“He wanted me to tell you that he loves you,” I whispered.
Rylan nodded, and blinked hard a couple of times, his eyes glistening.
“Without his sacrifice, I wouldn’t have been able to do it.” My voice broke and Rylan looked away from me, trying to keep control. But then I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. He held me tightly as we cried together for all that we had lost.
Finally, he pulled back but kept his arms around me. He gazed into my face, and I knew he was one of those Lisbet had told me about — a person who loved me enough to see me, not my scars.
“Is it wrong to be grateful I’m still alive?” I asked.
“No.” Rylan smiled sadly down at me. “It would make them happy to know that their deaths gave us the chance to live in peace and happiness. I think Jude and Marcel would want us to be happy.”
“And Jaerom. And my parents,” I agreed.
Rylan nodded and as he looked into my eyes, his expression changed. “I’m the one who needs to apologize for the way I acted in Blevon. It was the worst mistake of my life to treat you the way I did because I was jealous. When I thought I’d lost you without your knowing how I really felt … it tore me apart.”
“Rylan, I —”
“Just let me get this out,” he said, his arms tightening around me. “I told you once before, and nothing has changed. I love you, Alexa. I’ve loved you for years, and I will continue to love you. I know you don’t feel that way about me. I know you love Damian.” The pain in his eyes made me want to comfort him, but before I could respond, he kept going. “I think you made the right decision about him, though. He’s going to be king. I don’t think he realizes yet what that’s going to mean.”
Did everyone know I had rejected Damian? I’d hoped it would have been something private.
“What I’m trying to say is that I know you love him. But maybe with time, things will change. Maybe someday, you’ll feel like you could give me a chance. I’ll always be waiting and hoping for that day.”
I stared up at him, my stomach in knots. “I can’t do this right now, Rylan. I’m sorry. I did tell Damian no, but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“I know. I won’t bring it up again. I just wanted you to know.” He finally dropped his arms and stepped back.
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing nerves, my trembling hands.
“We should go,” Rylan said. “You don’t want to miss the coronation.”
I looked at him for a moment longer and then nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”
THE CORONATION WAS being held in the grand ballroom. When Rylan and I walked in, my heart skipped a beat. It was magnificent. Bowers of flowers adorned the walls and the beams high above us, cascading down in brilliant shades of purple, white, and fuchsia. The chandeliers hanging from the ceiling held thousands of candles that were already lit in preparation for the coming of night, and the afternoon sun filled the room with golden light. The ballroom was packed with noblemen and soldiers, women and children — as many as could fit in the pews that had been set up, lining both sides of the room. The bright and glittering tones of jewels and silks mingled with freshly cleaned and pressed cotton.
The aisle down the middle of the room had a thick red carpet rolled out, leading all the way up to the ornate throne where King Hector used to sit and watch his lavish parties. Standing next to the throne was a tall man with olive skin and dark hair liberally laced with gray. He wore a beautiful crown of gold, inlaid with diamonds and rubies.
Rylan and I walked forward and bowed to King Osgand of Blevon. Damian’s great-uncle.
“You are the one who defeated Iker, I believe?” he asked when I had risen.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” I replied.
“We all owe you a very large debt of gratitude.” King Osgand’s eyes were kind, but power exuded from him in a palpable wave. I wondered if he, too, was a sorcerer, or if this was just what decades of being a king — a good king — did to a man.
I bowed to him again, not sure of what to say. And then Rylan and I moved to join the rest of the guard, who stood in a row to the right of the throne. On the left side stood a line of men dressed in the colors of Blevon — King Osgand’s guard, I assumed.
As I took my place next to Deron, I remembered that I wasn’t the only one who had been left scarred by Iker and King Hector. Deron looked down at me, his eyes still full of sorrow, the scar on his face a vivid reminder of what he’d been through as well. Next to Rylan, the rest of the guard stood at attention, but when they saw me, they nodded or smiled. Every one of them — Deron, Jerrod, Asher, Mateo — bore the same scars on their faces. I couldn’t believe that the six of us were all who remained of the prince’s guard.
So much loss, so much death.
I stood tall, my hand on the hilt of my sword, and gazed out across the crowd. Many of them stared at me, whispering to one another. I wondered what they said — did they speak of my victory or my scars or my rejection of the king?
Then I caught sight of Kalen in the crowd, gripping her older brother’s hand yet again, just as she’d done the first time I’d seen her. Only this time, she was smiling and so was he. And I realized I didn’t care what the people of Antion were saying — whether they were judging me or not. This was why we had all sacrificed so much — to save innocent lives, like hers, from the horrors of King Hector’s rule.
Lisbet sat in the front row, with Jax next to her. When I looked at her, she smiled at me and nodded. I knew what she was thinking, and I pulled back my shoulders and stood a little taller.
A trumpet sounded and the crowd instantly went quiet.
“All rise for Damian, king of Antion!”
Everyone stood as one and turned to face the back of the room. When I saw him standing there, wearing the rich scarlet robes of the king of Antion, the collar of office reflecting the sunlight, my heart stopped. He was overwhelmingly beautiful. He slowly walked forward, his expression composed. But his eyes were on mine the whole time. My pulse began to race.
