graduation gifts. A corner in one of the sitting rooms had been designated for the presents, and the twins eyed the pile, eager to satisfy their curiosity by tearing through the wrappings. Mommy warned them to stay away, and they shot off to play with their friends.
An army of servants began to serve hot and cold hors d'oeuvres with glasses of champagne. Daddy's business friends gathered in the ballroom, and Mommy greeted some of the important members of the art community, including other artists and gallery owners. The crowd was a Who's Who of the society pages.
My portrait remained covered on an easel, near the four-foot-high layer cake with "Good Luck, Pearl" written on it in red icing. Both the portrait and the cake were under a spotlight. Daddy wanted to make the unveiling a special moment after all of the guests had arrived.
Claude came late with Lester Anderson and some of his other friends, and I knew immediately why they were delayed. I saw from the way they swaggered and laughed that they had already had something alcoholic to drink, and when Claude came over to kiss me, I smelled the whiskey on his breath. "Is the punch spiked?" he asked me.
"Of course not," I said. He winked at Lester, a tall, lanky boy who always looked as if he had just done something mischievous. Lester idolized Claude and would do most anything he suggested.
"Should I?" Lester asked me and revealed a pint of rum in the inside pocket of his jacket.
"Lester Anderson, don't you dare," I warned. All the boys laughed. Claude put his arm around my waist and tried to kiss me on the neck.
"Claude, stop. Some of my father's friends are looking at us."
"Let's step into the den for a few moments," he whispered. "I haven't congratulated you properly."
"No. Just be patient," I said. He was
disappointed, but he retreated and behaved.
A short while later, Daddy asked the musicians to stop playing for a few moments, and he took center stage to announce the unveiling of my portrait.
"We have a special present for Pearl tonight," he began. "Actually, this is all my wife's doing, but one of the reasons I married her was that I knew she was talented and would be able to do these sorts of things."
Everyone laughed. I gazed over at Aunt Jeanne, who appeared to be exchanging secret glances with Mommy. Daddy took hold of the cloth covering the painting, and I felt my heart pounding. It was almost as nerve-racking a moment as I'd had rising to make my graduation speech.
"Pearl," Daddy said. I stepped out and the guests applauded. Mommy stayed beside Daddy when he went over to the portrait and, with a little drum roll from the band, slowly pulled away the cloth to reveal a painting that took my breath away. Mommy hadn't just painted a portrait of me in my graduation outfit. Behind me she had painted another portrait, this one with me dressed as a doctor, a stethoscope around my neck.
There was a gasp of appreciation, and then everyone applauded, some rushing over to shake Mommy's hand.
"It looks like twins," Pierre cried.
"Just like us, there are two of you," Jean squealed. Everyone laughed.
"It's beautiful, Mommy," I said when we hugged. "I hope I live up to it."
"You will, honey."
"You better," Daddy said and kissed me, too.
After that, the party went into full swing. The musicians paraded around the house as if it really were a Mardi Gras, celebration. The food was brought out and set on the tables. There were platters of turkey and roast beef, baked stuffed shrimp in oyster sauce, shrimp Mornay, and stuffed crabs as well as crawfish dtouffee. Everyone was impressed with our elaborate spread, and when the desserts were wheeled out on serving wagons, the guests uttered exclamations of joy and hovered about the tarte aux peches, banana nut bread, crepes, pecan pie, orange creme brullee and chocolate rum souffle. My graduation cake was cut as well, and wedges of it were served.
The grand menu added to the festive atmosphere. People were dancing everywhere, even in the hallways. I circulated as much as I could and spoke to many of Mommy's and Daddy's friends. Suddenly, when I paused in the ballroom to catch my breath, I felt someone come up behind me.
"Good time to slip out of here," Claude whispered, his hands on my hips.
"I can't yet, Claude." I stepped away.
