Lisbet remained silent.
“Well, then you have nothing to worry about, because I don’t have a pretty face. Nearly everyone, except Damian, thinks I am a boy.” I dunked the rag in a bowl of tepid water and squeezed it out with unnecessary force.
Lisbet watched me shrewdly. “We all see what we want to. People believe you are a boy, because that’s what they’ve been told. They reason away why you look so much more feminine than your brother did. You are an expert swordsman and practically unstoppable with a bow —”
“How do you know about my brother?” I cut her off. I could feel my temper rising, and I struggled to keep it in check. I hated unanswered questions, and she was refusing to explain anything.
“Your time to keep your secret is growing short.” Lisbet ignored me. “No hair will ever mar the skin of your face. Your body has changed, has become that of a woman’s. What will you do when you are unable to keep up your pretense any longer?”
I glared at her, angry at her astute observations. “I’m not answering your questions unless you answer mine.”
“What’s going on here?”
We both whirled around to face Damian, standing above us.
“I was explaining that I am not strong enough to completely heal this girl right now, and so we will either have to leave her or carry her all day again,” Lisbet said, smoothly rising to her feet.
My chest ached from the anger and frustration building up inside. Why did she know about my brother? How did she know the prince? And why did her words — her warnings — burn like acid, reminding me of how uncertain my future was?
“How much longer before the effects of the bloodroot wear off entirely?” Damian asked, looking past me to Lisbet.
“Not much longer, but it is frustrating when she needs my help now.”
“You’re doing all you can.” Damian smiled at her, the same gentle smile he had given Jax when he’d carried him. Seeing him give Lisbet such a tender look, hearing him speak to her with such respect after her refusal to explain anything to me, to answer my questions, was too much. The anger I’d been trying to subdue overtook me. She was working with our captors, and yet Damian seemed to trust her — more than me. And I had been his guard, risking my life for him on a daily basis.
I jumped to my feet and pushed past Damian, out of the tent, only to see Rylan standing ten feet away, his arms crossed, staring at me, a silent accusation in his eyes.
The pressure was coming from all sides. Lisbet’s warnings; my impossible attraction to a prince I should never have let myself care about; Rylan’s feelings, which only confused me even more. I wanted to get away — I needed to get away.
“Alex, are you okay?” Damian followed me.
I turned on my heel and ran. I didn’t care where, I didn’t care what happened to me, I didn’t care if Eljin tied me up after this, I just had to escape. I couldn’t take it anymore. I plunged into the forest, pushing the huge leaves out of my way as I ran from Lisbet, from what she’d said, from Rylan and Damian, from everything.
I STARTLED A FLOCK of macaws when I rushed through the foliage into a small clearing. They took to flight in a whirl of colors, reds and blues and yellows, bursting through the air. My eyes burned, and I scrubbed my hands across my face, brushing the stupid, useless tears away.
I barely had time to catch my breath when I heard someone crashing through the underbrush behind me, and spun around to see Damian standing there, his chest heaving from the effort of running after me.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
“You shouldn’t have come after me,” I said. “Now we’ll both get in trouble.”
“I don’t care about that.” He closed the distance between us, so that I had to tilt my head back to look up into his eyes. His eyes, which were every bit as beautiful as the macaws that had just flown into the depths of the jungle. His jungle. “Why did you run away?”
“You made a mistake by saving me. You revealed your secret to save my life,” I said, my voice strained. “You kept that secret your whole life for some reason, and now everyone here knows and I don’t know why you did that for me. You should have let me die if it was so important for no one to know.”
“Is that what Lisbet told you?” The look on his face made my heart pound.
“Yes, Lisbet told me that,” I bit out. Still upset — hurt — by the trust he seemed to place in her.
He moved even closer. I couldn’t breathe as I stared up at him. He lifted both of his hands to brush the hair back from my face. “And you believed her?”
I clenched my jaw, refusing to answer, afraid all the emotion I was desperately trying to quell would bleed into my voice.
