I pulled my head back. “You look beautiful!”
Grams laughed and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. “Come,” she ordered, taking my hand. “There are things I need to show you.”
I followed happily after her, loving the feel of her hand in mine. I had missed my grandmother so much since her death. She’d been one of my fondest childhood memories, and being reunited with her now was such a gift! “Where’re we going?” I asked as I tagged along.
“This way,” she said as she paused in front of a white wall that seemed to materialize out of nowhere. I blinked once or twice and said, “Where did that come from?”
“When you first arrive it can be difficult to see what’s right in front of you,” Grams said as we walked down the length of the wall and paused in front of a beautiful walnut-colored door with a stained-glass window and a golden handle.
“What’s in there?” I asked while she reached for the handle.
“Come in and you’ll find out,” she said, giving me a reassuring smile as she stepped through the doorway.
I followed after her, and to my surprise I found that we were in a long hallway. The walls were a soft yellow color that seemed to vibrate and shimmer with energy. Hanging on the walls in front of us were gilded frames carved with ornate designs. Some were gold, some were silver, and all housed portraits of people I recognized. I stepped forward to touch one of the frames. “This is Candice Fusco. She’s a client of mine.”
Grams gave me an encouraging smile as she waved her hand toward the other photos. I walked to the next and said, “Nora Brosseau, Joan Rogers, Kristen Laprade and Debbie Huntley. These are all my clients too.”
Grams laughed and clapped her hands. “Yes!” she said.
“So, why are they here?” I asked as I looked down the length of the corridor.
Grams stepped forward to my side as I studied the portraits. “These are not only your clients, Abigail. These are the people you’ve assisted along their life paths. Many of these souls would still be at a crossroads if not for the clarity you’ve brought to them through your work and devotion to delivering the message.”
I felt my cheeks grow warm. I was embarrassed by the praise Grams was giving me. “They would have gotten there on their own…eventually,” I said.
“Don’t sell yourself short, lovey. The role you’ve played in their lives is quite important.”
I shuffled my feet a little. “Yeah, yeah. But why are their portraits here?”
“They will miss you when you’re gone,” Grams said.
“Huh?” I said, looking at her. I wasn’t understanding her point.
“If you don’t go back, Abigail, these people will have to fend for themselves.”
“You mean I can go back?” I asked.
“Certainly.”
“But if I’m here, doesn’t that mean I’ve died?” I asked, scratching my head.
“There are many faces to death, dear. This is but one of the more temporary ones.”
“But, Grams, it feels so great here! I mean, whoa! I feel like I’ve just had a giant espresso of love java. I feel awesome! And nothing hurts. I can feel things, the grass on my feet, your hand, the coolness of this wall,” I said as I reached out and touched the wall, noticing with surprise that it didn’t feel cool at all, but warm and vibrant. “Okay, scratch that, the warmth of this wall. Wow! This place is so awesome!” I said, really noticing how happy I felt. It was weird: From the depths of my soul I felt love and warmth and a happiness that felt intoxicating. I was light, and free, unbound by worry or anger or pain. In short, I felt simply euphoric.
“It is an amazing place, Abigail. But I wonder if it is truly your time to come.”
“I’m here!” I announced, waving my hand with a flourish in front of me. “It must be my time.”
Grams smiled at me the way she had when I was a little kid pushing her for a cookie right before dinner. “It is an important matter to think on. Not one to make without considering all things.”
I looked at my grandmother for a moment, a bit confused. It almost sounded like she didn’t want me here. “Grams,” I said, “you trying to get rid of me? ’Cause I gotta tell ya, I’m thinking of hanging. I mean, did you get a load of that garden out there? Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?”
Grams was nodding and giggling as I went on and on about how great it all was. “So your mind is pretty much made up, is that correct?” she asked me.
I paused as I looked at the portraits lining the walls. I would miss all my clients, that was true, and certainly I would miss my sister, and Eggy, and all my friends. But, truth be told, I felt I could also look out for them from up here. I had often felt my grandmother’s energy around when I was back on Earth. Why couldn’t I do the same for the people I cared about? “Grams, I’m just telling you, I have never felt this…this…alive! Is this how you feel all the time?”
My grandmother laughed. “Yes, it is one of the many perks to being here. But I want to make sure you understand what you’re giving up. Your sweet pooch, Eggy, will not join you for many years.”
My heart sank, and then I thought of something and said, “Yeah, but Dave will look after him.”
“And your sister, she will be quite devastated by your passing.”
“Cat’s a tough cookie, Grams. You remember how much of a brat she was when she was little?”
“I remember she was a very determined child,” Grams said with a smirk.
“Determined ain’t the half of it. Her nickname is Patton.”
“Ah,” Grams said, as she eyed me the way a mother does when she’s trying to decide whether her child is old enough to make her own decisions. “Still, I want to make sure you have all the information you’ll need to truly make your choice.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Follow me,” she said, crooking one finger and leading me down the corridor of portraits. We got to the end, and Grams stopped before another door. She rested her hand on the door handle for a moment as she turned to me and said, “In this room, whatever you decide will be final, and you will not only be sealing your own fate, but that of many others as well.”
