She’d torn me apart.
She’d flayed me alive.
She’d made me weak.
The beast inside growled; I trembled, trying to keep the cage locked and secure.
“Take your hands off me, Tess,” I said, low and curt. Gritting my teeth, I fought against the violent craving. The one screaming of retribution. I wanted payback. Strike for strike. Lash for lash.
Tess stiffened, dropping her arms.
The sane part of my brain—the part unshadowed by monsters—fought to understand what had changed. Something about her drew everything evil to the surface. She called to this awful part of me.
Squeezing my eyes, I hissed, “I need you to stop.”
Stop so I don’t hurt you. I don’t want to fucking hurt you.
Yes, you do.
“There’s nothing to stop,” she murmured. “I want this. I want you.”
“Stop!” I roared, shaking her. My fingers burned to choke. Unable to stand touching her, I shoved her away. She fell onto the chaise, her breasts bouncing with the force of her fall.
I spun away, clutching my head. Get out. Get out!
I had to get control. I had to find a way to protect her. None of this was right.
Then why does she give you permission?
I opened my eyes, hoping to see the strong unsullied woman I’d fallen so madly for. I needed to see her strength. But all I saw was a shell. A vacant shell.
Fuck!
I took a step back, cursing when something sharp poked my sole. I looked down and my stomach hollowed out.
My belt.
Hit her. Strike her. Turn her white skin red.
Breathing hard, I stared right into Tess’s flushed face. Where was my esclave? The equal measure of fuckedupness I’d come to rely on was gone—twisted into something entirely different that I couldn’t understand.
Her fire had been replaced by acceptance and resilience. Her eyes didn’t taunt me to hurt her, or glimmer with lust. She stood, waiting like a perfect fucking slave.
Goddammit!
My anger went from simmering to explosive; I lost another part of my soul.
Her panting chest drew my attention; my eyes devoured her naked flesh. “I can’t stop it. Whatever you’re doing—it’s making it worse. Ten times worse. A thousand times worse.” The roaring grew louder, tearing my brain apart with the need to give in. “Tess—you’re…” You’re not safe. Run!
Her entire body flushed with fear before being hidden by submission. Her back straightened. Her eyes screamed some silent message while her mouth devastated my remaining self-control.
“Do it. Please, Q. You need to. I see how much you need to.”
I wrenched my hair. Tell the truth. Stand up to me.
Only she could stop this. Only she could put me back on the leash I desperately needed.
“I’ll hurt you. Do you understand that?” I could barely speak through clenched teeth.
Silence.
Tell me no. Be brave.
She bowed her head. “Yes.”
I shook my head, disbelieving. “I’ll draw blood. Do you want that?”
Her shoulders rolled. “I understand.”
“I’ll make you fucking scream. You can’t mean it.”
Her body hunched. “I do. I do mean it.”
The beast roared, and I had nothing left. No sanity, no strength. She’d given me absolute control while presenting her fear and acceptance in front of a man who’d fought against his baser desires all his life.
This was why I ran from weak women.
This was why I never let myself go near a slave who’d been used to the point of graceful compliance.
Because I wasn’t fucking strong enough to say no. I wouldn’t hold back—not now.
The leash snapped free. The cage flung wide.
I snatched the belt off the floor.
Breathing harder than I ever had before, I slammed down on the chaise beside Tess and yanked her over my lap.
The rapid pace of her chest rose and fell; her clammy skin stuck to my thighs as panic sprang from her pores. I’d crossed the threshold of no turning back.
Tess wiggled, but I held her down.
“Q…Q, wait.” Her voice rose an octave, filling with terror.
Before, it would’ve been enough to cut through the dense black fog I existed in, reining me back.
But not now.
Now it fucking fed me.
Having her splayed, so vulnerable over my legs, set free every diabolical demon inside. I would hit her. I would fuck her. And I wouldn’t stop until I tasted her blood.
