“Whatever,” scoffed Justin. “You don’t know how to hold the bat, Mom.”
“I would love to teach you to play baseball and soccer and anything else you want to learn,” Reece said. “And I wouldn’t mind some chicken nuggets right about now, myself.” He glanced at Sarah. “If it’s okay with your mom, maybe we could head there for dinner?”
“We could probably arrange that.” She stepped forward, Rose balanced against her shoulder, and ruffled both boys’ hair in turn. “Why don’t you run and get your shoes while I pack a bottle for the baby.”
“Okay!” yelled Justin, as he ran for the stairs.
“Cool.” Johnny scrambled after his brother.
Sarah watched them go with an indulgent smile, then turned to Reece. A completely unfamiliar warmth spread though her as their eyes connected, an awareness of Reece as more than her best friend’s husband or her baby’s father.
As her breath hitched in her chest she realized—with some shock—that she was looking at Reece as a man. As a very attractive man. A man she wanted to get up close and personal with.
Clasping Rose to her chest, she stumbled back. “I’ll just go get the baby bag ready,” she muttered.
“Do you want me to hold Rose?”
No! She wanted him to go upstairs, collect his stuff and walk out the door while she still remembered he was Van’s husband and off-limits.
But all she said was, “Sure,” as she peeled the baby from her chest.
“Sure.” He took his daughter gingerly. The handoff took half the time the last one had. He had gotten so much better with Rose in such a short time that it made her stomach hurt.
Of course, it could be the guilt eating away at her stomach lining. How could she have responded to him like that, even for a second? Vanessa was probably rolling in her grave and Sarah couldn’t blame her. He was her best friend’s husband. Vanessa’s husband.
It didn’t mean anything, she assured herself as she mixed up a bottle of formula. Reece was a hot guy and she—she hadn’t been that close to a man in more years than she cared to contemplate. Of course her body had reacted—it didn’t mean her heart had. Or her head.
No, the warmth she’d felt when their gazes had connected had been purely physical. The same with the jolt that came when his hand brushed hers as he reached for Rose. It didn’t mean anything. She wouldn’t let it.
She slid the bottle into the diaper bag, then filled a second one with water. No, there would be nothing beyond parenting between them. It was a good thing that Reece was getting to know Rose, a good thing that he was involved in her life. Wasn’t that what Sarah had wanted all along?
Be careful what you wish for…. The old adage echoed as Sarah recalled the conversation she’d had the night before with her brother.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Sarah?” Tad had asked as he fixed the wobbly slats on the playset she’d bought for the boys last year.
“I think Reece is right. It’s the best solution to the problem.”
The look her brother shot her told her he thought she was insane. “Moving a man you barely know into the house with you is the best solution? For who?”
“I’ve known Reece for years, Tad. He would never do what you’re implying.”
“Maybe not, but you can’t be too careful in today’s age.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
She’d started to brush past him, to go into the house and check on Rose, but he grabbed her hand, effectively stopping her. “What if he’s just here to use you? To get to know Rose then take her from you. He could find any number of things to lie about while he’s staying here, in an effort to prove you’re an unfit mother.”
She hadn’t had an answer to Tad’s question last night. And despite thinking of little else in the past twenty-four hours, she still didn’t. But she was afraid, in a way she’d never been when Reece wasn’t interested in Rose.
Typical of her life, wasn’t it? She’d thought she’d wanted Reece to take an active role. For a little while she had actually wanted him to take custody of Rose so that Sarah could go back to the semi crazed status of her regular life. But now the thought of giving up her sweet baby girl hurt worse than anything she’d ever experienced—even coping with pregnancy and the twins on her own after Mike had decided to “follow his bliss.”
When Reece left—and he would leave, of that Sarah was sure—how devastating would it be? One day when the boys got on his nerves or work became more important than home or he realized that he didn’t need Sarah to help him care for Rose, he would walk out. Leave her and the boys. Just like Mike had. Just like her father had. Just like her mother had, in her own way. And Sarah would be left to pick up the pieces. Again.
