“How was the party last night?” he asked, his back to me as he worked.
My eyes sprang open wide. “What? Nothing happened. Why are you asking?”
Oh my God, what did he know?
He paused and sent me an odd look over his shoulder. “Huh?”
I blinked, realizing he’d just been trying to make polite conversation. He really knew nothing. So I forced a yawn to make it seem as if my brain was still too sluggish with sleep to function properly. Then I said, “I’m sorry, what did you ask?”
He tipped his head to the side as if trying to figure me out. But then he turned back to his coffee. “Just wondering if you had any fun at the party you left in such a hurry to attend.”
“Oh.” Had I left in a rush? I guess I had felt the urgent need to flee. Watching Tess and Jonah and Paige and Logan together had been making me stir-crazy. But I’d had no idea they could tell I’d been frantic to escape. Yikes. I needed to work on that. The last thing I wanted to reveal was how much their lovey-dovey ways bothered me.
“Fine. It was fine,” I started to answer before shrugging and adding, “Boring.” Well, it had been boring right up to the point I’d bumped into that drunk into the hallway, who’d spilled beer on me, followed me into a back room and then proceeded to have sex with another girl while I was trapped in the bathroom and forced to watch the whole thing. But yeah, before that. Boring. “I left early.” Sending Logan a tight smile, I might’ve even fanned my eyelashes innocently.
His eyebrows crinkled, totally not buying it. “You weren’t back by the time we went to bed.”
“Oh…” Crap, maybe I hadn’t left early. Honestly, I had no idea how long I’d been at the party before I’d bumped into Beckett, or how long spying on him and Melody had taken. Time made no sense at the moment. “I, uh, I drove around a while before coming home.”
Wait, that hadn’t sounded like I had delayed in coming home, had it? Like I hadn’t wanted to be around him and his lovey-doving on Paige all the time? I mean, I hadn’t wanted to be around it, but I didn’t want him to know that. If anyone ever found out how truly jealous I was, I think my life would cease to exist as I knew it.
“Oh,” he said, nodding at my answer. I don’t think he knew how to reply, so he smiled vaguely, finished fixing his two cups of coffee, then picked them both up and nodded my way before fleeing the kitchen.
I blew out a long breath, feeling way too strung out and on edge for so early in the morning. I really needed to get my act together or someone in this house was going to realize something was up with me.
Focusing on my breathing and trying to calm myself, I had another few minutes of reprieve, alone with my stirring thoughts and deep-even breaths before Tess and Jonah joined me, holding hands and talking quietly together as they entered the kitchen.
Tess’s face brightened when she saw me. “Morning, Bailey. Did you have fun at the party last night?”
Christ on a cracker, why did everyone want to know so much about that stupid damn party?
Fine. Maybe they were just being nice and trying to act interested in my life. I was being paranoid. I got that. No one actually knew what I’d seen. I just had to act cool, play this off naturally. No problem.
Except I sucked at acting. I was a bit too open and honest for that shit, like the brutally embarrassingly open, honest type. I couldn’t be chill when I felt like a fembot in the presence of a strip teasing Austin Powers. My head was probably seconds from doing a three-sixty and my chest would no doubt explode right after that, rolling smoke from my ears.
I mumbled a non-answer and nodded. Tess didn’t have a chance to press for more information because Jonah had already opened the refrigerator door and was asking her what she wanted to eat.
While they were couple-cooking their breakfast, I slipped out of the kitchen. Once back in my room, I gathered my things and decided to head to work early. There was always stock in the back my boss Vivian wanted put out that no one ever put out on the display racks. Maybe I could do that. I didn’t realize I was over an hour earlier than usual until I left my room and bumped into Paige who was heading toward the bathroom with her towel and clothes bundled to her chest.
“Hey, you’re up and around early today,” she said on a smile. “Must not have stayed at the party until the wee hours last night, huh?”
