Sean had worked himself into a tumult of emotions when Rigg spoke and brought him abruptly back to earth.
“Kate and I were talking before we left the store, Sean, and I think she needs to share with you what we talked about.”
It was an awkward beginning but Rigg felt all of this should have been said long ago. Awkward or not, it was time to get their feelings out in the open.
“I got a letter from Scott today, Sean.”
“Is Father all right?” Sean came completely out of his chair and Kate was quick to reassure him.
“Yes, I’m sorry I scared you.” Kate waited until Sean was reseated and then went on. “The letter wasn’t about Father and Scott didn’t say anything upsetting, but he did ask me why we weren’t in San Francisco.
“It made me start thinking and—” Kate couldn’t go on so Rigg spoke up.
“When I came down and found Katie so upset I asked her about the letter. I then told her that I knew why you had left your aunt’s. She told me she thinks the whole thing is her fault.”
“Oh Katie, no! It’s my fault.” A look of near desperation crossed Sean’s face and tears came to his eyes. The agony he felt on that day began to crowd in on him all over again.
“Sean, that’s not true,” Kate told him urgently. “I’ve never blamed you. And I didn’t know until Rigg said something that you were that upset by what happened.” Kate’s voice faded on these last words. Brother and sister stared at each other. After a time Sean moved next to Kaitlin who sat on the sofa. Kate put her head against Sean’s arm and sobbed. Through her tears she shared every awful thing she’d been feeling. From feeling badly about leaving Aunt Maureen to wishing she had no figure at all to be attracted to.
Rigg entered into the conversation when he felt a need and even though both Donovans were completely spent in the process, an hour later all was out in the open.
There was no longer any guilt between them or even anger toward their selfish cousin. The three of them would probably have talked all night if Kate hadn’t noticed the time.
“We’ve got to get Marc.”
“I can go get her,” Rigg offered. Sean thanked him and said he would stay home, but Kate said she was in need of some air and went with him in the wagon. Rigg knew that she’d had a painful evening but there was one thing he needed to know. As the wagon moved toward his folks the setting sun bathed them in an orange glow. He couldn’t think of a better time or place to ask her.
fifty
“I want to thank you Rigg, for giving Sean and me the push we needed to start talking. I don’t know if we ever would have and, well, just thanks.”
“You’re welcome. I’m sorry it was so hard for you. I’ll be praying that God continues to heal the hurt for you Katie, and if you ever want to talk, just find me.
“I need to ask you something Kate.” Rigg went on. “Would you rather I didn’t question you tonight?”
“No, I don’t mind.”
“It’s a couple of things actually. Do I remind you of your cousin Percy?”
“No!” Kate said so vehemently that Rigg couldn’t hold his laughter, some of which was relief.
“Why did you ask that?” Kate inquired.
“Because I’m hoping we’ll grow closer than we are now and if I remind you of Percy then I’m going to repulse you. I don’t want to do that.”
There, Rigg thought, it’s out in the open. You’ll certainly know in the next few seconds if the door is still open with this woman or not.
“You don’t repulse me.” The words were said so softly that Rigg almost missed them. But hear them he did and they gave him courage to ask his next question. He did so without looking at Kaitlin.
“I’ve also been wondering if I upset you when I kissed you? I didn’t ask your permission to do such a thing and I want to apologize if I need to.”
“And it almost happened a second time.” Kate’s softly spoken words caused Rigg to finally look at her. She didn’t return his gaze, giving Rigg a wonderful view of her profile. Rigg also didn’t bother to correct her about how many times he’d almost kissed her, times when she’d been completely unaware of his intentions. Like when she brought the account books over for his inspection and he thought he would drown in the fresh smell of her hair. Or when they shared little moments, like doing the dishes together or how her face would flush with laughter over something he’d teased her about. But for right now it was best to leave those times unmentioned.
“I’m not upset with you about the kiss but I don’t think I want you to do it again unless you give me a chance to tell you no.” The words were said sweetly and without rebuke. Rigg felt as though a great burden had been lifted from his heart.
“I can appreciate that and I’ll certainly honor your wishes.”
My wishes, Kate thought, and almost laughed.
How many times had she wished Rigg would kiss her again or hold her in his arms? For a time she doubted that Rigg cared for her in a romantic way, but now she understood that he was taking his cue from her.
Maybe she was too stuffy for her own good because she just didn’t know how to subtly let a man know she was interested in him. Once again Kate wished Mother or Father were here to talk with.
She thought of confiding in Aunt Maureen but didn’t see how that was possible either. There was May—they had grown closer each weekend they stayed there. But how did a woman ask the mother of the man she was interested in, how to show him—
Kate couldn’t even finish that thought. She realized that even if she had someone to ask, she wouldn’t know the questions.
Marcail was picked up without fuss and Rigg was as sweet as ever when he delivered them home. Marcail had to fall asleep with the lantern burning because Kate was writing to Father.
Dear Father,
I wish you were here more than I can say. I’ve always been able to tell you how I feel and I won’t hesitate now. I think I’m in love.
