actually wanted to cry, but I wouldn’t let myself, I had only known him for three weeks; it was nothing serious, so I shouldn’t be upset about it.
“So your husband doesn’t treat you nice any more, doesn’t take you out, so you just decided to go have a little fun with a new guy? Screw him and screw family?” Nate replied acidly.
Screw family? Is he kidding me right now? How dare he just assume things about me and my family!
“Nate, you need to chill out. I know I didn’t tell you about DJ, but don’t you dare start assuming anything about my family values. I put everything on hold for my family! I’d lay down and die for my son in a heartbeat, so don’t even think about telling me I’ve done something wrong by him, because I haven’t!” I snapped angrily.
“Breaking up a family for a seedy affair is doing something wrong, Rosie!” he cried.
I frowned, a little shocked. Breaking up a family? Did he think I was actually with Josh? Was that why he kept saying the word husband… he thought I was married and cheating with him?
“Nate, Josh and I aren’t together any more. I haven’t been with him for over three years. It’s just me and DJ on our own,” I said quietly.
My explanation was met with silence for a few seconds.
“But… you… I… it…” he stuttered.
I said nothing. I should have told him earlier than this; it was unfair of me to lead him on but realistically we were both using each other for different things anyway. He didn’t say anything else for a full minute and I was pretty sure I held my breath the whole time. My stomach was starting to hurt at the rejection. I silently wished I’d just trusted my instincts and stayed away from him altogether. I’d had first-hand experience of what guys like him did to girls; I knew he was trouble, but I hadn’t been able to keep a distance.
“You’re not with that guy?” he asked finally.
“No. Josh and I broke up a long time ago.” I swiped angrily at the tear that fell down my face. Damn it, why the hell am I crying? Grow up, woman, you’re being pathetic. You’re stronger than this!
“I-I guess I jumped to conclusions then. But that kid, he’s your son?”
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “He’s four, and his name’s DJ. Well, actually, his name’s Damon Josh, but no one calls him that really, we all just kind of shorten it,” I mumbled, rambling like I seemed to do a lot around him. I forced myself to stop talking before I made myself sound like an idiot.
“Is he alright? What was he at the hospital for?” Nate asked, actually sounding concerned.
I smiled sadly. In a way, it was easier when he was mad with me. Nate being all sweet and concerned about my son, was just making it harder because it just showed exactly what I’d missed out on.
“He’s okay now. Apparently he was jumping on the bed and fell off. He’s fractured his arm. He’s got a cast and stuff, but he’s fine.” I stood up and walked to the door, peeking around the doorframe to see DJ still sitting there watching Cars on DVD.
“He broke his arm? Damn that’s rough. I broke my arm when I was a kid, it hurts like hell for a while. Make sure you give him plenty of ice cream and candy. It’s the only thing that takes the pain away, and that’s coming from personal experience,” he joked.
I chuckled. “I’ll be sure to do that. Thanks for the advice.”
“Sure thing. Want to meet me and talk some more?” His voice was surprisingly hopeful.
Oh my God, he isn’t running?
Of course, I wanted to meet up and talk – but I didn’t want to get my hopes up, after all, he could just want to clear the air so that it wasn’t awkward next time we saw each other at Cameron’s christening. He couldn’t possibly still be interested in me… could he?
I knew the answer to that was no. For the last three weeks, I’d just been fooling myself, living a fantasy where I got treated nicely. A fantasy where I didn’t have to worry about chores, or the babysitter, or bedtime, or if I was going to have enough money to make it through the month. It was nice just pretending with him for a little while that I was attractive and needed, that I wasn’t lonely, and didn’t cry myself to sleep because I had no one to hold me when I was worried or scared. It was nice to just have someone for a short time.
“Umm, I’d like to, but I don’t have a sitter. DJ was supposed to be staying with his dad this weekend, but because of last night he’s now back home.”
“I could come to you?” Nate suggested.
“No, no, don’t. We won’t be able to talk with DJ here, and there’s really no point in that.” Not being able to talk with my son there wasn’t exactly the only reason, but I didn’t want to get into that right now with him.
“Oh, right. Yeah, I didn’t think about that. There are some things I need to say though, and I don’t really want to do it over the phone,” he replied dejectedly.
My intercom buzzed making me jump a mile and to curse under my breath. “Nate, just hold on one second, someone’s at the door.” I went to the door quickly and pressed the buzzer. “Hello?”
“It’s me,” Josh announced. I pressed the buzzer quickly to let him up and flicked the latch on the door so he could let himself in. I couldn’t help but be impressed with him for making an effort for a change, that wasn’t the usual Josh.
I put my cell phone back to my ear. “Nate, DJ’s dad’s just turned up. I really need to go, but maybe I could talk to you later or something?” I offered, mentally crossing my fingers.
“Listen, why don’t I just come over to yours later and we can talk when DJ goes to bed,” he suggested.
