A knock on the door startled him out of his self-imposed misery. “Can I come in?” Sarah opened the door slowly, almost as if she was afraid of rejection.
“Sure.” He scooted over, then patted the spot next to him on the bed. When she eyed it nervously, her teeth worrying her lower lip, he felt worse than ever. What did it say about him that his lover wouldn’t even sit on a bed with him?
“Sarah?”
She seemed to have gotten over whatever it was that had upset her. Climbing onto the bed, she lay down next to him and put her head on his shoulder.
They lay like that for a while. Quiet. Content. Drifting along until their hearts and breathing were as one. This was what he’d been missing, Reece reflected, even more than the sex. He’d missed the feel of her against him, her softness so different than the hardness of his own body. The spicy, cinnamon smell of her that wrapped itself around him. The sweet sound of her breathing, the soft thud of her heartbeat.
He’d missed it all, and feared that if this didn’t work out—if he failed here as he had failed Vanessa—he would feel that absence the rest of his life.
“So tell me about Hawaii.” Sarah’s voice was low, inviting and it skated along his nerve endings, stoking the fire that had been burning inside him for days.
“It was a disaster.” Rolling onto his side, he pulled her more firmly against him, until her breasts pressed against his chest, her nipples hard pebbles he longed to taste. “Completely screwed up.”
“How?”
Was her voice more breathless than it had been a minute ago, he wondered as he fought the sexual haze that had him in its grip.
“They cut corners by hiring this CE firm—”
“CE?”
“Civil Engineering. Anyway, the firm underbid its competitors by a significant amount, but for whatever reason, that didn’t raise any red flags in the client. Until they started failing inspections and the building went to hell fast.”
He ran his lips along the fragile line of her jaw, relishing the fresh mango taste and smell of her face cream. “You always smell so delicious,” he murmured. “I spent hours fantasizing about your scent while I was gone.”
“Hours?” She leaned back enough to look him in the eye. “Really?”
He took a deep breath, taking her all the way into his lungs and holding her there for long seconds. “Absolutely. You smell fantastic.” He buried his face in her neck and began to nibble his way along the slender, elegant column.
She giggled, a very un-Sarahlike sound, but one that revved his engine a little higher. “Sarah, forgive me, but I need to be inside you. I know you want to talk.” He gasped as her hands skimmed over his stomach, toying with the button of his jeans. “And I swear, we’ll talk later. But now—”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Her mouth closed over his, her tongue running along his bottom lip until he nearly forgot to breathe. It was a long time before either one of them even thought about speaking.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“HEY, REECE, could you come here for a second?” Sarah called.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, coming down the stairs.
“How do you know something’s wrong?”
“That little strain you get in your voice. It usually means the boys did something.” With a grin, he pulled her into his arms and planted one on her. And while he’d meant it to be a quick, hello kind of kiss, her lips parted and he found himself lingering. His tongue swept into her mouth to tangle with hers and she tasted so good he didn’t want to let her go.
He’d never before understood why anyone would want to freeze time. For him, there were always other things to do—mountains to climb, people to meet, buildings to create. But this week he’d found himself looking around and thinking that everything was perfect—that there was absolutely nothing in his life that he would change. Rose was happy and healthy and growing, as were the boys. And Sarah. Sarah was unbelievable. Warm and exciting and willing and understanding—everything he could ever want in a woman and more.
Yes, he thought, as he reluctantly lifted his mouth from hers, if he had the ability to freeze time, these were the moments he would choose to keep. For the first time in a year, he was happy. For the first time in a year, he was whole. That was the magic of Sarah.
And if she had a shadow in her eyes sometimes when she watched him, then so be it. They came to each other with pasts darker than most people had. It would be selfish for him to expect her to be perfectly content all the time.
“So, what did you want?” he asked again, his hands creeping around to cup her bottom. Lifting her onto her tippy-toes, he pressed himself against her and was rewarded when her eyes glazed over.
She sighed, then leaned against his chest as her hips moved restlessly against his. “The boys clogged the toilet again.”
He couldn’t keep the amusement from his voice when he asked, “What was it this time?”
“A train.” She shook her head, but her lips were curved reluctantly. “They wanted to see if it could survive the ‘whirling vortex of terror.’”
He laughed—he couldn’t help himself. “Where do they come up with this stuff?”
She nodded to her sons, who were currently sitting in front of the TV. “Saturday morning cartoons.”
“Ah, yes. Of course.”
“So, do me a favor and see if you can fix it. Otherwise I need to get Vince out here.”
“My masculine instincts are enraged.” He patted her on the bottom before heading toward the bathroom. “How dare you doubt me? Haven’t I proven, numerous times, that I can face down the whirling vortex of terror and live to tell the tale?”
She laughed, as he’d intended—a full belly laugh that did nothing to calm his arousal. “I’m so sorry. I certainly didn’t mean to cast aspersions on your manliness.”
He gave her a mock scowl. “You don’t look anywhere near repentant enough when you say that.”
“Does that mean you’re going to have to punish me?” Her eyes sparkled with sassiness.