“I, uh…I have some stock to sort through. My boss asked me to come in early,” I lied, cringing internally because I hated to lie. Like I said, I was usually too brutally honest for people’s comfort. “Have a good day.”
Yeah, I’m lying through my teeth, but have a good day.
Geesh, I felt like a great big fraud of a human being.
I rushed out of there and arrived at the clothing outlet store I worked at before it had even opened. After blindly gathering armfuls of clothes in the back, I hauled them into the front and put them on hangers before tagging them and hanging them on racks. Finding myself near the storefront windows, I people-watched as I worked. But everyone I saw pass I wondered about. What kind of expression did they make when they came? Did they heave out ugly sounds, the same way Melody had? Or make the sexy, heavy breathing and occasional scintillating groans that Beck had?
Not that anything about anything I’d seen last night had been sexy. It’d been awful, and invasive, and embarrassing, and I was going to stop thinking about it.
Right…now.
My internal command didn’t work.
I kept wondering where he’d touched her that had set her off and how big he’d really been to impress her so much. Why hadn’t they kissed even once? Kissing had been the only half-decent thing I’d ever done with Dale, my first and only experience with the opposite sex. And why had going down on Beck made Melody wet? Blowjobs had always seemed like they’d be an annoying chore to me, not something that was actually enjoyable for the girl.
More and more thoughts like those plagued me for the rest of the day. I couldn’t even fully appreciate the praise Vivian gave me when she showed up to find what I’d done for her.
I have no idea why I was so obsessed with last night. I’m sure people had walked in on couples having sex plenty in their lives, and they’d never thought about it again. But this was a first for me. A big first. And it’d been so unlike the one sexual encounter I’d had myself. Dale had been the one to pressure me into it until I’d finally sighed and said, “Whatever,” so he’d shut up already. But last night, Beckett hadn’t pressured Melody at all. Actually, it’d been quite the other way around. I’d never seen a girl so bold and aggressive for sex before.
I was kind of jealous of her for going forth and making sure she got what she wanted, except I thought her whole approach had come off as sleazy and underhanded. Beckett had been way too drunk to be making any such decision, and she hadn’t listened to a single protest he’d made. I don’t think I’d ever be able to come onto a guy unless I knew one hundred percent beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wanted me back.
But I guess Melody was just tons more confident than I was. A bitch, in my opinion, but still admirably confident.
By the time I made it back home to my apartment that evening, my spinning brain had mellowed some, but I was still quiet and thoughtful as I unlocked my door and tromped up the steps.
We had a second floor apartment. The door to the outside opened on the ground level and immediately veered up a stairwell to our living room. One of the two openings into the living room led into the kitchen, while the other led into a hallway to get to the bedrooms and bathrooms. When I’d first found the place to rent, I thought the whole second-floor aspect had been cool. But after living here for six months, climbing these stairs every day was becoming a pain in the ass.
I was the first to make it back home, so I found my way into the kitchen to start supper. I wasn’t typically a big cooker, but I needed to keep my mind busy.
I chopped vegetables, browned beef, boiled potatoes. Before I knew it, everything was beginning to smell and look
a lot like stew. My dad had always been big on making stews and soups and chilis when I’d been growing up. That little link to home comforted my nerves and by the time roommates started trickling in, I think I was finally feeling more like myself again.
At least I thought I was, until supper started and Tess tossed me a concerned glance. “You doing okay, Bailey? You’re awfully quiet tonight.”
Honestly, no one had been talking about much. The guys had been regaling the girls with stories of their different gym teachers from grade school. Typically, I would’ve come up with some sarcastic, witty quip to knock one or both of the boyfriends’ egos down a peg or two, just for funsies, but tonight, not so much.
As everyone grew quiet and regarded me curiously, I lifted my face from my soup and said, “Hmm? I’m sorry, what?”
“Is everything okay?” Paige asked this time. Now both women looked concerned.