When he stood before the throne and King Osgand, he finally looked away, turning his gaze up to his great-uncle.
“People of Antion,” King Osgand spoke, his deep voice carrying across the ballroom. “This is a remarkable day — a day of celebration. Today is a day that you will speak of to your children, and your children will tell their children. It is the day that Antion rises from the dust and blood of her past and steps forward into a future of peace and prosperity!” He paused as the crowd erupted into cheers. My heart swelled as I watched Damian standing before King Osgand.
“You do not know your king yet, not as I know him. But he is a good man — just and true. He will lead Antion with a firm but gentle hand. No longer will your women and children live in fear.”
There was more cheering as King Osgand reached down to the pedestal beside him, where the crown of Antion sat. He lifted it with both hands high into the air.
“Damian, former prince of Antion, kneel,” he intoned.
A hush of anticipation fell upon the crowd as Damian dropped to one knee. Slowly, King Osgand lowered the crown until it hovered just above Damian’s dark hair. “Do you, Damian of Antion, swear in front of these witnesses that you will do all in your power to lead, govern, and protect your people with justice and fairness?”
“I swear it,” Damian responded.
“So it shall be.” King Osgand placed the crown on Damian’s head. “I give you Damian, king of Antion! Hail, King Damian, long live the king!”
Damian stood as the crowd repeated the cry, staring up at King Osgand for a moment, and then turned to look out over his people.
All of the guards pulled out their swords, lifting them into the air in salute to the new king.
“My people,” Damian began, his voice sending a shiver through me. “Today marks the first day of a new era for Antion. An era of peace, starting with a renewed alliance with Blevon. As I have just sworn before you, I will do all i
n my power to lead you with fairness.” He paused and turned to look straight at me. “This day would not have been possible without the help of many people who believed in me and aided me along the way. But above all, we owe our new freedom to one person.”
My eyes widened when I realized what he was about to do.
“All hail, Alexa Hollen!” he cried out.
There were gasps from the crowd as jaws dropped and hands flew to mouths. But when he shouted it again, his people eventually joined with him.
“All hail, Alexa Hollen!”
“All hail, Alexa Hollen!”
My heart pounded. What did he think he was doing?
“We owe you our very lives,” he continued when the crowd quieted again. “This is the day of my coronation, but I would not be here without you.” And then he pressed his fist to his shoulder as I had done so many times, and bowed to me.
I stared at him, stunned.
Then Lisbet dropped to one knee, followed by Jax at her side. General Tinso was next, then Eljin. Slowly at first, but then with greater and greater speed, the entire crowd lowered to their knees, bowing their heads to me. Even my fellow guards dropped down to the ground, their fists pressed to their shoulders.
I was at once honored and mortified. Did Damian hope to make me rethink my decision by doing this? No matter how grand a gesture it was, it didn’t change the truth of our situation. Tears burned in my eyes as I returned Damian’s bow. He smiled at me, a tender smile that made my heart ache, and then he straightened up.
“My people, will you join with me in leading Antion into a future that is brighter than it ever has been before?” King Damian asked as the crowd rose to their feet again.
Many of those gathered broke into cheers and gazed up at their king with something I’d never seen before — hope. But there was so much pain and fear still written on the faces of the women who cradled babies in their bony arms. In the tight stance of the men and boys in tattered uniforms, not quite sure how to relax, not to always be on guard.
There was still a long way to go to reach out for that bright future Damian was promising us.
But no matter what came next, I knew that this moment would be branded on my mind and heart forever. Damian looked at me once more, and this time, when he smiled, it was with the brightness of the sun that burst through the windows, painting everything gold and white.
I nodded at him, returning his smile. But mine was tinged with bittersweet regret. There was still so much ahead of us. So much work to be done, so many wounds to be healed — inside and out. But he was right. The future had never been brighter — now that he was the king of Antion.
And I would be at his side, guarding him from the dangers that lay ahead. As I watched my new king take his place on the throne of Antion, my fingers tightened around the hilt of my sword.
Wow, I have dreamt of writing an acknowledgments page for so long, it’s hard to believe it’s really happening! Over the many years it has taken me to get to this point, the list of those I need to thank has continued to change and grow. There have been so many wonderful and amazing people along this long road who deserve more than just a mention in my book, but I guess this is what you’ll have to settle for!
First of all, I have to thank the incredible Lisa Sandell. I feel like I won the editor lottery — I can’t imagine a more phenomenal person to work with on this book. Thank you for believing in Defy, for loving my characters as much as I do, and for turning a lifelong dream into a reality. Your passion for what you do and your talent in helping me shape this story into the best it could be have meant the world to me. Thank you for everything, including your friendship!
A huge cheer (and a hi-YAH!) for my amazing ninja agent, Josh Adams, the reason any of this is happening. I somehow lucked out to not only get an incredible agent, but also gain a trusted friend and advisor in you. Thank you for everything you’ve done and continue to do to bring my dreams into reality! And thank you also to Tracey and the rest of the fantastic Adams Literary team and family!
