"From the way your grace talks," came the response, "it seems to me you must be my master, Don Quixote of La Mancha, and from the sound of your voice, you can be nobody else, no doubt about that."
"I am Don Quixote," replied Don Quixote, "whose profession it is to assist and help the living and the dead in their distress. Therefore tell me who you are, for you have astonished me; if you are my squire, Sancho Panza, and you have died, and the devils have not carried you off, and through God's mercy you are in purgatory, our Holy Mother Roman Catholic Church has enough prayers of intercession to deliver you from the torments you are suffering, and I, for my part, shall supplicate as far as my fortune will allow; therefore declare yourself once and for all and tell me who you are."
"By God," came the response, "and by the birth of whoever your grace loves, I swear, Senor Don Quixote of La Mancha, that I'm your squire, Sancho Panza, and I've never died in all the days of my life, but I left my governorship for causes and reasons that I need more time to tell you about, and last night I fell into this pit where I'm lying now, and the gray with me, and he won't let me tell a lie, to be specific, he's here with me now."
And there is more: it seems as if the donkey understood exactly what Sancho said, because he immediately began to bray, and so loudly that the entire cave resonated.
"A famous witness!" said Don Quixote. "I recognize the bray as if it were my own, and I hear your voice, friend Sancho. Wait for me: I shall go to the duke's castle, which is close by, and bring someone who can rescue you from the pit where your sins must have brought you."
"Go, your grace," said Sancho, "and by the one God come back soon, because I can't stand being buried alive here, and I'm dying of fear."
Don Quixote left him and went to the castle to recount to the duke and duchess what had happened to Sancho Panza, which caused them no small astonishment, although they knew very well where he must have fallen because it corresponded to a cave that had been there from time immemorial; they could not imagine, however, how he could have abandoned his governorship without their being informed that he was coming to the castle. Finally, thick ropes and stout cords, as they say,2 were brought in, and by dint of many people and a good amount of work, they raised the gray and Sancho Panza out of that darkness into the light of the sun. A student saw him and said:
"This is how all wicked governors should leave their governorships, just as this sinner leaves the depths of the abyss: dying of hunger, pale, and without a blanca, or so it seems."
Sancho heard him and said:
"It was eight or ten days ago, Brother Gossip, that I came to govern the insula that they gave me, and in all that time I didn't even have enough bread to eat; I've been persecuted by doctors and had my bones trampled by enemies, and I haven't had time to take any bribes or collect any fees, and this being true, which it is, in my opinion I didn't deserve to leave in this way; but man proposes and God disposes, and God knows what suits each man and what's best for him, and time changes the rhyme, and nobody should say, 'That's water I won't drink,' because you're in a place where you think there's bacon, and you don't even find a nail; God understands me, and that's enough, and I'll say no more, though I could."
"Do not be angry, Sancho, or troubled by what you may hear, for there is no end to it: you keep your conscience clear, and let them say whatever they wish, for trying to restrain the tongues of slanderers is the same as trying to put doors in a field. If the governor leaves his governorship a wealthy man, they say he has been a thief, and if he leaves it poor, they say he has been a dullard and a fool."
"Then there's no doubt," responded Sancho, "that this time they'll have to take me for a fool and not a thief."