I nodded immediately. “Oh, sure. Just fine. Why?” No way was I going to tell them about my voyeuristic adventures the night before, and definitely not in front of their boyfriends. Logan and Jonah thought I was cracked already. Who knew how they’d react if they learned I was a freaky pervert too.
Everyone was still staring; my two friends seemed like they might want to try to resuscitate me as if I was flat lining or something. It freaked me out. Geesh, I wasn’t usually that much of a loudmouth at supper.
Wait, was I?
Oh, probably. Whatever. I still wasn’t acting that weird. I just needed the attention off me.
“Good Lord,” I squawked, making shooing motions at them. “Do I have a unicorn horn growing from my forehead or something? Why are you all gawking like that at me? I’m fine.”
“Sorry,” Tess rushed to transfer her gaze to her food. She’d always been sensitive to a person’s emotions like that. “You were just acting off.”
“Well, Off is my middle name, so how is that really unusual for me?”
The guys snickered. I flipped them off for agreeing with me so quickly. Jonah rolled his eyes and sent me his own bird in return.
“Did everything go okay for you at the party last night?” Paige asked, wiping her mouth with a napkin.
I swerved my attention to her and instantly scowled. She was a little too perceptive sometimes.
“Because I heard a rumor at the coffee shop today that some girl was raped there.”
My jaw dropped open. “Say what? Last night?”
“Oh my Lord.” Tess covered her mouth with one hand while reaching for my arm with the other. “And you were there all by yourself. Bailey. You could’ve…” When she went pale with all the possibilities of what could’ve happened to me, I snorted.
“I was fine.” But I whipped my attention back to Paige. “I wonder where…” Then I shook my head. How freaky. A rape. What if it had happened in one of those other rooms down the hall I’d been about to search? What if Beckett accidently trapping me in that bathroom had kept me from running into the rapist myself?
Even though I’d just tried to reassure Tess that I’d been totally fine, I shuddered and rubbed my hands over the skin prickling on my arms, trying not to dwell on how lucky I’d been.
“You are not going to one of those frat parties by yourself again,” Tess stated sternly, her gaze boring into mine.
When I sighed and rolled my eyes, she growled. “I’m serious. This isn’t something to brush off. There are some true monsters out there.”
Realizing it wasn’t a joking matter, it really really wasn’t, because Paige had been attacked just last year at a frat party, I nodded, and murmured, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Good.” Tess nodded, appeased. “Now. If you simply must go to another one of those stupid parties, one of more of us will go with you. Not that I know why you want to attend them, anyway. I never had any fun at one.”
At the first college party Tess had attended, she’d gotten drunk by the same guy who’d pushed himself on Paige later that year, but I’d been there to pull her away before he could try anything on Tess. So yeah, I couldn’t imagine she had any fond party memories. But all this just meant I was once again forced to be their lame fifth wheel.
If only I had—
Wait.
For some reason, this made me think of the cowboy. I gasped, completely having forgotten about him until now. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of my soulmate all day long, not since Beckett had followed me into that room. But now… Now I gasped and slapped my hands down on the table, making both couples jump.
“I saw the cowboy last night,” I blurted, “And guess what? I think his name is Chance. Isn’t that awesome? I love the name Chance.”
“You what? Oh my goodness!” Tess clasped her hands to her cheeks. “You actually talked to him?”
My shoulders slumped. “No. We didn’t talk. He got away again. But some drunk idiot told me his name was Chance.” Then I frowned, picturing my unreliable source of information. Could I really believe anything Beckett had told me? He’d been mostly out of it. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “He also tried to tell me the cowboy was in his fraternity, but there was no way I could believe that.” I snorted. “Could you just imagine my soulmate being a frat brat? No way.”
Paige and Tess exchanged knowing glances, but I ignored them. They just didn’t understand. So what if the cowboy being my soulmate was a crazy daydream? It made me feel better to talk in certainties.
“Why the heck didn’t you say anything sooner?” Tess finally asked.
