~
"Alex!" Dad's voice echoed down the hole.
"Dad . . ." For the second time relief almost knocked me over. "Is everyone okay? Do you have the kids--"
"Katie's fine, sweetheart. They're all fine." I leaned my forehead against the ladder, tears stinging my eyes. "Is Sam with you?"
"Yes--we're going to need some help. He was--" I looked at him, and he shrugged, turning his head away. I could feel him withdrawing, even though I still had both arms wrapped around him. "I won't tell them, Sam, but we need some help." He gripped the ladder, nodded. I called back up to Dad. "Is Candace with you?"
"Yes, she is," Candace said. I smiled. "Does she need her first aid kit?"
"Not until we get up there."
"Thank God. I thought I was going to have to stitch up another Emmett on the fly. Back away from the ladder, I'm coming down."
I settled Sam against the closest wall, He slid his arm off my shoulders, and stared at the ground. Here it was--time for the brush-off. "Alex--"
"Stop." He lifted his head, surprise clear on his face. "I don't need the added rejection on top of everything else."
"Alex, I--"
"Let's just call this a win, and go back to the way things were." Like I could ever forget what I saw, what I knew now. I glanced up when I heard the sound of shoes tapping on the metal rungs, and could see soft light beyond Candace. "Happy Halloween, Sam."
"What--"
"It's tomorrow. Today." I blinked, feeling the tears I knew I wouldn't be able to control. "Take care of yourself." Candace dropped down to the ground and turned, one eyebrow raised when she saw Sam. "You can handle this from here?"
She opened her mouth, probably to throw a smart comment, but only nodded after a long look at me. "Go on. Your dad's worried."
I didn't take that one last look at Sam. Instead, I grabbed the ladder, and started climbing, tears already sliding down my cheeks.
24
Mom was waiting for us when we got home.
"Beth." Dad halted just inside the door, half-carrying me. We were bloody and battered, and I was still in tears. "Alex was caught in--"
"If you can't tell me the truth, Raleigh, stop talking." We both stared at her. "I'm not an idiot, you know. Something has been going on, and I will wait until you feel you can tell me. Just don't keep me waiting too long."
She took us into the kitchen, examined all of Candace's handiwork, then set a plate in front of each of us--with what had been a well-planned turkey dinner. Now it was cold, the gravy a glop of brown goo on the mashed potatoes, and the rest of it just as unappetizing. Dad flinched.
"Honey, I--"
"Call the next time you're going to try to save the world while lying to me about it. I'll hold dinner for you. Now go to bed, Raleigh. I'll take Margaret up."
That stopped his protest. I fought to control my tears as he limped out of the kitchen, a low moan accompanying every step.
"Mom." She turned around, and I caught the fear on her face before she managed to cover it with a smile. "I'm sorry."
The smile faded. "I want to believe you trust me, sweetheart, as much as you trust your father."
That stung. Worse, I deserved it.
"I do. It's just--you--"
"Panic easily?" She sat down, took my hands. "When it comes to you, I have a hard time. We are so different--I loved dolls, and wanted to be a mom. You wear motorcycle boots, and try to kill yourself on that mountain bike of yours. No, let me finish." I closed my mouth. "That doesn't mean I won't protect you with my life if necessary."
"Mom--" The tears came again. I seemed to have lost control over them.
She helped me stand, careful of my bandaged back, and led me through the quiet house. "Tell me what you can, when you can, sweetheart. Until then, I'll trust you to come home again when you walk out that door."
My mom was more awesome than I could have imagined.
I really wished I could tell her the truth.
~
Halloween passed in a blur of costumes, laughing kids, and mountains of candy. I passed it out because it was something to do to keep my mind off, well, everything. And since pretty much everyone does the trick or treat route--age not a factor here--I was busy most of the night.
It kept my mind occupied, and I really needed that distraction right now.
Katie and the two brothers were fine, home with their families--and probably out there, grabbing their share of candy. Kids were resilient. Me--not so much.