Conversing in this way, and surrounded by boys and by many other people, they arrived at the castle, where the duke and the duchess were already in a gallery waiting for Don Quixote and Sancho, who did not wish to go up to see the duke without first settling the gray in the stable, because he said the donkey had spent a very bad night in the cave; then he went up to see his lord and lady, before whom he kneeled and said:
"My lord and my lady, because it was the wish of your highnesses, and not because of any merit in me, I went to govern your insula of Barataria, which I entered naked, and I'm naked now: I haven't lost or gained a thing. As to whether I governed well or badly, I've had witnesses before me, and they'll say whatever they want. I decided questions and settled cases, always dying of hunger, for such was the desire of Dr. Pedro Recio, a native of Tirteafuera and a governoresque and insulano doctor. Enemies attacked us by night, placing us in great difficulties, and the people of the insula say we emerged free and victorious because of the valor of my arm, and if they're telling the truth, may God keep them safe. In short, in this time I've weighed the burdens and obligations that come with governing, and I've found, by my own reckoning, that my shoulders can't carry them; they're not the right load for my ribs, and not the right arrows for my quiver, and so, before the governorship could do away with me I decided to do away with the governorship, and yesterday morning I left the insula just as I found it, with the same streets, houses, and roofs that it had when I came in. I haven't borrowed money from anybody, or taken any profits, and though I planned to issue a few good laws, I didn't, because I was afraid nobody would obey them, and then it doesn't matter if you issue them or not. As I said, I left the insula with no other escort but my donkey; I fell into a pit and walked through it until this morning, when by the light of the sun I saw the way out, but it wasn't so easy to leave, and if heaven hadn't provided me with my master, Don Quixote, I would've been there until the end of the world. And so, my lord duke and my lady duchess, here's your governor Sancho Panza; in the ten short days he had the governorship, he learned that he wouldn't give anything to be a governor, not just of an insula but of the whole world; and knowing that, and kissing the feet of your graces, and imitating the children's game when they say, 'You jump out and give it to me,'3 I'll jump out of the governorship and pass into the service of my master, Don Quixote, and there, though I eat my bread in fear, at least I eat my fill; and for me, if I have enough to eat, I don't care if it's carrots or partridges."
With this Sancho brought his long speech to an end, Don Quixote constantly fearing he would say thousands of nonsensical things, and when he saw him conclude having said so few, he gave thanks to heaven in his heart, and the duke embraced Sancho and said he was grieved to his very soul that he had left the governorship so soon, but he would arrange to give him another less burdensome and more profitable position on his estate. The duchess also embraced him and ordered that he be very well treated, for he showed signs of having been badly bruised and of having slept even worse.
CHAPTER LVI
Regarding the extraordinary and unprecedented battle that Don Quixote of La Mancha had with the footman Tosilos in defense of the daughter of the duenna Dona Rodriguez
The duke and duchess did not repent of the joke played on Sancho Panza with regard to the governorship they had given him, especially because on that same day their steward arrived and recounted point by point, and almost in their entirety, Sancho's words and actions during the days of his governorship, and finally he elaborated for them the attack on the insula, and Sancho's fear, and his departure, giving them no small pleasure.
After this, the history recounts that the appointed day of the battle arrived, and the duke, having instructed his footman Tosilos over and over again how he was to confront Don Quixote and defeat him without killing or wounding him, ordered the iron tips removed from the lances, saying to Don Quixote that the Christianity on which he prided himself would not permit the encounter to put their lives at so much risk and danger, and Don Quixote should be content with the open field he was providing even though this contravened the decree of the Holy Council1 that prohibits such challenges, and he did not wish their fierce combat to be carried to the extreme.
Don Quixote said that His Excellency should arrange the details of the matter how
ever he chose, for he would obey him in everything. And when the fearful day arrived, the duke had ordered a large platform erected at the front of the castle square, for the judges as well as the claimants, mother and daughter; infinite numbers of people came from all the surrounding towns and villages to see the unusual battle, for those who lived in that land, and even those who had died there, had never seen or heard of anything like it.
The first to enter the field of battle was the master of ceremonies, who scrutinized the field and walked all around it to be sure there was no deception and nothing concealed where one might stumble and fall; then the duennas came in and took their seats, wrapped in their cloaks to their eyes, even to their breasts, showing signs of no small emotion. Don Quixote entered the field, and shortly after that, accompanied by many trumpets, the huge footman Tosilos appeared at one end of the square on a powerful horse, overshadowing everyone, his visor lowered and sitting erect in strong and shining armor. His large, dappled horse appeared to be a Frisian,2 and from each fetlock there hung an arroba of hair.
