light again.
“No way! I bet Nate snores,” Rosie joked as her hand found mine, pulling my arm across her body as I scooted close to her back. I smiled and interlaced our fingers.
Was this what being in love felt like? Like you’d won the lottery? Was I already in love with her? With both of them? I knew I was falling for her, but was I already there? I honestly didn’t know the answer to that question, but it sure as hell felt weird, and damn scary too. I kissed the back of her head, snuggling closer to her as she tangled her legs in with mine.
When I woke in the morning, I glanced to my right, seeing that both DJ and Rosie were still sound asleep. The kid was lying horizontally across the bed, with his feet on Rosie’s back. She didn’t seem too bothered though so maybe she was used to it. She was draped all over me again, her leg pressing down on my crotch making me horny as hell, which wasn’t a good thing when there was a kid on the other side of the bed. I gripped my hand around the back of her knee and moved it up so that I could try and calm myself down. She sighed a little in her sleep and snuggled closer to me, her hand cupping the side of my neck as she pressed her face against the other side.
My gaze landed on the clock. It was just after six in the morning. I rolled my eyes at myself – I never could sleep in after working the early shift. I just laid there stroking Rosie’s hair and looking down at her beautiful face, noticing for the hundredth time how her bottom lip was ever so slightly fuller than the top one. After about twenty minutes, DJ moved and lifted his head, looking up at me sleepily.
“Hey,” I whispered, putting my finger to my lips so he wouldn’t wake his mom.
He sat up in the bed, rubbing his eyes, so I wrapped my arms around Rosie tighter and rolled to the side, laying her down on the bed instead of on top of me. As I eased out of the bed quietly, DJ was just watching me, yawning; I grabbed my jeans and pulled them on feeling a little uncomfortable just walking around in my underwear in someone else’s apartment.
“Let’s leave Momma to sleep. Maybe make her some breakfast in bed?” I suggested, holding my hand out for him to take. He looked at it silently for a couple of seconds, but didn’t take it. Just as I was about to let my arm drop back to my side, he reached out and placed his little hand in mine.
Grinning, I bent down and picked up his Woody doll that had fallen on the floor in the night. “Come on then, partner,” I whispered, handing it to him. He smiled gratefully, and we headed out into the lounge.
“Wanna watch ’toons with me?” he asked, pouncing on the sofa.
“Sure, I love cartoons.” I smiled and sat next to him, turning the TV on and flicking through channels until we found some Mickey Mouse thing that he wanted.
“Are you really a cop?” he asked.
I nodded. “Yep, I’m a SWAT agent, which is like a cop, but I get a bigger gun,” I explained, smiling at his awed face.
“You have a gun?” His eyes widened excitedly.
I laughed and nodded. “Yeah and handcuffs.”
“Can I see them?”
“Sure. Next time your momma invites me over I’ll bring my handcuffs and you can try them out.” I grinned at his happy face, and he settled back on the sofa watching crappy cartoons.
After about half an hour I was totally bored and starving hungry. “Want some breakfast, Kid?” I asked, pushing myself up and heading to the kitchen to see what there was in the cupboards. While we chewed on toast and Poptarts, I eyed him curiously, unsure what to do with him that would make him like me more. Of course, DJ insisted we watched Toy Story 3 again after too. At eight thirty the film finished, and I figured it was probably about time Rosie woke before Josh was due over.
“Let’s make your momma some breakfast, huh? What do you think she’d like?” I actually had no idea what she liked for breakfast, so I hoped he did.
“Eggs?” he suggested, making it sound more like a question.
“Scrambled eggs? I can make that if you help me.”
He nodded in agreement, so I sat him on the kitchen counter, getting him to whisk up the eggs and then he buttered her toast while I cooked. When we threw it on a plate, it didn’t look particularly appetising. Hopefully she’d like it, if not then I could take her out for something else to eat once DJ’s dad came to pick him up. If he came anyway. Personally, I hoped he didn’t so I could take them both with me to the beach to meet my mom.