That was actually a pretty good idea. “Okay, yeah, sure. Come over at about eight, he’ll be asleep then.”
“Okay, see you then. Bye.” He disconnected the call, and I let out a heavy breath. This was going to be a long day. My eyes were already heavy from having about three hours sleep, and now, on top of that, I had to stress all day about seeing Nate and what he was going to say.
I wanted to see him so I could apologise properly, but another part of me was a little reluctant to see him again because it would just be rubbing it in my face what I maybe could have had if my life was different. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant at nineteen by a guy who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants, and I had met Nate then, maybe things would have worked out. Maybe in a parallel universe there was another Rosie, and she got to keep the adorable thoughtful guy who made her smile and feel like she was alive again. I hope she did, because that made living this life a little easier.
Josh let himself in and smiled, holding up DJ’s overnight bags.
“Hey, bunny. I’ve got everything,” he greeted happily.
I clenched my jaw. “Don’t call me that,” I snapped tiredly, ignoring his little smile of amusement. I motioned towards the lounge. “He’s in there if you want to go see him. I’m gonna make a coffee,” I mumbled, heading to the kitchen, needing the caffeine.
Chapter Eleven
~ Nate ~
As soon as I disconnected the call I tossed my phone onto the table, putting my head in my hands.
I’d jumped to conclusions last night, and now I was going to pay for it. I’d honestly thought she was with that guy, they looked like a proper little family at the hospital, and in my defence she even told me she had a man. So what was I supposed to think?
I breathed out heavily and sat back on the sofa. I’d screwed up. She was so incredible, and I’d just blown all chances that I had with her. I didn’t care that she had a son. I didn’t care that she hadn’t told me. She’d probably thought it would scare me away.
Never in my wildest dreams had I even thought about dating a woman who had kids, but now that I knew Rosie had one, I couldn’t bring myself to stop wanting her. She interested me. I wanted to talk to her about my day and hear about hers. I wanted to be the one she called if she got scared or needed a favour; I just plain old wanted her.
So she had a kid, which would be something new, but not so bad. Different, but different can someti
mes be great with a little effort – and from what I’d seen of her so far she was worth a lot of effort.
I needed to talk everything through with her. Maybe when we spoke, I could convince her to give me another shot. Or maybe she’ll never want to see me again… That thought hurt, so I frowned and gritted my teeth. I already liked her way too much. All I wanted to do was drive there now and talk to her and see if there was something I could do to make it up to her. I even wanted to meet her son and find out if he was as adorable as she was.
The bedroom door creaked open, but I couldn’t bring myself to look up. I was disgusted with myself. If I’d just stopped to think last night instead of being all super angry and getting wasted, then maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here wondering if I was going to lose something that could have potentially been the best thing that had ever happened to me.
“Are you done on the phone? Why don’t you come back to bed?” the girl purred. She was obviously trying to sound sexy and enticing, but it just made me feel worse. Her voice was nothing like Rosie’s, it wasn’t soft or silky, it was just squeaky and high pitched and actually made my ears ring.
I sighed and closed my eyes. “No. Look, I’m sorry, but I need to leave,” I mumbled, trying to ignore the hangover and tension headache that was starting to build up behind my eyes.
“Leave? But you said you’d be right back.”
I fought the urge to glare at her. Everything would have been fine if I had just walked out last night and gone home, if I’d just slept it off instead of doing all of that stuff with the Minnie Mouse understudy.
The girl was still looking at me, waiting for me to speak, but all I could think about was the fact that she was wearing my fucking shirt. I needed to leave so I could go and scrub myself roughly in the shower and try and erase the memories of last night from my brain. I’d cheated on Rosie, and it hadn’t even been worth it. I only slept with that girl to get back at Rosie for being with someone else, and now it turned out she hadn’t even done what I thought she had.
I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. I was so angry with myself that I wanted to smash something.
“Look, er…” I racked my brains for her name, but it just wasn’t coming to me. Verity or Vanessa? I couldn’t just call her Minnie again; I couldn’t have her screech at me while my head was already threatening to explode.
She glared at me venomously. “Vicky!”
“Right, Vicky. Last night was a mistake, and I’m really sorry but that’s all there is to it. If I could just get my shirt back that’d be great.”
I felt bad for being cold with her but she knew the score. I’d made it clear to her that this was a one-night stand, and she’d taken me home with her anyway.
The girl half screamed, half growled in frustration and I heard the bedroom door slam shut. A couple of minutes later she threw my shirt in my face and glared at me.
“Just get the hell out! Go wallow in self-pity over a girl you can’t have. She won’t want you, so you’re wasting your time. She’s married, so you’re screwed!”
I sighed and pulled the shirt on quickly, resisting the urge to throw it in the trash because it smelled like sex. I felt like I was cloaking myself in my shame and the smell made me feel even worse.
“She’s not married, I got it wrong. You’re right though, I’m totally screwed now,” I muttered sadly, grabbing my shoes before heading out of her front door without looking back.
