I laughed and ate, remembering Daphne's final warning: "Don't finish everything and wipe the plate clean. It's more feminine to be full faster and not look like some farmhand feeding her face."
Even though the dinner was sumptuous and it was very elegantly served, I was too nervous to really enjoy it and actually felt relieved when the check came and we rose to leave. I had gotten through this elegant dinner date without doing anything Daphne could criticize, I thought. No matter what happened, I would be a success in her eyes, and for some reason, even though she was often unpleasant to me, her admiration and approval remained important. It was as if I wanted to win the respect of royalty.
"It's early," Beau said when we left the restaurant. "Can we take a little ride?"
"Okay."
I had no idea where we were going, but before I knew it, we had left the busier part of the city behind us. Beau talked about places he had been and places he wanted very much to see. When I asked him what he wanted to do with his life, he said he was thinking very seriously of becoming a doctor.
"That would be wonderful, Beau."
"Of course," he added, smiling, "I'm just blowing air right now. Once I find out what's involved, I'll probably back out. I usually do."
"Don't talk about yourself that way, Beau. If you really want to do something, you will."
"You make it sound easy, Ruby. In fact, you have a way of making the most difficult and troubling things look like nothing. Why just look at the way you've already memorized your part in the play and made some of the other students gain confidence in themselves. . . including me, I might add . . ." He shook his head. "Gisselle is always putting things down, belittling things I like. She's so . . . negative sometimes."
"Maybe she's not as happy as she pretends to be," I wondered aloud.
"Yeah, maybe that's it. But you've got every reason to be unhappy and yet, you don't let other people feel you're unhappy."
"My grandmere Catherine taught me that," I said, smiling. "She taught me to be hopeful, to believe in tomorrow." He grimaced with confusion.
"You make her sound so good and yet she was part of the Cajun family that bought you as a stolen baby, right?" he asked.
"Yes, but . . she didn't learn about it until years later," I said, quickly covering up. "And by that time, it was too late."
"Oh."
"Where are we?" I asked, looking out the window and seeing we were on a highway now that was surrounded by marshlands.
"Just a nice place we go sometimes. There's a good view up ahead," he said, and turned down a side road that brought us to an open field, looking back at the lights of New Orleans. "Nice, huh?"
"Yes. It's beautiful." I wondered if I would ever get used to the tall buildings and sea of lights. I still felt very much like a stranger.
He turned off his engine, but left the radio playing a soft, romantic song. Although it was mostly cloudy now, stars peeked down through any break in the overcast, twinkling brightly. Beau turned to me and took my hand.
"What sort of dates did you have in the bayou?" he asked.
"I never really went on what you would call a date, I suppose. I went to town for a soda. Once, I went to a fais dodo with a boy: A dance," I added.
"Oh. Oh, yeah."
I couldn't see his face in the darkness and it reminded me of our time in the cabana. Just like then, my heart began to pitter-patter for seemingly no reason. I saw his head and shoulders move toward me until I felt his lips find mine. It was a short kiss, but he followed it with a deep moan and his hands clutched my shoulders and held me tightly.
"Ruby," he whispered. "You look like Gisselle, but you're so much softer, so much lovelier that it's very easy for me to tell the difference between you even with a quick glance." He kissed me again and then kissed the tip of my nose. I had my eyes closed and felt his lips slide softly over my cheeks. He kissed my closed eyes and my forehead and then pulled me closer to him to seal my lips with his in a long, demanding kiss that sent invisible fingers over my breasts and down the small of my stomach, making me tingle to my toes.
"Oh, Ruby, Ruby," he chanted. His lips were on my neck and before I knew it, he brought them to the tops of my breasts, moving quickly to the small valley between them. Whatever resistance was naturally in me, softened. I moaned and let myself sink deeper into the seat as he moved over me, his hands now finding their way over my bosom, his fingers expertly sliding the zipper down until my dress loosened enough for him to bring it lower.
"Oh, Beau, I . ."