After setting a cup of coffee on the tray, I lifted DJ down from the counter. “Come on then, let’s wake her up.” I smiled.
He grinned and immediately skipped off down the hallway towards her bedroom. I followed behind him carrying the tray, eager to see her again. I loved being able to do this for her.
I stood back and let him approach the bed, smiling as he took her hand and bent over, leaning close to her face. She was still sound asleep and looked beautiful with her hair all splayed over the pillow.
~ Rosie ~
“Momma, wake up,” I heard DJ say as he squeezed my hand.
Grinning, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in the bed, yanking the duvet over our heads, making him giggle and thrash around as I tickled him. “Morning, Baby.” I yawned as he hugged me back.
“I made you breakfast, Momma,” he chirped happily.
I smiled. “Yeah? What did you make, pancakes and bacon?” I asked, playing along, holding my hand out for the pretend food.
He laughed and pulled the cover off our heads. “No, we made eggs and I mades the toast.”
My eyes flicked behind him and I jumped as I saw someone standing in the doorway. My mouth popped open in shock. I’d forgotten that Nate had stayed last night. I wasn’t used to waking up having someone else in the apartment at all. He smiled, probably at my shocked face, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Of their own accord, my eyes wandered down his body. Just the way his jeans hung so dangerously low, showing off all of the muscles to perfection, made my mouth water and my hands itch to touch him. My gaze followed the line of the V at his hips, seeing how it disappeared into the waistband.
I internally swooned. My whole body longed for his. I hadn’t been with a guy for so long, and Nate was fast turning me into some kind of sex depraved horny monster. I was actually quite proud of the fact that I hadn’t given into my body’s urges and ravaged him until we both passed out through exhaustion – well, that wasn’t strictly down to me, to be fair. I couldn’t really be proud of myself because it was more due to him rejecting me all the time, rather than me being in control of myself!
“Hey.” He smirked at me as if he knew what I was thinking. In all honesty, he probably did know, after all, I was totally fucking him with my eyes and wasn’t even bothering to be discreet about it.
“Hey yourself.” I smiled trying to look sexy, but in reality I probably looked terrible. I’d just woken up so my face was probably puffy, my hair a mess and I had on no make-up, other than what was sure to be smudged, panda-style, under my eyes. I winced, thinking about what my morning breath would smell like.
Nate nodded to my bedside table, and I glanced over to see a tray there with a plate of scrambled eggs and toast on it. My heart leapt into my throat. “You made breakfast?” I asked, shocked, looking up at Nate. His hair looked messier than normal where he’d woken up and damn, did he look good in the morning!
“We made breakfast,” he corrected, nodding at DJ, who smiled proudly.
“Eat then, Momma,” DJ ordered, bouncing on the bed happily. My heart was crashing in my chest as I pulled the tray onto my lap. Nate had gotten out of bed with my son and made me breakfast? I wasn’t sure how to cope with how adorable that was, that was sweetness on a whole new level that I’d never encountered.
I scooped up some of the eggs and shoved them in my mouth, trying to stop thinking. I was fast falling for him, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable again. Because he would get bored of me soon, either in a couple of weeks, or a couple of months, I knew that. I wasn’t enough to hold a guy li
ke him and keep him interested, and it would only be a matter of time before he cottoned on to that fact. Nate deserved a girl that could give him everything, drop everything for him, and let him be her first priority. He would never be able to have that with me, there would always be something there in the way.
“Mmm, these are really good, DJ. You make these?” I asked with wide eyes, play acting a little. He nodded proudly, and Nate laughed, sitting on the edge of the bed. Again, my eyes dropped to his perfect chest, thinking how I would actually rather be eating him than the food on the plate.
I smiled gratefully at Nate and beckoned him closer to me with one finger. He grinned and leant in, pressing his lips against mine for a second before pulling back and brushing my hair behind my ear softly, his fingers leaving a burning trail across my cheek.
