an excuse. Sure she tried to kill me, but I have to take responsibility for who I am as a person. ”
“You are!” Matt said with a smile. “Since we’ve moved here, you have shown so much promise. Your grades are going up, and you’re making friends. And even if that makes me a little uncomfortable, I know it’s a good thing for you. You’re growing up, Wendy, and you’re going to be okay. ”
I nodded, unable to think of an argument for that.
“I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you, and I love you. ” Matt bent over so he could kiss the top of my head. He hadn’t done that since I was little, and it stirred something inside me. I closed my eyes and refused to cry. He straightened back up in his seat and looked at me seriously. “Okay? Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. ” I forced a smile.
“Good. ” He pulled back into traffic, continuing the drive home.
As much as I inconvenienced Matt and Maggie, it would break their hearts if I left. Even if going with Finn would be more promising, it would hurt them too much. Leaving would put my needs in front of theirs. So if I stayed, I put them before me.
Staying would be my only proof that I wasn’t evil.
When we got home, I went up to my room before Maggie could try to talk to me. My room felt too quiet, so I went over to my iPod and started scrolling through songs. A light tapping sound startled me from my search, and my heart skipped a beat.
I walked over to my window, and when I pulled back the curtain, the rain had stopped, and there was Finn, crouched on the roof outside. I considered closing the curtain and ignoring him, but his dark eyes were too much. Besides, this would give me a chance to say a proper good-bye.
“What are you doing?” Finn asked as soon as I opened the window. He stayed out on the roof, but I hadn’t moved back so he could come in.
“What are you doing?” I countered, crossing my arms.
“I came to make sure you’re all right,” he said, concern in his eyes.
“Why wouldn’t I be all right?” I asked.
“It was just a feeling I had. ” He avoided my gaze, glancing behind him at a man walking his dog on the sidewalk before turning back to me. “Mind if I come in so we can finish this conversation?”
“Whatever. ”
I took a step back and tried to seem as indifferent as possible, but when he slid through the window past me, my heartbeat sped up. He stood in front of me, his dark eyes burning into mine, and he made the rest of the world disappear. I shook my head and stepped away from him, so I wouldn’t let myself get mesmerized by him anymore.
“Why did you come in the window?” I asked.
“I couldn’t very well come to the door. That guy would never let me in here to see you. ” Finn was probably right. Matt had hated him ever since the dance.
“That guy is my brother, and his name is Matt. ” I felt incredibly defensive and protective of him, especially after the way he supported me after we saw Kim.
“He’s not your brother. You need to stop thinking of him like that. ” Finn cast a disparaging look around my room. “Is that what this is all about? This is why you won’t leave?”
“You couldn’t possibly understand my reasons. ” I went over and sat on my bed, making a point of laying physical claim to this space.
“What happened tonight?” Finn asked, ignoring my attempts at defiance.
“How are you so certain something happened?”
“You were gone,” he said, without any fear that I might find it disturbing that he knew about my comings and goings.
“I saw my mother. Er, well . . . the woman who is supposed to be my mother. ” I shook my head, hating the way this all sounded. I considered lying to him, but he already knew more about all of this than anyone. “What do you call her? Is there a name for her?”
“Usually her name will suffice,” Finn replied, and I felt like an idiot.
“Yeah. Of course. ” I took a deep breath. “Anyway, I went and saw Kim. ” I looked up at him. “Do you know about her? I mean . . . how much do you really know about me?”
“Honestly, not that much. ” Finn seemed to disapprove of his own lack of knowledge. “You were incredibly elusive. It was rather disconcerting. ”
“So you don’t . . . ” I realized with dismay that I was on the verge of tears. “She knew I wasn’t her daughter. When I was six, she tried to kill me. She had always told me that I was a monster, that I was evil. And I guess I had always believed her. ”
“You’re not evil,” Finn insisted earnestly, and I smiled thinly at him, swallowing back my sadness. “You can’t possibly stay here, Wendy. ”
“It’s not like that anymore. ” I shook my head, looking away from him. “She doesn’t live here, and my brother and my aunt would do anything for me. I can’t just leave them. I won’t. ”
Finn eyed me carefully, trying to decide if I was serious. I hated how attractive he was and whatever power it was he held over me. Even now, with my life in complete shambles, the way he looked at me made it hard to focus on anything besides my racing heart.
“Do you realize what you’re giving up?” Finn asked softly. “There is so much that life has to offer you. More than anything they can give you here. If Matt understood what was in store for you, he would send you with me himself. ”
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“You’re right. He would, if he thought it was what’s best for me,” I admitted. “Which is why I have to stay. ”
“Well, I want what’s best for you too. That’s why I found you, and why I’ve been trying to bring you home. ” The underlying affection in his voice shivered through me. “Do you really believe I would encourage you to return home if it would adversely affect you?”
“I don’t think you know what’s best for me,” I replied as evenly as I could.
He had thrown me off guard by hinting at caring about me, and I had to remind myself that that was part of his job. All of this was. He needed to make sure I was safe and convince me to return home. That wasn’t the same as actually caring about me.
??
?You’re sure this is what you want?” Finn asked gently.
“Absolutely. ” But I sounded more confident than I really was.
“I’d like to say that I understand, but I don’t. ” Finn sighed resignedly. “I can say that I’m disappointed. ”
“I’m sorry,” I said meekly.
“You shouldn’t be sorry. ” He ran a hand through his black hair and looked at me again. “I won’t be going to school anymore. It seems unnecessary, and I don’t want to disturb your studies. You should at least get an education. ”
“What? Don’t you need one?” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach as I realized that this might be the last time I saw Finn.
“Wendy. ” Finn gave a small humorless laugh. “I thought you knew. I’m twenty years old. I’m done with my education. ”
“Why were you . . . ” I said, already figuring out the answer to my question.
“I was only there to keep track of you, and I have. ” Finn dropped his eyes and sighed. “When you change your mind . . . ” He hesitated for a moment. “I’ll find you. ”
“You’re leaving?” I asked, trying to keep the disappointment from my voice.
“You’re still here, so I am too. At least for a while,” Finn explained.
“How long?”
“It depends on . . . things. ” Finn shook his head. “Everything about your situation is so different. It’s hard to say anything with certainty. ”
“You keep saying that I’m different. What does that mean? What are you talking about?”
“We usually wait until changelings are a few years older, and by then you’ve already figured out that you’re not human,” Finn explained. “When the tracker comes to find you, you’re relieved and eager to go. ”
“So why did you come for me now?” I asked.
“You moved so much. ” Finn gestured to the house. “We were afraid that something might be the matter. So I was here monitoring you until you were ready, and I thought you might be. ” He exhaled deeply. “I guess I was wrong. ”
“Can’t you just ‘persuade’ me to go along?” I asked, and some part of me that wanted to go with him hoped he could.
“I can’t. ” Finn shook his head. “I can’t force you to come with me. If this is your decision, then I’ll have to respect it. ”
I nodded, knowing full well that I was turning down any chance of getting to know my real parents, my family history, and spending more time with Finn. Not to mention my abilities, like persuasion, which Finn had promised there would be more of as I got older. On my own, I’m sure I’d never be able to master or understand them.
We looked at each other, and I wished he wasn’t so far away from me. I was wondering if it would be appropriate if we hugged when the door to my bedroom opened.
Matt had come in to check on me. As soon as he saw Finn, his eyes burned. Quickly I jumped up, moving in front of Finn to block any attempts by Matt to kill him.
“Matt! It’s okay!” I held up my hands.