“Sounds heavy,” I said, trying to make light of the serious look in her eyes.
“It is, Abigail. It most definitely is.” And with that, Grams opened the door and I filed in after her.
When I came through the doorway I noticed a small, cozy room colored robin’s-egg blue. On the wall were a few more portraits; not nearly as many as were outside in the corridor, but enough for me to pause and look at the faces. The first portrait was of a woman I didn’t recognize. I racked my brain trying to place a name to the picture, but I simply couldn’t. “Do I know her?” I asked as I studied the portrait.
“No,” Grams said. “Not yet, anyway.”
I turned around and gave her a look that said, Huh? but she just smiled and nodded toward the second portrait. I moved over one and stared at a beautiful painting of Dutch. He looked so handsome staring out from the canvas at me. His midnight-blue eyes were perfectly captured, and the smirk he seemed to always wear around me was expertly painted. “God, I miss him,” I whispered.
“Yes. We know. Which is why none of us can figure out why you dumped him.”
“Excuse me?” I said, whipping around. “What do you mean, I dumped him?”
“On Valentine’s Day,” she said, looking at me quizzically. “Remember? You asked him to leave and then you never called him again.”
“Wait, wait, wait!” I said, putting up my hand in a stop motion. “He was the one who broke up with me!”
“Really?” she asked with that small smile again. “Your grandfather and I remember quite clearly that all Dutch said was that he needed a little more time to devote to his work. He is working on an extremely difficult case right now, and wanting to concentrate on it seemed highly reasonable to us.”
I stared at her wide-eyed, and I realized belatedly that my mouth was hanging open. “G
rams,” I said after I had processed what she said. “Dutch was the one who wanted to cool it between us. Besides, it wasn’t just me who didn’t call him. He didn’t call me either!”
“I see,” Grams said, the smile growing. “And just how do you know that Dutch wanted to break things off with you?”
“Because when I looked into his energy, there was no reflection of me there!” I sputtered. I could not believe she’d gotten this whole deal so wrong.
“Ah,” she said, nodding now. “So just because you couldn’t see your own reflection in Dutch’s energy anymore, that’s why you thought you two were finished?”
“Well, what else could it mean?” I asked.
“Did you bother to look into the energy of your sister?” Grams said.
I did a double take, blinking at her. “No, why?”
“Because you would have seen your absence there too. You are no longer reflected in anyone’s energy. Not Dave’s, not Dutch’s, not Eggy’s. No one who was close to you has had you in their energy for a little while now.”
And then it hit me, and the weight of it tugged my mouth open again. “Because I was going to die? That’s why I wasn’t in Dutch’s energy?”
Grams nodded. “Yes, I’m afraid so.”
Then something else dawned on me and I said, “And that’s why I couldn’t read Christina! She was going to die, and there was no future for me to see!”
“Exactly,” Grams said.
“So if that’s all true, then I can’t possibly go back,” I reasoned, and a small part of my heart felt heavier with the conclusion.
“Oh, there is still a choice open to you, my love. I just wanted to make sure you had all the information available before you made that choice. Now, as you see, there are some faces here. Some you recognize, and some you don’t, but they have all been placed here because the fate of these people rests on your shoulders in a far greater way than those out in the hallway.”
“Okay…” I said, waiting her out.
“If you choose to stay here with us,” Grams said as she stepped forward to take up both of my hands and look me straight in the eye, “then these people will have their lives cut short, and they will join you here very soon.”
I sucked in a breath and turned to Dutch’s picture, fear gripping my heart. “No,” I said.
“Yes,” Grams insisted. “If you choose to go back and reclaim your life on the earthly plane, then these are the lives you will save.”
Tears welled in my eyes and dribbled down my cheeks. I looked at all the paintings in the small room and wept, because if I made the selfish choice, the choice that I really, really wanted to make, I would tear apart families, and I would let down friends and loved ones.
I looked back at Grams, who held the most compassionate gaze for me. “Oh, Grams!” I wailed. “I’ll miss you!” And I lunged forward, wrapping myself around her and squeezing her tight.
“So you’ll go back?” she asked into my hair as she hugged me.
I nodded into her shoulder and blubbered, “I have to.”
“That’s my Abby-gabby.” She chuckled softly. “Come on, my love. Let’s go back to the garden.” She took my hand and led me out of the little room into the long hallway and then out into the garden.
We walked the path back to the waterfall in silence, our arms entwined as I worked very hard to imprint all of my senses with my grandmother: how she smelled, how she felt, how she walked. And even though I was sad enough to still be crying, there was an underlying warmth filling my heart, and I knew I would never truly feel it again until the next time my earthly body ceased to function.
As the waterfall came into view I saw movement off to the side and turned my head. There were three tall men standing by a large hole that seemed to materialize out of thin air. After a moment a childlike figure came through the hole. A woman with brown hair, no taller than a young girl, stood wide-eyed and scared in front of the men, and as we drew closer I could see her tremble. I felt like I knew her, but my head was beginning to feel foggy. I shook it, trying to recognize the woman, but the fog only intensified.
“Don’t stare at her, dear,” my grandmother said. “She will have a tougher time of it if you do.”
