Alison seems angrier with me than she is with Gabriel, Jonah thought. Is it that she doesn’t believe me, or is it that she just doesn’t care?
When Jonah walked into the practice room, he’d expected to find Natalie and Rudy waiting for him. He hadn’t expect-ed to find Emma there, too. She was seated on the floor, elbows on her knees, the three of them a triangle of tension.
Emma looked up at Jonah, and her emotions washed over him, a tangle of guilt and regret. His first thought was that it had to do with what had gone down in the Flats. But, no. How could it?
Alison stopped dead when she saw Emma. “What are you doing here? You’re not in this.”
“She can stay,” Jonah said, adding quickly, “if she wants to.”
“But—”
“She deserves to know what’s going on,” Jonah said. “She’s one of us.”
“She’s not one of us!” Alison hissed. “At least not—not in that way.”
“She’s a Thorn Hill survivor,” Jonah said. “She knows about Nightshade, Lilith, all of that. Her mother died at Thorn Hill. Her father—her father’s dead, too. She’s in.”
Alison scowled. “Does Gabriel know that she—?”
“I don’t give a flying—” Jonah paused, took a deep breath, let it out, then said, “Why, no, Gabriel doesn’t know. When he stops keeping secrets from us, we’ll stop keeping secrets from him.”
“Look,” Emma said, “I came over because I need to talk to Jonah. But, listen, if you all want me to wait outside while you talk, I’ll—”
“No,” Jonah said. “Stay and hear this.” His gaze met Alison’s, and she looked away first. She slumped into a chair and sat, staring down at her hands.
After an awkward silence, Natalie said, “So. What happened at the meeting with Lilith?”
And so Jonah told them. Rudy and Natalie listened with expressions of growing disbelief. At first, they interrupted with questions, but those dwindled as the full import began to sink in.
Emma just sat frozen, saying nothing, her expression peculiar, almost a plea for forgiveness.
When Jonah came to a stopping point, Natalie and Rudy looked at each other, then back at him.
“They were...experimenting on us?” Natalie’s voice was pitched higher than usual.
“Gabriel keeps trying to call it something else, like we were coconspirators or something,” Jonah said. “But, yeah. Basically.”
“And so—you’re saying it was Gabriel who poisoned us?” Rudy said.
“You be the judge,” Jonah said. “I’ve pretty much told you exactly what they said to me. He says it wasn’t him, it was Lilith, and Lilith says wasn’t her, it was wizards. So maybe we weren’t poisoned at all, it’s all been a misunderstanding.”
“If we have to choose who to believe, wouldn’t we have to choose Gabriel?” Natalie said. “I mean, I know you and Gabriel have had your differences, but he’s the one who’s been here for us.”
“Lilith has lied about other things,” Rudy said. “I mean, she claims she had nothing to do with the killings at Seph McCauley’s.”
Alison’s head came up. “It was her,” she muttered. “It had to be.”
Jonah shrugged. “I guess McCauley has plenty of enemies. My point is, Gabriel’s been lying to us, keeping secrets for years about the true purpose of Thorn Hill. They’ve both admitted that they experimented on us. I think we have to ask whether his obsession with riffing shades has more to do with keeping his secret than putting restless souls to rest.”
“What secret?” Rudy asked.
“All this time, he’s been worried that if it came out that he and Lilith were feeding us potions to turn us into an army of mutants—”
“Savants,” Natalie said.
“Army of mutants,” Jonah repeated. “He’d be blamed for the massacre.”
“And are you?” Rudy asked. “Blaming him for the massacre, I mean?”
Irritably, Jonah raked his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what to think.”
“Well,” Natalie said, “you could argue that if mainliners knew what was really going on at Thorn Hill, they’d exterminate all of us. Gabriel may have been trying to protect us.”
