“Hungry?” she asked brightly. “I believe your prince saved you some food.”
And with that, she turned and walked away, disappearing into the darkness beyond our fire.
I looked at the fire, where Rylan, Damian, and Lisbet sat, watching me, waiting for me to join them. And it was suddenly all too much. I couldn’t face them. Or maybe it was that I couldn’t face myself.
Tanoori’s words rang in my ears, making my cheeks grow hot. I wasn’t pretty and I knew it. Maybe if I grew my hair and dressed like a girl. Maybe if I didn’t have hands callused from sword practice, or well-muscled arms and shoulders from training. I wasn’t soft, I wasn’t feminine. I barely even knew how to talk like a girl anymore, after years of purposely lowering my voice.
And yet when Damian and Rylan looked at me, I felt like they were looking at me the way a man looked at someone he found attractive. It was thrilling — and confusing.
I turned around and went back into the tent and lay down on my bedroll, curling into a ball on my side. I stared at Rylan’s empty spot next to me, and tears suddenly burned my eyes. I wanted Marcel to be here with me. I longed for my brother. Even more impossibly, I wished Mama were still alive. If my parents hadn’t been killed, none of this would have happened. I would have met a boy who liked my hazel eyes or my long, dark hair. It had been so thick and shiny — the one thing about me that had truly been beautiful. I reached up to finger my short hair, then I remembered Damian doing the same thing, and I shoved my hand into my armpit instead.
When I heard someone approaching, I rolled onto my other side. The flap to the tent opened, and I felt someone standing there, looking at me. But I kept still, made my breathing even.
After a moment, whoever it was left, leaving me alone with my regrets, my impossible wishes, and my foolish heart.
WE TRAVELED FOR days the same way. Each morning, we had to wake at dawn, force down the little bit of tasteless, dried food our captors gave us, pack up our tents and bedrolls, and be ready to march out of camp before the sun had even risen above the trees. We had no pack animals, so we had to take the tent poles apart and roll them up in the canvas, then strap all of it to our backs. Rylan and I took turns, alternating days to carry the tent. He tried to do it every day, but when I got upset at him for treating me like I was weak, he backed off.
I mentioned to Lisbet that I should just take off the binding, since everyone knew I was a girl anyway, but she flatly refused. “You must keep up the pretense of being a boy for all of the hidden eyes watching you.” I wasn’t sure what she meant, but the look on her face made me shiver. I kept the binding on.
We weren’t given any weapons, but I wasn’t as frightened of the jungle with at least one powerful sorcerer nearby. I was pretty sure he’d save me if some jungle animal tried to make me its meal again.
Prince Damian alternated walking with Lisbet and Jax, and staying up front where I couldn’t see him. He did eat with us once or twice, and though he was cordial to Rylan and me, and surprisingly friendly with Lisbet and Jax, he didn’t try to speak to me alone again. I buried my disappointment and told myself I didn’t care. But deep down, I knew I was lying. I’d actually let myself start to believe he cared about me.
Lisbet hovered close by most of the time. I often caught her watching me surreptitiously, and it made me nervous. Once, I dared ask her about her ability to heal, but she’d ignored me and dropped back to walk behind me for a while. Jax had decided he liked me, though, and would often walk next to me when Damian was gone, chatting about the different types of plants or animals we saw. I didn’t have to say much to keep him going, which was a relief. He’d just talk and talk as long as I nodded and agreed every once in a while. Rylan walked next to us, piping in now and again.
The only good fortune I had was that Tanoori decided to keep her distance. It was a relief not to have her popping up, threatening me with arrows one minute, trying to gossip with me the next, and accusing me of being a harlot the minute after that.
This went on for more than a week, and every day I grew more tired, more worn down, and more worried. We pressed on through rain, heat, mud, and humidity. We were definitely heading toward Blevon. We’d been traveling for so long, I couldn’t imagine it would be more than another day or two before we crossed down into the lowlands, then reached the border and left our nation behind.
