Bob braced himself for the beating he was sure Doug was about to inflict on him. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together tightly. Maybe— if the beating was severe— he'd pass out. It was all he could hope for. And Doug was wrong if he thought he could just keep beating him and not end up by killing him.
He twitched as Doug jerked down his pants until they were bunched around his ankles.
"I forgot to mention," Doug said— was he smiling cruelly as he spoke— "pain and humiliation."
No, Bob thought. Doug couldn't mean what he thought he did.
"Then maybe not," Doug said. Bob heard a rustling of clothes behind him. "Maybe it wouldn't be humiliation at all. Maybe you'd enjoy it. Maybe it's exactly what you've been dying for ever since we started out."
The rustling of clothes ended. Bob heard Doug making tiny sensual noises behind him. "Gotta get it ready for you, baby. Hot and ready."
"Doug, for Christ's sake . . ."
"No, no, not him," Doug said with amusement. "He was straight." He chuckled. "I think." He laughed. "Wouldn't that be a kick in the ass to the Church if they found out that their Son of God liked to take it up the ass."
"Doug, you are destroying your life!" Bob cried.
"Oh, no, babe, I'm destroying yours," Doug answered.
Bob turned his head as Doug moved into view. He made a feeble noise of disbelief, grimacing at the sight of Doug. Except for his boots, he was completely naked, gripping his erected penis with his left hand. Bob felt a chill at the size of it, knowing now what Doug intended to do.
"I saw the way you looked at me the other night when I was naked," Doug told him. "I used to see the way you looked at my bathing suit when Nicole and I were swimming at your house. As though you were dying to jerk it down and put my cock in your mouth."
"Oh, God, Doug, God." Bob shook his head.
"He isn't here, I keep telling you, babe," Doug said.
He moved out of sight now, Bob saw as he opened his eyes.
"Doug, for Christ's sake, don't do this," he said.
"Looking forward to it, are you, Bobby boy?" Doug said. "I know I am. I'm going to shove my cock all the way up your hot, virginal asshole and I'm gonna love it. Once I'm in there, let's see what your damn spiritual insight can do to comfort you. Nothing, I suspect. It's just gonna hurt like hell. And the hornier I get, the more it's gonna hurt. Mmm, I can hardly wait."
"Doug, for Christ's sake, don't do this!" Bob cried.
"Oh, now it's for his sake," Doug said; he sounded amused. "You're regressing, Bobby. Did you just become a born-again Christian? Give yourself to Jesus and all will be hunky-dory? I don't think so," he finished in a singsong voice.
"By the way," he added. "If there's no such thing as an accident, that must mean I intended to fuck your asshole right from the start."
"Doug, don't. Please." His voice sounded weak and pitiable, now.
He heard Doug doing something behind him. Then Doug came back. "Gonna make it easy for you, babe," he said.
Bob jerked, gasping, as he felt Doug's fingers start to probe into his rectum; there was something wet on his fingers. "Just a spoonful of olive oil makes the dicky-wick go in, the dicky-wick go in, the dicky-wick go in," Bob sang, paraphrasing Mary Poppins's song. He's gone insane, he really has, Bob thought in horror, gritting his teeth as Doug continued probing with his fingers, moving them deeper into Bob. "Just a little preview, Bobby. A coming attraction."
His fingers pulled out and Bob made a sound of fright as Doug was suddenly behind him, clutching at his sides with digging fingers. "And now," he said, sounding aroused. "Now, Bobby boy. The pièce de résistance." His laugh was like a bark. "Although you can't resist my piece, can you?" Bob twitched as Doug kissed his shoulder. "Not that you'd resist at all. I don't have to tie you to this tree. If I untied you, you'd be on your knees in a second, begging for my cock inside you."
As he spoke, he pressed the head of his penis between Bob's buttocks and began to push. The pain began immediately. "Doug, don't," Bob pleaded desperately. "For God's sake, stop this."
"Too late, Bobby boy," Doug said.
Bob caught his breath with a dry gasp. "Oh, goody." Doug sounded delighted. "The head just popped in. Mm." He writhed against Bob. "And now—" he said.
With a snarling sound, he jammed himself against Bob's body, entering him all the way. Bob cried out in anguish, his head thrown back, his closed eyes flowing tears as he felt the tearing of tissues inside himself.
"Now I just move back and forth, back and forth," Doug said. He started kissing Bob's neck and shoulders, grunting with excitement. "Oh, God, take it, baby, take it."