“It wasn’t a mistake to save your life,” he said, his voice low. He took one last step so that our bodies touched. I could feel him everywhere — our legs, our hips, our stomachs. “I’ve made mistakes. So many I can’t even count. But saving you was not one of them.” His thumbs rubbed across my jaw. I stared into his eyes, my heart in my throat. For that breathless moment, there was no sound, no time, nothing beyond his body against mine and his hands on my face. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted it more than I wanted air, but the tiny part of my brain that was still functioning knew this was wrong. Impossible.
I tried to pull back, but he dropped one of his hands to wrap his arm around my body, pressing me to him, refusing to let me break away.
“But I’m not —”
“You’re perfect,” he said roughly, cutting off my protest. “And if I had to do it over again, I would save you every time.” His mouth closed over mine and there was no more thought. No more worry. No more pain or loss or fear. There was only Damian. His arm tightened around me, crushing me to him, his other hand threaded through my hair. I clung to him as his lips moved on mine with a need and hunger that nearly overwhelmed me.
My whole body burned with a fire that I’d never imagined possible. I was the one who was supposed to protect him, but I’d never felt as protected as I did in that moment, encircled by his strong arms, our bodies pressed together. I dug my fingers into the muscles of his back, his shoulders, clinging to him with every ounce of strength I had in me.
His lips moved to my jaw, then down my throat, leaving a trail of fire on my skin as he worked his way toward my collarbone. I gasped for air, clutching at his tunic as he kissed me. I cursed Lisbet for convincing me to keep the binding on my breasts.
“Alexa,” he whispered against my skin. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me? I’ve never needed anyone the way I need you.”
He pulled back slightly, his gaze heated as he stared down at me. I was weak in his arms, struggling to breathe normally. “After my mother was killed, and then my brother, I swore I’d never let myself care about anyone again. I swore I’d never give anyone the power to hurt me like that again. But when I saw that man rushing at you yesterday, with his sword drawn … I realized it was too late.”
My heart constricted at the raw pain, the fear, the hope in his eyes, eyes that were like jewels in the dappled sunlight.
“It was too late,” he repeated, almost in a whisper, and then he bent his head down to mine again. This time, his kiss was gentler, deeper somehow. I could feel his desperation in the way he held me, in the way his lips moved with mine, making my heart ache and burn all at once.
“Alex!”
I froze at the sound of my name being shouted from the trees behind us, and we broke apart. I took a step back, lifting one of my hands up to my swollen lips.
“Alex!”
It was Rylan. About to find me — about to find us. He’d know. He’d know and there would be no going back. He’d never forgive me.
“Alexa.” Damian looked concerned. “What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t answer; I just shook my head. And then Rylan was there. He burst out of the trees and ground to a halt when he saw us both standing there, only a couple of feet apart. I had no idea what I looked like, what expression was on my f
ace. But whatever he saw was enough. The concern on his face hardened into something else, something foreign.
“I was worried about you since you’re afr — hate the jungle so much, but obviously you’re just fine.” I’d never heard his voice so cold, and it turned the heat in my body to ice. But even in his anger, he kept his promise not to reveal my fear of snakes. “We’re leaving. Lisbet is preparing Tanoori for us to carry her again. Assuming you still wish to try and save her?”
“Of course,” I said, my voice shaky.
Anger rolled off him in waves. “That’s great. Carry on, then. Sorry for interrupting.” He turned on his heel and plunged back into the jungle the way he’d come, leaving me alone with Damian again, my stomach twisted into knots and my whole body trembling.
“Alexa, are you all right? What’s wrong?” Damian stepped toward me again, took my hand in his. I stared down at his fingers, laced through mine, and I almost cried again. I could no longer deny that I was falling for him — so fast and so hard, it scared me. But I had feelings for Rylan, too — he was the closest friend I’d had at the palace, next to my brother. And now he hated me.
