Page 37
Author: Molly McAdams
“I can call and tell him he has to come to family day this Sunday sweetie. ”
“No Mom, I don't want him to be forced to come over. I would prefer if he comes to see me on his own, but if he hasn't by then, then we can invite him to dinner on something. I doubt he'd miss my birthday. ”
“April fifth. . . two weeks? These are going to be the longest two weeks of our lives. ” Bree groaned.
“Hey I just set a deadline for myself, I thought you would be a little happier than this. ” I joked with her.
“I am, but whenever I see him now I'm going to be freaking out, knowing that he's finding out soon. ”
“Well we don't see him much, so hopefully you won't have many freak-outs. ”
Okay so there weren't many freak-outs, but there were three more than I was expecting there to be. Which meant there were a total of three. All at school. The first wasn't a big deal, Bree and I were running to a class and we saw him walk out of the building. He reached out to brush my hand as we ran past, his face lit up with a gorgeous smile as Bree and I barely managed hellos before pushing open the door to the lecture we were late to. The next two were borderline dangerous, considering my current state.
“Damn Princess,” Drew laughed, “You trying to pack on a few pounds there?”
I froze when Chase smacked him across the back of the head on the way to his seat. I hadn't been trying to eat for two, since I knew there really wasn't a reason to yet, but I was so hungry all the freaking time. This was just the first time Chase had been around, and the first time anyone had said something besides Bree and her parents. My hand immediately went down to my stomach, thinking he'd somehow see the bump even though I was hidden behind the table, thankfully Bree snatched my hand and put it to my side before I could look awkward covering myself. Which, by the way, I was definitely doing more of, all my tight shirts were starting to show my now obvious bump, so everything I wore was loose or flowy around my hips. I wasn't in maternity clothes yet, by any means, I was just being careful until Chase knew. Brandon's eyes darted quickly to mine and with a hard sigh he got up from the table and left. I wanted to die.
That had been the first time I'd seen Brandon since we’d broken up, and it had been emotional to say the least. I'd stopped dead in my tracks when I saw him sitting at the table, but Bree had told me I needed to do this at some point. I knew she was right, but seeing him again made me want to take him away somewhere and beg him to take me back, even though I'd just told Bree I could never do that to him. I did love Chase, and I knew that if I were to be with anyone, it needed to be him. But I was still completely in love with Brandon. I wouldn’t tell Bree this, but I still thought of him when I thought of my future, if he were to ask me today, I would marry him. But obviously that day would never come now. That thought ripped my heart to a million pieces, even though I’d done this to myself. Throughout the tense five minutes we'd been at the table, I'd watched him for four and a half and I continued to watch him until he was out of the café.
“Bree,” I whispered leaning into her side, “we might need to leave soon before I freak out instead of you. ”
As if on cue, Derek's girlfriend, Maci, and one of her other friends sat down at the table. “Wow Harper, you look amazing today. ” Maci said with wide eyes, “I mean, not that you aren't pretty all the time, but I swear you're glowing. ”
Bree's intake of breath was audible. Crap. I couldn't stop myself, I glanced over at Chase and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he was simply smiling at me. I smiled nervously, but Bree shot out of her chair, causing it to fall backwards.
“We have to go!” She explained while everyone looked at her like she was crazy.
I walked away with her, and once out of earshot finally spoke, “Subtle Breanna. Very subtle. ”
“I'm sorry, but I swear I thought someone was going to say something! Can you even believe that just happened?”
“No,” I breathed, “you're right, it was weird to have them bring up those things within a few minutes of each other. I got nervous for a second there too. Did you notice anyone else at the table? I only looked at Chase. He definitely didn't get it, but that doesn't mean no one else did. ”
“Just Maci. I'm glad no one brought up the fact that you're always wearing loose shirts. ”
“Honestly Bree, I think we're the only ones that know that, and it's because we both decided it was for the best. I think we're just freaking out because we know I'm. . . well. . . you know. ”
“Probably. Ugh, only three more days, and then he'll know. ”
I almost started hyperventilating.
“Chill Harper! Breathe. ”
“Oh God, I haven't even thought of how to tell him!” I looked around quickly to make sure no one was staring after my outburst.