“I’m afraid so.” He nodded gravely, barely keeping a big-ass grin from escaping. “You’ve cast aspersions on me and my abilities and that can not be allowed. I will be back for you—after I’ve conquered the vortex—and you will be made to pay.”
“Ooh, I can’t wait.” Sarah winked at him, giving her hips an extra wiggle as she strolled toward the kitchen. “Oh, and hey, mighty warrior.” She tossed the words over her shoulder.
“Yes?” He drew his gaze away from her pert, rounded bottom with difficulty.
“The plunger’s next to the vortex. Go to town.”
This time he couldn’t stop the laugh from escaping. No, things weren’t perfect with Sarah—they were both too hotheaded and opinionated for peace to reign very long—but life was never dull. And he was finding out how much he enjoyed the added spice—and Sarah’s proclivity for getting in the last word.
It only took him a couple of minutes to clear the toilet—the boys had used one of their smallest trains this time, thank God. Shaking his head, he went into the kitchen to show Sarah what he’d recovered.
Rolling her eyes, she said, “I don’t know what to do with them. They promised they’d stop doing this.”
He laughed. “Actually, if I remember correctly, all they promised was to stop flushing the action figures. They didn’t say anything about other toys.”
“My mistake,” Sarah said with a smile. “Who would have thought?”
Reece studied her for a second. Though her smile seemed real enough, it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Crossing the room, he pulled her against him and started rubbing her shoulders. “You’ve been hunched over that computer too long. Your muscles are like rock.”
This time her laugh was not amused. “I don’t think it’s the computer work doing that.”
“No?” He dug in his fingers a little deeper to get out the knots. “Then what is?”
She turned to look at him and her mouth w
as set in a grim line. Her eyes were shadowed and she looked almost frightened.
“What’s wrong, Sarah?”
She took a deep breath, and looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here. To give her credit, however, she kept her feet planted and her eyes on his when she said, “I’m pregnant, Reece.”
At first, he thought he’d misunderstood her, but her small, self-deprecating smile spoke for itself.
Cold chills shot down his spine as he struggled to sort out his emotions. How had this happened? He’d been careful, had used protection. She couldn’t be pregnant.
Except Sarah would never say something that wasn’t true. She was honest to a fault, so completely forthright that sometimes it shocked him.
He didn’t know what to say, was so shell-shocked that he could barely string two thoughts together. But she was looking at him expectantly, so he finally managed to ask, “Are you okay?”
The looks he gave him was incredulous—and annoyed. “I’m fine. It’s not like I haven’t done this before.”
“I know. It’s just—” He stared at her still-flat stomach. His baby was inside her. His baby. And this time, it had gotten there the old-fashioned way—no doctors or clinics involved.
He still couldn’t wrap his mind around it.
“Well, say something.”
“I don’t know what to say.” He pulled his gaze from Sarah’s midsection with difficulty. A thousand thoughts and feelings were bombarding him at once and he wasn’t sure which to act on. Shock, fear, concern warred within him, mixing with the beginnings of a happiness that was wholly unexpected.
Finally, when the silence between them had dragged on for too long, he asked, “When?”
She raised an eyebrow, her eyes cool despite the brief flare of panic he’d seen there. “When did I get pregnant?”
“When did you find out?” He’d already figured out when it had happened—the only logical time would have been in the weeks leading up to his trip to Hawaii.
“A little over a week ago.
“A week ago?” That put a small dent in the shock. “You didn’t tell me.”
“You weren’t here.”
He winced at the harshness in her voice. “I’m sorry about that. Sorry you had to find out alone.”
She shrugged. “I’m used to being alone.”
For the first time, anger pierced through the other emotions. Not at the pregnancy, but at Sarah’s attitude. “Well, you’re not alone now.”
She didn’t answer, but her expression spoke louder than any words. For how long, she asked silently. How long will you stick around this time? And though he knew he’d given her reason to doubt him in the past, he couldn’t help being hurt. Anymore than he could help the anger that continued to grow. He’d thought they were past this, thought she was learning to trust him.
“So why tell me now?” He forced himself to remain calm. “I’ve been home five days.”
“I was trying to figure out the right time to tell you.”
He glanced at the train he’d fished out of the toilet. “And this was it?”
“I don’t know. It seemed like I needed to tell you before you made any more plans. For us,” she clarified at his confused look.
“And your pregnancy would stop me from making plans?”
“I don’t know,” she repeated again.
He gritted his teeth. “Well, what exactly do you know?”
“Reece.” Her chin tilted and the defiance was back, almost as if she blamed him for overreacting. But hell, what else could he do? With each word she spoke it became more apparent that she didn’t trust him. That she hadn’t told him because she didn’t think he’d stick by her.
“I needed time to sort out what I was going to do.”
His blood ran cold. “What does that mean?”
“I need to make plans, figure out how I’m going to balance a fourth child when I can barely handle three.”
“Don’t you mean we? How are we going to balance a fourth child?” He studied her, felt his anger grow until it dwarfed everything else.