Bending over, I hissed in her ear, “You’re going to writhe for me. You’re going to scream.”
She swallowed a sob, dropping her head. Her entire body went boneless over my thighs. Yanking her hair free from the tie, I fanned out her blonde curls, stroking her back with trembling fingers.
My cock throbbed in time with my heart. I could’ve come just by rubbing against her prone body.
I flinched as Tess wrapped her arms around my calves, anchoring herself to me. Her body wracked with shudders, but she didn’t make a sound.
Pressing her shoulder blades with one hand, keeping her in place, I folded the belt in half with the aid of the chaise. Grabbing the buckle, I ran my fingers from her shoulder blades, down her spine, to stroke her ass.
So white. So pristine.
My vision was all greys and blacks. Colour no longer existed in my world. I’d embraced everything I deplored—there was no leaving until I’d sated what needed to be sated.
Not only did I want to physically abuse her, I wanted to mentally ruin her, too.
If I were sane, I would’ve told myself I was a sick fuck and to end this madness before it was too late.
But how could a monster be sane? A monster did what he wanted. A monster took what was given.
“Do you love me, Tess?” My voice was black, heavily accented with a language that was meant for romance not bloodshed.
She nodded without hesitation.
I ran my finger down the centre of her ass, deliberately taunting her with softness. “Do you want this as much as me?”
Again another nod instantly.
“Do you want me to stop?”
She shook her head.
Such a perfect slave. Such a perfectly well-trained slave.
With a palm, I stroked her gently, loving the twitch of her hips. Her hair hung around her face, obscuring her features. Her mind might not be mine, but her body was.
Mine to paint with violence.
I slid two fingers between her legs. She stiffened as I found her folds. I angled my hand to penetrate her but her thighs snapped tight, blocking my right as her master to touch her.
A headache thundered into being—gathering tight and painful behind my eyes. How dare she deny me!
“Tu payeras pour ça.” You’ll fucking pay for that.
Raising my hand, the sun glinted off the buckle as the belt came down fast. The first slap of leather made my vision sputter and fade. The headache morphed into a mind-splitting migraine—my last defence against the beast inside.
Headaches were the bane of my life—but also my salvation.
Stop!
My eyes focused on the red lash across Tess’s ass—there was no chance of stopping.
I was too far gone.
Another strike and my cock jerked with delirium. This was what was missing in my life. This deliciousness. This supremacy. I’d never hit so hard. Only two strikes and already blood blisters formed.
Tess’s fingernails dug into my calf, but she didn’t make a sound. Her entire body locked into place, feeling like she’d transformed into a diamond rather than blood and bone.
I hit her again.
This time across the top of her ass. My mouth filled with eagerness to lick at the tiny crimson droplet welling from the strike. Her white skin turned into a criss-cross of pink and red.
With a fingertip, I rubbed
the blood across her flesh in a smear of rust.
Tess whimpered.
Her whimper did two things to me—shattered my black-riddled heart and hurtled me faster into hell.
My headache latched onto my nervous system making me hot and jittery and sick. I wanted to throw up.
Stop!
The monster had grown from whisperer to commander. I had no way of halting. Hitting her wasn’t enough. I needed to mark her everywhere. Her ass had been claimed. It was time for other places.
Tossing the belt away, I pushed her off my legs onto the carpet. She landed on all fours, her breathing ragged, face mottled with emotion. She refused to meet my eyes. Her lips were parted, panting hard, matching my out of breath breathing.
Stalking to the side table where a red candle rested, I scooped up the lighter beside it and lit the wick. The flame burned bright, hurting the backs of my eyes.
Carrying my prize back to the chaise, Tess’s gaze locked onto the flickering fire. Tears gushed down her cheeks, tracking over her white skin in a river of grief.
I wanted sympathy, horror—some emotion that reminded me of my humanness. But I’d lost it the moment Tess gave me permission to cave. Nothing else mattered than doing what I wanted. And I wanted to burn her.
