—Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
—Hey. It’s your birthday. At least I think it’s your birthday. The guy said they’ll eat anything, and they won’t grow any bigger. They only pee in water, apparently.
—Can we get it now?
—In a minute. There’s some sort of scuffle going on o—Shit! EVA! WATCH OUT!
—AAGH!
—Eva, are you OK?
—Yeah, I—He bumped into me pretty hard.
—HEY! ASSHOLE! YEAH RUN AWAY, YOU CHI—
—DAD! I’m fine.
—Are you sure? There’s a guard trainee coming this way. I can get the asshole arrested if—
—I said I’m fine.
[Eps eyiskeks akt?]
Ops. Eyesunt.
[Ast eyet Ekim.]
Eyet Eva.
[Eps eyesat Eteyat akt? Eps ast eyyetsek onyosk ant ot.]
At, at. Aks eyek ant asteks onsoks.
[Ast eyyekt. Ast eyapat yetsek eps epokt, Evat.]
Anyoks! Aks eyyekt eket ops. Bye!
—What did he want?
—Dad! He just wanted to know if I was hurt.
—Why did he ask for your name? By the way, how did you get so good at their language?
—He didn’t ask. He told me his name was Ekim. I gave him mine. I didn’t know it was a secret. And you taught me, Dad.
—I didn’t teach you all that! What does onsoks mean, anyway? Empty?
—Yes. I don’t know, Dad. I just…
—Don’t apologize for learning quicker than me. Just be careful with strangers, OK? And stop telling people we don’t know anyone, will you?
—He was just being nice, Dad.
—He’s a trainee in the Imperial Guard.
—And?
—And nothing. You’re right. We don’t know him. That’s all.
—…
—You think he’s cute, don’t you?
—Dad!
—What?
—Can we go get my yotyot now?
—Yes. Let’s. It’s right over th—Eva, don’t run!
…
I said don—
—Can I take this one?
—Let me catch my breath for a second.
—Can I take him?
—Eva, you can take whichever one you like. They all look the same.
—This one looks sad.
—You can pick any one of them, and you want the miserable one?
—Maybe he’ll be happier living with us.
—That is…very nice of you, Eva. Happy twelfth birthday! Can you carry him? I don’t have anything to put him in.
—Sure. Come here little fellow!
—Eyesunt.
—What did you just do?
—I thanked the man. I paid him, and I thanked him.
—You gave him the jar!
—Yes. I did.
—With your hair in it!
—I did. That’s what he wanted.
—That’s…You don’t feel bad?
—Why would I feel bad?
—You paid him with hair, Dad!
—Well, the hair is just something I threw in at the end. I already gave him my belt yesterday, but that wasn’t enough. Oh, and my New York MetroCard. Basically, I traded a thirty-dollar belt for some game. If anyone’s getting rip—
—It’s not a game! It’s a pet!
—Not that kind of game. Meat! You know people eat these things, right?
—What? Nooo!
—The…I don’t know what they call themselves. The…tall, lanky bald fellows.
—They’re all sorta bald, Dad.
—The naked ones.
—Oh. Them.
—Yeah. They eat those. That’s why they sell them.
—That’s horrible! They’re so cute!
—Like a bunny rabbit?
—Yes!
—Well…
—Don’t listen to him. No one’s gonna eat you, Mr. Yotyot.
—That’s his name?
—What’s wrong with Mr. Yotyot?
—Nothing. It’s just like calling your cat Mr. Cat.
—I like Mr. Cat!
—Mr. Yotyot it is, then. Welcome to the family. How do you know it’s a he?
—…
—Oh. I see. Eva, before we take him home…You know we might go back soon, right? To Earth? I don’t know how long we’ll stay. I sure didn’t think we’d be here for eighteen months. And I don’t think we should—I don’t think we can take Mr. Yotyot back with us when we leave.
—I like it here, Dad.
—That’s good. I just don’t want you to get too attached if we’re going soon. I don’t even know how long these things live. Mr. Yotyot might be like a hundred years old already. Oh, before I forget. Rose is having all of us over for dinner tonight.
—You said we’d spend the day together.
—We are. We’ll be together, with Rose and Eugene.
—But it’s my birthday!
—I know! That’s the point! Rose even found something that resembles a cake!
—I thought we could just…hang out, just the two of us.
—How about this? We’ll have dinner with Rose and Eugene, then we’ll go home and…hang out all you want…I think I might be too old to use that phrase.
FILE NO. 2117
LETTER FROM EVA REYES TO VINCENT COUTURE
Vincent,
If you’re reading this, it means that guy came through on his promise, and I’m gone. I guess it also means that everyone in the GRU has combed through it looking for clues, some sort of secret code. How’s this? The pigeon is well done. The blind man can’t see a thing. Fuck you all.
This is it. I don’t think I’ll ever see you again. The truth is, I hope I never do. I wish I could tell you all this in person, or at least in private, but this will be easier on both of us. Katherine already knows I didn’t want to leave Esat Ekt, and I don’t give a shit what else she knows about me.
