sounded so desperate that it was almost as if it belonged to someone else. I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t even think the words.
“He’s not…” he trailed off, his fingers biting into my upper arms, his nails probably cutting into my skin but that was nothing compared to the emotional agony I was drowning in right now.
“Her son, where is her son?” Nate shouted, pulling me to his chest. I could hear his heart crashing loudly as he practically dragged me forward a step closer to the paramedic. “She has a four-year-old son. Where is he?” His voice rang with authority as he spoke.
“They said they couldn’t get him.”
The words sounded so far away. It was like I was fading off, like I was listening to everything from underwater. I clung to Nate, squeezing my arms around him tightly as if he could somehow save me from this pain that was slowly ripping my heart out.
“Fuck!” Nate cried. I was jostled; his body left mine as his hands cupped my face. His expression was pure agony as his blue eyes locked on mine. “Where is he? Which room?” he asked, his jaw tightening.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. My chin trembled as the tears just continued to fall.
“Was he in his bedroom, Rose?” Nate repeated, shaking me again like a ragdoll. I nodded quickly, my mind picturing DJ hugging his Woody doll, screaming my name. I’d left him. I’d left him there on his own. I hated myself. I hated the firemen. I hated the building for being on fire. I just hated everything. Nate kissed my forehead quickly before pulling back and taking off his hoodie that he was wearing. “I’ll get him,” he stated before he turned and ran off.
I’ll get him.
I couldn’t understand the words that he’d said. How? How could he get him? He couldn’t. He was gone. My dazed eyes followed Nate as he ran towards one of the firemen at the front line. He seemed to run in front of the spray of the hose, the pressure of it almost knocking him off his feet. I gulped; my tired and frazzled brain just couldn’t work it out as he thrust his hoodie into the jet of water too. The firemen were shouting at him to get out of the way, that he was stopping them from doing their jobs. Nate was literally dripping with water as he put his hoodie back on, pulling the hood up over his head, the material stuck to his body.
“Nate?” I whispered, not understanding what was happening. Someone tackled him to the ground, but he threw them off him easily and jumped to his feet.
He didn’t look back at me as he ran into the burning building.
My mouth dropped open as I figured it all out. The pain somehow doubled as I watched him disappear into the flames. The firemen started shouting, screaming to keep the stairs clear, they were shouting him to come back out that it wasn’t safe, that the roof was going to collapse any second.
I dropped to my knees and sobbed harder as I realised that I was going to lose Nate too. He was going to die as well. I had now lost the two most important things to me. Nate was going to die in vain, he wouldn’t be able to save DJ and he was going to be trapped in there too. My heart broke all over again at the thought of being without him too. They always said that you didn’t know what you had until it was gone, well, that saying couldn’t have been more accurate than in that second.
I loved Nate. I knew I loved him because he was killing me right now, and now it was too late. I would never be able to say those words to him.
The two most important things in my life were gone. I couldn’t cope. I couldn’t breathe. I just slumped into a pile on the floor and sobbed until it felt like all of my tears had dried up. I pressed my forehead to the cold concrete as I beat my fists against the ground, trying to cope with the emotions that were pulling me under.
The shouting died down and the smoke got thicker as time seemed to pass in slow motion. Each second was pure agony. I always thought I had been through heartbreak when I broke up with Josh, but this, this was real heartbreak.
Seconds, minutes, maybe even hours passed… but still they didn’t come out. I was alone in my agony. I closed my eyes and begged for death to come and take me too so I could be with them.
Chapter Thirty-Five
~ Nate ~
As soon as I stepped into the door, I immediately recoiled from the heat. I flinched back against the wall, squinting, trying to see the little red box that I knew was down at the bottom of the stairs. I fumbled my way along the wall until my fingers grazed the protruding box, silently praying someone else hadn’t already taken it.
“Come on, please, come on,” I mumbled, coughing from the smoke that filled my lungs. I ran my fingers over the front and let out the breath I was holding when I realised that the glass was intact. Pulling my arm back, I thrust my elbow into it, smashing the glass. Shoving my hand inside quickly, I grabbed the small fire extinguisher and fire blanket from inside. I silently thanked my training because things like scoping out the nearest exit or points of interests – like fireboxes – stuck in my mind.