“Yes. No.” She looked absolutely miserable. “I don’t know what I mean.”
“Well, that’s interesting. You act like I don’t even get a vote here.”
“That’s not what I said. You’re being deliberately mean about this and I don’t understand why.”
“It’s not that hard to figure out. You’re carrying my baby and didn’t see fit to tell me.”
“I did tell you.”
“Now. After more than a week’s gone by. After you figured out what you wanted to do.”
“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing.”
“It is a bad thing! We’re in this together, Sarah. You should have come to me, should have trusted me about this as soon as you found out. So that we could figure out what to do together.”
She worried her lower lip between her teeth before finally blurting, “I don’t have the best luck with men and pregnancy, Reece. I was scared, wanted some time to come to terms with being pregnant and alone—again—before I told anyone.”
“I’m not anyone. I’m the father of the baby you’re carrying.” He paused, let her other words sink in. “And you’re not alone.”
“I’m not?”
At first he bristled at the sarcastic question, then registered—with shock—that Sarah was being sincere, not sarcastic. She really thought he was going to leave her to go through this on her own.
The realization cut like a knife and he found himself lashing out at her. “Is that what you think of me? That I’d get you pregnant and then abandon you?”
She didn’t answer. But then she didn’t have to. Her arched brow said it all—that and the memories that swarmed between them of another pregnancy, another baby.
“That was different, damn it,” he said.
“Was it?” she asked. “All I know is that I’ve been pregnant twice and both times the men have run as far and as fast from the responsibility as they could get. Forgive me if it took me a while to work up to dealing with it for a third time.”
“You don’t trust me.” He felt his knees tremble as they got to the crux of the matter. “You don’t think I’ll be here for you.”
“It’s not that—”
“Don’t prevaricate—it doesn’t become you. It’s exactly that and we both know it. You don’t trust me.”
“How can I? It’s not like you’ve been exactly reliable so far, right? Ignoring me after Vanessa died, ignoring Rose. Running off to San Francisco at the first sign of something bigger than what you wanted.”
The words hit with the precision of laser-guided missiles. He’d failed her—every step of the way and now she was punishing him for it. “You told me you understood.”
“I do. But that didn’t make it any easier to handle.” She reached out to him, but he shrugged off her hand. He was angry—furious—and afraid her touch would only stoke the furnace of his rage.
“Can you see this from my point of view?” she asked.
“I am. And I understand that I screwed up with you, royally—and more than once. But I thought you under stood. Thought you knew that I would never do that to you again.”
She wrapped her arms around herself and looked away. And nearly broke his heart. After everything he’d done to prove himself to her, she still didn’t get it. Couldn’t get it. He’d messed up and he had been a fool to think that he could make things better. It was completely ridiculous to think that they could just move on from his many and myriad failures.
“Look, I’m sorry. Sorrier than I can say that I put you through that. But Sarah, don’t these past weeks count for anything? Anything at all?”
“Of course they do, Reece. I was going to tell you.”
“Right. But you had to work up the nerve to do so.
Am I that scary? My reactions that unpredictable?”
“No! It’s just…” Her voice trailed off.
“It’s exactly that.” Turning, he j
ogged up the stairs without another word.
“Where are you going?” she demanded.
He grabbed his wallet, quickly slid on his favorite pair of running shoes and was back down in less than a minute. “Out.”
The word seemed to send her reeling back and for a moment he felt guilty. But he couldn’t stay in this house with her for another second, couldn’t deal with this argument right now. Not when the pain was seething inside of him, along with a need to lash out at her that he refused to give in to. Better that he calm down and they discuss this later, when they could both be rational, than he take the chance of saying something he might regret now.
“So you’re leaving? Just like that?” Her voice was furious, her face devoid of emotion. “You find out I’m pregnant and you can’t get out the door fast enough?”
Fury seethed, consumed him. “Is that what you think?”
“It’s what I know. And you ask why I didn’t tell you right away?” She swept her arm toward the front door.
“Don’t let it hit you on your way out, Reece. We don’t need you—we never have and we never will.”
Gritting his teeth, forcing back the hurt that was wildly alive within him, he headed for the door at a dead run. And didn’t look back.
* * *
SARAH STOOD STARING at the door for long minutes after Reece left and still she couldn’t believe it. He’d walked out—no, run out—without so much as a backward glance. Even as she’d told herself this would happen, there was a part of her that had been sure he’d stay. Had wanted him to stay.
Even after she’d heard his truck start up and the tires squeal as he headed away from the house much too quickly, she stayed where she was. Waiting for him to understand. Waiting for him to come back.
But he didn’t, and eventually the kids needed lunch and naps and mommy time. So she went through the motions of the day, all the time her mind and heart focused solely on Reece.
Had he really run away from her—from the baby they’d made together? Had he really turned his back on all of them? Again?
Her thoughts were such a muddle, their conversation such a blur of hurt and fear and anger that she wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. The only thing she knew for certain was that she was pregnant. And Reece was gone.