“No,” I said. “I mean, that’s not what I need. Not what I’m hungry for.”
She blew out a breath. “Well, if it’s Victor’s blood you want, then we need to turn around and get this whole mess figured out. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding and once you explain—”
“I’m not going back there,” I said. “And blood isn’t what I’m hungry for.”
“Taylor, you’re a vampire,” she said. “What else could you possibly want? A glass of red wine? Maybe some tea? A freaking Bloody Mary?”
“Is that…?” I rolled down my window a crack and sniffed the air. “Do you smell French fries?”
Addison looked at me doubtfully. “Uh, sure, I guess. I mean, we are in the parking lot of Checkers.”
“Go through the drive-thru,” I ordered eagerly. “Get me a double—no, a triple order of fries. I don’t have any money but I swear I’ll pay you back. And hurry, Addison—I feel like I’m going to faint or throw up if I don’t get something now.”
She’d been sitting there staring at me like I was crazy but that got her into gear. “All right,” she said, putting the car into drive and pulling into the drive-thru line. “But I don’t know what I’m going to do with all this food when you can’t eat it. You know I’m on a diet right now.”
“You shouldn’t be,” I said absently, scanning the big lighted drive-thru menu. “You know Corbin likes you just the way you are.”
“Well, I like me a good ten pounds lighter,” she said. “You see what you want or is it just fries?”
“Fries and a chocolate milkshake,” I said, my mouth watering so much I could hardly speak. “Oh—and a double cheeseburger too. With extra pickles and onions. And barbeque sauce on the side.”
She looked at me like I was crazy. “You’re sure about this now?”
“Hello, may I take your order?” The bored voice of a teenager forced to work the night shift came buzzing out of the speaker.
“Yes!” I made motions at her with my hands. “Go! Order!”
Doubtfully, Addison placed my entire huge order and then drove around to pay and get the food. As she passed the warm, greasy bags to me, I felt my stomach twist painfully. God, I was so hungry. And not thirsty like I was when I wanted blood—actually starving for food. Real food.
This is crazy, I told myself as I pulled three piping hot fries out of the bag and crammed them into my mouth.
Back when I was first born to darkness, the very first time I visited Addison, she had tried to feed me. I had been so upset about being turned into a vampire I had wanted to try human food again, even though it didn’t smell appetizing at all. To my heartbreak, it had tasted like nothing—like sand. Even placing the most luscious chocolate truffle on my tongue and letting it melt was like trying to swallow a clod of dirt. It had made me sick as a dog and I had been more upset than ever.
But now, for some reason, things seemed to be completely different. The French fries in my mouth tasted like…French fries. Hot and salty and greasy and good, they coated my mouth with their flavor, their crisp outsides popping open between my teeth to let out the delicious fluffy center.
The burger was the same way—salty and fattening, the cheese dripping down my chin, the onions crunching, the tangy pickles…So good, was all I could think. Oh my God, so good, so good!
And then I tried the shake.
Creamy, rich, chocolaty and cold—so icy and sweet it made my teeth ache. It was good—more than good—amazing!
I looked up at Addison who was watching me with wide eyes.
“Addy,” I whispered, reaching for another fry. “It’s…food. It tastes like food again. I can’t believe it.”
“Neither can I,” she said flatly. “Taylor, are you sure you’re not hurting yourself?”
“Hurting myself? I’m in Heaven.” I finished another container of fries and then a sudden wave of shame hit me. “Oh God, Addison—I’m horrible. I shouldn’t be eating this way, not after what I did to Victor.”
“No, hon, you shouldn’t be eating this way because you’re a vampire.” She shook her head. “I just don’t understand—are you cured or something? Can somebody just spontaneously stop being a vamp?”
“I don’t think so,” I said doubtfully. “I mean, I never heard of anything like that.” It would have given me hope if I had—I’d never particularly enjoyed being a vampire. It wasn’t anything I would have chosen if I had been given a choice.