Heeding my grandmother’s warning I pulled my eyes away. We walked a little farther when Grams stopped and turned to face me. “Now, remember,” she said, holding my shoulders at arm’s length. “You do not need your parents’ approval to know you are a wonderful woman, and someone to be very proud of.”
I blushed and pulled my head down, shuffling my feet. “Thanks, Grams,” I said.
“I mean it, Abigail. Claire always did have her priorities mixed up. Even as a child that one never could stand it if one of her other siblings outshone her in any way. The fact that you are so special only means she cannot compete with you, and that is the basis of her resentment. You were a gift to her that she never realized, and threw away. You were given to her so that she could learn her great karmic lesson, one she hasn’t yet grasped and, I’m afraid, is not likely to learn now that her time is winding down.”
“I get it,” I said, looking up at her. “But it sure wasn’t easy growing up with Princess Iceberg for a mother.”
“I know, dear, I know,” she said with a chuckle as she swept a lock of my hair behind my ear. “Just remember what I told you every time you came over to my house after Claire was mean to you.”
“Don’t let the turkeys get you down?” I laughed, remembering one of her oldest and fondest phrases.
“Indeed. And if you ever need me, remember to look in your heart, and I’ll be right there.” With that she poked me in the chest, and as she did so, an electric pain gripped my heart.
“Owww!” I said, rubbing my breast bone. “It hurts when you do that!”
“This?” she asked, and gave me another poke that felt like a thousand needles stabbing right through my chest.
“Stop!” I said, and jumped back, trying to block her next poke, but Grams was too quick for me and got one more in, which hurt like hell. “Will you quit it?” I said, as I tried to raise my arms to fend her off, but they were suddenly like lead, and my body was frozen with cold. My eyes were droopy and I couldn’t form any more words.
“We have a sinus tach!” someone yelled to my left. “Her stats are coming up and I’ve got a good rhythm!” they added.
“She’s back!” said another voice. “Call in the chopper; we’ll meet them in the field!”
There was movement all around me, and without warning I felt air being forced into my lungs and something wickedly uncomfortable was in my mouth and down my throat. I wanted to pull whatever it was out, but I couldn’t move. There was a huge collar around my neck and I was strapped down. Again I felt my lungs expand, and I tried to scream out my discomfort, but all that came out was something like a moan.
“Hang in there,” a man said above me. “Hold on, Abby. You can make it,” he encouraged. Then I felt some hands lift the left side of the stretcher I was strapped to, and my whole body tilted sideways.
I winced, and stared straight into Kelly’s lifeless face. She was just a few feet away as she lay on the ground on her side. Her eyes were wide and surprised. Her childlike complexion was decidedly corrupted by a large hole gaping grossly out of the center of her forehead, while a thick pool of blood formed about her head.
A moment later I was eased back down as another whoosh of air was pumped into my lungs; then the stretcher was lifted again and I felt myself being hustled through the woods. I closed my eyes, feeling very weak and unable to take in everything that was happening to me. I no longer felt the agony in my chest that I had earlier, which was good, but everything seemed distorted and disconnected, which was still a creepy feeling.
“Agent Rivers, are you still there?” a man’s voice said. “She’s got a heartbeat again, but this chest wound is pretty bad. We’re airlifting her to Denver General, and I honestly don’t know if she’ll make it.”
“She
’ll make it,” another voice barked, and it was a voice I recognized. “You hear that, Abby?” Duffy said. “I order you to make it!”
I wanted to nod my head, because of course I would, and there was no need to worry, but I was restricted by the collar and frankly too tired to move. I settled for the smallest of hand waves as I opened my eyes and winked at Duffy, who looked as pale as I’d ever seen him. But then something caught my attention and I focused on it in a sort of dreamy delirium for a moment as my eyes swam in and out of focus. Over Duffy’s shoulder was the faintest image of a redhead. I couldn’t see her face, but she was evident in Duffy’s energy, and I wondered dizzily if this was a leftover reflection from Rachel.
Pulling my eyes back into focus I looked intently at him and gave another wink. When he noticed that I was looking at him, and that I had winked, his mouth scrunched together and he yelled, “Let’s move!” to the other men as they picked up their pace to reach the chopper.
I settled for closing my eyes again and letting the darkness take me into its warm, but still very much alive, embrace.
Chapter Seventeen
“…we repaired that along with the damage done to the right atrium. She was very lucky, actually to have gotten hit on the right side of her chest. A point-blank shot like the one she sustained on the left side of her chest would certainly have killed her,” a woman’s voice I didn’t recognize said.
“What can we expect from her recovery, Doctor?” a baritone voice asked.
“We will want to keep her intubated for at least the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. She’ll be under heavy sedation that will paralyze her—”
“Paralyze her?” my sister’s voice asked.
“Yes, but only medically. The vent is extremely uncomfortable, and the last thing we want is for her to try to use her energy to fight it. She will need a little time simply to heal. After we are assured that she will be able to breathe well on her own, we will remove the vent and monitor her for at least the next two weeks; then if you’d like to take her home, we can release her at that point, barring any other complications.”