Jonah bit his lower lip. “The ironic thing is, Gabriel kept warning me not to talk to Lilith, that she would charm me into believing her lies. Now I think he really wants to believe it. He wants to be a hero in the worst way. And she’s giving him that chance. In one conversation Lilith has persuaded Gabriel that the story he’s been telling us is true—that we were poisoned on orders from the Wizard Guild. We don’t know who did it, and we don’t know what poisons were used.”
“What if it’s the truth?” Emma blurted out.
For a long moment, nobody said anything. Until Natalie said, “Why do you say that, Emma?”
Emma shook her head. “Never mind. You’re right. I don’t know why I’m even butting in, talking about things I know nothing about.”
She feels guilty, Jonah thought, confused. Why would that be? Because she’s healthier than the rest of us?
“Do we even know that this Lilith is who she says she is?” Rudy asked. “I mean—she’s not in her original body, right? She could be anybody, pretending to be Lilith.”
“Gabriel seemed convinced, and he should know,” Jonah said. “They weren’t just business partners; they were lovers.”
“What?” Natalie leaned forward, hands on her blue-jeaned knees. “That’s—no. No way.”
“Surprise,” Jonah said. “For weeks, we’ve been hunting Lilith down on Gabriel’s orders, and it turns out we were assigned to riff Gabriel’s old girlfriend, who is one of the few people who knew the truth about Thorn Hill. She’s a sorcerer, and apparently an expert in developing potions that modify Weirstones. Gabriel hired her to do that at Thorn Hill. She has her own reasons for wanting to dodge responsibility. She lost a child there.”
“You think she poisoned her own child?” Natalie said, frowning.
Jonah snorted. “Right now, we don’t have enough information to sort the truth from lies. All I know is that we went through this whole farce of a meeting with Lilith, and we’re no closer than we were before to finding out how to...how to fix this. Fix us.”
“But...” Natalie’s face was lit up with hope. “If Lilith was the one who compounded the potions, shouldn’t she be able to tell us what she used?”
“This is not new information to Gabriel, remember,” Jonah said. “He’s been using Lilith’s notes for the past ten years, trying to come up with a therapy that works. Lilith says that’s because she did not make a mistake. None of this is her fault, so Gabriel’s been wasting his time. If there’s any good news coming out of this, it’s that Lilith and Gabriel have called a truce. Gabriel agreed to leave off riffing shades for now. Lilith, however, has no plans to stop killing mainliners. I just don’t see how this ends well.”
“What are we going to do?” Rudy said.
“Don’t look to me for answers,” Jonah said. “I’m all out of wisdom.” All out of hope, too. Discouragement weighed on him like a lead cloak. I’m going to lose Kenzie, he thought. He hadn’t realized how much he’d banked on this meeting with Lilith to provide a way out.
“Jonah,” Natalie said. “Don’t you think we should wait until we figure out who’s telling the truth before we do anything rash?”
“What makes you think that will ever happen?” Jonah snarled. “Nobody’s told us the truth up to now. I see no reason to think that’ll change before we’re dead.” He pressed the heel of his hand against his forehead.
“Jonah?”
He looked up to see that Emma had pulled on her flannel shirt and the winter coat she’d bought at Goodwill. She was shifting her weight from foot to foot like she was eager to be on her way.
Who could blame her?
“I need to
go, but I wanted to talk to you in private if I could.”
Jonah’s weary synapses finally fired. “Right,” he said, unfolding to his feet. “Anyway, I have something for you. From Kenzie.”
“Something from Kenzie?” Emma looked mystified.
“A music notebook? He said you gave it to him and asked him to look it over. It’s at my place. If you can wait a minute, I’ll—”
“I’ll come with you,” Emma said. “And leave from there.”
They rode the elevator up in silence, past the eighth floor, where Emma’s room still waited for her, to the twelfth, where Jonah’s room was, one floor below Gabriel’s.
She waited while Jonah went through the security routine, opened the door, and stood aside so she could enter.
Following her in, he shut the door and disappeared into the studio.
Emma planted her feet, waiting until he returned, carry ing Tyler’s notebook in his two hands. He’d replaced the leather gloves, she noticed, as if he felt naked without them.