I clenched my jaw to keep my emotions in check. I looked up at Damian, at the concern on his face, the worry in his eyes.
“Was I wrong to kiss you?”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “No,” I whispered. “I just don’t know what to do. You’re the prince.”
“We’ll figure it out. I won’t let anyone hurt you — not even my father. I promise.” He squeezed my hand and I tried to smile back as I let go.
“We’d better get back before Eljin threatens to kill me again and makes you break your promise,” I said, trying to keep my voice from trembling. I turned to walk away, but Damian grabbed my arm, pulling me gently back to him.
“Thank you,” he said softly as I stared up at him once more.
“For what?”
“For saving me — and I don’t just mean from that arrow.” He smiled, a soft, wistful smile. “It’s always been you, you know that, right? From the first moment I realized you were a girl — it was always you.”
My heart constricted as he pressed his lips to mine. Once. Twice. Just enough to make my pulse start to race again, and then he broke away. “All right, let’s go.” He sighed.
I turned to follow him with tears in my eyes.
AFTER THE LONGEST day of my life, trudging through the final stretch of jungle, carrying Tanoori on the same makeshift stretcher with Damian in front of me and Rylan across from me, we finally stopped for the night, near the border of Antion and Blevon. It was torture to be so close to Damian after our kiss, but unable to touch him, or even to talk to him. And the trip hadn’t improved Tanoori’s condition at all. I began to wonder if she really would make it. She thrashed several times during the day, making it even harder to carry her. I was so sore, I could barely move after we set her down on the ground next to where Lisbet was setting up her tent.
Eljin made us pitch our tents as close together as possible, and we weren’t allowed to light a fire. He stood with his back to us as we hurried to eat our cold dinner. What had once been a group of near fifty was closer to thirty-five after the attack. So many lives lost in the attempt to abduct the prince into enemy territory. I wondered again what Eljin and his followers hoped to accomplish. Were they going to demand King Hector pay ransom for his son?
“What’s he doing?” I heard Jax ask his mother, nodding toward Eljin. I leaned forward to listen for her answer as they finished tying their tent down for the night.
“He’s going to stand guard all night, and protect us if necessary.”
“In case another group from the army finds us?” Jax sounded scared.
“Yes. But you don’t need to worry. Eljin will make it so that they can’t see us.”
“But what if he falls asleep?”
“He won’t.”
I glanced back at Eljin, wondering what other powers he possessed. How could he keep an entire battalion from seeing us?
Then I noticed Rylan standing apart from the grouping of tents, near a copse of trees. It was strange to be out of the jungle, to see rolling fields of grass spreading gently downward, into the valley below. Although I hated the jungle, I was used to it; I felt exposed out here.
I glanced around but didn’t see Damian anywhere. Now was as good a time to approach Rylan as any, I supposed. We would be crossing into Blevon tomorrow and I had no idea what awaited us there. I figured I’d better talk to him in case I didn’t get another chance. Steeling my courage, I stood up and walked toward him.
He felt me coming — I could tell by the way he tensed up. But he didn’t turn to look at me. I stopped a few feet away, my little bit of bravery failing at the scowl on his face.
“What do you want, Alex?”
“Rylan, please don’t do this.” I moved so that I stood in front of him, forcing him to look at me.
“Do what? I’m not doing anything. I guess that’s my problem.”
“So that’s it? You’re not going to talk to me anymore?” I hesitantly reached for his arm, but he pulled away from my grasp.
“Oh, would you like me to jump into the fray? Do you want to turn it into a game? See who can catch you first? Me against a prince. I’m pretty certain I know how that would turn out.”
“No! That’s not what I meant,” I stammered, heat rising in my cheeks. “Rylan, I’m sorry I made you so mad. I’m sorry that I made you hate me. Apart from Marcel, you’ve been my closest friend for the last three years, and since he died, you’ve been my only friend. I don’t want to lose you.”