“Open your mouth,” Addison commanded. “Let’s see if you still have fangs.”
“I do,” I said.
“Well, let me see.”
I swallowed and opened my mouth dutifully while she flipped on the overhead light and peered inside. After a moment, she nodded.
“Yup, still there.”
“Told you.” I touched the tip of my tongue to one sharp point and thought again of all the awful bite marks I’d seen on Victor’s body. My newfound appetite abruptly disappeared.
“Well,” she said, putting the car into gear. “Maybe Corbin will know something about it. Come on—let’s go ask him.”
“No, Addison, please,” I begged, crumpling up the empty bags. “I don’t want to see him now.” Corbin had entrusted me to Victor and made him promise not to hurt me. But he hadn’t said anything about me not hurting Victor. “I can’t stand to see Corbin right now and admit…admit what I did,” I said. “Not now. Not yet.”
“I still don’t think you did half as much damage as you think you did,” she said, frowning. “But fine, I’ll take you to my place. You can hang out there until the two of you come to your senses and get back together.”
“That’s not going to happen,” I said in a low voice.
Addison didn’t answer—she knows when to stop talking and leave me alone. Another good quality in a friend. She just raised an eyebrow at me and stole one of the few remaining fries.
Addison had a nice little condo in Hyde Park—one of the more fashionable areas in South Tampa. The dusty little Ford Escort she used to drive was parked in the driveway with her parking sticker from the VAB—the Vampire Auditing Bureau—still in the corner of the windshield. She didn’t work there anymore although she did still do some freelance consulting for them. Mostly, she was working on her thesis in Eighteenth Century English Literature and hoping to teach somewhere when she was done.
It was good to see her softening up a little and enjoying life again. Being a VAB agent had made her tough and hard in a way that made me sad when I remembered the sweet, happy girl she’d been in college. Now that Corbin was in her life, I could see that girl coming back again, a little at a time. But she was still eminently practical, which I appreciated.
“Come on,” she said, letting me into the condo. “You can stay here as long as you need and I think I still have some of your old clothes in the closet as well as the dresses I brought over last night. Of course, your regular clothes will be six years out of date now but oh well.”
“Oh well,” I echoed with a sigh. Her little condo was clean but it seemed dusty and disused and there was a stale smell in the air. Addison never had time for pets after our cat, Samikin, had run away, so the place felt completely empty and cold.
“Ugh.” Addison looked around with a frown. “I need to get over more often and clean. Sorry it’s so musty.”
“It’s fine,” I said, switching on a lamp. “And the bedroom is light tight—that’s all I need.”
“That and blood,” she said doubtfully. “Or do you?”
“I don’t know,” I said calmly. “But I do know one thing—I won’t be taking any more from Victor if I do need some.”
“What?” She frowned. “Look, Taylor, just because you’ve suddenly developed the capacity to inhale junk food by the carload doesn’t mean you don’t need blood. I mean, you’re a vampire—remember?”
“Look, I’ll be okay, all right?” I said. “I just need…a little time to myself. That’s all.”
Addison sighed. “All right. I
didn’t mean to be pushy—I just worry about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about,” I insisted.
She snorted. “Nothing to worry about? What about you going into heat and having weird dreams and going out in the sun? Not to mention the blackout sex you had with Victor and now you’re eating actual food. I mean my God, Taylor, if there was any kind of vamp clinic anywhere I’d be taking you there right now. Something is definitely going on with you.”
“The only think going on with me is that I’m tired.” I manufactured a yawn. “So tired. I feel like I could sleep for a week.”
“But it’s only…” She looked at her watch. “It’s not even midnight yet.”
“I know but I’ve been going to bed earlier and getting up earlier—remember? It feels like bedtime to me now—I want to sleep.”
“I don’t know…”
“Please, Addison…” I put a hand on her arm. “I swear, I really just want to get some rest. Maybe things will look better in the morning. Or in the afternoon, which is usually when I wake up now.”