I say think, because I have no idea what it feels like to be in love. I was never one of those girls who spent much time daydreaming about the type of man I’d marry. I mean, I thought of it certainly, but just in passing. And then, wham, right out of the blue, I’m looking at Rigg in a whole new light.
At one time he made me furious every time we were together. But now I’m disappointed when he leaves and ecstatic when I know I’ll see him again. He’s so tender with me; and not just me but Sean and Marc too.
Now you’re probably wondering how he feels about me and I can’t honestly say that I know. He told me tonight that he hopes we’ll become closer. Well, he can’t mean physically because we work in the same office every day, sit together in church and I spend all my weekends at his folks’, so I assume he means closer emotionally.
Was that the kind of thing you said to Mother, when you fell in love with her? I’m so confused. What if he does tell me he loves me before you return? I don’t even know where you want to live when you come back, and what would I say to him?
Kate continued on in a frenzy of thoughts and nearly unintelligible print. She went on to tell her father that she believed Rigg to be a man of God and that her heart did funny things when he was near, even though sometimes she wanted to strangle him.
Kate ended the letter with news on Joey and pleas for prayer. She also asked her father to write back immediately and to come home soon, wherever home was.
When she finally went to bed, she fell asleep swiftly—but not before she asked God to speed her letter across the sea and thanked Him for sending her to Santa Rosa and to a man named Marshall Riggs.
fifty-one
The middle weeks of summer sped by and Kate waited anxiously for news from her father. Aunt Maureen had been in touch several times and reported that Uncle Mitch was back out to sea. Once again she was lonely. Kate had long ago replied to Scott’s letter, carefully giving him no hope of a future relationship with her.
Mr. Parker and Joey came to supper at the Taylors’ nearly every week and
Joey also continued his visits with Kate from time to time. Kaitlin was to learn new meaning for the word patience, as no opportunity afforded itself to talk with the little boy about his need to trust in Christ for salvation.
Mr. Parker blossomed slowly under the tender ministrations of this family and they soon found that no one had ever made a move to help this man. In bits and pieces it came out that he was an orphan, abandoned when he was five. He lived with a number of different families until he was ten and the father of one household beat him until he couldn’t stand up. The next day he took every dime of money he could find on the place and left. He’d been on his own ever since.
Parker never outright admitted it, but the Taylors were able to gather that he hadn’t been married to Joey’s mother. He also didn’t know if she was dead or alive. They hadn’t laid eyes on each other since Joey was nine months old.
But of all the things that Parker shared, Joey’s words to Kaitlin one night were the most revealing.
“One morning,” the little boy said, “the marshall came and took my Pa. Said he’d hurt a woman. But he didn’t do that, Miss Donovan. I know because he’d been drinking and Pa can’t hardly stand when he’s been drinking, let alone go off in the woods and hurt somebody.
“He didn’t leave home all day, I told them that. But they wouldn’t listen and when he was in jail I was the most scared I’d ever been in my life. I hated staying by myself. Even if Pa’s passed-out drunk, I want him there. When they kept him a second night I snuck into town and slept outside his jail window.”
Kate had no words for the sober confession from this child. She put her arms around him and held him close. Joey clung to her and Kaitlin begged God with a renewed burden to use her in the life of the boy.
While Kate’s relationship with Joey became stronger, the closeness she’d always shared with Sean began to wane. It was heartbreaking for her but she knew the steps from boyhood to manhood were awkward and confusing. Some things you couldn’t share with your sister.
Kate and Marcail were as close as ever, but Kate found herself dealing with an unexpected well of emotions over Marcail’s closeness to May. Kate’s heart asked God if nine was young enough to forget your real mother. It seemed that every week Marcail was with May she became more her daughter and less Theresa Donovan’s. What would Father say?
It wasn’t that Kate didn’t love May—quite the opposite—she thought the world of her. But she was also having to realize that a 20-year-old’s need for a mother were quite different from a 9-year-old’s.
And very recently, as with most things in Kaitlin’s world, she had talked to Rigg about it. They had grown closer just as Rigg had hoped and there weren’t many things they hadn’t discussed. Sometimes in calm logic, other times at the tops of their voices.
The subject of Marcail was the most recent to come on the table and Rigg would never know how close Kate came to throwing her arms around him for his sensitivity.
It was Wednesday night. Rigg, Kate, Sean and Marcail were all walking home from mid-week service; Rigg’s wagon was undergoing repairs at the livery. When they’d arrived at the church Marcail had gone immediately to May and wrapped her arms around the older woman’s waist. To watch them you’d think they hadn’t seen each other for days.
On the way home Rigg seemed almost pensive as he walked at Kate’s side, Sean and Marcail far in front of them, kicking a can as they went.
“You’re quiet,” Kate commented.
“Just thinking.”
“About?” Rigg was usually very open, giving Kate the freedom to ask without feeling an intruder.
“I was thinking about Marc and my mother and feeling rather thankful that your father can’t see how little she seems to miss your mother.”