Keeping my back against the wall, I slowly made my way up the stairs, counting them as I went so I could keep track. The flames were everywhere. I tried to keep focussed on the job at hand and not take in the body of an old man that was burning just inside his apartment next door to Rosie’s. It was so hot that the sweat that beaded on my forehead, immediately started to evaporate. My eyes seemed to be drying out, making it a little hard to blink. All I could think about was DJ. My heart was pounding in my chest, the sound of it was almost dwarfing the crackling and hissing of the fire that was burning everywhere around me. Thankfully, the stairs were clear; it was just the smoke I was fighting against at the moment. That, and the fact that there was burning debris scattered everywhere.
When I got to the top of the stairs, I knew I was thirteen paces from their front door. I gripped the banister, keeping my eyes trained on the open door as I jumped over a hole that had literally burnt through to the floor below. I held on tightly to the fire extinguisher – our only hope. I would have to grab DJ and pray that the stairs were still clear when we got back here, if not then we were both screwed.
I refused to feel the terror that was boiling in the pit of my stomach. All I could think about was what I would see in there. Would I be too late? Would I see the little kid that I loved so much, dead? I had never been more scared in my life at what awaited me in their apartment. But I pushed the horror away and forced myself through the door.
As soon as I stepped in, I gasped. Theirs was one of the worst affected from what I’d seen so far. Debris lay everywhere; there was literally no ceiling in their lounge, it was all burning rapidly in the middle of their floor.
“DJ?” I shouted desperately. I knew it was useless though, there was no way he was alive if he was in here. My eyes settled on his bedroom door. It was closed, but there were flames dancing on the frame of it, it wouldn’t be long before the door was on fire too. There was a huge pile of burning wood in front of it; I had no idea how I was going to get across there. I zipped up my wet hoodie, praying that the water from the hose would keep my clothes from catching alight.
“DJ? Kid? Are you okay?” I shouted, as I ran towards the flames, grabbing the fire blanket and beating the flames with it, trying to get them to die down a little. I hissed through my teeth as my hand went into the flames for a split second.
“Fuck!” I shouted, feeling the desperation settling over me. I couldn’t lose him; I couldn’t let Rosie go through losing her child. I loved the kid like my own, and this was killing me knowing he was on the other side of that door and I couldn’t get to him.
If he could just open his door, then maybe I would be able to make the jump across to him. But with his door closed like that, I would slam into it and fall back into the flames.
“DJ? Open your door, Kid. It’s Nate! I need you to open the door, quickly!” I carried on beating the flames with the blanket, but it was no use, the thing was now starting to catch fire too. “Open your door, DJ!” Was he hurt? Was he dead? Why had he not opened the door? Had the fire spread b
ehind the door and into his room? My desperate tears started to fall as grief consumed me.
I growled in frustration.
“Damon Josh York, you open your door right now!” I shouted, hoping the bad guy act would work. I coughed and choked on the smoke, dry heaving as my lungs burned. I wasn’t giving up yet though. Maybe I could make the jump, if I made the jump and grabbed the door handle to stop myself from falling back into the burning pile of what looked like Rosie’s bookcase.
I turned around; looking for something I could maybe throw at the door to smash it. My eyes scanned the room as I pressed the wet material of my hoodie over my mouth making it a little easier to breathe. Everything was gone, charred, black or still burning. There was nothing heavy enough to smash the door down. I was going to have to just take the chance and pray that someone up there liked me and DJ enough to give us this chance.
I closed my eyes and pictured Rosie’s face as I prepared to make the jump. I never once thought of quitting and giving up. Either I was leaving this building with DJ, or I wasn’t leaving.
I opened my eyes again, stepping back as much as I could, and then ran forward a couple of steps, jumping into the flames. My whole body heated up for a split second and then I crashed into the door on the other side. Instead of rebounding off it, like I was expecting to, the door crashed off its hinges and I fell into the room heavily. I landed awkwardly where I wasn’t expecting to make it through. White hot pain ripped up my arm, making me squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth as a wave of nausea rolled over me. The nausea was immediately replaced by more pain, this time on my leg – this one a searing, scorching pain.
