But, Gabriel just ran his hand gently over my back and through my hair. Vomit burned the back of my throat and tears filled my eyes. The minute I could break free, I was going to kill him. How do you kill an angel? Put him in sunlight, shove garlic in his face, throw water on him...what?
He clutched a handful of my hair, tugged my head off the mattress, pulled his face to my ear, and breathed in deeply. In a blur of motion, he flipped my entire body over so I was now laying flat on my back. One of his hands still had my hair as the other one pushed itself up my leg. Both his knees pinned my arms against my body as his lips skimmed over my neck. A pure thick, black darkness seeped through my skin down to my bones when he gently placed his lips to mine. I clamped my mouth shut, but it made no difference, the visions came.
My beloved angel walking away from me, lounging on his wings in the heavens, and Shane. Shane in between the legs of countless women, his eyes burning with lust. Then there was Gabriel, his gentle touch, his warm kisses, his love, "You're my heart, Grace."
I squirmed beneath him and the minute my lips broke free, I turned my head and vomited all over my sheets. "Get off m e, Gabriel," I heaved. "The way that you have destroyed my heart, just proves that you don't have one." I spit, shoved and bucked under him loosening his hold until I finally struggled free. When my right hand broke free, I pulled back and punched him in the face. I twisted myself up and kicked him as hard as I could.
He grabbed a hold of my wrist, trying to tug me back to him.
" Sto p, Gabriel! Just stop!" I pushed him away. "I get to live this life! I get it! You can't hurt me anymore. I will fight you to the end of this life, Gabriel. And, when it's the end, I get to go to heaven this time. You want to kill me now? I get to him faster!"
"Grace. It would be very prudent of you to fear me."
"Oh, go to hell, Gabriel! What are you going to do, flap your wings around and throw your halo at me? Oh, I'm shaking in fear. Really."
His lips pulled up into a snarl, "I can make your last life hell, Love."
"All my lives have been hell, Gabriel, one more ain't going to break me." The slamming open of the front door of my apartment made Gabriel chuckle and then as I blinked my eyes, he disappeared.
Night had fallen and dark shadows danced against the walls of my room. My alarm clock lay upside down, but I could still read the numbers 12:04. Somehow seven hours had passed.
I changed into a small tank top and boy shorts, threw my sheets into the hamper, and listened at my door to the voices coming from down the hall. Whatever was going on out there had made Gabriel leave.
A light knock on my door rattled the wood against my eavesdropping ears. "Grace, are you awake?" Lea called.
I opened the door and stuck my head out. Lea was in almost the same matching sleepwear as me. Her head nodded towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna need some help tonight." She pulled my arm, dragged me into the living room and held her hands out to show me what was going on. Conner was attempting to do a headstand against the wall and Shane had made a pillow tent on the floor with all the cushions from our couch. The apartment smelt like burnt cookies.
Conner fell on his head and giggled, "There's my beautiful girlfriend. Shane. Shane? Sha...ne? Where the frig is Shane?"
Shane popped his head out of the cushions and waved like an imbecile, "I'm in my fort."
Conner crawled towards the pillow fort and looked up at me, "Uh oh, Shane. Look who's here. Shane? Shane?" he whispered. "Dude, ask her to get in the fort with you."
"Okay, that's enough. Come o n, Conner, let's go to bed," Lea said pulling him up off the floor. He stumbled drunkenly against the wall giggling and slid against the wall down the hallway with Lea helping him walk. "Grace, Shane really, really, really likes you...," he drunkenly sang.
Lea looked back at me with a small tight smile. "You got Shane?"
I tried to smile back but I don't think it reached my lips, "Yeah, sure." I turned my head back to the pillows as they all crumbled around him.
He looked up at me, stared blankly, and slurred, "God, Grace, you're so fucking exquisite."
I wanted to wrap that moment up in tissue paper and save it forever someplace near my heart, just so I could take it out and look at it when the world was too harsh. The beautiful drunk boy in the pillow fort in my living room telling me I was exquisite. My eyes welled with tears and I needed to take a deep breath of air, yeah that moment was perfect.