“Calm down friend,” Bree stepped closer, “it will be easy, you told everyone else with no problems. ”
“That was different, they were easier because I was already upset with myself. But he's the dad, and though I'm still upset with myself, I'm happy about the baby. Different. So different. ”
“What's different?” Konrad pulled a squealing Bree in for a big kiss.
“God babe! You scared the crap out of me. ” She slapped his chest but brought him in for another kiss.
He smiled and looked at me again, “Sup Kid, what's different?”
“Uh, I just. I just saw Brandon, it was weird. ”
He nodded and wrapped his arms around Bree's waist. “Ready gorgeous?”
Bree looked at me, eyebrow raised, “You good?”
“Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine. See you guys after class. ” I flicked my eyes to Konrad who, thankfully, didn't think anything was wrong. Jeez I needed these three days to fly by, not telling Chase was becoming ridiculously hard, especially with thinking everyone was going to somehow find out.
I saw Chase for the third time the day before my Birthday, and it was when I'd been rushing out of a class to hurl in the next available bathroom. Of course I hadn't been sick for three days, and then it decides to reappear and he's right there. I was throwing up violently into the toilet when his hand started making large circles on my back. When the morning sickness had taken full effect and turned into the every-few-hours-sickness, I'd worn my hair in a messy bun every day so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Though it had definitely tapered off, I was grateful I'd been running late so I hadn't had time to do anything else with my hair. I was already humiliated that he'd just watched that, but having to clean vomit out of my hair in front of him would have made it ten times worse.
“Go away. ” I groaned and spit into the toilet.
He walked away but came right back with a cold wet paper towel. “Here you go Princess. ” He said softly.
I took it and wiped my face before wiping my mouth and stood up to face him. “Thanks. ”
“Are you okay? Do you want me to take you somewhere?”
“No, I'm great. ” Weird, I know. But every time I finished throwing up, I felt like nothing had ever happened. Actually I was kind of hungry again.
“Great? You just threw up Harper. ”
I looked into his blue eyes and immediately regretted it. Tearing my eyes away I walked to the sink to rinse my mouth out, “I know, and now I feel fine. ”
“If you don't want me to take you, at least let me call Bree so she can take you home. Speaking of, when were you going to tell me you moved into my parent's house?”
I spit out the water, turned the faucet off and popped a piece of gum in my mouth. I was now always prepared with at least two packs of gum. “Does that bother you?”
“Not at all, but I just found out this morning that you've been living there over a month. I would have come around more if I knew you were there and not hiding from me in your dorm. ”
“I haven't been hiding from you Chase. ”
He hung his head, “You sure
about that?”
Looking at Chase with his head down, I fought the urge to tell him everything. But now wasn't the time for all of it, I couldn't tell him in a dirty bathroom that we were having a baby. “I've just been busy, and you haven't been around much either. You haven't come to a family day in months. ”
He laughed humorlessly, “As before Harper, I'm giving you the time you asked for. ”
God I had to stop asking him to give me time, he flat out disappears when I do. Guys need to understand that sometimes, we mean exactly the opposite of what we say. I may need time, but I damn sure want you to show me that you want me. “Oh. ”
I grabbed my backpack and waited for him to follow me out of the bathroom. Thankfully no one was around, I'm sure it would look awkward for us both to come out of the girl's room. We walked out of the building and spotted Bree waiting with Konrad not far away. Her eyes grew wide and she turned to talk to Konrad. I'm sure to prevent another freak out.
“Harper, can you tell me one thing?”
“I'll tell you anything Chase. ” Except for the fact that I'm carrying your baby.
“Have I – have I missed my chance?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean with you, us. Did I miss my chance?” His face was scrunched together, he looked terrified that I would say yes.
I stepped up and wrapped my arms around his waist, “I'm sorry that you would even have to ask that. I wish you knew how much I love you Chase, it's just been a hard time for me. ” He pulled me closer to him and I tried to push my hips back without him noticing. “I didn't know you were still giving me time, I figured I'd already lost you. ” My voice caught at the end. Oh my word, I hadn't realized until those words came out that I actually thought that. Was that the real reason why I hadn't been able to tell him yet?
“Aw hell baby. That's not possible. ” He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tight. “What's been going on? Is it still because of Brandon? Or did something else happen?”