“Thanks,” I whispered. I didn’t mean it just for the breakfast, I meant it for taking my son roller-skating and spending time with him last night when he was obviously exhausted, for staying here last night even though my son woke him up in the middle of the night, for getting up with him in the morning and making me breakfast, and for letting me sleep in.
“You’re welcome,” he whispered, pressing his lips to mine again softly.
He pulled back quickly when DJ moved up the bed and sat himself in Nate’s lap. I could barely breathe. I wanted DJ to have someone in his life, he deserved a nice man in his life, because the one he had really didn’t take the job very seriously. Nate looked down at DJ, shock clear across his face, before a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, his eyes soft and tender as he wrapped an arm around him, holding his hand out so DJ could slap his hand. He pulled it away just as they were about to connect, making DJ laugh and grip Nate’s wrist so he could slap his palm.
“Five!” DJ shouted, laughing. Nate laughed too, and they started fooling around trying to do high fives while the other moved their hand at the last second, chanting rhymes while they played.
I just watched them feeling so happy it was almost painful. They were both clearly enjoying the game. I loved the fact that he paid DJ so much attention. He was a natural with him.
A wave of guilt suddenly washed over me, it was like a slap in the face. I shouldn’t be allowing this; I should put a stop to this before things got too far and DJ and I both got hurt. I was being irresponsible by letting someone like Nate Peters into our lives. I wasn’t protecting my son’s heart enough. Was it selfish of me to want to spend time with Nate, knowing that there was a very, very good chance that he would leave me soon for someone more deserving of his attention? I wanted him, but I knew that this would end badly.
There were two sides to me, both of them fighting hard against the other, and I wasn’t sure which one was going to win. One side wanted Nate so badly that I would give anything for this to last forever; I would do anything for it, say anything, be anything. But the other side was screaming at me that this player was going to hurt me, and hurt me so badly that I would never recover from it. He was such a great guy, but this wasn’t about him, it was about me.
I wanted him out of my life before the pain came. But at the same time I knew I wasn’t strong enough to push this amazing guy away from me. Looking at him now, playing with my son on a Saturday morning, I knew that there was no way I was making him leave. I knew I was stuck here, just waiting for him to rip my heart out. But there was that small part of me, the tiniest part that Josh hadn’t destroyed, that tiny part couldn’t help but think ‘what if’. What if he didn’t hurt me? What if he really was as great as I was thinking he was? Just, what if…
“Momma doesn’t like our food,” Nate teased, poking DJ in the ribs playfully.
I gulped, pulling myself from my thoughts. “I do,” I lied, quickly shoving some more in my mouth, still watching them. My eyes were prickling with tears and I willed myself not to cry all because the most important thing in my life was hanging around my boyfriend’s neck, giggling hysterically.
“You two want some of this?” I asked, nodding at my tray, feeling guilty that I was eating and they weren’t. DJ was probably starving, he always ate early.
Nate shook his head. “We already ate a couple of hours ago.”
I almost choked on my toast when I realised he’d been up with DJ for a couple of hours and had made him breakfast. He just got better and better.
“What time did you get up?” I asked, swallowing quickly.
“Not sure. Long enough to watch Mickey Mouse, eat Poptarts and then watch Toy Story.”
“A little while then,” I said breathlessly.
Nate nodded, smiling. “Think I could grab a shower?” he asked, looking at me hopefully.
“Sure, there are towels in the cabinet in there.” I tried extremely hard not to think of the fact that he was about to get naked in my apartment.
He smiled and lifted DJ off his lap, setting him on the bed, ruffling up his hair before he leant in and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes at the feel of it, tilting my head up, wanting him to move down to my lips, but he pulled back, and I felt the bed shift where he got up. I smiled and watched his perfectly fine ass as he sauntered out of the room.
I turned back to DJ. “You have a good time with Nate?” I asked, finishing up my last piece of toast.
