Suddenly he slammed his hand against the glass and the whole wall shuddered.
“Watch it!” the guard barked.
“You thought what?” I asked quietly.
He shook his head. “I think I thought that if I just ignored it, somehow it would all go away. I didn’t want more scrutiny placed on us.” His eyes were wet as he finally looked me in the eye. “Maybe I did do it, Tandy. Craziness runs in our veins, right?”
“Not in mine, Matty. Not anymore.” I took a breath. “I don’t do crazy these days.”
“Oh, you do crazy just fine.”
Then, out of nowhere, Matthew burst into tears. I’d never seen him cry once in my entire life.
“I was drunk. I don’t know how else I could have done it,” he said between sobs. “If I could see the apartment again…maybe…if I could go back there, maybe it would come back to me. God, I wish I could just get bail. Have you talked to Uncle Peter? Can’t he find the money somewhere?”
I shook my head, my throat full. “We’re totally broke, remember? And your bail is five million dollars.” I pressed my palm to the glass at roughly the same angle as his, as if the connection brought us closer. “Please don’t keep saying you might be guilty, Matty. It can’t be true.”
The door behind him squealed open. “Time’s up,” the guard said.
“I’m sorry, kiddo.” Matthew shot me what looked like an apologetic smile as he was pulled away. The door slammed behind them and I just sat there, stunned.
“You taking up residence or what?” the guard standing behind me said. I got up and walked briskly down the hall in front of him, pretending I wasn’t completely broken inside.
When I emerged from the Tombs, the bright sunlight hit my eyes and they burned. I squinted as I hailed a cab on Baxter, then slammed the door so hard the whole car rattled.
“Please take me home,” I said to the cabbie.
He drilled me through the rearview mirror with his hard black eyes. “You want me to guess where you live?”
“The Dakota,” I barked, in no mood. “Just go.”
The cab leapt forward, and we headed uptown.
JACOB SCOWLED. YEP. There was the commando I’d read about. Hugo’s mouth snapped shut instantly.
“Go.” Jacob directed his fierce no-shit gaze at us and said, “And Tandy, call Pest Control. Now.”
“Don’t have to ask me twice,” I replied.
Then I yanked Hugo into the hall.
“When I’m an adult, you can expect payback,” Hugo said to Jacob. “And believe me, karma is a peach.”
Jacob cracked a smile at Hugo, checked his gun, and slammed the door on us. I found the number for the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, and after numerous rings, a woman with a languid voice answered.
“This is Officer Blum, how on earth may I help you?”
“There’s a venomous snake loose in our apartment.”
I jumped at the sound of gunfire followed by breaking glass.
“Oh, man!” Hugo pouted, disappointed. I ran a hand over his hair in what I hoped was a conciliatory gesture. Crazy kid.
“Where should we send the unit?” the woman asked.
I gave our address. “How fast can you get here?”
“Say again?” said Officer Blum, alarmed. “You’re in the Dakota?”
“Yes, we’re in the Dakota.” I gripped the phone and said, “I’ve ID’d the snake. It’s a cobra. Maybe a forest cobra. Definitely deadly.”
“I hope you’ve got nerves of steel, then, young lady. Don’t make any sudden movements. You don’t want to make that snake angry.”
My office door opened and Jacob came out holding four and a half feet of inky-black cobra. Its head was gone, but its body still twisted in Jacob’s hand. My throat pretty much closed up.
Jacob brought the snake over to Hugo.
“Here’s your snake, young man. Take a good look. I hope you never see one of these again. Now, bring me a shopping bag, a broom, and the vacuum cleaner, please.”
“Hello?” Officer Blum said. “Are you still there? Was this your snake? Was it your pet?”
“No way. Why would you think that?” I asked.
“I hate to tell you,” she said, “but this is not the first snake loose in the Dakota today. In fact, it’s the third. Pest Control is in your building right now.”
I gripped the phone more tightly. “Are you kidding me?”
Jacob eyed me curiously.
“Do I sound like I’m kidding?”
“What the hell is going on?” I asked Officer Blum.
“No idea, but I’ll tell the guys to come to your apartment next.”
I grimaced as Hugo held out an open garbage bag and Jacob deposited the gory body in it.
“Actually, that’s not necessary. This one is officially dead,” I said to Officer Blum. “Maybe I should just bring it to them.”