I walked over to him and started putting the pillows back on the couch as he sat there and watched me. I opened one of the closets where we keep extra pillows and sheets and fixed the couch for him to sleep on. He staggered to his feet and collapsed on the couch, pulling me down sitting me next to him. He pulled his tee shirt off and threw it on the coffee table. He leaned back against the pillows of the couch and touched his hand to mine.
"How was your date?" he slurred.
I looked down at his fingers softly stroking the skin of my mine and I entwined his fingers in mine. "I didn't go."
He lay down along the couch and pulled me into his arms laying me against his body. "I know I'm drunk as hel l, Grace, but, just stay with me. I need you like I fucking need to breathe."
"Shane..."
Softly he placed his lips on the nape of my neck, just below my ear, inhaled deeply and kissed me. "Shut up and go to sleep, Grace."
Another moment to keep safe...because this...this felt so perfect.
Chapter 16
The plan was to leave for Lea's parents at ten o'clock. We were going to drive the Jeep there and leave it, I barely used it and alternate side of the street parking for street cleaning in Manhattan was a pain in the neck.
I slid off the couch around nine that morning and jumped in the shower. I dressed in a simple pair of black yoga pants and a tight pale pink thermal long sleeved shirt. I twisted a tie into my hair and donned a long thick ponytail. I bounced out of my room at the first scent of coffee.
Conner and Shane both sat at the kitchen table holding their head in their hands. Lea leaned up against the counter with a wide grin on her face.
"GOOD MORNIN G, BOYS!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Conner cringed and Shane lifted his blood shot eyes at me shaking his head.
"You're pure evil," Shane whispered letting his head collapse back onto his arms.
Conner looked back and forth between Lea and me, "Why the hell are you guys up so early on a Sunday making a racket waking us up?"
Lea placed her hands on her hips shaking her head, "Con, I told you. Grace and I are going to my parents. We'll be back tomorrow. Grace is going to pick up her bike and maybe we'll go out dancing tonight." She winked at me, "What do you say, Gray? You up for dancing at one of the beach clubs?"
"Now that sounds like a good idea, I'm going to need to pack a little skirt and some heels then." I poured myself a cup of coffee and stirred in some sweetener.
Shane lifted his head again and leaned back on the kitchen chair. Raising his hands, he folded them behind his head, blood shot blue eyes glaring at me. Cold and calculating. Uh oh. He leaned forward with a serious expression on his face, "So how was your date with the bartender last night, finally get laid?"
My coffee cup froze midway to my lips. "Are you serious right now?" Lea gave Conner a sideways glance and both of them started to leave.
I stood up before anyone else could, slamming my cup of coffee down on the table. The dark bitter liquid sloshed over the top and splashed across the table. I slithered up close to him; he didn't make a move to lean away. I was so close to him I could feel the anger radiating off him like heat. I dropped my face to his and met those blue eyes with mine. "He damn near wrecked my ass he was so big. Thanks for the condom, one just wasn't enough though. So, yes Shane, I am one well-fucked girl right now!" I moved my face in closer to his and his lips parted. "I didn't know how much I needed to be with him, it's like I needed him like I needed to breathe. Ever felt like that, Shane?"
Shane's jaw tensed and he took a long,
deep breath, blowing it back out through clenched teeth. He pulled himself out of his chair, really slow, his eyes never leaving mine. "What did you just say?"
I took a step away from him. I looked over to Lea, "I'm going to pack some more stuff. Let me know when you're ready to leave." I walked around him, his solid body still standing there, muscles all stiff and tight, knuckles white. When I hit the hallway, tears burned my eyes, and I despised myself for letting myself have any feelings for him. I hated being human. I hated this place. I hated being here, stuck here.
"My God, Shane, you are the biggest ass hat in the whole world!" I heard Lea say. "You ran out of the house like a God damn five year old yesterday and she told Ryan she couldn't go out with him! She stayed here the whole night. Alone!" I heard her stomp to the hallway, "And maybe you were too damn drunk to remember, but when I woke up this morning, she was wrapped in your arms on the couch, Shane. She stayed with you the whole night. She's right about you. You don't deserve someone like her."