“Mom! What’s taking so long? I’m starving!” Justin clutched his tummy dramatically.
“That’s all part of my evil plan,” she answered, shaking off her worries so that he wouldn’t see she was upset. Even at five, he was uncannily perceptive when it came to her moods.
“What evil plan?” asked Reece, as he followed Johnny into the kitchen.
“The one where I starve them so that when I give them vegetables they’ll eat them all!” She let out the witch’s cackle the boys got such a kick out of.
“Silly, Mom! There’s no vegetables at McDonald’s,” Justin said.
“No vegetables?” She paused dramatically. ‘Then I don’t think we should go. If they don’t have broccoli, I don’t think it’s the place for us.”
“Mom.” Johnny groaned. “Come on! I want chicken nuggets.”
“Chicken nuggets?” She lifted her eyebrows.
“Yeah. And French fries. And a vanilla milk shake,” Justin said.
“A milk shake, too?” She gaped. “I don’t think those little tummies will hold all that food.”
“Sure they will,” Justin answered. “I told you, I’m starving.”
Sarah sighed. “Well, I suppose, just this one time…”
The boys cheered then ran for the door. “Don’t worry, Uncle Reece,” Johnny called over his shoulder. “Mom always says that, but she doesn’t mean it.”
“She doesn’t, huh?”
“Nope. We always get a milk shake when we go to McDonalds.”
“Isn’t that a coincidence?” Reece asked, shooting her a grin before following her children. “So do I.”
Sarah gathered her purse and the baby bag. She might have her doubts about Reece—and his staying power—but there was no law that said she couldn’t enjoy whatever time she and the boys had with him. She would just have to remind Justin and Johnny that this was temporary, and pray that they understood. Because if Reece hurt her kids, she’d never forgive him. Or herself.
* * *
REECE STARED at Sarah as she juggled feeding the baby and opening Justin’s ketchup pack while discussing which video game was really the best with Johnny.
“Obviously, it’s Action Heroes, Mom,” Johnny said. “You just don’t know that ’cuz you’re a girl.”
“Oh, really?” She reached for the barbecue sauce and opened that, too. “I still say the pilot one. He can fly, after all.”
“But that’s only a plane, Mom.” Justin joined in the argument. “The action heroes really can do all those things without machines. ’Cuz of their special powers.”
Sarah winked at Reece as she considered the boys’ arguments. “You know, that’s a pretty good point. Maybe you’re right. Maybe that Action Heroes game really is the best.”
“Yeah!” Justin and Johnny chorused. “So does that mean we can get it for Christmas this year?”
“You’ve still got three months until Christmas. Don’t you want to wait until it’s a little closer to make your decision?”
“No way. It’s the coolest game ever.”
“All right, then. Action Heroes it is. But I do have a request. If your action figures really are the coolest, then I bet they would appreciate not being flushed down the toilet anymore. I know I would certainl
y appreciate not having to fish them out.”
Reece almost laughed out loud as the boys took an inordinate amount of time to consider their mother’s request.
“All right,” Johnny finally said with a sigh. “We’ll stop trying to bury them at sea.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.” She shifted Rose to her shoulder and began to pat the baby gently on her back. “Now eat your food so you can spend a few minutes on the playscape.”
“Yay!” The disappointment of not being able to flush their favorite toys was buried by the prospect of something even more exciting to do.
Forcing himself to stop chewing and swallow, Reece shifted his gaze from Sarah’s sparkling face. He would banish this unwitting attraction. Now that he was on the road to having everything he wanted, there was no way he was going to screw things up by hitting on Sarah. That wasn’t parenting or supporting her. Somehow acting on this desire seemed worse than abandoning her for so long. Any further along this path and he’d prove himself to be as bad a father as his own had been. Worse maybe, because at least his dad had shown up at the dinner table every night. He might have bitched and moaned through the entire meal, but at least he’d been there.
