Chapter 7 – Company Picnics
It only took me thirty seconds when I woke up to realize that today was company picnic day. It was going to be a good day— I knew it. What could happen? Everyone had a half day but those of us on the EAC left earlier than that as we had to setup. It was also nice because we didn’t have to come in until 8:00 a.m.
I had been setting my alarm slightly early for the last few days and had a new morning ritual. I didn’t drink coffee like most of my co-workers but I needed a way to wake up. I hated needing something in the morning to get me going, so I had tried going to bed early, taking cold showers—you know the drill. It wasn’t me that made it hard to get up in the morning; it was that I went into work at 6:30 a.m. and more importantly, I was an insurance auditor. Not only did I sit on my butt all day long, but I spent my day looking at tax forms and profit and loss statements. I needed something but I just couldn’t find it. I tried Dr. Pepper but the problem with that was it was sweet and at that time in the morning I just couldn’t down it. I didn’t care for coffee; I had given it up years ago but I was worried that it was my only option. As always, when it seemed that all was lost, Facebook saved me.
One of my friends joined a group called DrinkChoffy.com, so I looked into it. Apparently, Choffy was ground cacao beans, more commonly know as cocoa beans. You brew it like coffee and it was supposed to be great for you. I remembered seeing something about tribes in the Amazon brewing cocoa beans and that the drink gave you energy, was full of minerals and vitamins, as well as antioxidants. Surly the tribes only knew and cared about the energy benefits but Modern Marvels on the History Channel was a bit more into it. So I signed up for Choffy. My first bag arrived and instantly I was hooked. It tasted like drinking super dark chocolate with a little cream and sugar added. It was phenomenal. Everyday thereafter, before my shower, I would go downstairs and turn on the coffee machine. By the time I was out of the shower, my Choffy was ready.
I didn’t need it much this morning but I still looked fondly at the rich amber liquid in the pot. I poured the scalding brew in my thermos cup and added cream and sugar. As I poured, the kitchen was filled with the deep, earthy aroma that made my senses come alive. I had the balance of Choffy to water mixture down perfect, supplemented by cream and sugar, of course.
When I pulled out of the driveway the sun light was already dazzling and while I knew the glare would make for a slow drive into work, it would be a great day for a picnic. To my surprise, the glare didn’t do that much to my morning commute and I ended up a few minutes early. I sipped my drink and sat down at my desk. I didn’t shut the computer down anymore; it just took to long to turn on in the morning. I restarted it every night and it still took about five minutes to login, but it was a far cry from waiting for the machine to come to life.
I had about two hours until I would leave to go to the park and start preparing for the picnic. Today would be perfect—I just knew it. I slept in an hour, I had my Choffy, and I was only here for two hours. What could go wrong?
“Go- good morning,” a mousey voice said behind me. Nothing is perfect now, is it?
“Good morning, Moleth. What can I do-”
“Ther-there is limited parking today so we need to car pool.”
“Ok, well I think Larry sent an email about that, but we all need to take our cars so we can take all of the food and stuff. So I don’t think the EA—”
“We need to car pool. You need to think of the world for once, Bill and not your own convenience.”
“The world?”
She looked at me like I was an idiot.
“I’m sorry, Moleth, but you lost me”
“You’re killing the world!”
It was an accusation and I knew where this was going. Right now most people would think that there was a “you’re causing global warming” remark coming right now. In truth, that one wouldn’t bother me all that much. I don’t think the two mile drive would melt the ice caps, but at least the “let’s hug a tree thing” seemed almost cute and nice. No, Moleth held the belief that we were polluting the world with bad feelings and that there were other worldly visitors that were upset with us, even to the point of thinking about killing off humanity and starting over again.
“Look Moleth, E.T. does not care about—”
“He is not E.T. and they have been testing us for years. We’re all going to die and it’s your fault, Bill Morison!”
“From what I’ve heard E.T. has been abducting people and sticking stuff in their butts for years. Sorry, but that just doesn’t work for me.”
“And why is that?”
“A super intelligent race flying thousands of light years to earth to stick stuff in our butts and to mutilate some cows? Oh and then drawing in fields to let us know our test results…please.”
Moleth looked indignant. How on earth could I talk against the visitors (as she called them). I had done it now. If I was lucky she wouldn’t talk to me for the better part of a month. If I wasn’t lucky, she was still going to talk to me some more. Her pause said that the latter was more likely, so I decided to put in my ear buds and hope for The House of Grey to take me away. I was right. As soon as the intro music started, I heard muttering that was surely directed at me. So I turned my iPod up. I don’t know when she walked away, but I didn’t turn around for twenty minutes just to make sure. My IM blinked. It was Adrian.
Horsechick “lol hat was priceless. seriously she is such a wacko.”
Bmorrison “I know she is so odd. I wonder what she will do.”
Horsechick “well she’s into voodoo so I’m sure you’ll have a doll made by the end of the day. I mean come on the world may depend on it.”
Bmorrison “lol you don’t think there isn’t a doll for me already and that it’s not full of pins?”
Horsechick “good point, but by now you may need a new one ;-)”
Soon it was time to go and get ready for the picnic. Adrian and I helped Yoda and Manager-lady load up the cars while Ankle printed direction sheets for the rest of the office. Moleth would have to go with us but we didn’t tell her when we started to get ready. We only had an hour before the rest of the office was to leave. I grabbed some shorts and flip-flops out of my trunk and dashed inside to change. The flip-flops were the best. They were Reef and had bottle openers built into the soles.
