“So it would seem.” Lucian had a broad brimmed hat on himself, woven of some thin, blue straw. It managed to hide his features fairly well, although his olive green coloring, out of place in an area where most of the males seemed to have blue skin tones, still stood out.
“It looks like a happy place,” I said, looking around at all the stalls set up along the dusty main road. “I wonder why he moved so far away?”
Lucian shifted. “It can be…difficult to stay in a place where everyone else you know is finding partners when you yourself cannot,” he said in a low voice. “It’s one of the reasons I take so many business trips myself—to get away.”
“Maybe that’s it, then,” I murmured. I could see no other reason Drace would want to get away, even though Drace’s hometown of Renth was very different from Lucian’s.
Though I hadn’t gotten much of a chance to explore the desert city of Y’brith when we’d been there, it had obviously been a teeming metropolis filled with skyscrapers and all the hustle and bustle of a major urban hub. Renth, sitting just on the edge of the wild K’drin jungle, couldn’t have been more different.
It was small and quaint and everyone seemed to know everybody else. At least, they all seemed to be calling each other by name. I bet myself it was one of those places where everybody knows everybody else’s business and isn’t shy about sharing it. No wonder Drace had left Lucian and me on the edge of town with instructions to keep a low profile.
It shouldn’t be that hard to just stay out of the way while Drace bought supplies, I told myself. At least it hadn’t been so far. As long as we stayed to the far edge of the market and kept our faces covered, no one bothered us. But Drace had been gone a long time now—much longer than we had thought he would be—and I was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
I didn’t mind the heat or humidity of the jungle town, although Lucian had commented several times he felt like he was breathing underwater. I’m a Florida girl, after all—heat and humidity were nothing new to me. No, what was bothering me was the large amount of jalla berry juice I’d had with breakfast that morning before we locked up Lucian’s ship and headed for town.
The juice was one of the Denarin foods I actually liked—a pale blue liquid about the consistency of orange juice but with a flavor like fresh nectarines and raspberries and some exotic spice I couldn’t name. It tasted amazing and when Lucian, whose turn it was at kitchen duty, had realized I liked it so much, he had simmed me a whole lot more of it on the spot.
Back on Earth, I would have tried to check the nutritional information—the sugar in juice can rack up the calories fast. But here on Denaris, I was kind of playing fast and loose with my calorie count. So I drank every drop of the sweet and spicy blue juice, enjoying it immensely.
I hadn’t regretted it a bit…until just now. Because now I was beginning to feel the very real and urgent need to pee.
“Lucian,” I said, shifting from foot to foot on the dusty road. “How much longer do you think Drace is going to take?”
“I don’t know.” He frowned. “My understanding is that they don’t use credit much in the jungle regions. They prefer a system of bartering—which can take some time.”
“Great,” I muttered, shifting again. “Just great.”
“Is something wrong?” He frowned at me in concern. “I can feel your discomfort. What is it, Rylee?”
“I…um…” I sighed and pressed my thighs together. “That juice you made me was really good but I, uh, think I drank too much of it. I have to…I need to find a ladies room.”
“A ‘ladies’ room?” He frowned, looking at me as though I was speaking a foreign language. “Why should you need to find a room exclusively for ladies?”
“It’s just a nice way of saying I need a restroom. You know—a bathroom? A place to relieve myself?” I said impatiently when he still continued to look confused. “I’m trying to tell you I have to pee, Lucian—really badly.”
“Oh!” He frowned. “Well, I’m not sure if the trees around here provide sufficient privacy.”
“I don’t want to pee behind a tree!” I exclaimed.
I wished we could just go back to the ship but the parking area was over a mile away—I would never make it in time. I would just have to find someplace in town to take care of the call of Nature. But where?
“What about that shop there?” I asked, pointing to a quaint little store across the bustling, dusty street. “Do you think they’d have a restroom I could use?”