“All right,” she said, very reluctantly. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure.” I pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, roomie,” I murmured. “Thank you for being there for me and for understanding. You’re the best.”
“Everything is going to be okay.” She hugged me back and then pulled away, giving me a reluctant smile. “You sure you’re feeling better? You’re not going to do anything, uh, drastic?”
“Not unless you call taking a hot shower and crawling into bed drastic, no,” I lied, trying to smile. I faked another yawn. “Geeze, why am I so sleepy? It must be all the food—I haven’t had anything but liquid in my stomach in forever. It’s really weighing me down.”
“Yeah, I think I can see the outline of that double cheeseburger right there.” Addison poked me gently in the midsection and laughed. “You ate like a pregnant woman, you know? Crazy.”
“Yeah.” I tried to laugh along with her but I couldn’t help remembering the dream I’d had, the dream of Victor and me on the beach with our daughter. Just a dream, I reminded myself sadly. It could never come true—especially now.
“Okay, I’ll leave you alone to sleep,” Addison said, grabbing her purse and keys from the little table by the door. “But I’m coming around noon to check on you and you’d better be ready for pancakes. Since you can eat again, I’m making you the biggest breakfast you’ve ever seen.”
“Mmm.” I smiled and rubbed my stomach. “Don’t forget the bacon, okay? And maple syrup—the real stuff, not the fake kind.”
“Picky, picky,” Addison laughed, shaking her head. “Yeah, I’ll bring the good stuff, don’t worry. I might even go off my diet and join you.”
“You’d better,” I told her. “If I’m going to get fat, I’m not doing it alone. You have to go along with me.”
She laughed again. “What will Corbin say?”
“He’ll love you no matter what,” I said quietly. “You know that.”
“Oh, hon…” She sighed and gave me one last hug. “It’s going to be okay,” she said softly. “Everything is going to work out.”
“I know,” I said and thought, because I’m going to make it work out.
I knew exactly what I had to do and as soon as Addison left, I was going to do it.
Chapter Twenty-three—Victor
I don’t know how long I lay on the bed, hating myself. I just kept thinking of all the ways I had failed her. Taylor had told me she might never feel ready to have sex again and then she’d woken up with me inside her. And it wasn’t just that…it was the way I had taken her. I winced when I remembered it.
Iwas so rough with her. Pounded into her. Used her like a whore. What the hell is wrong with me? How could I do that? The beast…my curse…her heat…no excuse was good enough. Nothing could explain away what I had done.
How many times had I sworn I would never hurt her? Never use or degrade her the way she’d been used and degraded by that bitch Celeste? I couldn’t stop seeing that hurt, confused look on her face or hearing the pain in her voice. I had sent her to Corbin because it was the only thing I could think of to do. At least she would be safe there—safe from me.
My one small satisfaction was that I hadn’t changed into the beast that still raged inside me. By fucking Taylor—I winced when I thought the words but they were the only ones that fit, we sure as hell hadn’t made love—I had managed to back off the need to change some, but I was pretty sure the curse couldn’t be held back forever. The brand on my back was still burning and tomorrow was a full moon night.
God, tomorrow….why should I care about fucking tomorrow anymore? Taylor was gone, out of my life forever. And I had been too much of a coward to even watch her go. I’d heard her sobbing in the other room as she called Addison and begged her to come. The sound had made me feel like someone was tearing my heart out and roasting it over live coals.
I’d wanted in the worst way to go to her, to beg her forgiveness for what I’d done. But it was too much, too awful and unforgivable. I had destroyed her trust—the trust I’d worked so hard to build. I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to see me again. Hell, I wouldn’t blame her if she sent Corbin after me—I had broken the vow he had made me take during our blood-bonding ceremony not to hurt or abuse her. Broken it all to hell.
I should probably go to him and confess…let him do what he wants. No punishment he could devise would be as bad as losing Taylor, though. My house felt empty without her. So did my heart.