Grabbing her wrist, I plucked her upright, dragging her to the small table at the back of the couch.
“Q—please…don’t.”
I laughed, placing the candle on the edge of the wood. Picking her up, I laid her onto the piece of furniture. She winced as her flayed ass stuck to the varnish.
Pressing her sternum until she lay flat, I said, “You had the choice to say no.” Taking the candle, I smiled at the small puddle of melted wax. “You no longer have that choice.”
Holding her down with one hand, I poured a little of the wax directly onto the swell of her right breast.
She screamed, her fists clenching at the onslaught of heat. The liquid quickly hardened to solid. The slash of red looked like blood.
My cock fucking begged to climb inside her. I needed to come. Hard. I needed to sink down as far as I could until she knew just who owned her.
Stop!
My cock fucking wept. It was the monster. That piece of meat was the driving force of this whole nightmare.
Tipping the candle again, I let it splash over her left breast, licking my lips at her gasp of pain, the flash of terror in her eyes.
“God, I’m hard. So fucking hard hurting you.”
Tess turned her face away, tears flowing in a steady, uninterrupted stream. I leaned over her, licking at the delicious salt. I poured another dollop of wax right between her breasts, a large seal of blood-red fire.
Tess bit her lip, moaning in agony. “Enough! Please enough.”
What the hell was that? “Nice try, Tess. I know you’re loving this, too. I’m used to your games. Your begs won’t stop me. You gave me this power! I’ll stop when I’m good and fucking ready.”
Tess cried loudly as I tipped another spritz of wax over a nipple.
Her tears looked genuine but I knew my little minx. I knew she wanted this, just like me. She wouldn’t have agreed if she didn’t.
The instant the wax hardened, I latched my mouth around the greasy residue, biting it off. My cock lurched at the glowing burn mark left behind.
Not only did the wax look like blood but it branded her, too.
The pits of hell opened its gates at the morbid pleasure thrilling through me. Blowing out the candle, I put it down. With eager fingers, I picked at the hardened wax. Tess moaned as I peeled it from her irritated skin.
Depositing the pieces taken from her, I savoured the revealing of her burned flesh. Waves of blooming heat that I’d put there. Me. Her master.
The last piece, I dangled over Tess’s mouth. “Open.”
Her face blanched, her cheeks glistening with moisture. “You can’t be serious.”
Fuck, she was incredible. Her acting impeccable.
“Deadly. Eat it and I’ll let you up.”
Tess shook her head.
With cruel fingers, I twisted the nipple I’d burned. Her mouth opened in a silent scream. Placing the small piece of wax on her tongue, I glowered as she screwed up her face.
Raising an eyebrow, I let her make the decision of more punishment for disobeying or the end of torture by obeying.
It took a never-ending second before she grimaced and swallowed.
“Good girl.” In a fast move, I pulled her upright, before pushing her down onto all fours on the carpet. She sniffed, a small sob escaping her wracking body.
Can’t you see you’re fucking ruining her?
The sane thought came from nowhere, bringing the power of a migraine, shoving ice-picks into my temples.
Oh, fuck, what am I doing?
Pain compounded on pain. I cried out, clutching my head against the agony in my skull. I fell forward, collapsing onto one knee.
Tess tried to crawl away, the curtain of curls hiding her face but not the red punishment on her ass.
“Where are you going?” Grabbing her ankle, I pulled her backward. “I haven’t fucking finished.” Her legs splayed; my mouth watered at the sight of her pussy.
I wanted to taste. I wanted to fuck.
Don’t do this!
Climbing over her, I pushed her onto her stomach. Locking a leg around hers, I kept her thighs completely open. Exposed.
My fingers slid up her thigh, aching to touch her.
The monster licked his lips at the thought of finally having satisfaction. Of finally taking her like I’d always wanted—rough, against her will—ruthless.
Every inch I travelled, she didn’t say a word. Not a peep or sound as she buried her face in the carpet.