Lucian frowned. “Possibly but I really don’t think it’s a good idea for us to interact with the natives here.”
“Why, because you’re a Fang Clan guy?” I asked.
“Exactly.” He looked grim. “We aren’t openly at war with the Claw Clan but we’re enemies just the same. Our second natures do not get along well at all.”
“Second nature?” I thought I remembered Drace saying something about that earlier. Something about how he’d had to use his second nature in order to get Lucian out of the desert without being bitten by the goddess-insects himself? I wasn’t sure but something like that.
“Yes—the forms we are able to take for defense if need be. Although those of my clan believe it is low and improper to do so. Anyway, I’m sure the people of Renth wouldn’t take it very kindly if they knew one of the Fang Clan was in their midst.”
I wanted to know more about the whole “second nature” thing but I felt like my bladder was about to burst.
“Well they don’t have to know you’re here,” I said tartly. “I’ll just go over myself.”
“What? Alone?” Lucian looked worried and I felt a burst of anxiety coming from him. Ever since the little sex show we’d put on for Lord Mandrex’s benefit, I’d been catching little snatches of emotions from both of my guys. “Rylee, I don’t think that would be safe,” he objected.
“Why not?” I demanded. “I’m a grown-ass woman—I can look after myself. I’ll slip in the shop, use the restroom, and be back before you know it. It’ll be fine.”
Lucian still didn’t look very happy about it. “Are you certain you can’t…er, hold it until Drace returns? He could probably tell us the safest place—”
“Sorry,” I interrupted him. “But I’m literally about to burst here. Look, don’t worry.” I put a hand on his arm and squeezed. “I’ll be fine.”
Before he could protest any more, I hurried across the dusty street, headed for the little shop.
The store was made of some kind of pale green wood that looked like it had been weathered by years of rain and wind. There were three steps leading up and a little porch on the front where several locals were chatting and playing what looked like a complicated game of alien checkers—or whatever board game they played on Denaris. Honestly, I didn’t take the time to look very hard—I had to go so bad by now my eyeballs were floating, as my friend Zoe would have said. I ignored their curious glances and stepped inside, sliding the pale green door open to enter.
Inside, the tiny shop looked more than a little like an old fashioned General Store you might see on a Western…until you looked a little closer at the merchandise they were selling here. Along the wall there were black barrels filled with various things—a kind of purple grain…some things that looked like orange rocks floating in green liquid…a yellowish substance that looked a little like yogurt although I was sure it wasn’t. There were also rows and rows of wooden shelves filled with alien food products that would have fascinated me if I hadn’t needed to pee so badly.
Lucian and Drace had explained that not everyone used a food-sim to make their meals—in fact, most people still cooked the old fashioned way. I could see the appeal of that and I promised myself I would come back and do a little browsing if Drace said it was safe. But right now I really needed to get to a bathroom.
There was a long, wooden counter made of the same pale green wood as the outside of the store that ran along the front. Behind it was a small woman with pale, silvery gray skin and a
stern look on her face.
“Um…hello,” I said, approaching her tentatively. “How are you?”
“Fine—just fine.” She nodded tersely. “And how can I help you today, off-worlder?”
“Actually…” I pressed my thighs together tightly. “I was wondering…hoping…do you happen to have a restroom I could use?”
“A rest-room?” She said the words as though it was completely foreign.
“A bathroom?” I said hopefully.
She frowned. “If you want a bath, you’ll have to take one at your own domicile. We’re not a traveler’s hostel you know.”
I sighed and I cursed the limitations of the translation viruses the Commercians had been sending through the hole in Earth’s ozone layer. They were pretty good for helping me understand and communicate straightforward concepts but for subtle things, not so much.
It was time to be blunt, just as I had been with Lucian.
“I have to pee,” I told her. “Really badly. Do you have a room I could do that in?”
“Oh!” Her face cleared. “Why didn’t you just say so? Of course—we have toilet facilities in the back.” She frowned. “But they’re not for the general public. Not unless you can pay.”