“Oh, I, uh.” I frowned, unable to reveal what had distracted me from my cowboy sighting. So I lamely concluded with, “I forgot.”
Tess and Paige exchanged another glance, this one more on the confused side. I understood their bewilderment. After I’d talked about nothing but the cowboy for an entire year, it was pretty much unheard of for me to forget I’d had another encounter with him.
Paige was the first to recover. “Did you get his last name?”
I slumped, a bit defeated. It’d taken me a year to get his first name, and she was already demanding a last? Some people just couldn’t enjoy a small victory for five seconds, could they?
“Maybe you could look up his first name in the campus directory,” Jonah suggested.
I sat up straighter in my chair, not even considering that option. “Oh my God,” I said. What if I actually found him there and maybe got an address too? “Yes! Perfect idea.”
My head went a little dizzy from excitement.
“Ooh! Go look now,” Tess encouraged. “We’ll clean the dishes.”
So, while Tess and Paige waved me from the kitchen, I shoved back my chair and popped to my feet, wondering blindly where I’d left my laptop. I ran straight to my room, but didn’t spot it on my bed, or in my backpack until I remembered I’d been on Facebook last night before they’d popped the movie in, at which point I’d set my computer on the floor between the lazy boy and love seat.
Hurrying into the living room, I flopped onto the lazy boy before leaning over the armrest and tugging my laptop into my lap.
The television was on, airing the evening news, but I paid it no mind as I flipped up the lid and waited for the screen to pop to life and ask for my password.
Just as it did, the reporter on the news said, “Police are finally revealing the name of the suspect involved in the rape reported at a Granton University fraternity party last night.”
Intrigued, I looked up just as the mugshot of man in a prison orange jumpsuit popped onto the screen, a man whose face looked as if it’d been beaten to a bloody pulp, but a face I remembered clearly.
“Beckett Hilliard was arrested last night for the rape of Melody Fairfield, where the crime was reported as taking place in a back bedroom of the Alpha Gamma Rho fraternity...”
“What?” I shook my head, unable to stop staring. What the hell was this?
Bucket was the big, awful rapist everyone was talking about?
“No freaking way,” I uttered.
> Chapter 5
BECKETT
Monday morning, thirty-three hours after I’d been arrested, someone finally opened my retaining cell.
“Hilliard,” the voice blaring my name made me jump. “Approach the door. It’s time for your first appearance.”
I remained seated a second longer as nerves jumbled in my stomach. I wasn’t sure if the idea of attending my arraignment was relieving or dooming. I just knew it had me on edge. I’d taken enough law classes to know I’d be told what charges had been filed against me, what my bail had been set for, and then I’d be asked to enter my plea. But other than that, I had no idea how this worked.
But I guessed I better find out before they had to come in here for me and taser me from my cot. So I stood and shuffled toward the doors until it opened and a correctional officer waiting on the other side held up a set of handcuffs.
I gulped, still unable to quite believe this was happening. I’d been arrested one other time this summer, for assault, but I’d been bailed out before spending any actual time behind bars. Other than that, I’d never even gotten a speeding ticket before. Now I was in jail for rape. Unreal.
As I turned around and placed my hands together behind my back, I thought back to my one phone call I’d made two nights ago when I’d first been brought in.
Worst fucking call of my life. My dad had answered. Couldn’t have been Mom. No. There was no reason to go easy on Beckett, not after that night I’d had with some lying chick accusing me of the worse crime ever, then her stupid naïve boyfriend beating the crap out of me, and then the cops hauling me off to jail in the back of a police car while all my fraternity brothers had watched with judgmental jeers. So yeah, let’s go straight to hard-ass dad picking up the phone first. Sure.
“Dad.” My voice had cracked on his name, and even though I knew he’d take it the worst, I was still relieved to hear his voice. I was suddenly just a kid, needing his parents. I wanted to be home with him. I wanted to be crawling into bed with him and Mom and telling them all about the nightmare I’d just had so they could soothe my fears away.