An involuntary scream left my lips as I forced myself to roll over and grab the cover from DJ’s bed. I threw it over my legs with my good hand, patting it quickly, hissing through my teeth as my skin started to burn and blister from the flames that were eating the leg of my pants. After a few seconds I pulled it back off to look, the flames had gone out. I closed my eyes and just wanted to stay still. I didn’t want to move, my leg was burnt, my arm was probably broken, all I wanted to do was lay down and die. I couldn’t do that though, I had my kid to think about.
I clenched my jaw and pushed myself up to sitting, trying to breathe through the dizziness that made my head spin. I needed more oxygen, the smoke was making me feel lightheaded and tired.
“DJ?” I called weakly, flicking my eyes around his room. It was empty. There was not one sign of the little brown haired boy that had stolen my heart like his momma had.
“DJ?” I called louder. Had he gotten out? Rosie had nodded when I asked if he was in his room. He couldn’t have made that jump because I barely made it, he wouldn’t have had a hope in hell’s chance of making that jump. I groaned when I looked back at the burning pile outside his door. My eyes were searching for a child sized shape in there, not wanting to see but I just couldn’t stop looking.
A little sob caught my attention. How I heard it over the roar of the flames, and the cracking and groaning of the buildings foundations, I had no idea, but I heard it and that was all that mattered. I whipped around, my eyes scanning again looking for him. His closet door was closed. I tried not to build my hopes up as I grabbed the head of the bed, pulling myself up to my feet using my good arm. I stumbled over to the closet, ignoring the pain that was making me feel like I wanted to pass out. I wrenched open the door and relief washed over my body.
DJ was sitting there on the floor of his closet, hugging his Woody doll, sucking his thumb as he rocked backwards and forwards slowly. His SpongeBob pyjamas were black from smoke. His face was sooty and smudged. Little clean tracks lined his cheeks where his tears had washed away some of the dirt. His eyes were red and teary as he looked at up me with his chin trembling.
I closed my eyes for a second and tipped my head back, silently thanking God that he was okay.
“Nate?”
“Hi, Kid” I managed to choke out through the thick emotion that was swelling inside me.
“I’m scared,” he whispered, not making any moves to get up.
His statement broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I nodded, putting on a brave face.
“I know, Kid. I’m here now, it’s okay.” He made a little whimper again and pushed himself up, throwing his arms around my waist, hugging me tightly. I groaned as my pain worsened, but it didn’t seem to matter right now. I smiled and bent down, kissing the top of his head.
“You ready to get out of here?” I asked quietly.
He nodded, pulling back and wiping his tears on the back of his hand. As he looked up at me with those big brown eyes that he got from his mom, I could see the hope there. He seemed to relax as if he thought it was over. I didn’t want to be the one that had to shatter the illusion, but this was far from over.
“Okay. I’ve hurt my arm, so I’m going to need you to help me,” I said, dropping to my knees, ignoring the pain in my leg as the scorched skin touched the carpet. I grabbed the zip of the wet hoodie that I was wearing and pulled it down quickly. “Help me get this off,” I instructed, nodding encouragingly. His little hands immediately grabbed it, pulling it off over my damaged arm. He stopped when I cried out from the pain; his eyes looked at me apologetically. I shook my head and put on a fake smile, knowing I needed to get the thing off. “It’s okay. Just do it quick. Pull it off for me,” I encouraged. I gritted my teeth this time and tried desperately not to make a sound when all I wanted to do was scream and kick something.
When the hoodie was off, I took it out of his hands, putting the hood on his head.
“Put it on,” I instructed, trying to help him with one hand.
“But it’s wet,” he protested, shaking his head. “I’ll gets a cold, Momma always says that.”
I smiled at the thought of his mom. If I ever got out of here, I was marrying that girl as soon as I left the hospital. There was no way I was wasting any more time being too pussy to admit my feelings. If I made it out of here then I was making them my life.