You took everything from me, Vincent. Everyone I knew. Everything I cared about. It was my home! My esat! You may not have liked it, but that was my home. I liked it there. I belonged. I had a life, my life, and you took it away. You chose to.
Even Ekim. You know he didn’t deserve this. He was innocent. All he cared about was helping people, and me. It probably doesn’t mean much to you, but it meant the world to me, having someone look at me that way, like I could do nothing wrong. It didn’t matter how much I tried to push him away, how mean I was to him, he kept looking at me that way, always. He also kept telling everyone I was his eputet. That made me mad to no end. He knew, that’s probably why he kept doing it. Every now and then, I’d let him get away with it. No shoving him against the wall, no mean joke. You should have seen his face. I don’t know if I was in love with him, but I loved how he made me feel. I liked me when he was around, and that hasn’t happened a lot. Now he’s gone. You took that away too.
There’s nothing for me here but bad memories. My parents, Kara. Everyone I ever cared about here is dead, dead because of me. People here made fun of me because I was different, they mocked me for who I was. Now I’m even more of a freak. They put me in a glass room, stick needles in me all day. What made you think I could possibly want that? Everything I had, Vincent, you tore it from my hands. You took the good away and sent me back to where it hurts. I hate you for it.
Was it worth it? Was it worth killing Ekim? I hate you if you say yes. I hate you if you say no. I hate you, Dad. I bet you tell yourself you did all this for me. Well, I didn’t yokits want it. That should have meant something.
I don’t know what I’ll do or where I’ll go from here, and I wouldn’t tell you if I did, but wherever I end up, it will be my
choice. I choose this. Me. I want you to remember that. You’ll probably never admit it, but you’re better off without me, and I really don’t think I can be worse off. I know you tried your best. I know it wasn’t easy, and I’ll always love you for it. But I hate you all the same.
E.
P.S. Hey Katherine! Toodeloo!
PART TWO
HELL OUT OF DODGE
FILE NO. EE098—PERSONAL FILE FROM ESAT EKT
Personal Journal Entry—Dr. Rose Franklin
Location: Assigned residence, Etyakt region
We’ve been on Esat Ekt for almost four years, yet somehow, we’re still strangers. There’s a distance between us and them, an invisible wall we can’t traverse. I want to break that wall, but I don’t know how. They smile at us, give us the occasional elbow grab, a sign of affection, but there is no warmth, no real connection. It feels like wearing gloves all the time.
We don’t know what we are. No one knows. On the one hand, our species has some of their genetics. By law—their law—that should make us Ekt. That’s why we were made citizens. If that’s true, we can’t leave this planet, ever. On the other hand, only a very small portion of our genetic makeup is affected by theirs. I for one show no signs of genetic interference. None. By that reasoning, we have no business on this planet at all. They don’t allow aliens. The Etyakt region can’t give us citizenship. If we’re aliens, we go home. So, either we can’t leave or we can’t stay. The Great Council of Akitast stepped in to settle the matter, three years ago. While they debate, we remain in limbo. We’ve also become the topic of a lot of debate. Our region, Etyakt, is very diverse. More than half the population is from other worlds, at least in part. They identify with us. They see what happened on Earth, the Ekt killing millions of us, and they fear they could be next. There are a lot of protests. Those in Osk—the population there is much more homogeneous—blame us for what is happening. They want us gone as fast as possible. I think that’s why the Council can’t come to a decision. Let us stay—force us to stay if you ask Vincent—and you anger people in Osk. Send us away and you risk making the part-alien population even angrier.
I can tell that people here are extremely curious, about us, but also by nature. We are living treasures to them, a gold mine of information about a world they know almost nothing about. I’m certain that everyone here wants the Council to call us Ekt. Because if we’re not Ekt enough, if we’re aliens, then we shouldn’t even be here, and every second they spend talking to us risks affecting us in the worst possible way. So they wave at us on the street, chit-chat—it would be rude to exclude us, and the Ekt are anything but rude—but they will find an excuse to disappear if the conversation elevates itself above small talk. They are astonishingly good at it, experts at walking this very fine line. They do it without unease or awkwardness, something we could never do if our roles were reversed.
There are exceptions, of course. Most of them involving Eva. She’s…raw. Vincent and I are constrained by what we think is expected of us. She’s not. She can be rude, always say what’s on her mind. People in Etyakt love her for it. Of the three of us, she’s the only one who’s managed to develop genuine relationships with people. Vincent and I have…acquaintances.
There’s a rift forming between the four of us as well. Eugene only talks about leaving. Vincent doesn’t want to be here either. People here are hesitant to get close to us, but Vincent won’t let anyone in at all. Except for Enatast, and Esok, of course. She really likes him, and I think it runs both ways. If it weren’t for Eva, I think there might be more there. But he won’t allow himself. He won’t betray Kara’s memory—that’s how he’d see it—not with Eva reminding him of her with every breath she takes. She’s so much like her mother. Eva and I don’t see eye to eye on a great many things. She and her father are also growing apart.