I slammed the door to my room, tears blurred my vision and an icy cold breeze sent goose bumps across my skin. Gabriel stormed across the room, sharp, steely wings out, stopping an inch from my face. I moved back, banging my body against the door, panic tore my brain. His body crashed into me and his lips slammed onto mine.
Images ripped through my skull, tearing my mind to shreds. Shane at the bar with Conner, in the bathroom with Marie, then another girl, then another. My angel laughing down at me then looking away, as if I had never meant anything to him. Gabriel tore his lips off mine, ancient blue eyes locked with mine. His hands raked themselves up my sides, under my shirt, icy claws turning my heart to stone.
I raised my hands to his head and grasped handfuls of the sharp shards of his hair. I could feel the sharp slices of pain and the spikes cutting through my hands, but it was a distant feeling like it was someone else's body. I pulled his face back towards me and kissed him. Disgust swept through my body, but I could not control my actions; I was a strung up puppet following my master.
His breathing quickened and he kissed me back with sheer lust. Cold hands slid like wet steel against my skin. I swallowed hard as the waves of darkness that were filling me crashed above my head drowning me. A heavy thick shadow blanketed my soul.
A sharp thud against the door stopped the darkness from consuming me. I blinked my eyes open to a cold empty room. "You will happily hand me your soul one day, love, or I'll take everyone and everything you love in this life away. I promise you that, Grace. Give yourself to me and everything we ever wanted will be ours for the taking," the soft whispered words in my ears ran across my skin making it scorch with fiery pinpricks of heat. I raised my hands to my lips and tasted blood. I looked down to my trembling hands. Hundreds of small slices, like paper cuts, covered my palms.
Another sharp thud vibrated against the door. "Grace, please open the door," Shane's husky voice whispered.
Tremors shook my body as I moved to open the door. Shane stood statue-like in the hall, head faced up to the ceiling as if looking, or waiting for divine guidance. I wanted to warn him it never comes, but I couldn't form any words. His eyes fell from the ceiling to my face and he took a step forward. He slowly brought his hands to my chin and touched each side of my face, his breaths came out labored and his voice was hushed and pained, "I don't know how to do this, tell me how to fix us."
Hiding my shaking bleeding hands from him, I leaned my face into his warm hands. "Just be my frien d, Shane, start there. Anything else may kill us both."
Chapter 17
I pulled my Jeep to the side and double-parked in front of our apartment. I turned my audio system on and waited for Lea. So Far Away by Avenged Sevenfold blasted through my speakers. Perfect song. How do you live without the people you love?
The Jeep's door opening brought me back from my far away thoughts. Lea yanked the front seat forward and took our bags to the back. Shane and Conner climbed into the backseat silently. Shoving our bags in the small space behind the seats that pretended to be my trunk, Lea then walked back around to the passenger side and climbed in. She pulled the door closed and gave me a small sideways glance. "They wouldn't let us go without them."
As I pulled the Jeep forward, I noticed a small smile tug at the corner of her lips.
"Love this band," Shane murmured from the back seat. I lifted my eyes to the rearview mirror and his stone cold blue eyes shined right back at me. We held onto that stare for a minute until I looked away and turned the volume of the song higher. I didn't want to hear anything else he had to say while he stared at me like that. I focused my thoughts on driving and sang along to the music.
I headed south down Second Avenue and inched through the traffic across the Queens Midtown Tunnel. Lea moaned and complained about how many people lived in the city and Conner continuously kicked at her seat. When we finally emerged from the traffic of the tunnel, we had already been in the Jeep for an hour and I was plotting everyone's death. Tons of cars traveled slowly along with us as we drove through the Queens Midtown Expressway all the way to Woodhaven Blvd. After two hours in stand still traffic, Lea had all the windows open and was singing horribly to Limp Bizkit's rendition of The Who's Behind Blue Eyes.