Thank you to everyone at Scholastic who has worked so hard to bring my story to life and to the shelf. Thank you all for your belief in Defy; for the gorgeous cover that literally took my breath away (and then caused me to commence screaming, and jumping up and down) because I was so happy when I saw it; and all of the little and big steps along the way that take a manuscript and turn it into a book.
Endless thanks go to the many readers over the years — there are too many to list them all. Every one of you, who has read my book and loved it or told me you believed in me, has helped more than you can know. But I’m going to try and list off a few:
Elisse, you have read for me from the beginning — way back when the books were handwritten. Your support has lifted me up when I was down. I’m so grateful to have such a fantastic, understanding friend and critique partner in my sister. Thank you for being willing to read endless drafts, and for always having a positive word for me no matter how low I got!
A, T, and E, way back in the beginning, your support, friendship, help, and advice meant so much to me. Thanks also to Stephanni Myers (no, not that one) whose editorial experience and advice helped shape the writer I am today and taught me that all those red marks covering the pages meant she liked it!
Thanks to Ally, for being there for me during a pivotal moment with chocolate, music, a note, and more. Just what I needed! And thank you for continuing to be a wonderful friend and support through the years.
Thank you to Natalie Whipple for your friendship, support, and critiques. You’ve always been there for me, and I can’t thank you enough!
Thank you to Hannah Brown Gordon for believing in me first; I will always be grateful. And to Mandy for being the first to adore Defy — thank you.
I wish I could list every person who ever helped me, but it would be impossible. This is an attempt to acknowledge some of the people who have been pivotal to my journey: Julie Berry, Brodi Ashton, Bree Despain, Elana Johnson, Chersti Nieveen, Carolina Valdez Miller, Anne Blankman, Bethany Hudson, Michelle Argyle, Kasie West, Renee Collins, Sara Raasch, Candice Kennington, Jenn Johansson, Elle Strauss, everyone from the best BYU WIFYR group ever, the incredible YA Valentines, Sarah Cox, Stacey Ratliff, Dialma Jensen, and Erin Thain, and so many more…. Thank you for supporting me and my crazy dreams, for reading or critiquing queries or manuscripts for me, and above all for your friendships.
Kathryn Purdie — I’m so grateful for you in my life. You are the reason I dared hit send on those queries for Defy. Your love of this story meant the world to me, but far more important has been the gift of your friendship. Thank you!
Kerstin, Kaitlyn, and Lauren — I’m so grateful for your support and love. Thank you for reading and loving my stories over the years. All four of my sisters are the best cheerleaders and best friends a girl could hope for! (Lauren, I’m still lobbying for you to play Alexa someday. I’ll let you know how that goes.)
Mom, I can’t thank you enough. For being the person I want to be when I grow up. For believing in me. For always reading and giving your honest feedback. I hope I’ve made you proud! Dad, who is the best dad a girl could ask for! Thank you so, so much for everything. I always know I can count on you for anything, anytime. No matter what. How lucky am I?
To my in-laws, Marilyn and Robert, for being excited for me and for helping spread the word and for your support — thank you!
To Hans Zimmer, Florence and the Machine, James Horner, Sia, Imogen Heap, and so many other composers and musicians whose music has helped inspire me over and over again. I can’t write without the perfect song to match my mood, and your music has been on repeat for a long, long time.
And last, but far from least, my family. To my three beautiful children, who love me despite my failings as a mom and my long hours “working on my book” on the computer. You are my angels. The gift of being your mother is one I hope to be good enough to deserve someday. To Trav — my rock, my support, my everything. You nev
er stopped believing, you never stopped cheering me on, you never let me even talk about quitting. You are the one who kept me going no matter what, no matter how desperate things were. There aren’t words adequate enough, but this will have to suffice: Thank you, I love you — now and forever.
Sara B. Larson can’t remember a time when she didn’t write books — although, she now uses a computer instead of a Little Mermaid notebook. Sara lives in Utah with her husband and their three children. She writes during nap time and the quiet hours when most people are sleeping. Her husband claims she should have a degree in “the art of multitasking.” On occasion you will find her hiding in a bubble bath with a book and some Swedish Fish.
Copyright © 2014 by Sara B. Larson
All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Press, an imprint of Scholastic Inc., Publishers since 1920. SCHOLASTIC, SCHOLASTIC PRESS, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Larson, Sara B.
Defy / by Sara B. Larson. — 1st ed.
pages cm
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Alexa’s parents were killed by a sorcerer during a raid, so she has disguised herself as a boy, joined Antion’s army, and earned a place on Prince Damian’s guard — but Antion is ruled by an evil king, and “Alex” must find a way to defeat him and protect her prince.
ISBN 978-0-545-59758-6 (jacketed hardcover) 1. Identity (Psychology) — Juvenile fiction. 2. Magic — Juvenile fiction. 3. Princes — Juvenile fiction. 4. Conspiracies — Juvenile fiction. 5. Adventure stories. [1. Identity — Fiction. 2. Magic — Fiction. 3. Princes — Fiction. 4. Conspiracies — Fiction. 5. Adventure and adventurers — Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.L323953Def 2014
813.6 — dc23
2013011011