Despite all this, I feel right at home here. I hope we don’t go back to Earth anytime soon. I love this place. I love these people. There is so much knowledge here. I remember going downtown when I lived in Chicago. The life, the energy. I could just sit alone on a bench somewhere and feel those eight million lives around me. The same is true here, but what I feel is wisdom, and I find myself bettered for just bathing in it. I’m a child on this planet. The most complex science, the most abstract concepts I can grasp are so mundane on this world, it is almost impossible for the Ekt not to teach me new things. They try their very best, but some things are so obvious to them, they’ll slip into conversations about the weather.
I was foolish enough to think I could be useful when we first arrived. I spent some time with their scientists—they seemed very eager to meet me—but when I explained what I was working on, I could tell by their faces I could just as well have told them I was trying to boil water. They were curious about me, but nothing I could ever do would qualify as scientifically relevant here. I got them to let me use one of their school labs. That only took two years and twelve votes. They are…let’s just say reluctant to do anything that could affect human knowledge in the tiniest way, but I eventually convinced enough committee members that it couldn’t happen in a school lab. It’s the one good thing about never having long conversations with anyone, they never fully grasped the extent of my ignorance. Holy cow! The things their teenagers—they’re not even that old—play with! They won’t let me read a book, but they’ll explain how the equipment works if I ask for something specific enough. It makes sense. If I can devise the experiment myself, it’s probably something I could have done without their help. I wish.
I started with very simple things, things I already knew. That way I’d know if the results made any sense or if I did something wrong. Then I upped the ante, little by little. They always asked for more explanation, to make sure I wasn’t fishing for knowledge. Over time, I found ways to trick them into letting me use more sophisticated equipment. I had noticed what I thought was a hunk of germanium among the samples in the lab. These guys have really good rocks. It turned out to be germanium-76. I told them germanium was rare on Earth, which is true, and that I’d never seen that particular isotope, which isn’t. I told them I’d like to see if it was capable of double-beta decay—two protons turning into neutrons at once, instead of just one. That took surprisingly long to explain—I suspect they don’t intuitively see matter as being made of discrete things—but I did it well enough that they assumed I had seen that happen with my own eyes, and they didn’t object when I asked if I could test their isotope. They gave me a box. Not a nuclear reactor and an underground detector, not a particle accelerator the size of a small city, they walked in with something the size of a shoe box under one arm. I watched them tinker with it for a minute, probably to make it display things in a dumb enough way for me to understand. They explained how the controls worked in baby terms, and they left me alone with it. It took me a good week to figure it out, but today I observed neutrinoless double-beta decay. I didn’t detect it in some convoluted way, I saw it happen right in front of me. I was so giddy, I told everyone I ran into on the way home. They all looked at me funny, as if I were some deranged person screaming: “The Earth is round! The Earth is round!”
It took me a few hours to realize I couldn’t talk about it to anyone. The Ekt would think I was an idiot, and they would throw a fit if they knew I had learned something of value because of them. Vincent knows a bit about physics, but not enough to understand this. Eva and Eugene couldn’t care less. It was the strangest feeling. What I’d seen was really important. I had proven that neutrinos are Majorana, meaning they’re their own antiparticles. I had proven neutrinos had mass. I even helped constrain the mass scale by measuring the decay rate. That was a huge step in physics. It might give us a way to explain why the universe is full of things instead of nothing. It could help explain how primordial stars formed, what dark matter is made of. It was an incredibly far-reaching discovery. On Earth, I’d be a shoo-in for the Nobel prize. Here, it might get me a
B− on a high-school exam. It should have been a world-changing moment, but I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt like I had just invented the wheel, only to realize I was standing in the middle of Broadway during rush hour.
I can live with that. I can see myself doing great science all day even if it’s primitive by everyone else’s standard. In many ways, it’s the best kind of science. It’s stimulating yet free of consequence. Nothing I do in that lab will get anyone killed. No one will use what I do to hurt people. I hope we get to stay. I hope Vincent and Eugene change their mind about this world. Fortunately for me, our fate is in the hands of the Council, not mine, and I see nothing wrong with enjoying what this planet has to offer while we wait.
FILE NO. EE108—PERSONAL FILE FROM ESAT EKT
Personal Log—Vincent Couture and Eva Reyes
Location: Assigned residence, Etyakt region
—Can we eat the cake, Dad?
—I was waiting for Eugene.
[He’s not coming. He wasn’t feeling well.]
Again? Well, more cake for us then! Sorry I couldn’t find any candles. Fourteen years old! I just want to say how grateful I am that I got to spend these last four years with you, though I wish we could have spent them on Earth. Watching you grow into a rebellious teen has been…pure torture. I am grateful there aren’t any black clothes anywhere on this planet so you couldn’t go full goth on me. Oh, and one big thank-you to Itit at the market, who finally managed to recharge the batteries for our recorders.
—I’m not rebellious.
—Well, you leave the house on your own, and you talk to people. That’s rebellious enough. Esok said you spend a lot of time with one of the guard trainees. What’s his name?
—Ekim. And we’re just friends!
—Yeah, well, I hope so. He’s like twenty years old.
—They age superslow! He’s younger than me!
—Then he’s too young for you. Wait…That’s not what I meant.
—What did you mean?