Bob couldn't speak. He could only utter feeble sounds of pain as Doug slowly sodomized him, groaning, grunting, licking the back of Bob's neck, saliva running off his tongue. "Oh, God," he muttered. "God."
"Did you know Nicole talked about you all the time?" Doug said, breathing hard. "I think she wanted to suck you off. You think Marian wanted to suck me off? Ooh, I bet she did, I bet she did."
Bob's face became a rigid mask of resistance to the pain. It has to end, it has to end, he kept telling himself.
Doug's breathing became more rapid now. "Oh, Bobby boy, this feels so good. It's like the hottest, tightest pussy in the world, the world, the world." Each repetition of the word was accompanied by a spasmed shove inside Bob, making him moan in pain.
"Wouldn't you have loved a nice, hot, drunken, bisexual orgy with the four of us?" Doug said, gasping for breath now. "Wouldn't you have loved to watch Nicole and Marian eating each other while you and I were sixty-nining next to them? Oh, yeah, you would, you'd have loved it— loved it."
"Oh, my God," Bob murmured. Doug's penis was beginning to swell, increasing the pain more with each second. "I'm gonna cum inside your asshole, Bobby boy," Doug said, panting for breath. "I'm gonna fill your asshole with hot, white cum. You'll love it, Bobby boy. You'll love it."
A few seconds later, Doug cried out dementedly, his fingers gouging into Bob's hip flesh, his body jammed up tight against Bob as he had his orgasm. Bob felt the hot liquid spurting into his rectum. I'm going to kill him, he suddenly thought. I don't care what I believe, I'm going to kill the son of a bitch!
When Doug had finished coming, he drew back. Bob winced and gagged at the feeling. Then the pain was gone, replaced by a burning ache inside him. He felt Doug's semen running down the back of his legs. Fuck philosophy, he thought with mindless hate. Fuck the meaning of life. Fuck afterlife and reincarnation and all of it.
As soon as he could he was going to murder Doug.
11:21 AM
Doug kept him tied to the tree while he dressed leisurely, humming to himself, "I could have danced all night." He seemed at peace now, totally relaxed. Sated, Bob thought with trembling rage. Like a well-rutted animal.
"You know, I don't think I planned on this right from the start," Doug said, stopping the song, "I think it just came up." A laugh burst from him. "There I go again," he said, imitating Ronald Reagan. "Can't control those double entendres. Naughty, naughty. That nasty old subconscious."
After he'd dressed, he untied the rope and released Bob. Bob's legs felt limp at first, almost giving out beneath him. Then he straightened up and, bending over, pulled up his pants.
"Don't you want to douche first?" Doug asked lightly. "Might get pregnant otherwise. That would be embarrassing."
Bob didn't speak. He stared at Doug who was sitting with the golak lying across his lap.
"What's the matter, afraid I'll attack you?" Bob asked coldly.
"I presume you don't mean sexually," Doug said.
Bob only stared at him.
"Well . . ." Doug gestured with his hands. "Never can tell. You might go nuts. After all I've violated the sanctity of your virginal asshole."
Bob felt his stomach muscles tensing in. Should he make a run at Doug? He hated him enough to do it. But he knew, his brain still intact and functioning, that Doug could kill him with a singl
e slash of the golak. He remembered the deep, flesh-exposing cut he'd made on the doe. He'd have to bide his time.
Carefully, he sat down on the ground, making an involuntary sound of pain.
"Hurts a little, doesn't it?" Doug said as though sympathizing. "It's like that the first time. You'll get used to it."
Bob's muscles seemed to tighten of their own accord. The first time? Was Doug planning on doing it again? He'll have to kill me first, he resolved.
Doug chuckled. "I can see what you're thinking, Bobby. You can relax though. You aren't that good a fuck. There were guys in the reformatory who could screw you under the table."
"I thought you beat up the 'big guy' in the reformatory so they'd leave you alone," Bob said.
"I did," Doug said. "And they did." He grinned. "I didn't say I left them alone, though." He squeezed his groin with a sensual sound. "Got so I really liked it. In the mouth, in the ass, you name it. I tried to talk Nicole into letting me fuck her ass but she wouldn't do it. Too bad. She might've liked it."
He picked up the golak and pointed it at Bob. "Sure you wouldn't like to stay and have more fun with me?"
"Fun?" He glared at Doug. If I had a gun, he thought, I'd risk my soul to blow him away. Right now.