As Reece watched the boys scarf down their food in record time, he couldn’t help smiling. And though he was being careful not to look at his wife’s best friend, Sarah must have seen his grin, because she murmured, “Amazing what a little motivation can do, isn’t it?”
“You can say that again.” He paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, Sarah. More sorry than I can say. I was a total ass.”
“Reece—”
“No, let me say this. I can’t change what happened, but I can promise you that it won’t happen again. I’ll never walk away from my daughter.”
Sarah watched him, tension evident in every line of her body. Excruciatingly long seconds ticked by as he waited for her response. Finally, she smiled. Not one of those brief, trying-to-be-polite smiles that he’d been getting for days now. No, this was a full-fledged, thousand-watt smile, the first real one he’d seen since before Vanessa died.
It lit up Sarah’s face, chasing away the exhaustion and sadness and fear. Made her look younger—and more beautiful. That same spark of awareness sizzled inside of him.
He tried to look anywhere but at the woman sitting across the table from him, yet his gaze was drawn to her like a magnet. Despite the fact that she was rumpled and her clothes were covered with ketchup stains, she was beautiful. The way she held the baby and interacted with her children, the joy she took from being with her family, was the most attractive thing he’d ever seen.
He wanted her, needed her. That she wasn’t perfect, that she was vulnerable and subject to fits of temper only made her more interesting to him. More desirable.
God, he really was a sick bastard—and a selfish one. Though he felt guilty as hell about it, desire settled in his chest and breathing became increasingly uncomfortable.
“Let it go, Reece,” she said, her voice soft and warm as she continued their conversation. “I’m going to.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that,” she confirmed. “I’ve never been good at holding a grudge.”
He searched her open, honest expression for some hint that she was holding out on him. But Sarah was guileless and more forgiving than he deserved.
God knows, Vanessa had never been so easygoing. Where Sarah was quick to release her anger, Vanessa had been able to keep her mad up for days, even weeks. No matter how bad he felt over some real, or imagined, transgression, she always found a way to make him feel worse. Had always found a way to draw it out until he’d brought her the right amount of flowers and small gifts and apologies to soothe her ruffled feathers.
It was refreshing not to have to play that game with Sarah. To know that she meant what she said and punishment was the furthest thing from her mind. Suddenly, he realized that he didn’t want to bury the attraction. Didn’t want to let it go.
Sarah was beautiful—inside and out. Her too-prominent cheekbones and the shadows under her eyes made her look more delicate, more vulnerable, more in need of care. He could spend hours staring at her, learning every nuance of her face.
But if he did act on the attraction, if he did give in to it—he’d be out on his ass faster than he could apologize. There was no way Sarah would put up with that, not from any man let alone her best friend’s husband.
The baby whimpered and Sarah immediately focused her attention on Rose. He felt the loss of her attention keenly.
“Do you want me to hold her?” he asked. “So that you have a chance to eat?” He nodded at her untouched hamburger and fries.
“That’s okay. I can eat later.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” He reached for Rose.
Sarah relinquished Rose with a reluctance that surprised him. She’d been on her own for so long that he would have expected her to be thrilled at the chance to offload for a while. Yet she seemed almost lost.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” This time her smile was obviously forced, more of a grimace.
“I—” Rose fussed against him and panic ripped through his heart. “Am I hurting her?” He quickly adjusted her in his arms. What had he been thinking, volunteering to take the baby? He knew nothing about babies and now he’d hurt her—
“Here.” He tried to thrust Rose at Sarah. “You take her back.”
But Sarah merely shook her head and busied her self eating her hamburger. “You’ve got to figure this out sometime.”
“But she’s not happy.” Cold sweat poured down his back. “I think she’s going to—” Rose’s long, unhappy wail stopped him. He looked at Sarah pleadingly, but she continued to eat while their daughter worked herself into a full-blown fit.
