Finally he turned over on his back and cried, "Mercy!"
I laughed and we held hands and waited for our hearts to stop pounding and our breathing to slow down. Then he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers. He put my hand over his heart.
"Feel how content my heart is now," he said. "Feel how it beats for you."
"And mine too, Jack," I said bringing his hand to my breast. We lay beside each other quietly, astounded by how hard and how deeply we loved. I realized this was like the eye of the storm, the quiet that came in the midst of turmoil. Jack told me the hurricane was in me because I had been born in one. Maybe he was right. In the throes of all this disaster and tragedy, I had found him waiting to embrace me; I'd found his love, and with it I'd found the strength to battle the storm to follow.
I closed my eyes and drifted into a soft, pleasing sleep, but sometime in the night, as if I had been nudged, I woke. My eyelids fluttered. For a moment I had forgotten where I was. Then I heard Jack's soft breathing beside me, and I relaxed. Then I turned and gazed out the window that faced Cypress Woods. Immediately my heart began to pound, and I sprang up as if I had a coil in my spine.
"Jack!"
"Wha . . what is it?"
"Look." I pointed at the house. Just barely visible in a corner window of my mother's art studio was the glow of candlelight.
Jack sat up and studied the great house looming against the purple night sky. His eyes narrowed and he turned to me slowly. In a whisper he said, "Someone's up there all right."
Quickly we dressed. Jack grabbed a flashlight and a shotgun.
"It could be burglars," he explained when he saw my surprise.
I was hoping beyond hope that it was my mother, but another possibility occurred to me. "Or Buster Trahaw's cousins?" I asked.
Jack grimaced, but he didn't deny the possibility. Instead, he reached into the drawer and took out another handful of shotgun shells.
We got into my car and drove up to the mansion. The night sky was an eerie purple with the cloud cover broken here and there to permit some stars to twinkle. The strong breeze made the willows and cypresses sway ominously. Shadows seemed to float and twist over the grounds. When we stepped out of the car, I heard the cry of a night heron and then saw it flap its wings and sail over the field and toward the marsh.
I looked up at the mansion. The candlelight was still glowing in the window.
Jack took my hand and walked quickly to the side stairway. He paused at the first step. "Let me lead the way," he whispered. "And let's go up as quietly as we can."
I tried to swallow, but couldn't. My heart was thumping so loud I was sure that if it was a burglar, he would hear it. I was afraid to breathe. Slowly, cautiously, we mounted the steps that would take us to the studio. I thought they creaked enough to announce our approach. I tried to be as light-footed as possible. Once upstairs, Jack hesitated, checked his shotgun, and then, keeping me behind him, opened the door with a strong, quick thrust.
At first neither of us saw anyone. A few white candles were burning around an easel upon which there was a blank canvas. Then she stepped out of the shadows, resembling a shadow herself. It was Mommy, finally.
"Mommy!" I cried with joy. Jack lowered his shotgun as I hurried past him, but I stopped short midway.
Mommy was behaving as if she didn't hear us or see us. She wore a slight smile and moved as if she were sleepwalking. Her hair was disheveled, strands curling every which way. Her face was streaked with grime, a dark blotch on her chin, and her dress was creased and crinkled, spotted and stained, suggesting she had slept in it the whole time she had been away, and slept outside, too! In her hands she clutched some charcoal pens and a rag.
"Mommy, it's me, Pearl," I said and waited. She turned her back to me and stared at the blank canvas, which was caked with dust. Jack stood beside me, gazing at her curiously, too. "Mommy? Don't you hear me?" I asked. She didn't turn. "Jack, what's wrong with her?"
"She's in some sort of daze," he said. "Careful."
We drew closer. I reached out and touched her shoulder. She put her hand over mine and patted it.
"It's all right," she said in a loud whisper that sent chills along my spine. "All I have to do is draw his face the way I last remember it, the way it was in my heart. He's trapped, you see, because of what he did.