"You're so lovely, lovelier than Gisselle. Your skin is like silk to her sandpaper."
His fingers found the clasp of my bra and almost before I knew it, undid it. Instantly, his mouth moved over my breast, nudging my bra away to expose more and more until he found my nipple, erect, firm, waiting despite the voice within me that tried to keep my body from being so willing. It was truly as though there were two of me: the sensible, quiet, and logical Ruby, and the wild, hungry-forlove-and-affection emotional Ruby.
"I have a blanket in the back," he whispered. "We can spread it out and lie out here under the stars and. ."
And what? I thought finally. Grope and pet each other until there was no turning back? Suddenly, Daphne's furious face flashed before me and her words resounded: ". . . They look for girls who are more promiscuous, more obliging. . Whether it is true or not, Cajun girls have reputations."
"No, Beau. We're going too fast and too far, I can't. . ." I cried.
"We'll just sprawl out and be more
comfortable," he proposed, keeping his lips close to my ear.
"It would be more than that and you know it, Beau Andreas."
"Come on, Ruby. You've done this before, haven't you?" he said with a sharpness that cut into my heart.
"Never, Beau. Not like you think," I replied with indignation. My tone made him regret his accusation, but he wasn't easily dissuaded.
"Then let me be the first, Ruby. I want to be your first. Please," he pleaded.
"Beau . ."
He continued moving his lips over my breasts, urging and encouraging me with his fingers, his touch, his tongue, and hot breath, but I firmed up my resistance, a resistance fueled by the memory of Daphne's accusations and expectations. I would not fit the image of the Cajun girl they wanted me to be. I would not give any of them the satisfaction.
"What's wrong, Ruby? Don't you like me?" Beau moaned when I pulled myself back and held my dress against my bosom.
"I do, Beau. I like you a lot, but I don't want to do this now. I don't want to do what everyone expects I would do. . . even you," I added.
Beau sat back abruptly, his frustration quickly turning into anger.
"You led me to believe you really liked me," he said.
"I do, Beau, but why can't we stop when I ask you to stop? Why can't we just--"
"Just torment each other?" he asked caustically. "Is that what you did with your boyfriends in the bayou?"
"I didn't have boyfriends. Not like you think," I said. He was silent for a moment. Then he took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply you had dozens of boyfriends."
I put my hand on his shoulder. "Can't we get to know each other a little more, Beau?"
"Yes, of course. That's what I want. But there's no better way than making love," he offered, turning back to me. He sounded so convincing. A part of me wanted to be convinced, but I kept that part under tight wraps, locked behind a door. "You're not going to tell me now you just want to be good friends, are you?" he added with obvious sarcasm when I continued to resist.
"No, Beau. I am attracted to you. I would be a liar to say otherwise," I confessed.
"So?"
"So let's not rush into anything and make me regret it," I added. Those words seemed to stop him cold. He froze in the space between us for a moment and then sat back. I began to fasten my bra.
Suddenly, he laughed.
"What?" I asked.
"The first tim
e I took Gisselle out here, she jumped me and not vice versa," he said, starting the engine. "I guess you two really are very, very different."
"I guess we are," I said.
"As my grandfather would say, viva la difference," he replied, and laughed again, but I wasn't sure if he meant he liked Gisselle's behavior better or he liked mine.
"All right, Ruby," he said, driving us out of the marsh-lands, "I'll take your advice and believe what you predicted about me."
"Which is?"
"If I really want to do something," he said, "I will. Eventually." In the glow from the light of oncoming cars, I saw him smiling.
He was so handsome; I did like him; I did want him, but I was glad I had resisted and remained true to myself and not to the image others had of me.
When we arrived at the house, he escorted me to the door and then turned me to him to kiss me good night.
"I'll come by tomorrow afternoon and we can rehearse some of our lines, okay?" he said.
"I'd like that. I had a wonderful time, Beau. Thank you." He laughed.
"Why do you laugh at everything I say?" I demanded.