“It’ll be fine. Just get it on, quickly,” I ordered, tugging on the front of it, so he could put his arms in the sleeves. He pulled it on obediently. It was huge on him, as I knew it would be. The material covered practically all of his body, which was why I had taken special care to get it soaked through.
I looked back at the flames that were outside his door, they were making their way into the room now. Now that the door was open, the fire was rapidly setting DJ’s carpet on fire too. If we didn’t get out soon then it’d be too late. He didn’t have a window in his bedroom, so the only way out was through the flames, back the way I came. I had no idea how we were going to do that though. I barely made the jump last time, now though the fire had spread and I would be carrying a four-year-old. My heart sank, but my head refused to give up.
Struggling to get back to my feet, I picked up the little fire extinguisher from the floor. I mentally planned everything out. This was going to have to happen fast.
I looked back to DJ and smiled. “Right, I’m going to spray the fire then I’m gonna pick you up and we’ll jump back to the lounge. Now, I only have one arm, so I’m not going to be able to hold you very much. I need you to hold onto me as tight as you can. Really, really tight, okay? You’re gonna wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my waist and you have to hold on as tight as you can. Can you do that?” I asked, stroking the side of his face, wiping his tears away, looking at him hopefully.
He coughed and nodded in confirmation. “Yeah.”
“I’m gonna spray the fire now. We only get one chance DJ so as soon as I grab you, you hold on to me tight and you don’t let go. No matter what happens, you don’t let go of me until I tell you to. Understand?” I said sternly. He nodded again so I turned back to the fire, praying that this would work. DJ didn’t deserve this. I couldn’t let this happen; I just had to get him out to his mom.
I yanked the tab off the bottle and immediately sprayed the white foam onto the fire, covering my mouth with
my bad arm as the smoke billowed around us. The bottle ran out way too quickly, a lot quicker than I expected. The flames were still raging everywhere. I threw the bottle to the side and turned to DJ, nodding encouragingly as I bent down and scooped him up with one arm. Immediately, he clamped himself to me, just like I’d told him to. He pressed his face into the side of my neck as I moved back as far as I could, needing a good run up to make the jump this time.
“Hold your breath,” I whispered. His arms tightened on my neck to the point of strangulation as I pushed away from the wall and ran, jumping into the flames. I held my breath, praying that it was enough, praying that DJ was holding on as tightly as he could, praying that we’d make it.
We crashed into the wall, making the pain in my arm double as DJ cried out in pain where I had crushed him against it. I stumbled a couple of steps, trying to stay on my feet as I cursed under my breath. When I was steady, I laughed with relief and looked back at the jump that I’d just made. DJ shifted on me slightly, his body still clamped to mine.
“You okay, Kid?” I asked breathlessly. He nodded in confirmation. I smiled and pulled the hood of my sweater back up, covering his head, protecting him. Now we just needed to get out. I stumbled towards the front door. The heat and smoke were making it hard to move. All I wanted to do was curl into a ball and give up. Each step was like wading through quicksand as the lack of oxygen in my bloodstream started to shut down my body.
By the time I made it to the door, I was exhausted. The only thing that was keeping me moving was the thought of getting DJ out to his mom. Seeing her again, kissing her again, telling her that I loved her. We were home free now; all we had to do was get across the thirteen steps to the stairs, down, and out the front door. We were so close I could almost taste it.
As I stepped out of the door, I stopped and my heart leapt into my throat. The fire that had ripped through the apartment next to Rosie’s had spread to the hallway. Flames were everywhere. No walls remained, just the burning timbers of the internal walls and pipes for the plumbing. The fire was blazing. I flinched, and DJ hissed through his teeth from the intensity of the heat. I could feel my skin burning yet we weren’t even anywhere near it. The fire escape was at the end of the hall, but I couldn’t get to those stairs either.
“Christ!” I screamed angrily, shaking my head as I stepped back into their apartment. Where were we supposed to go now? How were we going to get out? My eyes scanned the room for something, anything, a fire extinguisher, bucket of water, anything.
There was nothing. Nothing was going to help me; nothing was