On the eighth day of traveling since I’d woken up, the sky above us grew cloudy once again, threatening rain. I’d actually come to enjoy the rainstorms. The deluge of water was at least a relief from the constant, cloying heat of the sunny days, and it washed away the sweat and grime of the long trek through the rain forest.
Rylan and Jax were both next to me as we trudged down a hill toward a small stream, talking about different types of monkeys. From our vantage point at the top of the incline, I could see Prince Damian a little ways ahead of us, almost to the stream. As I watched, he adjusted his bedroll on his back so that he could stretch his arms high overhead. For some reason, my heart beat a bit faster as I watched him. It was difficult to believe that only two weeks ago, I’d practically hated him. And now … I didn’t know what I felt. I thought something had started to happen between us, but now I was afraid I was wrong. I remembered the way he’d smiled at Jax, how they’d laughed together when Damian carried him on his shoulders, and my stomach tightened. Would he ever smile like that at me?
“Are you going to stand there all day?”
I shook myself from my thoughts to realize Rylan and Jax both stood a little way below me, waiting. I fought to keep myself from blushing and moved forward to follow them when something grabbed my attention. I froze and squinted, trying to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. And then I broke into a dead run.
“Damian!” I screamed as I rocketed down the hill toward the prince.
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. He turned to look at me, his eyes widening. I screamed his name again, pointing behind him, at the trees on the other side of the stream. The archers hidden in the shadows loaded their bows as I frantically shouted at everyone to take cover. But I wasn’t fast enough. I had almost reached the bottom when a volley of arrows flew out of the trees.
I screamed Damian’s name once more and jumped toward him with every ounce of strength in me. I collided with him a split second before the arrow would have hit him, crashing so hard, we both tumbled to the ground. He landed flat on his back, and I was on top of him, our faces only inches apart. Almost every part of our bodies touched as he stared up at me in shock. And then Damian pushed me off him and, rolling with unbelievable grace, rose to a crouch, grabbing the sword out of the scabbard of a man who wasn’t as lucky as he was. An arrow protruded from the man’s throat, leaving a pool of blood beneath his head.
There wasn’t time to be surprised at his agility or the comfort with which he held the sword. The men who’d shot at us were now rushing toward us through the stream, swords lifted. They wore the tattered uniforms of the Antionese army, attacking their own prince unknowingly. We were at the far reaches of the kingdom, too far for them to have received word of Damian’s abduction. And few outside the palace knew what he looked like. There was no hope they’d recognize him and retreat. We would have to fight our own people if we wanted to live.
“Aim to injure, not kill!” Damian shouted as I leaped to my feet, desperately searching for a weapon to use. Bodies littered the ground, but I didn’t have time to make it to another one to grab a weapon. I was defenseless.
Where was Eljin? Where was his power when we needed it?
Those with weapons raced forward to meet the soldiers, and the sounds of blades crashing together rang through the forest.
A man rushed directly at me, sword raised. I turned to run for my life, only to collide with someone — a tall, handsome prince who shouldn’t have been in the middle of this battle.
“Alex, get behind me. Now!” Damian barked when my eyes widened in panic. Why hadn’t he run for cover?
“Give me your sword!” I shouted back over the sounds of fighting.
Instead of listening, he shoved me behind him, blocking the soldier’s attack just as his blade would have cut me through.
I stumbled back, and watched first in horror, then in growing amazement as Damian not only held off the man’s attack, but fought back with surprising skill.
“Alex!”
I turned at the sound of my name just in time to lift my hand and catch the sword Rylan had tossed to me. Armed at last, my fear dissolved. As I gripped the hilt of the sword, my mind calmed and my body filled with purpose. This was who I was — this was what I knew how to do. I was a fighter.