“I don’t have any money…er, credit,” I said despairingly. I was beginning to think I might wind up peeing right on her nice clean store floor which would not be keeping a low profile like Drace had wanted me to.
“That headscarf you have on is nice,” she remarked and I remembered what Lucian had said about the Claw Clan people using a bartering system.
“It’s yours,” I said, unwinding it from my head and holding it out to her. “Just let me use your bathroom—please.”
She took the multicolored, jewel-toned scarf—which matched the deep blue tunic and leggings Drace had made for me using the clothing-sim—and examined it for a moment. Finally, she nodded.
“All right—this way.”
She led me around the counter and to the back of the store, which was filled with boxes and stacks of dry goods waiting to be stocked. I followed her through the maze, wondering where the bathroom was. At last we came to the far corner of the storeroom and there we stopped.
“All right—here you go, off-worlder.” She nodded curtly at the corner.
My gaze followed hers and I stared at where she was indicating with a sinking heart. I’d been hoping for a private room to conduct my business in but there was only a low wooden partition which was very easy to see over. On the other side of it was a tiled area about three feet square.
There was no toilet—just a hole in the middle of one black tile that led down into the ground. There were two narrow footrests—or what I assumed were footrests—on either side of the hole that were raised about three feet above the floor. Apparently, I was supposed to put my feet on the rests and balance myself in a squatted position before I let fly.
Wow, that was going to be fun.
It looked like something you might find in a third world country and it was certainly a far-cry from the luxury suction toilet that cleaned and blow-dried you aboard Lucian’s spaceship. But beggars can’t be choosers, as my Aunt Celia was fond of pointing out. And at least it didn’t stink. In fact, there was a strong scent of flowers in the air, though I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Maybe it was the Denarin equivalent of air freshener? Whatever—I was just glad the primitive toilet didn’t smell as bad as it looked.
“Thank you,” I said to the woman with pale gray skin.
“You’re welcome,” she said curtly. She turned to leave but I tugged at her sleeve, stopping her.
“Um…it’s not that I’m not grateful but…you seem to be out of toilet tissue.”
“What?” She frowned.
“You know…” I tried to think how to explain it. “It’s a thin kind of paper you can use to…to clean yourself? After you, uh…” I gestured vaguely at the toilet hole and she gave me a disbelieving look.
“You must come from a very strange world. Why would we use paper to clean ourselves when we have a cleansing spigot?”
“A what?” I asked humbly. “I’m sorry, I’ve just never, uh…been to this part of Denaris before.”
“Look,” she said impatiently. Leaning down, she tugged at a dull silver pipe sticking out of the wall. It pulled out and I saw that it was attached to a long red tube that looked kind of like a garden hose. Oh—okay, now I understood.
“Got it,” I said, nodding to her. “Thank you.”
“Welcome,” she said again and left me to it.
By that time I really did feel like I was going to burst. As weird as the situation was, I was willing to do almost anything to relieve myself. I climbed up on the three-foot-tall footrests and yanked down the royal blue leggings I was wearing. Then I squatted, balancing precariously over the hole in the floor, held my leggings out of the way, and finally let go.
Despite the weird position I was in and the uneasiness I felt about doing my business with only a single, low, wooden partition between me and the rest of the storeroom, it was sheer bliss. I closed my eyes and let out a long, “Ahhh.” I couldn’t help it—it just felt so good to finally get some relief!
I peed for what felt like forever but finally I was done. I wished for some toilet tissue but since there wasn’t any, it was time to check out what the “cleansing spigot” could do.
Still balancing on the three foot tall footrests, I leaned forward precariously and reached for the metal pipe. It pulled easily out of the wall but I didn’t see any way to turn it on. There was no knob on the wall and no controls on the pipe itself that I could see, or the long red hose it was attached to.