"I can't help it. I keep thinking of Gisselle. She would expect me to thank her for permitting me to spend a small fortune on dinner. I'm not laughing at you," he added. "I'm just. . . so surprised by everything you do and say."
"Do you like that, Beau?" I met his blue eyes and felt the heat that sprang up from my heart, hoping for the right answer.
"I think I do. I think I really do," he said, as if first realizing it himself, and then he kissed me again before leaving. I watched him for a moment, my heart now full and happy, and then rang the doorbell for Edgar. He opened it so quickly, I thought he had been standing there on the other side, waiting.
"Good evening, mademoiselle," he said.
"Good evening, Edgar," I sang, and started toward the stairway.
"Mademoiselle."
I turned back, still smiling at my last memories of Beau on the steps.
"Yes, Edgar?"
"I was told to tell you to go straight to the study, mademoiselle," he said.
"Pardon?"
"Your father and mother and Mademoiselle Gisselle are waiting for you," he explained.
"Gisselle's home already?" Surprised, but filled with trepidation, I went to the study. Gisselle was sitting on one of the leather sofas and Daphne was in a leather chair. My father was gazing out the window, his back to me. He turned when Daphne said, "Come in and sit down."
Gisselle was glaring at me, hatefully. Did she think I had told on her? Had my father and Daphne somehow heard about what had occurred at the slumber party?
"Did you have a nice time?" Daphne asked. "Behave properly and do everything as I told you to do it in the restaurant?"
"Yes."
My father looked relieved about that, but he still seemed distant, troubled. My eyes went from him; to Gisselle, who looked away quickly, and then back to Daphne, who folded her hands in her lap.
"Apparently, since your arrival, you haven't told us everything about your sordid past," she said. I gazed at Gisselle again. She was sitting back now, her arms folded, her face full of self-satisfaction.
"I don't understand. What haven't I told you?" Daphne smirked.
"You haven't told us about the woman you know in Storyville," she said, and for a moment my heart stopped and then started again, this time driven by a combination of fear and anger and utter frustration. I spun on Gisselle.
"What lies did you tell now?" I demanded. She shrugged.
"I just told how you brought us down to Storyville to meet your friend," she explained, throwing a look of pure innocence at Daddy.
"I? Took you? But--" I sputtered.
"How do you know this. . . this prostitute?" Daphne demanded.
"I don't know her," I cried. "Not like she's telling you."
"She knew your name, didn't she? Didn't she?"
"Yes."
"And she knew you were looking for Pierre and me?" Daphne cross-examined.
"That's true, but--"
"How do you know her?" she demanded firmly. A hot rush of blood heated my face.
"I met her on the bus when I came to New Orleans and I didn't know she was a prostitute," I cried. "She told me her name was Annie Gray, and when we arrived in New Orleans, she helped me find this address."
"She knows this address," Daphne said, nodding at Daddy. He closed his eyes and bit down on his lower lip.
"She told me she was coming here to be a singer," I explained. "She's still trying to find a job. Her aunt promised her and--"
"You want us to believe you thought she was only a nightclub singer?"
"It's the truth!" I turned to Daddy. "It is!"
"All right," he said. "Maybe it is."
"What's the difference?" Daphne remarked. "By now the Andreas family and the Montaignes surely know your. . . our daughter has made the acquaintance of such a person."
"We'll explain it," my father insisted.
"You'll explain it," Daphne retorted. Then she turned back to me. "Did she promise to contact you here and give you an address of where she would be in the future?"
I gazed at Gisselle again. She hadn't left out a detail. Wickedly, she grinned.
"Yes, but--"
"Don't you ever so much as nod at this woman if you should see her someplace, much less accept any letters from her or phone calls, understand?"
"Yes, ma'am." I looked down, the tears so cold they made me shiver on their journey down my cheeks.
"You should have told us about this so we could be prepared should it come up. Are there any other sordid secrets?"
I shook my head quickly.
"Very well." She looked at Gisselle. "Both of you go to bed," she commanded.