Damian had disarmed the soldier who’d rushed at me, swiped his sword arm so that he couldn’t pick up his weapon again, then moved on into the thick of the fight. I plunged in after him, my sword arcing through the air, carving a path through the army that obviously had no idea it was attacking its own prince. I did as Damian had asked, and struck only to injure. These were our own people. It made me sick to have to fight them, but our lives depended on it. They obviously believed we were rebels or part of the Blevonese army, and they were striking to kill.
I stayed as close to Damian as I could, in case he needed help. But as the fighting continued, it became very apparent that my help was not needed. He was an incredible swordsman.
He twisted and lunged, spun and parried as though he’d been born with a sword in his hand. It was all I could do to keep fighting and not stop to watch him.
And then Eljin finally showed up.
“Enough!” he shouted and swung his fist through the air, as though he was trying to smash something in front of him. A huge boom reverberated through the forest and the ground began to shake. “If you wish to live, you will retreat this instant!” His voice carried over the horrible sound of the earth threatening to tear apart beneath our feet.
We all froze, Antion’s army and Eljin’s own men alike.
“Sorcerer!” someone from the army shouted in fear.
“Retreat!”
The cry was repeated, and all the soldiers who remained uninjured rushed back across the stream and melted into the forest they’d emerged from only minutes before.
Eljin released his fist and the shaking stopped.
Breathing hard, my heart still beating rapidly, I gazed at the bodies on the ground in dismay. There were casualties from Eljin’s group and the Antionese army. Most of the men from the army were only injured, not dead, just as Damian had ordered. I marveled that Eljin’s men had followed his command, even though he was their prisoner.
Damian stood a few feet away from me, holding his sword loosely in his hand. I stared at him, half in astonishment and half in anger.
“You can fight,” I finally said.
He remained silent, watching me. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his. Why had he kept this from his guard — from me? I remembered seeing him in his room, how I’d wondered at the sheen of sweat on his well-muscled body. I clenched my jaw to hold back everything I wanted to say to him in that moment. I was mad at him. Mad and confused and amazed. He’d saved my life.
“Alex! You’d better come here!”
I spun around to find Rylan crouching next to a body on the ground. I could only see the person’s legs, those of a smaller body, definitely not one of Eljin’s men. My heart stopped as I rushed to his side, praying it wasn’t Jax.
When I reached Rylan, he moved aside to show me my prayer was answered. It wasn’t Jax.
It was Tanoori, lying in a puddle of blood, an arrow protruding from her chest.
IS SHE DEAD?” I dropped to my knees beside Rylan.
“Not yet. She’s breathing, but just barely.” He had his hand pressed around the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. “We’ve got to get this arrow out.”
It was embedded on the right side of her chest, closer to her shoulder than her belly. All we could hope was that it hadn’t punctured her lung. At least it was far away from her heart.
“Move out of the way.” Suddenly, Lisbet was there, pushing Rylan and me aside. She held her hand above the wound and closed her eyes, concentrating. Finally, she looked up at us. “After we remove the arrow, I will need some time to work on her. But she should live.”
Relief poured through me. Though I wasn’t sure how I felt about Tanoori anymore, I didn’t want her to die.
“Here, take this to stop the bleeding once we pull it out.” Rylan yanked his tunic over his head, and handed it to Lisbet.
He knelt back down beside us and I forced myself to look away from his lean, muscular torso. I helped Lisbet roll Tanoori onto her side, to make sure the arrow hadn’t passed all the way through her body.
“We can’t pull it out here; she’ll bleed to death. We’ll have to break the shaft and then remove the arrow when I have time to work on her,” Lisbet said.
We held her while Rylan got a grip on the arrow shaft. He exhaled and then snapped it off as close to her body as he could.
Lisbet immediately took the shirt Rylan had given her and pressed it around the wound.
The storm that had been hanging over us all day finally broke. Raindrops made little dots of darker soil all around us. Slowly at first, then it began to pick up speed as Lisbet hunched over Tanoori, one hand pressing the shirt into her chest and the other hovering above her body, shaking.
“We have to leave now, before they come back with reinforcements. There isn’t time to do anything for her.”