I felt like a fool, crouched three feet in the air over the toilet hole with my bare ass hanging out, fiddling with the silver nozzle. My thighs were beginning to feel the strain of being in the odd position for so long and now that my need to pee was relieved, I felt increasingly exposed. Anyone who came in would have a clear view of me over the low wooden partition—I needed to finish up and get out of here!
I shook the nozzle in disgust and stared down into its round, silver bore. How the heck did this damn thing work?
I had just about decided to give up and just let myself air dry—although that certainly wasn’t my preference—when I happened to twist the silver nozzle to the right while I was holding the red hose it was attached to. Immediately a spray of pink water came gushing out. Unfortunately, I was still staring into the bore of the spigot when it happened, so I got a face-full of the pink, flower-smelling stuff.
“Oh!” I sputtered, teetering precariously on the high footrests. I nearly fell off but somehow I managed to keep my balance. I jerked the nozzle away from me and twisted it quickly, trying to turn down the forceful spray but I only made it worse.
Have you ever seen one of those videos on YouTube where the firemen are fighting to hold onto the fire hose but they can barely manage because there’s so much water pressure pumping through it? It was kind of like that. The pink flower water (at least now I knew why the bathroom area smelled like flowers) started gushing out at a tremendous rate. I tried to point it away from myself, down to the hole below me, but the red hose whipped in my hand like an angry snake and the more I twisted, trying to turn it off, the harder it sprayed.
“Shit!” I gasped, holding it with both hands now. “Damn it, you stupid thing! You can’t—”
“Who are you and what in the Frozen Hells are you doing in the back of my shop playing with the fucking cleansing spigot?”
The deep voice scared the hell out of me. I looked up with a gasp to see a tall, blue-skinned Denarin glaring over the wooden partition right at me.
“Oh my God!” The shock was too much. I tumbled over backwards, off the footrests, the wildly gushing hose still clutched in both hands.
As I fell back, the nozzle I’d been struggling to point at the floor came up. I had a confused impression of the tall blue alien in front of me getting sprayed right in the face
with the pink water and then I hit the ground with a jarring bump flat on my back.
I cracked my head on the black tiles and all the breath was knocked out of me. For a moment, I saw stars—bright twinkles of light flashing in front of my eyes as I gasped to get some air back in my lungs. I lost my grip on the hose completely and it whipped through the air, spraying pinkish water everywhere while the strange Denarin guy bellowed and cursed and tried to catch it.
“Fucking…Goddess-damn it!” he shouted, snatching at the red hose which was dancing around like a cobra about to strike, spraying a solid gush of water. Just as he finally got one big hand wrapped around it and started twisting, the gray-skinned woman who had let me use the bathroom in the first place came running in. Behind her was a red-skinned Denarin male who was about an inch shorter than the blue-skinned guy.
“Porgy!” the woman exclaimed, when she saw what was going on. “What’s happening? What are you doing?”
“Came in from the back to get some gorgem powder and found this strange off-worlder playing twisty-listy with the Goddess-damned cleansing spigot!” he growled angrily, glaring down at me as he finally turned off the nozzle. “I don’t know how she got in here but look at this fucking mess! Cleansing solution everywhere—I’m dripping with it!”
“She sprayed you in the face?” the woman exclaimed and glared at me as though I had betrayed her in some way.
“Herself too, by the look of it,” the red-skinned guy behind her remarked, looking at me.
“I’m sorry,” I said—or tried to say, anyway. I was still trying to breathe after the fall I’d taken. “I couldn’t…I didn’t mean to…”
“What I can’t figure out is how she got in here,” the blue-skinned guy called Porgy said.
“I let her in.” The woman put her hands on her hips. “She said she had to relieve herself. Traded me a headscarf for the privilege.” She looked at me disapprovingly, lips pursed.
My head cleared some and I became aware that I was still lying on my back, dripping wet, with my leggings down, flashing all of them. Weakly, I rolled on my side, reaching desperately for my pants. God, this was horrible! I had to cover up!