Kate stopped Rigg with a hand on his arm. “Oh Rigg,” she whispered, “I’ve agonized over this. Please don’t get me wrong. I adore May. But I can’t believe Marc has forgotten Mother. I tell myself that Mother isn’t here and May is but it doesn’t make it any easier and I don’t dare say anything to Marc.”
“Kaitlin, I wish you’d have come to me. I just noticed it this evening.”
“I’ve been seeing it for a few weeks. And just this week when Sean and I both had to work, I told Marc to write to Father because May always has ink and paper handy. But when I picked her up she said she’d been too busy cleaning house with your mom.
“I’m trying to remember how young she is but—” Kate shrugged helplessly and Rigg reached for her hand. They walked that way for a time and Kate reveled in the comfort she found in the simple act of having her hand swallowed up in Rigg’s. They were both disappointed when Sean and Marcail stood still and waited for them to catch up, causing them to let go of each other’s hands.
Once at the house Sean didn’t wait around but headed straight for Rigg’s. Marcail went in to ready for bed and Rigg lingered outside, as always, reluctant to leave Kaitlin.
“You haven’t heard from your father lately, have you?”
“No. I’m expecting a letter soon though. I always pray when I send mine that God will speed it to him but I’m afraid service to the island usually takes a while. Why do you ask?”
“I guess I was just wondering if you’d ever mentioned me to your father and if you did, what he had to say?”
“I’ve written about you, yes,” Kate replied carefully, remembering how in her last letter she’d told Father that she thought she loved this man. “But like I said, I’m waiting to hear from him now.”
“Has your father ever mentioned where he wants to live once he returns?” The question was a study in casualness but Kate wasn’t fooled.
“As a matter of fact, I brought that subject up in my last letter. Like I said I’m—”
“Waiting to hear,” Rigg finished for her, his eyes on hers, serious and intent. “I hope you understand Kaitlin, I can’t just let you walk away.”
Kate understood very well but could find nothing to say in response. She watched Rigg step close and let him take her hand once again. They stood for a moment, enjoying one another without words. Finally Rigg gave her hand a small squeeze and spoke.
“Good night, Kate-love. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Kate was sure she could still feel his hand holding hers long after he’d disappeared into the dark.
fifty-two
“Did we really agree to do this?” Kaitlin asked Marcail as they readied for church the next Sunday.
“Yes, we agreed,” Marcail informed her. “Katie, what are you so upset about? You’ve sung in church a million times.”
“This is different.”
“Why is it different?”
Because Rigg will be there, Kate thought, but didn’t bother to voice that sentiment to her sister. Kate was certain she was going to go in front of that church and make a total fool of herself. Why, she’d never be able to face Rigg again!
Kate knew the minute she saw Sean that he was just as nervous as she. They exchanged an agonized glance and did little more than play with their breakfast.
It would have helped to be called to the front immediately after the service began, but there were announcements to be made and then the congregation sang a few songs. When the time finally came, Bill was not satisfied by just allowing Pastor Keller to call them forward. He went into the pulpit and introduced them as though they were a traveling band.
“I know all of you have had the privilege of meeting Kaitlin, Sean and Marcail Donovan, and probably most of you know that they grew up as missionary children in Hawaii. But I don’t think many of you know that all three of them are fluent in Hawaiian. And this morning they’ve agreed to sing for us in that beautiful language.”
On those words Kate, with her heart pounding and wishing they’d had some sort of accompaniment, led the way to the front. None of the Donovans realized how beautiful they sounded a cappella.
The song they shared was the same one they had sung for the Taylors many weeks ago and since it was sh
ort, they sang it through twice. Both Kate and Sean were nearly giddy with relief that it was over, when Pastor Keller jumped from his seat and asked them for more.
For a moment the two older Donovans stood frozen, their minds blank and then Marcail saved the day by suggesting another hymn. This happened two more times making a total of four songs and at one point, Kate remembered they were singing to the Lord. As she committed the lyrics to God along with her voice, all self-consciousness disappeared.
When they moved from the front back to their seats, Kate sat down next to Rigg. She didn’t look at him but could feel his eyes on her. When he reached over and gave her hand a squeeze her whole being melted with relief. Kate smiled at Rigg with her heart in her eyes.
Pastor Keller began his sermon just after that. Kaitlin had been too uncomfortable up front to look beyond the second row or she would have seen Joey Parker sitting in the last church pew.
She did catch sight of him as they exited, disappearing around the corner of the church toward home. She nearly ran to intercept him and he stopped reluctantly. He looked at her with shy embarrassment.
“Hi Joey. Did you hear me sing?”
“Yeah. It was nice.” He smiled at her and as always, Kate’s heart turned over.
“I could teach you a song in Hawaiian sometime. Would you like that?”
“Yeah.” Joey’s face came alive with the idea but when Kate asked him if he wanted to come for lunch he stepped away from her, declining as he went.
Kaitlin watched him walk away, her heart heavy. He was so young to be fighting God but Kate was convinced this was exactly what he was doing. Pastor Keller had challenged everyone in the room that morning to settle their eternity before leaving. Kate was certain that if Joey had trusted in the Lord that morning, he’d have told her.