He grinned and nodded. “Nate said next time he comes over I can put his handcuffs on.” He looked so excited that I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Wow, you’re lucky, DJ.” I couldn’t help but wonder whether Nate would let me put the handcuffs on too.
“Think he’ll let me shoot his gun?” he asked with wide, excited eyes.
I laughed nervously and shook my head. “I don’t think so, Baby.”
He frowned dejectedly before he suddenly brightened. “I’ll just wait until I’m a cop and then I’ll have my own gun.”
“You want to be a cop now?” I asked, rolling my eyes. His chosen profession usually changed about once a week. It varied from builder, painter, doctor to chef; depending on what we were doing at the time. He’d never said cop before.
He pursed his lips and settled himself in my bed. “Yeah, then me and Nate could arrest all the bad guys, and be partners like Buzz and Woody.”
I draped my arm around his shoulder, squeezing him to me tightly, praying that Nate wouldn’t break both of our hearts. I tried my hardest to hold on to those two little words.
What if…
An hour later I was dressed and had just finished packing up DJ’s overnight bag. Nate and DJ were stretched out on the floor of the lounge, a big box of Lego tipped out all over the place as they made some model together. DJ was watching Nate intently; he seemed to be copying his every movement – if Nate crossed his ankles or scratched his head, then DJ did it too. I was pretty sure Nate had no idea DJ was mimicking him.
I couldn’t look away. It was probably the sweetest, most adorable thing I’d ever seen in my life. My eyes took in everything, the way Nate’s clothes clung to him in all the right places, the way his muscles flexed as he moved and added another piece. The puzzled look on his face as they searched for the block they wanted. How he laughed and bumped my son’s shoulder with his when DJ had said that the model looked like a house, when apparently they were making a car.
Then I took in DJ as he looked at Nate, his grin, the twinkle to his eyes as he laughed. The sound of their laughter melted together perfectly. A child’s laughter is probably one of the most beautiful sounds that a mother could hear, and my baby’s laughter mixed with Nate’s actually made my skin prickle and my heart ache in my chest. I’d never once seen Josh just do this kind of thing with his son. If they ever played, it lasted for a few minutes before Josh would start talking to me or flirting. It was a little heart-breaking really that Josh was such a useless father. DJ certainly deserved better.
I smiled over at them; the contrast between the pair lying on the floor was so distinct that it was almost comical. Nate was so tall and lean and mouth-wateringly perfect, with his blond hair, blue eyes
and creamy skin. Then there was DJ with his brown hair and eyes like mine, and his dad’s naturally tanned skin. They were so different, but for some reason that made them look even more beautiful together.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself away from the wall where I’d been leaning for the last few minutes, just staring at the pair of them, and forced myself to stop thinking about things so deeply all the time. If I wasn’t careful, I’d end up wasting the time that I did have with Nate because I was too busy worrying about him leaving me.
I headed over to them and smiled as I sat on the sofa, resting my foot on Nate’s back, slipping it up the back of his T-shirt. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled, and I immediately got butterflies in my stomach.
Practically as soon as I’d sat down, my intercom buzzed, and I jumped up to get it, immediately buzzing up Josh and waiting by the door for him. I glanced at Nate nervously. The last time they met, Josh had done his usual flirting routine, and Nate had told me he hadn’t liked it. Hopefully they wouldn’t be too awkward around each other today in front of DJ.
“Hey.” Josh smiled, stepping into the apartment like he owned the place as usual.
“Morning, Josh. Come on in,” I said sarcastically.
As soon as he laid eyes on his dad, DJ jumped to his feet, running full pelt across the room to him and jumped into his arms. “Hey, Buddy!” Josh greeted, grinning and hugging him tightly.
Nate pushed himself to his feet. By the way his jaw was set I could tell he would never like Josh.
I winced, praying they wouldn’t show DJ there was animosity between them. “Nate, you remember Josh, right? Josh, my boyfriend, Nate,” I said weakly, waving my hand at them both in turn.