The last of the die-hards wandered through just around midnight. Exhausted, I turned off the porch light and locked the door.
The house settled around me, deadly quiet. Dad rallied after a good night's sleep, and he and Mom attended their annual all night dinner dance, with Dad using his costume as the perfect excuse to have a cane. He went as Charlie Chaplin.
So I was home, alone. The absolute last thing I wanted right now.
Resigned to a sleepless night, after everything that had happened, never mind the constant reminder of my injuries, I headed for the stairs. A knock on the front door turned me around. Without even thinking about it, I picked up the half empty candy bowl and unlocked the door, swinging it open.
"You're lucky--I was just about to--"
I clutched the door, and stared at Sam.
"Hey, Alex."
"Sam . . ." My throat locked up. Taking in a shaky breath, I focused. "Are you okay?"
"Better." He flashed a smile. "Candace did a thorough examination." His smile faded. "I'm leaving Emmettsville. I just--I wanted you to know, to tell you myself. To thank you. I'm so sorry for what happened." Before I could think to react he leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Goodbye, Alex."
I limped after him, my mind screaming what I wanted to tell him. Don't go. I want you to stay. I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do about it. All that came out was his name. "Sam."
He paused next to his SUV, as scarred now as its owner, and refused to look at me. "I have to do this. I can't be trusted--" He yanked the door open, and slid in, finally lifting his head. "I'll miss you."
I watched him slam the door, gun the engine, drive away. And stood in front of my house, the music of my neighbors' Halloween celebrations floating in the night air as my heart shattered.
~
"He did what?" Misty slammed her books on the library table. Heads popped up around us, and Mrs. Swiller gave her the evil eye from across the library. She simply nodded at me, and went back to reading the book on her desk.
Misty lowered her voice this time. "You just let him walk away."
"I didn't--there was--" I laid my head on the table. "Yeah."
"So why are you just sitting here?"
"What?"
"He's still home."
I lifted my head. "He didn't leave?"
"Not yet. Candace went out to the mansion today to do a follow up." I stared at her, hope threatening to break through the ache that had locked me in its grip all weekend. "Well? You have a thing for him or not?"
I blushed. "I--he--"
"Good God, Alex. A blind man the next town over could see how you feel. Now go tell him." I glanced at Mrs. Swiller. "I'll create a distraction." Misty rubbed her hands together. "Now go spill your heart out all over him." She touched my wrist. "He couldn't do better."
My blush deepened. "What if he--"
Misty pulled me to my feet. "He won't. Now get out of here." She gave me a gentle shove toward the door, and headed across the library. "Mrs. Swiller--I really need your help finding this book."
Mrs. Swiller stood, surprise on her face. "Miss Corwin? Did I hear you correctly? You need assistance with a--book?"
"Last I checked, this was a library."
Laughter followed me out the door.
25
Because of my still tender ankle, I drove to school, which made getting to Sam easier. Once I slid into my MG, I didn't remember the drive, until I ended up in front of the Emmett mansion.
Sam storme
d out before I could finish opening my door. Swallowing, I stepped out of the car.
"Sam--"
"What are you doing here?" He took my arm and turned me around. "Get back in the car, and drive away--"
"No."
He froze, staring at me. Finally, with a sigh, he dropped his hand. "You're not going to leave, are you?"
"Not until we talk."
He blinked, obviously surprised by my assertive tone. "Come inside."
I followed him in, through the living room, saw the covers on all the furniture. Sam wasn't the only one leaving. He took me into a small den and closed the door. "Hold on." Moving slower than usual, he removed the sheet on the small sofa, started to fold it.
"Sam." I pulled it out of his hands, feeling different, like I was the one in charge of this moment. Fighting off a monster on my own gave me a new sense of confidence. For the first time, I felt like I belonged here. "Where are your parents?"
"They left yesterday, to get the house ready."
"Oh." So we were alone.