"But you shouldn't blame him. No one should blame him, not even the church. He was very distraught. I should have realized he would be; I shouldn't have accepted his sacrifice so readily. We were all he had, really.
"Oh, he had this great house and all these grounds with their rich oil wells, but money had no meaning to him if he didn't have the people he loved around him, people on whom to spend the money.
"How he suffered," she continued, "until he could stand the suffering no more. He went out to the swamps to remember us, to recall those youthful days when we were always together, innocent and loving, believing in the promise of tomorrow and never dreaming there were monsters looming all around us, even in our very hearts.
"He went through great turmoil, drinking and crying and bemoaning his fate, and then he decided he could not survive with half a life, and he cast his measly existence to the wind. He dived into the water and swam in circles until he could swim no more. Then, choking, filling his lungs with the swamp water, he dragged his poor body to the shore and perished under the stars that had once looked so dazzling and promising to him.
"And it was largely my fault. Selfishly I had accepted his love and his help, and then, when my true love was available to me once again, I deliberately closed my eyes to Paul's suffering and accepted his generosity once more. I had a new existence; I was with the one I loved, beside him every night, while Paul was beside an empty space he could fill only with his dreams. It wasn't enough.
"I put him through such torment. I pretended to oppose his every offer. I put up an argument to dissuade him, but I gave in to his arguments. I let him fool himself. Worst of all, perhaps, I let him love Pearl as if she were his daughter. I let him pretend to be her father; I let him have that illusion, and then I swept it out of his hands and his heart.
"He had lost everything that mattered, you see, and I had been a party to all that pain."
"Mommy ." Tears were streaming down my cheeks, tears that burned into my heart because I felt her suffering so strongly.
She patted my hand again, but kept her eyes fixed on the blank canvas. "No, no, there's no use pretending any more or denying. Grandmere Catherine told me: every time we incubate an evil thought or commit an evil act, another evil spirit is set loose in the world to do battle with the good. The evil spirits I set loose have finally come to roost. They found their way to my home. I must do what I must do," she said softly.
"What must you do, Mommy?" I asked, terrified of the answer.
"Grandmere Catherine's spirit told me. I slept on her grave last night and waited for her words of wisdom to seep into my brain. I must put the face of Paul that is in my heart on this canvas."
She took a rag and wiped away the dust. "And then I must bring it to his grave and set it afire so his troubled spirit can return to him and he can escape from limbo."
"Mommy, you've got to come home with me," I said through my tears. "I'm here now, with you. It's me, Pearl. Please. Look at me. Listen to me. We need you. Pierre needs you. Daddy needs you."
She didn't turn around. She raised her charcoal pencil to the canvas and began to draw a face. "Mommy!"
"Wait," Jack said, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Let her do this first."
"Do this? But she's gone mad, Jack. I've got to make her snap out of it!" I cried.
"You won't succeed, and she won't be any good to you or to your brother. I've seen people like this before," he confessed. "At religious gatherings where a traiteur has conducted a ceremony to drive away a mental problem. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not, but you've got to let her do what she thinks she's been told to do."
"This is like black magic, voodoo. Ja
ck, it's a waste of time."
"That's not for you to decide, Pearl. The important thing is, she believes it. You don't have to believe it. I'm not a psychiatrist, but I know the power of the mind when it comes to these things. You weren't brought up in the bayou where religion and superstitions are married to form a different set of beliefs, but your mother was. Leave her alone for a while," he insisted.
I looked back at Mommy. She had already shaped the face and was working on the eyes and the nose. As she worked, she began to hum softly. I had never heard the tune, but I saw how it brought a gentle smile to her face, a smile that suggested she was enjoying some memory.
The miracle in Mommy's fingers was never as evident as it was now. In minutes she brought the face on the dirty old canvas to life. I saw a glint in the eyes, felt the twisted movement in the mouth, and easily imagined a breath. Her hands flew over the canvas as if they had a mind of their own, as if the picture were flowing out through her fingers. There was enough detail in it for me to recognize Uncle Paul, but the expression on his face was frightening. I had seen it a hundred times. It was the face of the man in the water.