When I got outside her building, I leant against it, taking deep breaths. I felt like a first-class prick. How could I have been so fucking stupid? I groaned and looked at my watch willing it to be almost eight already. My heart sank when I saw the time. It wasn’t even eleven in the morning; there were hours and hours left before I could go there and beg for her forgiveness.
Maybe I’d get it. After all, we weren’t exclusive. Technically, I hadn’t cheated on her. Yes, we’d spoken a lot over the phone, but we weren’t officially an exclusive couple…
I sighed and shook my head at my own train of thought. I was just trying to justify sleeping with someone else and make it sound okay, it wasn’t okay, so I couldn’t pretend that it was. I’d done wrong, and I’d have to take the consequences.
Not wanting to sit around for nine hours wallowing, I decided to go and see a friend and try to take my mind off it for a while. Ashton wasn’t an option. I couldn’t go there and talk his ear off about cheating on Anna’s best friend. I definitely wouldn’t get any sympathy there, hell, he’d even told me to stay away from Rosie! I groaned and shook my head. Seth, I’d go to see Seth.
After I’d got a cab to the bar and picked up my car, I went home for a nice long shower, trying to wash some of the shame away. It didn’t work. I didn’t bother trying to save my shirt, I just threw it straight in the trash; I didn’t want to be reminded what a useless prick I was, or how I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants long enough to let Rosie explain.
When I was dressed, I headed to Seth’s place. I stood outside the door wondering if I should have called first, there was a good chance he would have someone in there with him; his latest conquest. I knocked on the door anyway, hoping he was there.
He opened the door in his underwear, looking like he was still half asleep. “Hey, man, what time is it?” he yawned, running a hand through his hair as he just turned and walked into his apartment without waiting for me.
I sighed and followed him in, hoping he had some advice for me even though Seth never was very skilled with dispensing advice. “It’s not even mid-day. I just wanted to talk to you about something. I’ve done something incredibly stupid and I don’t know how to fix it.”
He gasped and looked back at me with wide, horrified eyes. “You got someone pregnant?”
The scared expression on his face was enough to cheer me up a little. Having a baby was literally Seth’s worst nightmare. He would probably never settle down. Then again, I would have thought the same about myself up until a couple of weeks ago.
“No, no one’s pregnant.”
He let out a sigh of relief and closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly. “Well thank fuck for that. Shit, I thought you’d ruined your life then!”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”
He threw me a Gatorade and leant against the kitchen counter, eyeing me cautiously. “So what’s happened then?”
I groaned at the thought of having to say this out loud. “You know that girl that I was seeing?”
He nodded, sipping his drink, watching me expectantly.
“Well it turns out that she has a kid. A four-year-old kid.”
Seth literally choked and sprayed Gatorade everywhere; I just managed to jump back in time so it didn’t go all over me.
“Dude, what the hell? That was gross!” I cried, looking at the drink all over the counter as I brushed a couple of spatters off my shirt.
He didn’t answer, just looked at me with wide eyes as he wiped his chin with the back of one hand. “She has a kid? What the hell? How? Who? But… but… how?” he asked, looking at me in disbelief.
“If you don’t know how by now, then I can’t help you, buddy, because you’ve been doing it wrong for a lot of years.”
He frowned and shook his head. “Seriously, Nate, how?”
I didn’t know how, exactly. “Some guy got her pregnant when she was younger, I guess. She’s not with him now; she’s on her own with the kid.”
“So what did you say when she told you? Shit, man, I would have run out of there so fast you wouldn’t even see me go, it would have been like one of those cartoons where all you see is the dust that was left behind.”
He grabbed a cloth and started sopping up the mess from the counter, while I proceeded to tell him everything that happened. How I found out at the hospital and jumped to conclusions. How I went and got drunk and went home with a famous Disney character, and how Rosie had called me a little while ago and explained that she was a single mother.
Seth just stood there watching me with an o
pen mouth the whole time. When I finished talking, he blew out a big breath and ran his hand through his hair.
“Wow, sounds like you’re better off out of it. You’re just lucky you found out now instead of a few more weeks down the line when she really had her claws in you.”
Had her claws in me, what does that mean? Did he not listen to a word I said?
“Seth, what are you talking about? I really like her. I don’t care that she has a kid, I mean, I was pissed last night that she didn’t tell me, but it’s not that bad really.” He was totally missing the point. It wasn’t that I was venting because she had a kid, I was venting because I could lose her after what I’d done.
He recoiled as if I’d just slapped him. “What. The. Fuck?”
I sighed; Seth was clearly the wrong person to come to with this.
“I like her, I want to work it out with her,” I explained, “but I slept with a girl last night and now she’s not going to forgive me. She said she doesn’t put up with cheating and won’t let anyone treat her like that again. When I tell her what I did, it’s going to be over before it even started. I’m such a moron!” I gripped my hands in my hair just wishing I could take it back.