I rose slowly and without waiting for Gisselle, started toward the stairway. I walked ponderously up the steps, my head down, my heart feeling so heavy in my chest, it was like I was carrying a chunk of lead up with me.
Gisselle came prancing by, her face molded in a smile of self-satisfaction.
"I hope you and Beau had a good time," she quipped as she passed me.
What possible part of my mother and what possible part of my father combined to create someone so hateful and mean? I wondered.
18
A Curse
.
Gisselle and I didn't speak to each other very
much the next day. I finished breakfast before she came down, and soon after she did, she went off with Martin and two of her girlfriends. Daddy left, saying he had to catch up on some work in his office, and I saw Daphne only for a moment before she hurried out to meet some friends for shopping and lunch. I spent the remainder of the morning in my studio, painting. I was still uncomfortable living in such a big house. Despite the many beautiful antiques and works of art, the expensive French furniture and elaborate tapestries and carpets, for me the house remained as empty and as cold as a museum. It was easy to be lonely here, I thought as I wandered back through the long corridors afterward to have my lunch alone.
And so I was glad when Beau arrived in the early afternoon and we went into my art studio to practice our play lines. First, he looked at the pictures I had drawn and painted under Professor Ashbury's tutelage.
"Well?" I said when he went from one to the other without comment.
"How about doing a picture of me?" he suggested, looking up from a watercolor of a bowl of fruit.
"Of you?" The idea startled me. A slow grin appeared on his handsome face.
"Sure. I hope it would be a lot more interesting than something like this." His grin quickly
evaporated. Suddenly, those smiling sapphire eyes looked at me as I had never been looked at before. They darkened so with pure desire. "I'd even pose nude, if you like," he said.
I know my cheeks turned crimson.
"Nude! Beau!"
"It's only for the sake of art, right?" he followed quickly. "And an artist has to practice drawing and pain
ting the human body, doesn't she? Even I know that much," he said. "I'm sure your teacher will be taking you to his studio soon and have you do nudes. I hear there are college guys and girls who do it for the money. Or have you already drawn and painted someone in the nude?" he asked with a wry smile.
"Of course not. I'm not ready for that sort of work yet, Beau," I said, my voice nearly failing. He took a few steps toward me.
"You don't think I'm good-looking enough? You think the college guys will look better?"
"No, I don't. It's not that. It's just . . ."
"Just what?"
"I'd be too embarrassed to draw you. Now stop. We came in here to memorize play lines," I said, opening my script. He continued to gaze at me with that look of pure longing on his face, his cerulean eyes darkening. I had to fix my eyes on the pages so he couldn't see the excitement he had stirred in my breast. My heart pitter-pattered when the image of him sprawled nude on a chaise flashed before me. I couldn't help but tremble. I hoped he didn't see the way my fingers fumbled with the pages of my script.
"Are you sure?" he questioned. "You never know about something until you try." I took a deep breath, put the script down, and looked up at him sharply.
"I'm sure, Beau. Besides, all I need is for Daphne to believe one more bad thing about me. She has Daddy nearly convinced that I'm some sort of wicked Cajun girl, thanks to Gisselle."
"What do you mean?" Beau asked, quickly sitting beside me. Breathlessly, I gushed forth, describing how I had been interrogated about Annie Gray.
"Gisselle told on you?" He shook his head. "I guess she's just jealous," he said. "Well, she has reason to be," he added, his eyes continuing to grow warmer. "I'm too fond of you now to turn back. She's going to have to get used to it and behave herself."
We stared into each other's eyes for a moment. Outside, the morning overcast had darkened into rain clouds and a hard downpour began, the drops tapping on the windows and streaking down like tears on someone's cheeks.
Gradually, Beau leaned toward me. I didn't move away and he kissed me softly on the lips. I felt my small wall of resistance start to crumble. Surprising myself, as well as him, I returned his kiss the moment his ended. Neither of us said anything, but we both knew the memorization session was destined to fail. Neither he nor I could concentrate on the play. As soon as I lifted my eyes from the words and met his, my mind stumbled and fumbled.