I looked up to see Eljin standing above us, staring down at Tanoori, his expression inscrutable.
“If she can’t walk, she gets left behind.” Eljin turned on his heel and walked away, leaving us crouched around Tanoori, staring at him in disbelief.
“We can’t leave her here to die.” I looked at Rylan, but his expression was grim.
“He’s right. We do need to leave, or else we might all die.”
“They were terrified of Eljin. They won’t dare come back,” I argued.
“He’s obviously not willing to take that chance.”
“How quickly can you heal her?” I turned to Lisbet.
“Not fast enough. The wound is bad — and we haven’t even removed the arrow yet.”
My chest ached with anger and desperation. Was that it, then? She escaped the hangman’s noose, only to be shot down in the jungle by her own country’s arrow?
“I’m not leaving her here. I’ll carry her on my back if I have to.” I bent down and began to tear the bottom edge of her tunic off.
“Alex, what are you doing?” I heard Damian’s voice but ignored him, continuing to tear the fabric until I had a long strip to bind her wound with. “What is she doing?”
“She’s apparently going to single-handedly save the girl who tried to kill you, my lord,” Rylan responded.
“She also tried to kill Alex the other night, if I’m not mistaken.”
One of them sighed, but I didn’t look up to see who. Instead, I took the strip of cloth and tied it over her shoulder and across the wound, with Rylan’s ruined tunic underneath it, pressed against her chest. Lisbet watched me silently, her expression indecipherable.
When I finished the makeshift bandage, I gently pulled Tanoori up off the ground. She was dead weight, and I grunted with the effort of holding her up. The rain fell harder and harder, making everything that much more difficult.
“We can’t carry her on our backs,” Rylan said as he crouched down to help me prop her up.
“Then what should we do?” I cried. “Leave her here to die? To be eaten by an animal?”
“If we could make some sort of sling or stretcher, then we could all carry her together,” Damian said.
I looked up at him in surprise. His expression was guarded. I couldn’t imagine what he thought as he stared down at us, trying to help the girl who’d attempted to murder him.
“If you want her to live, she needs to be kept as still as possible, so she doesn’t lose more blood than s
he has to. Even if you are able to transport her to the next stopping place, she may not make it long enough for me to heal her.” Lisbet looked at me as she spoke.
“We have to at least try,” I responded.
Lisbet nodded and then stood up. “Give me one of your bedrolls. If we use the poles from a tent, we could make a stretcher to transport her.”
Damian shrugged the pack that held his bedroll off his shoulders and handed the bedroll to her. Rylan found his pack, which held our rolled-up tent and the broken-down poles in it. The poles were lightweight and made to pull apart into pieces for traveling. I hoped they’d be able to sustain Tanoori’s weight.
“What are you doing?” someone shouted. I glanced up to see Eljin storming back over to us, his eyes furious above his ever-present mask. “I told you we had to leave! If you don’t come right now, I will kill you all and leave you with her.”
Lisbet ignored him and kept working, deftly tying the bedroll to the poles we’d laid out in a rectangle.
“No one else will be dying today,” Damian said, his voice cold. “Either help us, or go. We’ll catch up if we have to.”
“You expect me to leave you here?” Eljin’s eyebrows lifted above his mask. “To assume you’ll come find us, rather than turn around and head back?”
“We have no supplies, no map. We would most likely die if we tried to return to the palace on our own.” Damian stood up and folded his arms across his chest.
While they argued, we finished attaching the bedroll to the tent poles, and Rylan and I moved over to Tanoori.
“Move her on three,” he said.
I nodded.
“One. Two. Three.”
We both heaved, and lifted her onto the stretcher.
“There, you see? It’s done.” Damian gestured to where she now lay on the bedroll, deadly pale and soaked. The rain running off her body was crimson from her blood.
“If she slows you down, I will have no choice but to make you leave her.”
“She won’t,” I replied, meeting Eljin’s gaze from where I crouched on the ground.