"Why not? You were here for the big event: your unveiling. And we've all gorged enough on the food." He paused, his blue eyes fixed on my face suspiciously. "Didn't you tell your parents you were going to another party?" He waited a moment and then quickly added, "You didn't, did you?"
"I was going to tell them, but they were so excited about my party, I didn't have the heart. Just give me a little while longer," I pleaded.
Claude scowled and reluctantly returned to his friends, who, as they had threatened, had spiked some of the punch for themselves. Now they were sharing it with Catherine, Marie Rose, and Diane Ratner. Diane had always been after Claude. I saw she was taking advantage of my having to visit with Daddy's and Mommy's friends. She had her arm through Claude's and was whispering in his ear constantly. Whatever she said obviously pleased him, but he kept his gaze on me. I saw that he was growing more and more furious with every passing moment. It made his silverblue eyes glitter like stones in a cold stream.
I was going to speak to him again when Aunt Jeanne tapped me on the shoulder. "So what will you be doing this summer?" she asked me.
"I'm going to work at the hospital as a nurse's aide. Daddy thought it would be good experience for me."
"You're really serious about becoming a doctor, then?" she said with a smile.
"Yes, very serious."
She nodded. "Perhaps that's meant to be," she said, which made me think of my great-grandmother Catherine.
"Did you know my great-grandmother Catherine, Aunt Jeanne?"
"I knew about her. She was a very famous traiteur. I wish she were still around to help my mother. She's been seeing a traiteur, but this woman apparently doesn't have the healing powers your great-grandmother had. You don't mind being around sick people, seeing illness and blood?"
"No," I said. "I feel good whenever I can help someone who is ill."
She smiled. "Then perhaps Catherine's gift has been passed on to you." She stared at me with wondrous eyes and nodded. "Good luck, sweetheart, and someday come to see us in the bayou."
"I will," I said and swallowed. Mommy and Daddy had never forbidden me to go there, but their reluctance to return to the bayou made it seem like taboo.
"We've got to be going soon, but I wanted you to have this first," Aunt Jeanne said and handed me a small box. It wasn't gift-wrapped.
"Thank you," I said, a little surprised. Why hadn't she wrapped it and put it with the other gifts?
"Go on, open it," she added. I looked across the room and saw how Mommy was staring at us, her face full of fear. Her expression made my fingers tremble, but I finally opened the box to find a silver locket.
"There's a picture inside," Aunt Jeanne explained.
I pressed the release and opened the locket. There was a picture of Paul holding me as an infant in his arms, and he was wearing that palmetto hat. For a moment I couldn't speak. It was exactly the way I always envisioned him carrying me at the start of my recurring nightmare.
"I thought you would like to have that," Aunt Jeanne said.
"Yes, thank you."
"Do you remember him at all?" she asked.
"Just a little," I said.
"He was very fond of you, and you were very fond of him," she said wistfully. Then she took a deep breath and covered my hands with hers, shutting the locket at the same time. "But this isn't the time for any sadness. Put it someplace safe and look at it from time to time," she asked. I thanked her again, and she went to say good-bye to Daddy and Mommy.
Mommy came over to me immediately afterward. "I saw her give you something," she said.
I showed her, and she gasped. "I just knew it had something to do with Paul."
"Do the rest of the Tates really hate us, Mommy?" I asked.
/> "Let's just say we're not on their A-list," Mommy replied. She gazed at the picture again. "He was a very handsome man, wasn't he?"
"Yes."
She gave the locket back to me.
"It was nice of her to give you this, and it's right of her to try to be sure Paul is not forgotten. Keep the locket with your most precious possessions."
"I will, Mommy."
She smiled softly and returned to her guests.
A little while later, while I was talking with Dominique, a gallery owner who was trying to persuade Mommy to display my picture in his front window, Catherine approached.
"Claude's getting very upset. We all want to leave, Pearl. Lester and the others have already gone to his house. Are you coming or not?"