"No, I guess not," Doug said pityingly. "You're as straight as a fucking arrow. It's Marian or no one, right?"
Bob didn't answer, trying hard to think how he could do something to get the advantage over Doug.
"Besides," Doug said with a mocking grin, "it's karma, isn't it? There are no accidents, you said so. Which means you probably raped some poor slob in the nineteenth century, or earlier. Maybe you were the guy who buggered Jesus. And now you've paid the price, right? An ass for an ass." He threw his head back with a coarse laugh. "Pretty good. That just came out o' me by accident. An ass for an ass. That's marvelous. I'll have to remember that."
He laughed again. "Which means it was my fucking karma too." Another laugh with his head thrown back. "Jesus Christ, I did it again. Fucking karma. That's what it was. Fucking karma. I had no control. What did Malkovich say in that movie? 'It's out of my control'?" He laughed again. "Oh, God, I'm really rolling now.
"You know," he went on as though contributing to his half of an amiable chat, "this really shouldn't surprise you, considering that you're such a cynic about this life and see injustice everywhere."
"I never saw it in you," Bob told him somberly. "I trusted you. I thought you were my friend."
"And now you've found out that I'm actually your karma. How about that? Is that injustice or what?"
Bob didn't answer.
Doug sighed. "I could use another cup of coffee. I'll make some after you've gone. With brandy, of course."
Bob felt himself going rigid. After you've gone?
"It's just as well you don't want to hang around and have a party. It would just spoil the game."
The game? Bob wanted to ask it aloud but couldn't speak.
Doug rubbed his shoulder, wincing. "Hurts like hell," he said. "Gives you a slight advantage anyway. Not much of one but— any port in a storm, hanh?" He took out his handkerchief and dabbed at his nostrils. "Nose still hurts too. But that won't be an advantage. That'll just make me more intent on catching you."
"You just don't see what you're doing to your soul, do you?" Bob said.
"No, Daddy, tell me. What am I doing to my soul?"
"Blackening it," Bob told him.
"Ooh." Doug made a mock face of fear. "And that means?"
"That means payment will come due," Bob said.
"Payment." Doug nodded, looking bored. "Oh, you mean, in my next life." He grimaced melodramatically. "Or my next. Or my next. Or who the hell knows?"
"Or this life," Bob told him.
"Really." Doug pretended to look fascinated. "And who'll do that? Who'll make me pay?" He leaned forward, an expression of dark glee on his face. "You, Bobby? You're the one who'll make my payment come due? I don't think so!" he finished jeeringly, using the singsong voice again.
Bob knew there was no point in discussing this with Doug. The subject was completely out of Doug's realm of thinking. He thought it was all bullshit. He'd said so. No matter. He'd said what he had to say. Let the rest go.
"Okay, now," Doug said cheerfully, acting as though their relationship was perfectly equitable. "As to details. It's a contest. I give you a two-hour head start, three if you insist, it won't matter any. You take with you anything you want"— he grinned— "other than the golak and the bow and arrows, of course. Anything else though. Food. Water. Toilet articles if you want them. Your ground pad and your sleeping bag, of course. Although you may not last long enough to need your sleeping bag."
Bob shuddered, staring wordlessly at Doug.
"But let's assume the best scenario," Doug said. He seemed to be reciting the rules of some intriguing game. "You stay ahead of me. The cabin's about two days from here, moving fast that is— I suggest you move fast, of course. There's the Wiley place a few miles down the hill from my cabin. Good landmark. I'll let you have the compass, by the way. You just keep moving southeast and you'll be all right. You with me so far?"
Bob didn't speak. I haven't been with you since the day we met, he thought.
"Okay," Doug said. He clapped his hands together once. "You reach the cabin first, you win. I catch you first, you lose." He smiled benignly. "And, of course, you know what that means."
Bob had to ask. "And if I win, what then? You apologize for raping me? You tell Marian you're sorry that you raped me? You perform social work to make up for raping me? You get therapy because you raped me?"
"Whoa, whoa," Doug said, chuckling. "You're not going to win. You really think you can outrun me? The klutz backpacker of the century? Please. Give me a break. Or, as they used to say when I was a kid, 'No way, José.' "
They sat in silence for almost a minute, looking intently at each other. I mustn't blink. For some inane reason, it was all Bob could think.
"So when do you want to leave?" Doug asked. "You want a little more to eat first? A cup or two of coffee to brace you? Name it, Bobby boy, you've got it."
Bob didn't speak. Doug's features tightened. "Well?" he said.