For the first time since his confession, Rylan’s expression softened a little. “I don’t hate you, Alex. And I’m not mad at you. I’m worried about you. And I’m suspicious of the prince.”
“Why?”
Rylan looked down at me silently for a moment, debating. “I’m not sure what his … intentions are,” he said slowly, his voice careful. “I’m afraid he’s using you for some reason, and I don’t want you to get hurt. But mostly, I’m mad at myself,” he rushed on when I tried to break in. “I was a fool not to tell you how I felt the moment you discovered I knew. I waited and I lost my chance.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Please don’t say that.”
He shook his head and turned away, looking out across the land toward Blevon. “I don’t know what’s going to happen to all of us. I feel like more is going on than we understand, but I can’t figure out what. Prince Damian doesn’t act like someone who’s worried for his life. But apparently, he is a very good actor, so who knows.”
“I don’t know, either.”
We were silent for a moment.
“I am sorry, Rylan. I’m sorry about all of this. If I’d been better, faster, maybe none of this would have happened. I would have stopped Eljin and we’d still be safe at the palace.” I moved to stand beside him, gazing at the lush, green beauty of the lowlands.
“It’s not your fault. No one could have stopped him — no natural man. Or woman,” he added, glancing sideways at me.
“Not if what Damian said is true.”
Rylan sighed and we fell silent again, both lost in thought as the sun slowly descended, shooting fiery fingers of red, orange, and yellow across the sky in one last salute before sinking out of sight.
Finally, I turned to face Rylan. “You don’t have to worry about me getting hurt — I promise. I know it can’t go anywhere. I know —”
He looked down at me, his expression inscrutable in the falling darkness. He took a step closer; I could have touched him if I moved even an inch. I felt off balance, strangely light-headed as I looked at him. If nothing had happened with Damian, falling for Rylan would have been as easy as breathing. I almost reached for him — to do what, I had no idea — but then he abruptly turned away.
“We should get some rest. It’s going to be another long day.” Without another glance at me, he strode off toward the grouping of tents.
/>
I watched him walk away, but I didn’t move. My heart still beat unevenly and my hands felt strangely clammy. I could see Damian standing near Eljin. They appeared to be in a heated discussion but I was too far away to be certain. As I watched, Damian shook his head, then turned and walked away. Before he reached the tents, he glanced up to where I stood and paused, looking first at me, then at Rylan, who was marching back to camp.
With a heavy sigh, I made myself follow him.
That night, long after Rylan’s breathing had grown deep and even, I lay awake, staring up at the ceiling of the tent. I was almost positive Damian was still awake, too, but I didn’t dare turn and look.
When he took my hand in his, I breathed in sharply. He wove his fingers between mine, and rubbed his thumb across the palm of my hand, sending spirals of need up my arm, which spread throughout my body, making my heart thud in my chest.
“Damian,” I whispered unsteadily, attempting to take my mind off my sudden, urgent desire to turn and let him kiss me into oblivion, “was the bloodroot you had me gather for Lisbet? How do you know her?” I’d told Rylan that I wasn’t going to let myself get hurt, but I wasn’t sure if it was a promise I could keep.
“You don’t want to talk about Lisbet right now, do you?” His thumb moved up to brush across the sensitive skin on the inside of my wrist.
“I want to understand what’s going on. I want to know what they intend to do to you.” My words came out breathy, and a blush rose in my cheeks. I was grateful it was dark.
“Eljin and his men?” Damian responded, his voice low and close to my ear.
I nodded. His thumb had moved back to stroke the palm of my hand and I found it hard to breathe normally.
“They’re taking me to someone who wishes to use me to put an end to the war.”
“How? Are they going to ask for ransom?”
“Not if they know my father at all. He’d never pay it. He’s probably quite glad to be rid of me, truth be told.”
I finally turned my head to look at him. He lay on his side, watching me, his face so close, I could feel his breath on my lips. In the darkness, it was hard to read his expression. “What is it you think they’re going to do, then?”