I bit down on my lower lip. A part of me did want to go, but another part argued against it. I looked across the room and saw Daddy laughing. The twins were gorging on strawberry shortcake with their friends. I could slip away without causing too much of a stir now, I thought.
"Let me talk to my mother," I said.
"Good.I'll tell Claude," Catherine said.
Mommy rarely missed anything happening around her. While she and her art world friends talked, she had her eyes on me. As I started toward her, she stepped away from the others.
"What is it, darling?" she asked. "You want to go someplace with your friends?"
"I guess," I said.
She looked at Claude, Catherine, and the others and then fastened her gaze on me. "Your heart's not fully in this for some reason, Pearl," she said with the assurance of a psychic. "What is it, honey? Is it going to be a wild party?"
"Maybe," I confessed.
She nodded. "You know what growing up is," she said, nodding like someone who had finally reached a conclusion. "It's knowing when to say no. Nothing more than that, I think," she added. "You decide. It's all right for you to leave if you want to. It's your night, Pearl. Daddy will understand."
We hugged, and I turned back to my friends. Claude raised his eyebrows and smiled. I started to nod and stopped. Once I left this house and went with Claude to Lester's, saying no would be harder than graduating from medical school, I thought.
"Coming now?" Claude asked anxiously.
"Why don't you and I stay here, Claude?" I suggested. "We can have plenty of privacy."
"Here? Are you serious? Everywhere you go, there are servants loitering--unless we slip up to your room," he proposed, his eyes lustful.
"Claude, I don't like being rushed into anything," I said.
"Rushed? We've been going together for nearly a year. That's like being married nowadays," he protested.
I started to laugh, but he continued, his anger building. "You don't know what it's like for me, lying to all my friends, pretending you and I are really lovers. All my friends have girlfriends who aren't afraid to make love."
"You mean you make up stories about us?" I asked.
"Of course. You want me to look like a fool?"
"Is that what you would be if we didn't sleep together, a fool? What about caring for me and my feelings?"
"That's what I want to do," he said stepping closer. "Care for your feelings. Come on, let's go with the others."
"I'd rather stay here, Claude," I said after taking a deep breath.
He shook his head. "You're never going to make love with me, are you?"
"I'm not going to make love just to keep some high school kids from thinking I'm a fool. It has to be something more serious."
He nodded. I saw that his eyes were a little bloodshot. "I think you should give me back my ring," he said. "It's just wasting away around your neck."
My heart was pounding to have such a dark and unhappy thing happen on this night, of all nights.
"Well?" he said. "What is it going to be?"
I undid the chain that held his ring on my bosom and handed it back to him.
He was surprised and clutched it roughly in his fist. "I should have listened to my friends. They all told me you were just a brain with no feelings. You probably went home and wrote a report after every date we had, didn't you?"
"Of course not," I said.
"I feel sorry for you," he continued, shaking his 'head. "You'll always be dissecting people. What did you do, take your temperature and decide tonight was a prime egg night?" he asked with his lips twisted into a sarcastic smirk. His words were like darts aimed at my heart. Tears burned under my eyelids, but I wouldn't permit myself to cry in front of him.
"Are you coming, Claude?" Diane Ratner asked as she crooked her shoulder suggestively.
"You're damn right I am," he said and smiled at her. Then he put his arm through hers and embraced her tightly around the waist. She squealed with glee and flashed a look of satisfaction at me. I could just hear her bragging: "You might be our class valedictorian and you might have this big house and great party, but I have your boyfriend.
"Satisfied?" Claude asked me.
"Yes. If this is what you've decided is most important, then I am very satisfied. I made the right decision," I said.
His smile faded quickly. "Go read a book," he snapped.
"A dry one," Diane added. Their peals of laughter trailed after them as they joined the others and headed for the front door.
Catherine came running over to me. "What are you doing?"
"The sensible thing," I said. She shook her head and looked toward the others. "Go on. Don't worry about me. I'm all right."
"This was supposed to be our night to howl," she whined.