I gasped and backed into Jack's arms. "She's drawing him the way I've seen him in countless nightmares."
"It must be her nightmare too, then," he said.
Finally she lowered her arms and took a small step back. She looked at the picture and whispered, "I'm sorry."
She then dropped the charcoal and started to lift the canvas.
Jack stepped forward quickly. "Let me help you, Madame Andreas," he said.
She looked at him, smiled softly, and nodded. He lifted the canvas from the easel.
"What are we going to do now, Jack?" I asked. "We'll do what she wants," he replied. "Go on. Help her along."
I took Mommy's elbow and gently turned her toward the doorway.
"Thank you, dear," she said, but kept her eyes forward as we followed Jack out of the studio, down the stairs, and out of the house, moving with funereal slowness.
"I know where Paul Tate is buried," Jack told me. We continued around the side of the house. Jack held the flashlight so the beam parted the darkness and provided a path for us to the iron-gated cemetery that contained a single tomb. In the glow of Jack's flashlight, it looked ghoulishly yellow instead of gray. Uncle Paul's name and dates were engraved on the granite, as was his epitaph: "Tragically lost but not forgotten."
Mommy paused at the entrance and turned to Jack and me. "Thank you," she said. "But I must be alone now."
"I understand, madame," Jack said and handed her the canvas. I was deeply impressed with his understanding and sensitivity.
My mother took the canvas and entered the small graveyard.
Jack stepped back and reached for my hand. We waited and watched.
Mommy knelt at the tomb and lowered her head. She said a silent prayer and then laid the canvas against the stone. She looked up at the stars. Her shoulders shook with her sobs, and then she seemed to gather new strength before producing a book of matches.
Carefully she lit one and held it to the corner of the canvas. It took a while, but the flame finally leaped from the match to the dried material. The flame grew, consuming the canvas, traveling up toward the picture of Uncle Paul. Mommy remained there, staring into the flames. The smoke curled upward until it was caught by a breeze and carried into the night. Soon the canvas was burning fully, the flames so bright they illuminated the tomb and its surroundings. Mommy looked like part of the fire for a moment, and then, as quickly as it had exploded into a small conflagration, it began to dwindle. The canvas collapsed into ashes and sparks near the stone tomb. When it looked nearly burned out, Jack released my hand and stepped into the fenced graveyard. I followed.
He knelt down to take my mother's arms and help her to her feet.
"It's time to go now, madame," Jack said. "It's over."
"Yes," she whispered. "Yes. It's over."
"Mommy?"
Slowly she turned and, like one emerging from a deep sleep, gazed at me and realized who I was. Her face softened into a happy smile. "Pearl, my darling, Pearl."
"Mommy," I cried and embraced her. We held each other for a long moment. My body shook with sobs against her, and she stroked my hair gently, kissing my forehead. I straightened up and wiped the tears from my eyes and cheeks, smiling. "Are you all right?"
"Yes, dear. I'm all right."
"We've got to go home, Mommy. We've got to get back to Daddy and Pierre. Pierre needs you desperately. He thinks you blame him for what happened to Jean, and the doctors say that's why he won't come out of his catatonic state."
She nodded, thoughtful. And then she looked at Jack, really noticing him for the first time.
"This is Jack Clovis, Mommy. He's helped me, helped us."
She smiled at him. "Thank you," she said.
Jack nodded. "Let me continue to help you, madame. Come to my trailer and freshen up for your journey home," he suggested.
"That's very kind of you, monsieur." She gazed back at the tomb where the sparks continued to die. She sighed deeply, took one step forward, a contented smile on her face, and then collapsed into Jack's quick arms.
I gasped. He lifted her as easily as he had lifted me. "She's all right," he said. "She's just exhausted. Let's get her to the trailer."
He carried her to the car and put her in the front seat. I sat beside her, keeping her head on my shoulder until we reached the trailer. She was already regaining consciousness when we brought her in and set her down on the sofa. I put a cold washcloth over her forehead, and Jack got her some cold water. Her eyes continued to flutter and close, flutter and close. Finally, they remained open, but she looked very confused.