Absolutely alone, with no impending danger, possibility of pursuit or imminent death to distract. Swallowing, I stared down at the sheet in my hands. That new sense of power and control? Gone, history, leaving the bumbling idiot I normally became around Sam. So much for the new me.
Sam took the sheet and set it on the end table. I sat before my knees gave out on me, and jumped when Sam sat down next to me, so close his knee pressed into my leg.
"Why are you here, Alex?"
Because I'm an idiot.
"I wanted to tell you--" I clapped one hand over my mouth, but it was too late. I could tell by the curiosity on Sam's face that I'd have to finish. Then I could escape and bury myself in mortification and ice cream. Definitely ice cream.
"I have to leave soon, Alex. What is it?"
"Right." I took in a deep breath, and decided to play the coward. "I'm glad you're okay."
To my surprise he looked--disappointed. "Thanks to you. If that's all, let me walk you to your car--"
"Okay." Coward, fool, idiot, loser. That last one stung--and I didn't want to be any of those anymore.
Sam started to stand. Before I could talk myself out of it I grabbed the front of his shirt, yanked him forward and kissed him.
I was kissing Sam Emmett.
And he wasn't kissing me back.
I pulled away, let him go, already planning the route to the new school I'd have to transfer to, when a miracle happened.
Sam wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me back.
His lips were an inch from mine, his breath warm, uneven. Then he pushed me away and stood.
"I can't," he whispered.
"Sam--"
"I'm a monster, Alex! You need to stay away from me. Far away." He headed for the door. With a burst of speed I didn't know I had in me, I bolted off the small sofa and intercepted him. "Alex--"
"I don't care." I did what would have been unthinkable, impossible, just weeks ago. I spread both hands on his chest and looked straight into those mesmerizing eyes. "I don't care."
"I do." He closed his hands over my wrists like he was going to pull me away, but he just lowered his head. An ache spread through me at the absolute defeat in his slumped shoulders. "I care too much," he whispered.
Shock zinged me. "What?" My heart pounded so loud I could hardly hear my voice.
"You think I didn't notice you, watching me?" He lifted his head. "Tracking me, with those sea nymph eyes?"
"You . . ." I couldn't think straight. I believe I just had heart failure. That had to be it; a short, temporary loss of blood flow, enough for reality to slide right out of my brain. "No."
Fabulous comeback, Alex.
"Ever since I was--attacked, I promised myself I wouldn't put this burden on someone else. Someone innocent. I almost made it. Then I saw you, following me with those eyes as I walked down the hall. I thought I could make it until graduation, then leave here, leave you behind, where you'd be safe. A good memory."
I couldn't catch my breath. My heart pounded so hard, so fast, my chest hurt. "You--saw me?" He nodded. My knees just gave out. I clutched the front of his shirt. He let me go--and gripped my waist, steadying me. That had to be the only reason. This was Sam Emmett--his type didn't notice my type. It violated all the laws of high school cliques, of them vs. us. But there were those three words, three words that could shatter me if I was wrong. "You saw me."
"I saw only you after that first day." He let out an uneven breath, and let me go, gently prying my fingers off his shirt. "You need to leave now, Alex. This can't--" He backed away. "I can't take the chance that I'd hurt you."
He already did, with every step he took. "You won't."
"I have no control!" He clenched his fists, so hard they shook. "When I--changed, I had no control, over anything. I could have--"
"You didn't." I took a step forward. He retreated.
"I don't remember--I wouldn't remember if I did hurt you--"
"You won't." I kept pace as he retreated, every step making me feel more confident, more sure of what I wanted.
"Alex--I can't take that chance." He bumped into the wall, and I had him right where I wanted. In the corner, with nowhere to run. "Please go." He sounded--desperate.
"Not a chance."
I grabbed the front of his shirt, deliberately this time.
"Alex." Panic flared in his eyes. "What are you doing?"
I lifted myself up on my toes, barely feeling the twinge in my left ankle. "This," I whispered.
And went in for the kill.
His lips were soft, his breathing ragged. And another miracle happened. He kissed me back.
With enthusiasm.