"We all howl in different ways, I suppose. Why did you let them destroy my speech? I thought we were close friends."
"It was just a joke. I knew you would be all right," she said but she averted her gaze.
"Friends protect and look after each other, but I suppose that takes some maturity," I added dryly.
Her eyes snapped back, full of fire. "I don't know what to think about you anymore, Pearl. Maybe you're too full of yourself for the rest of us. I'm disappointed," she added and turned away to hurry after the others. I watched them all leave the house, and for a moment, all the music, all the chatter and the laughter, faded. I heard only Claude's angry words and Catherine's disappointment.
I bit down on my lower lip and sucked back the sobs that clamored to escape. Even though I had eaten, I had a hollow feeling in my stomach. Was I too much of a goody-goody? Was I just a brain?
I looked back at my party. Everyone was having such a good time, and Daddy had never looked younger or happier. Mommy was in a conversation with some of her gallery friends. All of my classmates had gone. Why, on this, the night I was supposed to feel so wonderful, was I standing here feeling devastated? I hurried out the side doors and walked down the patio toward the pool and cabana, leaving the jolly sounds of laughter, music, and chatter behind me.
I folded my arms under my breasts and walked slowly with my head down. Suddenly the twins and two of their friends jumped out of the hedges at me, all of them screaming, "Boo!"
"Get away from me!" I cried harshly.
Pierre's jaw dropped, but Jean kept laughing. "We were just fooling, Pearl," Pierre said.
"I don't have the patience for the two of you right now. Leave me alone!" I yelled at them.
"We're sorry," Pierre said. He seized Jean's arm. "Come on. Let's go see if we can get some ice cream."
"What's the matter with her?" Jean asked, confused.
"Let's go," Pierre ordered. Although Jean was stronger, he obeyed his brother, and the four of them scurried back to the house, leaving me with my shadows.
Above, the sky that had been mostly clear with stars gleaming was growing increasingly overcast. It was as if the clouds were being drawn from one horizon to the other like some great dark curtain to shut out the heavens and shut away the happiness I had experienced this day. I planted myself on a lounge chair and listened to the sounds of the city that drifted over our walls.
"What's wrong, Pearl?" I heard someone say a short whi
le later. I looked up to see Mommy standing in the shadows.
"Nothing."
She stepped into the pale glow of the patio lights. "I know you too well, honey, and you know I feel your sadness," she said. She did, too. We were so close at times, it made Daddy shake his head in wonder. "I carried you inside me. We're too much a part of each other not to know each other's deepest feelings. What happened?"
I shrugged. "I said no, and everyone left. They think I'm a goody-goody, a brain without feelings."
"Oh, I see." She sat down beside me. In the increasing darkness, her face was hidden in shadow, but her eyes caught the pale light and glimmered with sympathy. "I know it's painful for you to drive your friends away, but you have to do what your heart tells you is right.
"Once, a long time ago," she added, "I said no, and I think I saved my life."
"Really? What happened?"
"My sister and a boyfriend came by in a car and asked me to go along with them. They had been smoking pot, and I saw they were already high, laughing, being reckless. They thought I was a party pooper, too, and I remember wondering if maybe there wasn't something wrong with me, maybe I was too old for my age."
"That was the night of the accident that crippled Gisselle?"
"Yes and killed the boy. I'm not saying something terrible has to happen all the time, but you've got to follow your instincts and believe in yourself."
"It was fun being with Claude sometimes; he's the most popular boy in school. But I didn't have a strong enough feeling for him. The fact is, I haven't had a strong feeling for any boy yet, Mommy. Is that odd? Am I too analytical? Am I just a brain?"
"Of course not," she said, laughing. "Why do you have to become seriously involved with someone while you're still so young?"
"You did," I said quickly and then regretted it.
"It was different for me, Pearl. I came from a different sort of life. I told you that. My childhood was rushed. I wish I had had more time to be young and carefree."