God baby, I already miss you. I missed her arms around my neck, her soft, gentle laugh, the sweet, quiet way she talked. And I missed her sharp little fangs in my throat…Her fangs… Something about that bothered me. And then…her fangs. Oh my God, I’m an idiot!
I nearly slapped my own forehead. How could I be so stupid? I had sent Taylor away from me when I was the only one who could feed her.
I’m her only source of blood and I sent her away to starve. Now I felt even worse, if that was possible. I jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. The way she’d been crying, she had probably lost a lot of blood. She was going to be thirsty as hell soon with no way to quench her thirst. Hell, she probably already was.
She probably won’t want to get close enough to you to feed from you. Not after what you did.
The thought stopped me dead in my tracks. Of course she wouldn’t want to be close to me—not close enough to feed from my throat, anyway. My cock ached when I remembered the delicious sensation of her sharp little fangs piercing me there and I hated myself all over again. Well, maybe she would at least take from my wrist. That way she could keep me at an arm’s length—literally. Or maybe she could feed from me in wolf form.
My gut twisted with apprehension when I imagined facing her again, begging her forgiveness for what I had done. But I had to do it—I couldn’t just let her starve.
I was about to throw on some clothes when I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. I was a fucking mess. Bites, scratches, blood…I basically looked as fucked up on the outside as I felt on the inside.
Reluctantly, I decided to take a shower before I left even though I really didn’t want to. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to take the time, it was the fact that I would be washing Taylor’s scent off my skin. And the new scent too—the scent we had made together when I had come inside her.
The memory of doing that, of pushing deep into her pussy and filling her with my cum, sent a shiver of longing down my spine. The feel of her, that sensation of tight, hot velvet squeezing me…
Then I remembered the look in her eyes when she came to and realized what had just happened. The shiver of desire was quickly replaced with a shutter of self-loathing. God, I was a shit. How could I hate myself so much for hurting her and still want to do it again?
“Fucking asshole,” I muttered angrily as I stepped into the shower and turned the water to the hottest possible setting. I didn’t deserve to wear Tay
lor’s scent or bear her marks on my neck. Not anymore.
My heart was heavy as I scrubbed her warm, sweet feminine smell from my skin and even heavier as I imagined the wounded, frightened look in her eyes when I showed up on her front step again.
But all the same, I couldn't stop wanting to see her. Even if I could never have her ever again, I couldn’t help myself.
I loved her.
* * * * *
Taylor
I hated lying to Addison but I was sure if I told her what I had in mind, she would try to stop me. And I couldn’t let her do that—couldn’t let anyone stop me from doing the right thing.
I took a quick shower and changed my clothes. Though it hurt me to wash Victor’s scent off my skin, I had to look more presentable. I wound up wearing a clean pair of jeans and a blue button-up Henley shirt I found in Addison’s closet. I vaguely remembered buying it years ago when we’d had a little extra money and had gone on a shopping spree to Old Navy. Good times, gone forever. Well, at least it still fit.
The spare keys to Addison’s Focus were where she always left them, in the back of the junk drawer in the kitchen. As I got into her little car, I realized I had left my cell phone inside the house. I started to go get it, looked at my watch, and decided I didn’t have time.
I don’t need it. I’ll be gone and back before anyone knows it, I promised myself. After all, how long could my errand take? Not too long, I hoped.
I found my way back to Gwendolyn’s house in Ybor City without too much trouble and was relieved to see lights on in the front room despite the late hour. I parked in front and walked up the path to the neat little yellow house.
Gwendolyn answered on the second knock, looking surprisingly un-Goth for once. Every other time I had seen her she’d been wearing heavy black eye-liner, elaborate mystical looking fingernail polish and a lip ring. This time her creamy café au lait skin was scrubbed clean of makeup and her long black hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Her lovely sculpted nails were painted clear and she was wearing pink and white Hello Kitty pajamas. Other than the lip ring, which still remained, she looked like an innocent little girl getting ready for bed.