“How is Kenzie doing?” Emma asked, as he handed it over. “Is he any better?”
Jonah’s eyes tightened in pain, and he shook his head. “He just keeps losing ground.”
“What about that new medicine?” Emma clutched the notebook like it was some kind of life raft. “That seemed to help.”
Jonah spun away from her, staring out the window into gray smears of snowflakes. “That’s not an option.”
“But if it—” Emma stopped talking when she saw the granite windowsills crumble under Jonah’s hands. She cleared her throat. “What are you going to do?”
“About—?”
“Gabriel. And Lilith. All that. Where do you go from here?”
“I haven’t a clue,” Jonah said. “Like I said, I’m all out of wisdom.”
Emma took a quick breath. “What you need to do is leave here. Now.”
“You think I want to stay here?” Jonah said, his voice edged with desperation. “I’d love to go someplace else—but I can’t.”
“Because of Kenzie?”
Jonah just looked at her, lips pressed together, because, frankly, it was a really dumb question.
The conviction came back to her, stronger than ever. This is not a person who could kill a twelve-year-old girl. An innocent.
“Look here,” Emma said. “The committee that was looking into the Montessori thing is now checking into the Halloween murders. They’re going to want to talk to you about it.”
“I’ve already spoken to the police,” Jonah said.
“I know. This—this is a separate investigation. By the council.” Emma licked her lips. “Rowan DeVries is going to accuse you of murder.”
“DeVries?” Jonah’s eyes narrowed. “I thought he dis appeared.”
“He’s been in hiding. Now he’s recovered enough that he’s ready to testify that you attacked him and tried to kill him at McCauley’s. There’s a hearing scheduled for next week. Saturday.”
“How do you know?”
Emma knew that she was on a slippery slope, beginning that long slide, with no way to grab a handhold. “He told me.”
“Why would he tell you that?”
Emma ran out of words. She just froze like a small animal caught in the headlights.
“Why would he tell you that?” Jonah repeated, his voice piercing her soul like splinters of ice.
“He wants me to testify,” Emma said. “He wants me to support his story.”
“And will you?”
“I told him I would, but I won’t.”
“But you won’t. So who did you lie to, Emma?” Jonah asked. “Him or me?”
“Him,” Emma said, realizing it was a lot harder to go through life telling the truth than she’d ever thought.
“That’s reassuring, because I didn’t do it.” He showed his teeth in a bitter smile. “If it had been me, he would have stayed dead.”
He closed the distance between them, and all at once Emma was acutely aware of being in the presence of a predator. Some part of her mind heard the thud as the notebook hit the floor.
Jonah rested his gloved hands on her shoulders, gently encircled her neck with his leather-clad fingers. Her skin pebbled and burned under his touch, sending do something signals to her brain, a mangled mix of terror, guilt, and desire.
Should she tell him that DeVries had grabbed her off the street and threatened to turn her into the police? That he had threatened to implicate her in the Halloween murders if she didn’t play nice?
No. Jonah would go after DeVries for sure. Emma could see the tragic ending of that story, and she didn’t want to go there.
“Why are you here, Emma? Are you spying on us? Gathering a little more evidence before the hearing?”
“No,” Emma said. “I came here to see you—to see everyone. And tell you what was going on.”
“Maybe,” Jonah said, “or maybe DeVries sent you here to lead me into a trap.”
“That’s what he wanted,” Emma said. “But—”
“But now that you’re here with me, you’re having second thoughts, aren’t you?” His voice was a caress, like a melody that went straight to the soul.
“Don’t,” Emma said, cheeks burning, trying to keep her head above water. “Don’t you get it? I’m on whatever side you’re on.”
“Of course you are,” Jonah murmured. “I’m irresistible. When you’re with me, you’re on my side. All I have to do is turn on the charm. Once you leave, no doubt you’ll regain your senses.”