Hauling me up against his chest, he kissed me like I'd always wanted to be kissed--fierce, demanding, all consuming, but with a gentleness that told me he cared. And that left me lightheaded. I barely felt the pain as his arms pressed into the scratches on my back.
When the kiss ended, we stared at each other, fighting for breath.
Sam got his back first. He leaned his forehead against mine. "Worse than I thought," he whispered.
I jerked back. "What?" I didn't think I did that badly. Actually, I thought I was pretty amazing, considering I don't have much in the way of experience. "What did I--"
Sam laughed, pressed his lips to my forehead. I closed my eyes, reveled in the feel of it. Of him, invading my personal space. "You got in. All the way in." He let out a sigh, tightened his arms around me. This time I gasped, pain flaring under the bandages.
"Alex--God, I forgot. Turn around."
"It's okay--Candace took care of--"
"Now."
I turned around, swallowed when his fingers touched bare skin. "They won't scar, will they?"
"Probably not. She said they were shallow."
Sam lowered my shirt, his hands sliding up my arms. "Just another reason for me to leave. You'll be safe."
I stilled. By the time his words sank in, and my brain started to function again, he had already let me go, moved to the window. "Sam--"
"I have to go, Alex. If I don't find a way to--live with this, I'll end up like the monster that attacked you."
I wanted to deny--wanted to scream it. But I couldn't, because he was right. I ran from what he became, terrified for my life, even knowing it was Sam behind those inhuman eyes.
Letting out a sigh, I limped over to him. "I don't want you to go." I took his hand when he started to argue. Another small miracle. "But I understand why. That doesn't make it any easier."
"Tell me about it."
He pulled me in, wrapped his arms around me, gently this time, and rested his chin on the top of my head. Who knew we'd fit together so perfectly? Like it was meant to be?
I slid both arms around his waist, just holding on.
While I could.
~
Sam left the next morning. I found a note from him in my locker, and spent the day holding it, half afraid to read it, to
have in writing that yesterday was all a big mistake. After school I retreated to my room, thankful that my parents were both out on jobs.
Huddled against the pile of pillows on my bed, I opened the now wrinkled envelope, unfolded the paper.
Alex,
I don't have much time, and too much to say. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I'll miss you every second. I want you to do something for me--live your life. Be happy. Don't wait for me, don't put anything on hold because of me. You deserve everything, and I don't want you to hold yourself back because of empty promises. So I won't make any. The best thing for both of us is for you to forget about me. Since I know you won't do that--just do what's best for you. Always.
love,
Sam
I let the note slip through my fingers, and clutched the nearest pillow, my tears soaking the soft cotton pillow case. I'm not a big crier, but losing Sam like this hurt, more than anything else that had ever been thrown at me.
I was blowing my nose when the doorbell rang. Moving slowly, I headed downstairs, figuring if I took long enough, the unwanted company would get the hint and leave. I stood on tiptoe and looked through the peep hole--installed by two tall parents who thought they'd have a tall child.
The last person I expected to see stood on the porch, smiling at me.
I opened the door. "Jake. What are you doing here?"
"Checking on you." The smile faded. "I know Sam left, and a blind man--"
"In the next town could see how I feel." I let out a sigh. "I thought you went with them."
"And leave the beautiful Dr. Candace? I've had more time to adjust to what Sam's going through now." I stared at my feet. "Hey." Strong fingers closed over my shoulder. "He'll get through it. Can I come in?"
"Oh--sure." Feeling like an idiot, I opened the door all the way and let him in. "I'm not my usual, entertaining self."
"Noted." He flashed a smile over his shoulder as he walked into the living room and lounged on the sofa. "Any chance at something to drink?"
I shook my head, a smile creeping across my mouth. I couldn't help myself, he was just so charming. Even knowing what hid under that angular, handsome face, he lifted my mood by being here. "I think that can be arranged."
I got him a big glass of cider, left over from Halloween. "Thanks," he said.
"Can you give me a minute? I want to rinse my face."