Gritting his teeth, Reece bounced the baby a little bit, as he murmured nonsense to her. “It’s okay, little Rosie-posie. Daddy’s got you, Daddy’s got you.”
Unfortunately, the fact that he had her seemed to be part of the problem. Rosie merely screwed up her little face and screamed louder. “Sarah, what do I do?”
“Try burping her.” She popped a fry in her mouth. “You took her before I’d finished and the change in position might be hurting her tummy.”
Gingerly, more gingerly than he’d even thought possible, Reece shifted the baby onto his shoulder then began patting her like Sarah had taught him. Within a couple seconds the crying stopped and soon after a delicate burp emerged.
He nearly sagged in relief.
“Nice job,” Sarah said as she winked at him. “You did it.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Even he could hear the pride in his voice. He’d finally done something right.
“Yep.” She gathered the trash on the table. “Now I think I should go round up the boys so we can go home. All three of them need baths tonight.”
“Don’t leave me.” Was she insane? What if Rose started crying again?
“You’ll do fine, Reece,” Sarah said with a shake of her head. “Just keep her in that position and talk to her a little.” She wandered to the far side of the playscape to find the boys.
Okay. So he would have to cope, no matter how frightening this little person was with her cries and whimpers and little sighs.
Just then Rose chose to sigh, squirming against him until her face was buried in his neck. For a moment everything was perfect. The baby was content, happy even, and he felt a peace unlike anything he’d ever experienced.
He had a moment of clarity. This was what Vanessa had searched for, what she’d craved. She’d done everything to have a child—taken shots, consulted infertility doctor after infertility doctor, taken her temperature, given up favorite foods. And throughout the entire process he’d tried to be supportive, but he hadn’t been sure he’d wanted a baby. Hadn’t known what kind of father he would be. Between the beer and the beatings, his old man had been a regular what-not-to-do parenting manual.
/> But now Reece got what had driven Vanessa, what joy she’d been seeking. It seemed unfair that he was the one sitting here enjoying Rose, reveling in the feel of her soft body pressed against his own. It should have been Vanessa. The guilt—at holding Rose now, at wanting Sarah, at not trying harder to understand Vanessa—colored the moment and threatened to over whelm him. Regardless of what she’d done to him, Reece had let his wife down.
Rose cuddled into his chest, the movement reminding him he had a second chance here and now. He almost didn’t recognize the contentment he felt.
But could she breathe with her nose pressed up against his throat like that? He held his breath for a few seconds, his hand resting on her back as he waited for her exhale. Nothing happened. He panicked. Rip ping Rose off his shoulder as his very rusty infant CPR knowledge flooded his head, he yelled for Sarah, ignoring the looks of annoyance other diners shot him.
To Sarah’s credit, she came running, arriving as Rose lifted a little fist and smacked him in the mouth. Relief swamped him. There would be time to be embarrassed later.
Because God knew, this parenting thing was a lot harder than he had originally anticipated.
CHAPTER SIX
AFTER THREE DAYS of attempting to keep up with Sarah, Reece was exhausted. It was the middle of the night and he should be sound asleep. Instead, he lay in an un familiar bed, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.
How did Sarah do it all, day after day? Already he wanted to throw in the towel and beg for mercy. She got up at four-thirty, when Rose cried for a bottle. After feeding the baby and setting her in the swing, Sarah would work until the boys woke.
At that point, she would feed and dress the kids be fore dropping Justin and Johnny at school then coming home to start on the never-ending chores—laundry, doing dishes, scrubbing bathrooms, tidying the cars and action figures and trains that littered every space. Among those tasks, Sarah put in time on her clients’ projects, cared for Rose and cooked, before picking up the boys from school. The evenings were a frenzy of eating, bath ing and playing until the boys went to bed and Sarah spent another couple of hours on her business.