The valorous combatant came in, well-instructed by the duke his lord regarding how he was to behave with the valiant Don Quixote of La Mancha, and warned that under no circumstances was he to kill him but should attempt to flee the first charge in order to avoid the risk of Don Quixote's death, which was certain if he was to meet him head-on. He crossed the square, reached the place where the duennas were sitting, and began to look at the one who wanted him for a husband. The master of the field summoned Don Quixote, who had come onto the square, and together with Tosilos he spoke to the duennas, asking if they consented to Don Quixote defending their cause. They said they did, and that everything decided in this matter they would consider correct, irrevocable, and binding.
By this time, the duke and duchess were seated in a gallery that overlooked the field, which was crowded with an infinite number of people waiting to see the fierce, unprecedented battle. It was stipulated by the combatants that if Don Quixote was victorious, his adversary would be obliged to marry the daughter of Dona Rodriguez, and if he was defeated, his opponent would be free of the promise demanded of him and need give no other satisfaction.
The master of ceremonies apportioned the sun3 and directed each combatant to his place. The drums rolled, the air filled with the sound of trumpets, the earth trembled beneath their feet. The hearts of the crowd of onlookers were in suspense, some fearing and others hoping for the good or bad outcome of the matter. Finally, Don Quixote, commending himself with all his heart to God Our Lord and his lady Dulcinea of Toboso, waited to receive the precise signal to charge, but our footman had other ideas, for he was thinking only about what I shall tell you now:
It appears that when he looked at his enemy, Dona Rodriguez's daughter, she seemed the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life, and the little blind boy, ordinarily called Amor along these streets, did not wish to miss the opportunity that had been offered him to triumph over a footman's soul and place it on the list of his trophies, and so he approached him very cunningly, without anyone seeing him, and he pierced the poor footman on his left side with an arrow two varas long that passed right through his heart; Amor could do this with complete impunity because he is invisible and comes and goes as he pleases, without anyone demanding that he account for his actions.
And so, I say, when the signal was given for the charge, our footman was in ecstasy, thinking about the beauty of the woman whom he had already made mistress of his liberty, and he did not attend to the sound of the trumpet as Don Quixote did, for as soon as he heard it he charged, and galloping as fast as Rocinante would permit, he attacked his enemy, and seeing him attack, his good squire, Sancho, called in a loud voice:
"May God guide you, flower and jewel of knights errant! May God grant you victory, for right is on your side!"
And even though Tosilos saw Don Quixote coming toward him, he did not move a step away from his position; instead, he called for the master of the field, who came to see what he wanted, and he said:
"Senor, isn't this combat to decide if I marry or don't marry that lady?"
"It is," was the response.
"Well then," said the footman, "I fear for my conscience, and I would put too great a weight on it if I went forward with this combat, and so I say that I declare myself defeated, and wish to marry that lady immediately."
The master of the field was amazed at Tosilos's words, and since he was one of those privy to the scheme, he did not know how to respond. Don Quixote stopped in the middle of his charge when he saw that his enemy was not attacking him. The duke did not know why the combat did not go forward, but the master of the field went to tell him what Tosilos had said, which left the duke astonished and extremely irate.
While this was happening, Tosilos went up to where Dona Rodriguez was sitting and said in a very loud voice:
"I, Senora, wish to marry your daughter, and I do not want to attain through disputes and battles what I can attain peacefully and with no risk of death."
The valiant Don Quixote heard this and said:
"Since this is true, I am released and set free from my promise; let them marry, and good fortune to them, and since God Our Lord has granted the marriage, may St. Peter bless it."
The duke came down to the castle square, and approaching Tosilos, he said:
"Is it true, O knight, that you declare yourself defeated, and that pressed by your timorous conscience, you wish to marry this maiden?"
"Yes, Senor," responded Tosilos.
"He's doing the right thing," said Sancho Panza, "because if you give the cat what you were going to give to the mouse, your troubles will be over."