Silo Park was just down on Orchard and the parking lot was small. I was sure that lots of aggravated feelings would be radiating into space when the rest of the office arrived. Not from me; there was no one here and I snagged a close spot and started unloading the car.
We were having the picnic at a pavilion that could hold forty comfortably. There was a path leading from the parking lot to the pavilion. To my right were large flowerbeds that were kept in great condition. It was easy to see that every flower had its place and all the colors came together expertly. The pavilion was all wood with a fifteen-foot ceiling. It was slightly dug into the ground with cinderblock walls against the sides and back, making the parking lot appear at eye level. To its front, it opened into more flowerbeds, which made the air sweet with the smell of wild flowers. At the entrance to the pavilion, the scent of the flowers mixed with the woody smell of the ceiling and rafters. With the way everything was built and situated, you couldn’t hear traffic either, which was nice. When the scent and silence combined, it was hard to remember that you were in the city. It was at this entrance that I found the standard park grill. It was as clean as park grills go, and I noticed that the large round trash cans were also empty: all benefits of parks in Greenwood Village. I was in charge of grilling which was what I wanted. There’s something about standing by a grill and preparing a meal: the smell of sizzling meat and smoldering charcoal, the waves of heat coming from the grill, and the taste of a cold soda.
It didn’t take me long to get the grill going, and soon there was the smell of charcoal and far too much lighter fluid. I turned to go to one of the many tables in the pavilion to help Manager-lady cut an
d chop toppings for burgers, hot dogs, and brats. She looked put out and I noticed Moleth buzzing around her making comments. Apparently the bad feelings she caused didn’t affect E.T. and his friends. I jumped in and helped by cutting onions and carrots. The sound of chopping was pleasant though I found myself wanting to chop something other then vegetables after a few moments. Moleth was trying her dandiest to ignore me and after a bit I realized that I could have some fun with this. I started asking her questions about her trip to Peru and if she liked watching reruns of X-Files. I knew she hated X-Files because they turned a very serious subject into entertainment. It was probably not a nice thing of me to do, but I was having fun. She couldn’t decide if she was going to give me the cold shoulder for not taking her warning to heart or if she wanted to take the opportunity to tell us about, well, whatever she was talking about. I was trying to listen, if for no other reason than so I could ask more questions and keep the battle in her head going, but she mumbled a lot and used jargon that I had never heard before. Yoda didn’t seem to understand her either and let’s face it, the guy knew just a about everything and with a nickname like Yoda he had to kind of be in the loop with the flying saucer thing, right?
Manager-lady rolled up a cooler filled with bags of frozen hamburgers, hot dogs, and brats. I pulled out one of the bags of burgers and started prying the icy discs apart. They seemed big but I knew that they would end up the size of hockey pucks by the end. For some reason I liked the pre-made patties.
“I don’t know why but I love these things,” Adrian said. I hadn’t noticed that she joined me.
“It’s the fat.”
She laughed. “So are you saying I’m fat?” She raised an eyebrow.
I was dumb, but not that dumb. Besides, she wasn’t fat so at least I didn’t have to lie. “You’re not fat, but that’s where the flavor comes from. People buy lean ground beef all the time and then wonder why their burgers taste like paper and are all dry and stuff. The trick is to buy cheap ground beef and then your burger will be juicy and tasty. It also helps to cook it right.”
“Ok, Emeril. How do you cook a burger?”
I could tell she was making fun but I ignored her. “Well I like to sear the meat so it locks in the flavor. I also like to season it as well but you know the people here.”
She nodded. The people in our office were not wusses when it came to food, but if it wasn’t plain someone would claim they were going to die from some heretofore unmentioned allergy.
“When the fat comes out the top you know it’s time to turn them. Then you need to let them sit for a bit after you’re done so they don’t drip everywhere. If you do that you can even make well done burgers that aren’t dry.”
“Well we’ll see.” She winked and walked off.
I wasn’t worried and when the rest of the office arrived and started in on the burgers, all of them agreed that they were juicy and great! I was getting many compliments about them. To think they were just plain burgers.
Manager-lady walked over to me looking a little worried. “Bill, you didn’t season these or anything did you?”
“No, they’re plain.”
“Then why do they taste so good? These things are cheap and well, they’re plain.”
“It’s all in the preparation but I’m glad you like them.”
“Well good work then. Hey, if you’re done we’re going to start team building soon.”
I was hoping that I would be able to get out of team building but I should have known that it was a vain hope.
Team building consisted of one idiotic task after another. One was stacking sugar cubes blindfolded with one member of your team telling you what to do. There was a scavenger hunt and a round of charades, among other worthless events. In the end, I knew that none of us would be closer as a team, but it was fun and more importantly, it wasn’t auditing. At three o’clock, Larry said that we could all go home if we wanted and I joined the rest of the EAC in cleaning up. It was nice being out of the office all day, eating great food, and even Star Wars wasn’t much of a pain.
Park maintenance came by around 3:30 p.m., emptied the trashcans, and cleaned up the grill. I was in my car by 3:45p.m. Overall, I had to admit it was one of the best days I had experienced at Riders. The only thing that could have made it better was if claims had been there but again, nothing’s perfect.