“That’s not it,” Emma said, planting her hands in the middle of his chest and pushing. She might have been pushing against a brick wall.
“It’s so much easier to kill the living than the dead, Emma.” Jonah’s lips were so very close to her skin, his eyes all blue ice and shadow, like the kind of death that comes in the wintertime, when the cold creeps into your bones. “So many ways to do it, and I’m good at all of them. I’m a monster by design.”
Emma wished she could say something that would convince him that he was wrong, but she had no skill for that. So what she said was, “Just shut the hell up.”
Jonah stared at her, the blank, hard expression on his face nudged aside by surprise.
“I’m so sick and tired of you talking crazy shit like that.”
“Maybe I am crazy,” he said.
“These are hard times,” Emma said. “It’s hard to know who or what to believe in. But I believe in you, and it has nothing to do with your damn pretty face and your big, blue eyes. Do you take me for that kind of a fool?”
For once, smooth-talking Jonah Kinlock seemed to be at a loss for words. “N-no,” he said. “It’s just that I—”
“Now, I’ll admit, it took me a while to figure it out—what I saw in you. You had me convinced that it was all about your good looks and your whiskey voice. That I was being enchanted or charmed or something. I’m not good with people, and so I doubted my own common sense.
“Now I know. It’s not about what you look like. It’s who you are. Don’t forget—I’ve seen you in action. I’ve seen you with Kenzie. I’ve seen you risk yourself to save other people. And I have heard you. I have heard your music. I’ve listened to those words that come straight from your soul, and I am here to tell you that they come from a good place.” She took a quick breath. “A good place.”
She slid her arms around him and pulled his body close, pressing her face into his shirt so that she could feel his wildly beating heart just inches away. His body rigid, as usual. Her frustrated tears soaked into the fabric.
“You are not a monster. This is real. If there’s anything in this world that’s real, this is it. This is not about the magic. It’s about you.”
His hands fell away from her neck and he wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to him. “Don’t you see?” he wh
ispered, each quick breath warming her ear. “This just makes it worse.”
“We could leave together,” she said. “We’ll take Kenzie—we’ll work out something. Find a cabin in the mountains somewhere. I—I have a little money.”
Jonah shook his head. “You can pass as a mainliner. Kenzie can’t. I can’t take Kenzie out of the only place he’s ever been safe. And if they ever find out about—about me, the mainliners will hunt me down. You know they will.”
“That’s why you have to leave,” Emma persisted. “They are coming after you.”
Jonah shrugged. “Let them come. I’m not going to run from them. I’ll stay and fight. But I won’t get you tangled up in it.”
“It’s already happened,” she said, her voice thick with emotion. “Too late.”
“No,” he said. “It’s not too late. Not this time.” He gently peeled her away from him. “If you play it smart, you can survive this. Leaving is a really good idea—for you. Something bad is about to happen, and my advice is to be as far away as possible when it does. Keep your head down, blend in, and survive.”
Scooping the notebook off the floor, he shoved it toward Emma. “Now, go.”
Emma turned her back to the rising sun and headed toward Trinity, so tired and distracted by worry she nearly went the wrong way on the freeway.
One thing she knew, and had known from the start: she was not going to go into a hearing and help Rowan DeVries make a case against Jonah Kinlock. Even if she did it by telling the truth, there are ways to tell the truth that end in a lie.
If she’d made a mistake, it was listening to Rowan when he’d told her that it was Jonah’s gift of persuasion that had turned her head. It wasn’t about his blue eyes—it was what lay behind them. She did not believe that Jonah would murder a twelve-year-old girl. And if it was somebody else, there was a whole piece of the story she didn’t know. And another murderer out there.
She didn’t want to walk out on these people who had come to mean so much to her. Jonah. Kenzie. Natalie. Rudy. Leesha. Even Alison. If she ran away, they’d think she was guilty for sure. And a girl on her own can get backed into the wrong kind of corner. Besides, she had nowhere to go, other than Memphis, where the police were still looking for her.