Tosilos was loosening his helmet and asked for help because he was having trouble catching his breath and could not bear to be confined for so long in so narrow a space. It was quickly removed, and the footman's face was uncovered and revealed, and seeing this, Dona Rodriguez and her daughter cried out, saying:
"Deception! This is a deception! They sent in Tosilos, a footman to my lord the duke, instead of my true husband! We demand the justice of God and the king against so much guile, not to say wickedness!"
"Do not grieve, Senoras," said Don Quixote, "for this is neither guile nor wickedness, and if it is, the duke has not been the cause but the evil enchanters who pursue me, and who, envious of my achieving the glory of this victory, have transformed the face of your husband into that of this man, whom you say is a footman of the duke. Take my advice, and despite the guile of my enemies marry him, for he undoubtedly is the one you desire for your husband."
The duke, who heard this, was about to turn all his anger into laughter, and he said:
"The things that befall Senor Don Quixote are so extraordinary that I am prepared to believe this man is not my footman, but let us make use of this stratagem and artifice: we shall delay the marriage for fifteen days, if you like, and keep this person, about whom we have our doubts, confined, and in that time he may return to his original appearance, for the rancor the enchanters feel toward Senor Don Quixote cannot last that long, especially since they derive so little profit from these tricks and transformations."
"Oh, Senor!" said Sancho Panza. "It's the habit and custom of these scoundrels to change the appearance of things that have to do with my master. They made a knight he defeated some days ago, who was called the Knight of the Mirrors, look like Bachelor Sanson Carrasco, who comes from our village and is a good friend of ours, and they turned my lady Dulcinea of Toboso into a rough peasant girl, and so I imagine that this footman will die and live a footman for all the days of his life."
To which the daughter of Dona Rodriguez responded:
"Whoever this man is who asks me to be his wife, I thank him for it; I'd rather be the legitimate wife of a footman than the deceived mistress of a gentleman, though the one who deceived me is no such thing."
In short, all these stories and events resulted in Tosilos being locked away until they could see the ou
tcome of his transformation; all the spectators acclaimed Don Quixote as the victor, and most were sad and melancholy at seeing that the long-awaited combatants had not hacked each other to pieces, just as boys are sad when the hanged man they have been waiting for does not come out because he has been pardoned, either by the other party or by the court. The people left, the duke and Don Quixote returned to the castle, Tosilos was confined, Dona Rodriguez and her daughter were delighted to see that one way or the other, the matter would end in marriage, and Tosilos hoped for nothing less.
CHAPTER LVII
Which recounts how Don Quixote took his leave of the duke, and what befell him with the clever and bold Altisidora, the duchess's maiden
Now it seemed to Don Quixote that it would be good for him to abandon the extreme idleness in which he had been living in the castle, for he imagined it would be a great mistake for him to remain confined and inactive among the infinite luxuries and pleasures offered to him as a knight errant by the duke and duchess, and he thought he would have to give a strict accounting to heaven with regard to this confinement and inactivity; and so, one day he asked the duke and duchess for permission to leave. They granted it, indicating that it grieved them deeply that he was going. The duchess gave Sancho Panza the letters from his wife, and he wept over them, saying:
"Who would have thought that hopes as great as the ones born in the heart of my wife, Teresa Panza, at the news of my governorship would end in my returning to the miserable adventures of my master, Don Quixote of La Mancha? Even so, I'm happy to see that my Teresa behaved like the person she is and sent the acorns to the duchess, because if she hadn't sent them, I would have been very sorry to see her so ungrateful. What comforts me is that this gift can't be called a bribe, because I already had the governorship when she sent them, and it's only right that people who receive a benefit should show that they are grateful, even if it's with trifles. In fact, I came into the governorship naked, and I left it naked, and so I can say with a clear conscience, which is no small thing: 'Naked I was born, and I'm naked now: I haven't lost or gained a thing.'"