"You're all right, Mommy. You're safe now."
"Where am I?" she asked gazing around.
I explained and she drank some water.
"I don't even know what day it is," she said. "I've lost all track of time."
"When did you last eat, Madame Andreas?" Jack asked her. She couldn't recall, so he made her some tea and toast. As she ate and drank, her strength began to return and, with it, her memory.
"I knew you had come to fetch me," she said. "I saw you in the mansion one night, but I couldn't let you find me yet. I still hadn't gotten the answer from Grandmere Catherine."
"Where did you stay all this time, Mommy? We searched and searched for you."
"In the beginning, I was here," she said, and I realized that was when Jack had seen the candlelight. "I spent some time in the old shack, too, but one day, a dreadful man came after me, as if he knew I had come home. I hid from him, but he went on a rampage and wrecked the shack, so I fled to another empty shack."
"It was Buster Trahaw."
"Yes," she said. "How did you know?"
I told her some of what had happened, leaving out the most gruesome details, but she was very troubled.
"I was the cause of so much torment and agony," she said, her lips quivering.
"No, you weren't, Mommy. It's not your fault, if the evil intention isn't in your heart. You can't keep the evil out of everyone else's heart. Buster Trahaw was a horrible person and would have tormented someone else if he'd had the chance."
"He probably did," Jack suggested. "Many times before."
"Even so," Mommy said. "If I hadn't run off and you hadn't had to come after me . . ."
"It's over and done, Mommy. Let's not dwell on the past. We have bigger problems facing us," I said and told her more about Pierre's condition and how Daddy had broken his leg and was laid up in the house.
"We should get started right away," she said struggling to sit up. "They need us."
"I think you should get some sleep, madame. Morning's not far off and you can leave as soon as you wake," Jack said. "You won't do anyone any good if you're exhausted," he added.
Mommy smiled. "You have found a very sensible young man, Pearl," she said.
I looked at Jack and smiled. "I know."
Momm
y's eyes were filled with awareness when I looked at her. She turned from me to Jack and then to me again. Then she nodded softly, closed her eyes, and lowered her head to the pillow. A few moments later she was in a deep sleep. I rose from the sofa and Jack came over to put his arm around me as we gazed down at her.
"I think the worst is over for her," he said. "The past is finally buried."
"But what about the future, Jack?"
"I don't know. No one does. You will just do the best you can and hope," he said.
I lowered my head to his shoulder. "I couldn't have done this without you. Thank you."
He kissed the tip of my nose, and I opened my eyes to gaze into his.
"You don't need to thank me," he said. "Let's go back to sleep so we can be of some use tomorrow."
After I made sure Mommy was comfortable and snug, Jack and I returned to bed, and I snuggled up in his arms.
"Jack," I said after a long, quiet moment.
"Yes?"
"Do you believe in the things my mother believes in? Do you think she heard my greatgrandmere's voice at her grave?"
"I know I risk your thinking less of me," he replied, "but yes, I do."
I thought for a moment. "I don't think less of you, Jack."
"That's good. And I don't think less of you if you don't," he added. I laughed.
Then I thought about it and said, "I wouldn't be happy if you did." He held me tighter.
We didn't have to say anymore. Our bodies and our minds spoke silently to each other. I closed my eyes, upset that I wouldn't be secure in his arms again tomorrow and fearful of what the next day in New Orleans would bring.
I doubted that the worst was over.
16
The Real Thing
.
Despite her fatigue, Mommy rose before either
Jack or I did. We heard her moving about, and then I heard her call for me. I got up quickly and rushed out to her. She wore a distraught and confused expression.
"It all seems like one long nightmare," she said and then, like one who had woken from more than just a night's sleep, she firmly added, "We must get home."
"Good morning, Madame Andreas," Jack said, emerging from the bedroom. Mommy glanced at me oddly for a moment.