Another few moments of silence.
"When do you want to leave?" Doug demanded.
"Never."
Doug looked honestly taken back. "What?" he asked.
"You seem to forget," Bob told him. "You've picked the wrong guy . . . Douglas. Your threat to kill me doesn't mean a thing to me. Remember me? I'm the guy who's not afraid of death."
He managed a chuckle. "You look confounded," he said, almost amused.
Doug was expressionless for several seconds. Then he said, "Let me get this straight— as they say in the beginning of every stupid letter to the editor . . . if I were to pick up my golak now and make a move toward you, you wouldn't do a thing about it?"
"I didn't say that," Bob responded. "If you make a move toward me, I'd defend myself— and hurt you any way I could. Kill you if I could."
Doug seemed to brush that possibility aside as not worth consideration. "You mean, if I picked up my bow and put an arrow in it and said I was going to shoot it straight into your heart, you'd let me? You wouldn't say, okay, I'll take the head start, just don't kill me?"
Bob only gazed at him. Odd, he thought, that at this moment of complete vulnerability to Doug, he felt, somehow, superior to him.
"You've already done your worst," he said. "Kill me if it pleases you. My soul will just move on. Yours will enter an eternal night." He finished almost fiercely.
"Oh, dear," Doug said. "You know, I think you really mean what you say. You're not afraid of dying. I could make you hurt, give you lots of pain— but eventually you'd die and I'd lose my game."
"I'm sorry if I'm ruining your day," Bob told him with an icy tone.
"Oh, you're not, you're not," Doug said. "Because you've overlooked a key part of our little game."
He smiled at Bob,
obviously waiting for him to ask, What part? Bob wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
"Okay, I guess I'll have to satisfy your unspoken curiosity," Doug said. Bob felt a coldness on his back that made him shiver.
"The key part of our little game, audience?" Doug said as though he were a game-show host. A pause. His smile was almost merry. "Right!" he said. "The key part of our little game is— Marian!"
Bob seemed to feel every muscle in his body becoming taut. He looked at Doug with hatred. "What are you planning to do?" he asked in a low, trembling voice. "Rape her? Hurt her?"
"Oh, no." Doug sounded as though the question had hurt his feelings. "No, not at all. I wouldn't hurt Marian. I like Marian." His smile grew venomous. "You might say that I love her."
Despite the golak, Bob could barely restrain himself from lunging forward and grabbing Doug by the throat. Only at the last second, did his mind warn him: You can't help her if you're dead.
"You see, I have a much more interesting scenario in mind," Doug went on. "You might say"— he grinned— "the performance of my life."
"What do you mean?" He had to know, immediately. Even if he had to ask.
"Well, here's the plot," Doug said as though he were making a story pitch to a producer. "I catch you— as I will, of course. I kill you— as I will, of course. I cut you into pieces and bury them far apart from each other. Some parts may be dug up by a bear and eaten. That would only enhance the plot, you see, because, later on, they might find a leg bone or an arm bone or something. I hightail it to the cabin; I can make it in a day if I really rush, get there by late tonight." He smiled again as though looking for Bob's approval of the clever plot he'd created.
"Now," he said, holding up the index finger of his right hand, "comes the good part. The Academy Award part. I show up at the cabin in a state of near hysteria. I cry, I groan, I blame myself for everything. You went out in the dark to go to the bathroom and I never saw you again. I should have gone with you. I searched everywhere but couldn't find a sign of you. A bear or a mountain lion must have gotten you. We'll call the forest rangers and initiate a search— I won't tell them where we were, of course, I'll take them someplace else. I'll keep on crying, sobbing, not too much of course, just enough to be convincing. Oscar-caliber, believe me." He leaned forward, looking fascinated. "They never find your remains, of course. Finally, I drive Marian home. I stay with her to comfort her. I'm always with her. She can lean on me, trust me. I'm a damn good actor, maybe you don't know that. She'll buy it; she'll be totally convinced that I've been traumatized. I was supposed to take care of you and I didn't do my job. I'll cry some more. I'll drink, she'll drink. I'll be the— what's the fucking word?— oh, yes, I'll be the epitome of caring, the fucking quintessence— ooh, I got that right away— the quintessence— love that word— the quintessence of compassion. In time, Marian will come to depend on me, to need me, to— dare I speak the word?— to love me. We'll get married—" His eyelids lowered halfway, his smile gone sardonic. "And I'll fuck her asshole legally. Won't that be a gas?"