The migraine made my mouth go dry; the sun became my worst fucking enemy. Too bright; digging into my eyes, ruining me further.
This is wrong!
I’m past caring.
It felt so good to finally let go. To drop my barriers. Tess wanted it. She’d encouraged me.
I couldn’t wait any longer. My fingers latched around my cock, guiding it to her pussy.
“I’m going to take you. I’m going to come so deep inside you.”
I thrust against her, wanting to lodge myself inside with one impale.
She cried out, her back bowing with agony.
I rocked forward, unable to understand why I couldn’t enter her. Come on! I needed to be inside.
Reaching between us, my forefinger stroked her clit, dropping to where the head of my cock pressed against her folds.
My world screeched to a fucking halt.
What—?
The beast froze, giving me one clear, untainted moment.
She wasn’t wet.
Not at all.
Fuck. This can’t…no…
A surge of agony hit me like a baseball bat. My migraine shoved the monster back into its cage. Beating it with hatred, yelling, cursing, threatening to murder everything awful inside.
What have I done?
I scrambled backward, dry-retching with horror. “No. No. Fuck, no.”
Tess was the driest I’d ever felt. She isn’t wet. Everything I’d let my foggy fucked-up brain conclude had been a lie. She was drier than the Sahara.
Low moans sounded as Tess panted hard. She hadn’t moved, lying unprotestingly and ready—ready for me to fucking rape her.
My heart broke into a bazillion fractured fragments. My ears filled with screeching from the horror in my soul. “What have I done?”
Fuck.
Fucking fuck!
I could barely function. My body crashed from its high of sadist animalistic needs, leaving a junky who’d never be fixed.
“Tess—oh, my God.”
Blinking away the pain of my headache, I gathered her freezing body off the floor. Rocking back, I sat and leaned against the table leg, cocooning her on my lap.
Her body wracked with shivers, shuddering with every ragged breath.
r /> Shit. What have I done? What have I done!
Silence echoed horribly loud. A minute ticked past. Then another. I didn’t know what to say. I had no clue how to fix the atrocity of what I’d committed.
I wanted to carve out my sick, sick brain and beg for forgiveness. But this—this was unforgivable.
Then Tess hiccupped, turning her face into my chest. Her trembling arms slowly wrapped around my neck, spreading the slickness of her tears. They turned from seeping to raging, soaking into my worthless flesh, staining my soul forever.
My fractured heart oozed with corruption and terror. Everything she’d said was a lie. She’d made me hurt her against her consent.
I’d spun the worst kind of lies by listening to the darkness inside me.
I howled silently, slamming the cage into place, locking it forever. Never again would I let myself be swayed. Never again would I believe what Tess said.
Lies had the power to tear apart a relationship—it also had the power to kill.
How much further would I have gone?
I never wanted to know the answer.
My eyes smarted with rage—rage so hot and torrid I wanted to kill myself for being so fucked up. Then the rage dissolved under the colossal weight of guilt—rock after rock—burying me alive.
“Why?” I whispered. “Why did you let me do it?” My arms banded tighter, completely terrified she’d walk out the door.
How could she ever stand to look at me again? Nothing could fix what I’d done. No apology or heartfelt note could ever excuse almost raping the woman I would die for.
I couldn’t stomach it. I couldn’t breathe with the enormity of what I’d become.
Burying my face in her hair, I gave myself over to despair. “Tess, je suis tellement désolé.” I'm so unbelievably sorry.
She hunched in on herself, but her arms wrapped tighter around my neck. My migraine pressed me further into the depths of hell. I suffocated on her hair. I’d never be able to look into her eyes again.
I was scum. Fucking awful terrible scum.
“Why? Why, Tess?” How could you let me do this—after everything?
She sniffed, raising her head. I gripped her harder, forcing her to stay, shaking until my teeth clacked together.
Pushing me a little, she sat upright, snuggling closer in my arms. “Because I love you, and I didn’t want to let you down.”