“Well, okay, then.”
She told me the Pest Control officers were on the second floor and I signed off.
“Where are we going?” Hugo asked me as we headed toward the front of the apartment with the heavy bag full of dead snake.
“To find the Pest Control guys,” I answered, slinging the bag over my shoulder. “Hugo, what were you actually looking for in Malcolm’s file drawer?”
“Cigarettes,” he said matter-of-factly.
“What?”
He lifted his shoulders. “I was looking for his stash.”
Before I could demand why he would do such a thing, he added, “In movies about writers, they all smoke. I’m getting into character.”
“Geesh, Hugo.” We paused in the foyer. “You want to stay four-foot-eight forever?”
“That’s a myth about cigarettes stunting your growth,” he said as I opened the front door. Then he shouted out to Jacob, “We’ll be right back.”
“Be back in five minutes,” Jacob shouted back. “Five.”
Hugo dashed across the hall and thumbed the call button until the elevator arrived. As we piled in, I turned over our latest drama in my mind. We didn’t live near a zoo. And there were no indigenous snakes in New York City.
So why were there snakes loose in the Dakota?
About the Authors
JAMES PATTERSON has created more enduring fictional characters than any other novelist writing today. He is the author of the Alex Cross novels, the most popular detective series of the past twenty-five years, including Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider. Mr. Patterson also writes the bestselling Women’s Murder Club novels, set in San Francisco, and the top-selling New York detective series of all time, featuring Detective Michael Bennett. James Patterson has had more New York Times bestsellers than any other writer, ever, according to Guinness World Records. Since his first novel won the Edgar Award in 1977, James Patterson’s books have sold more than 275 million copies.
James Patterson has also written numerous #1 bestsellers for young readers, including the Maximum Ride, Witch & Wizard, and Middle School series. In total, these books have spent more than 220 weeks on national bestseller lists. In 2010, James Patterson was named Author of the Year at the Children’s Choice Book Awards.
His lifelong passion for books and reading led James Patterson to create the innovative website ReadKiddoRead.com, giving adults an invaluable tool to find the books that get kids reading for life. He writes full-time and lives in Florida with his family.
DAVID ELLIS is a Chicago attorney and the author of nine novels, including Line of Vision, for which he won an Edgar Award, and The Hidden Man, which earned him a 2009 Los Angeles Times Book Prize nomination.
jamespatterson.com
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Books by James Patterson
Featuring Alex Cross
Alex Cross, Run
Kill Alex Cross
Cross Fire
I, Alex Cross
Alex Cross’s Trial (with
Richard DiLallo)
Cross Country
Double Cross
Cross
Mary, Mary
London Bridges
The Big Bad Wolf
Four Blind Mice
Violets Are Blue
Roses Are Red
Pop Goes the Weasel
Cat & Mouse
Jack & Jill
Kiss the Girls
Along Came a Spider
The Women’s Murder Club
12th of Never (with Maxine Paetro)
11th Hour (with Maxine Paetro)
10th Anniversary (with Maxine Paetro)
The 9th Judgment (with Maxine Paetro)
The 8th Confession (with Maxine Paetro)
7th Heaven (with Maxine Paetro)
The 6th Target (with Maxine Paetro)
The 5th Horseman (with Maxine Paetro)
4th of July (with Maxine Paetro)
3rd Degree (with Andrew Gross)
2nd Chance (with Andrew Gross)
1st to Die
Featuring Michael Bennett
I, Michael Bennett (with Michael Ledwidge)
Tick Tock (with Michael Ledwidge)
Worst Case (with Michael Ledwidge)
Run for Your Life (with Michael Ledwidge)
Step on a Crack (with Michael Ledwidge)
The Private Novels
Private Berlin (with Mark Sullivan)
Private Games (with Mark Sullivan)
Private: #1 Suspect (with Maxine Paetro)
Private (with Maxine Paetro)
Summer Novels
Second Honeymoon (with Howard Roughan)
Now You See Her (with Michael Ledwidge)
Swimsuit (with Maxine Paetro)
Sail (with Howard Roughan)
Beach Road (with Peter de Jonge)
Lifeguard (with Andrew Gross)