Finally, the traffic thinned out and we flew down Cross Bay Blvd over the dark waters of the bay that filled itself with the cold Atlantic Ocean. The March winds outside the Jeep were cool and building in fury. When I pulled up in front of Lea's old Belle Harbor childhood home, a pang of sadness throbbed in my heart when I looked at my old house next door. The memories of Jacob and Lea as children running through the yard down to the beach filled my mind. I killed the ignition and looked up into my rearview mirror; Shane's stare reflected back. I had the strangest feeling his eyes never moved off me, like he had watched me the whole damn ride. My butterflies gave my insides a little kick.
As soon as our feet stepped on the front walk, Lea's mom, Caroline, burst through the front door and ran at us like she hadn't seen us in years. "Anthony! They're finally home!" she called into the doorway of the house. Oh God, finally home? She grabbed Lea and me up in her arms and the smell of her vanilla soap wafted to my nose. It did feel like home.
Carolin e, let go of Lea, but held me at arm's length and looked me up and down beaming. "You look healthy enough, but you need to put on more weight. You're all skin and bones, dear."
Lea barked out a laughed and patted my shoulders, "Don't worr y, Ma, at the rate she's been devouring ice cream and alcohol, she'll pack on the weight within the next week. Her ass is gonna be so big she'll have moons orbiting it."
Caroline rolled her eyes at her daughter, "You need help, dear. Let's go in and say hello to your father." She turned to Shane and Conner and kissed them both on the cheek, "Hello, boy s, c ome on inside. Anthony has a game on and I'll have lunch ready in a minute and we'll see if we can fatten her up a bit today." She grabbed Lea and Conner by the shoulders and shoved them forward.
I remained on the front walk, my future-moon-orbiting-ass and me, with my mouth hanging open. When I stepped forward, Shane caught me and pulled me back. Not fighting him at all (I mean, come on, who would? His arms were holding me!) I fell back into him, my back pressed tight up against the front of him, one of his hands held my wrists, restraining me from moving. Okay, I liked this. I really freaking liked this. With his other hand, he brushed aside the hair that fell in waves down my neck and brought his mouth to my ear. He sucked his breath in and lowered his voice, "I'm kind of in love with your ass the way it is."
With his body all smashed up against me like that, I could not for the life of me think clearly. "Shane, shut up. I really hate you right now." And stop making me have sex with you in my head! It's like a porn movie on repeat in here.
His raspy deep chuckle tickled my neck and shot spikes of heat deep in my belly. "No, you don't, Gray." And then? And then the jerk kissed my neck in that awesome panty melting spot right below the ear, with his warm OPEN lips. And I needed a change
of panties. ASAFP! Mine were soaking wet.
Now I'm standing in the middle of the block where I've grown up, in front of my almost-family's house with the most delicious man I had ever seen, without wings, who is running his lips against my skin. Usually, this being Shane Manwhore Maxton, I try to practice self-preservation, and not give in. It usually is the only way to survive against Shane Maxton with your heart intact. But this man was affecting my panties in all the right ways. I spun around in his arms easily. It's my lucky day and he's still restraining my wrists, which makes my thighs tremble. "You kno w, Shane, if you could stop all your insane outbursts against me for five minutes, I would really love to see what that warm tongue of yours could do to the rest of my body."
Those gorgeous blue eyes widened and for a few heartbeats (I heard mine clearly pounding hard against my rib cage) he just stared into my eyes. Then his eyes seemed to darken as my words slid right over him and his hold on me changed. He tightened his grip on my wrists, his whole body stiffened and he pulled me closer to him. He sucked in a slow deep breath and his eyes went to my mouth. God, did I want him to kiss me.
Letting go of one of my wrists, he gently laced his hand through my hair. A hot rush of adrenaline shot through my veins. Please kiss me. Please kiss me.
"Are you two coming in? Lunch is almost on the table!" Caroline yelled from the doorway. Seriously, right now? Did she not see the ridiculously perfect man just about to kiss me?
Shane let out a low audible moan and his hands fell to my waist and turned me towards the front door. "Ah...yep. We're um...coming, Mrs. R," he said breathlessly. One hand slid to the small of my back and gently pushed me to walk alongside him into the house. His blue eyes looked down at me and he brushed a strand of dark hair that fell across my cheek behind my ear. Th at damn beautiful smirk that was on his face made me want to climb up his body and lick his lips. Oh, dear God, I'm in trouble.