Honeymoon (with Howard Roughan)
Beach House (with Peter de Jonge)
Stand-alone Books
Mistress (with David Ellis)
NYPD Red (with Marshall Karp)
Zoo (with Michael Ledwidge)
Guilty Wives (with David Ellis)
The Christmas Wedding (with Richard DiLallo)
Kill Me If You Can (with Marshall Karp)
Toys (with Neil McMahon)
Don’t Blink (with Howard Roughan)
The Postcard Killers (with Liza Marklund)
The Murder of King Tut (with Martin Dugard)
Against Medical Advice (with Hal Friedman)
Sundays at Tiffany’s (with Gabrielle Charbonnet)
You’ve Been Warned (with Howard Roughan)
The Quickie (with Michael Ledwidge)
Judge & Jury (with Andrew Gross)
Sam’s Letters to Jennifer
The Lake House
The Jester (with Andrew Gross)
Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas
Cradle and All
When the Wind Blows
Miracle on the 17th Green (with Peter de Jonge)
Hide & Seek
The Midnight Club
Black Friday (originally published as Black Market)
See How They Run (originally published as The Jericho Commandment)
Season of the Machete
The Thomas Berryman Number
For Readers of All Ages
Maximum Ride
Nevermore: The Final Maximum Ride Adventure
Angel: A Maximum Ride Novel
Fang: A Maximum Ride Novel
Max: A Maximum Ride Novel
The Final Warning: A Maximum Ride Novel
Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports: A Maximum Ride Novel
School’s Out—Forever: A Maximum Rude Novel
The Angel Experiment: A Maximum Ride Novel
Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vol. 5 (with NaRae Lee)
Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vol. 4 (with NaRae Lee)
Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vol. 3 (with NaRae Lee)
Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vol. 2 (with NaRae Lee)
Maximum Ride: The Manga, Vol. 1 (with NaRae Lee)
Daniel X
Daniel X: Armageddon (with Chris Grabenstein)
Daniel X: Game Over (with Ned Rust)
Daniel X: The Manga, Vol. 2 (with SeungHui Kye)
Daniel X: The Manga, Vol. 1 (with SeungHui Kye)
Daniel X: Demons and Druids (with Adam Sadler)
Daniel X: Watch the Skies (with Ned Rust)
Daniel X: Alien Hunter (graphic novel; with Leopoldo Gout)
The Dangerous Days of Daniel X (with Michael Ledwidge)
Witch & Wizard
Witch & Wizard: The Kiss (with Jill Dembowski)
Witch & Wizard: The Fire (with Jill Dembowski)
Witch & Wizard: The Manga, Vol. 1 (with Svetlana Chmakova)
Witch & Wizard: The Gift (with Ned Rust)
Witch & Wizard (with Gabrielle Charbonnet)
Middle School
Middle School: How I Survived Bullies, Broccoli, and Snake Hill (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: My Brother is a Big, Fat liar (with Lisa Papademtriou, illustrated by Neil Swaab)
Middle School: Get Me Out of Here (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Other Books for Readers of All Ages
I, Funny: A Middle School Story (with Chris Tebbetts, illustrated by Laura Park)
Confessions of a Murder Suspect (with Maxine Paetro)
Med Head [Against Medical Advice teen edition] (with Hal Friedman)
santaKid
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Contents
Title Page
Welcome
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Chapter 86
Chapter 87
Chapter 88
Chapter 89
Chapter 90
Chapter 91
Chapter 92
Chapter 93
Chapter 94
Chapter 95
Chapter 96
Chapter 97
Chapter 98
Chapter 99
Chapter 100
Chapter 101
Chapter 102
Chapter 103
Chapter 104
Chapter 105
Chapter 106
Chapter 107
Chapter 108
Chapter 109
Chapter 110
Chapter 111
Chapter 112
Chapter 113
A Preview of Gone
A Preview of Confession: The Private School Murders
About the Authors
Books by James Patterson
Newsletters
Copyright
The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2013 by James Patterson
Excerpt from Gone copyright © 2013 by James Patterson
Excerpt from Confessions: The Private School Murders copyright © 2013 by James Patterson
Author photograph by Deborah Feingold
Cover design by Frank Nicolo. Cover images: woman in sunglasses by Rekha Garton; cat by Gary Bryan; dock at night by TatianaSapateiro SP Brazil; woman falling by Jupiterimages; building by Charlie Schuck; background texture by sot; all © Getty Images. Author photograph on front cover by Rankin.