‘Piss off, Jesse.’ She pushes through the doors into the sunshine, leaving me a heaving, bristling pile of male standing like an idiot in the hospital entrance.
‘You’re not going!’ I yell, earning startled looks from many passers-by. I growl at each of them in turn before stalking out, muttering and cursing under my breath. ‘Ava!’
‘I’m not arguing with you,’ she calls over her shoulder. ‘So you may as well quit. I’m going. End of.’
End of? ‘That’s my line,’ I bark childishly, catching her and blocking her path to the passenger door. I push my back up against the car as she stares at me tiredly. ‘I don’t think yoga is a good idea in your condition.’
‘I’ve checked with the doctor. It’s actually a very good idea.’
Damn. Okay, then. ‘I don’t think you should be out and about on your own.’
‘I won’t be alone. I’ll be with Zara.’
My lips straighten. She could be with anyone. But she won’t be with me. ‘I’ll come, too. I’ll watch your session, and you keep saying you want me to meet this new friend of yours anyway.’
‘No.’ She tries to reach for the handle of the door, but I cover it with both hands. ‘Jesse, stop being so fucking unreasonable.’
‘Watch your fucking mouth! Don’t make me give you the countdown, woman. It’s not beyond me.’
‘And what will you do to me in the middle of the hospital car park?’ She laughs, thinking she has the upper hand. She doesn’t.
‘You tried me once before in this very car park,’ I inform her. ‘I did it then, and I’ll do it now.’
‘Do what?’ she asks, folding her arms over her lovely boobs.
I push my face close to hers and smile on the inside at her grit. She doesn’t budge one inch, squaring up to me. ‘I’ll throw you over my shoulder, slap that gorgeous arse of yours, thrust my fingers into your warm pussy, and work you up until you explode in mid-air in front of all these lovely people.’ I give her a forced, satisfied smile, and she gives me a huge gasp. Wait, has she remembered?
‘You wouldn’t dare!’ She hasn’t. Her gasp is shock, not recollection.
It doesn’t beat me down. I’m not beyond reminding her. ‘I fucking would and I fucking did. Are you daring me?’ I want her to. I want her to double dare me. Triple dare me.
‘I’m going to meet Zara.’ Her little nostrils flare dangerously. ‘You can’t keep me nailed to your side for ever.’
‘Wrong.’ I almost laugh. I thought we were past this silly power game. ‘You’re coming home with me, and that Retribution Fuck just got changed to an Apology Fuck.’ So there.
Another gasp. ‘You’re an ape!’
I scratch my armpits in some kind of pathetic confirmation. ‘Old news, lady.’
‘Urghhh!’ She turns and stomps off. She doesn’t get very far. Swooping her up onto my shoulder carefully, I take her back to the car, slipping my hand beyond the hem of her skirt and up the inside of her thigh. ‘Jesse!’
‘What, dear?’ My fingers glide past the seam of her knickers and plunge easily into her. She’s drenched. Even boiling mad with me, she’s sodden. I smirk, satisfied. Nothing’s really changed. She goes floppy on my shoulder, her moan broken, like she’s trying to hold it back, trying to hide how turned on she is. It only fuels my fire.
‘Don’t fight me, Ava.’ I stop by the car, pulling the door open. ‘You’re wasting valuable energy.’ Keeping my fingers submerged in her warmth, I negotiate her down into the passenger seat, kneeling by the car as I do. ‘Relax, baby.’ I walk on my knees, closer to her, and withdraw my fingers slowly, watching her chest expand and her eyes widen. And then I drive them back in, putting weight behind me, achieving maximum depth. She may be mentally pushing me away, but her sweet pussy has other ideas, greedily dragging me deeper, the muscles of her passage massaging my fingers easily. ‘You like that, baby?’
‘You don’t play fair, Ward.’
‘Do. You. Like. That?’ I retreat and surge forward, my own sounds of pleasure filling the car and mixing with hers. ‘Tell me.’
Her head falls back, eyes infused with need. I sacrifice my need for a verbal answer when she places a hand over mine between her thighs and starts working with me to bring her to climax. Her back arches against the seat and she stiffens, her clit beginning to throb under the pad of my thumb. She goes quietly, but boy does she go, trembling in the aftermath of her orgasm, her lids becoming heavy. I’m so enthralled by the sight, I forget what brought us to this moment. Until she speaks.
‘I’m still going to yoga,’ she breathes, going limp in the seat.
I laugh a little under my breath, pulling my fingers free of her clenched thighs and taking my time licking her sweet juices from them while she watches. ‘You’re not going.’
Her lips twist, her eyes becoming mischievous. Then I’m quickly swallowing when she strokes over my jeans, stirring my raging cock further. She smiles when I solidify from top to toe, inhaling. ‘Later, I’m going to smother my boobs in peanut butter and you’re going to lick it all off.’
‘I’m dropping you off and picking you up,’ I all but squeak, resting my hand over hers before my dick bashes its way through my jeans. How’d she know that’s her ace card? I don’t know, but I’m not arguing. I can kill the time at the club. I really should show my face there, anyway.
Her face beams, satisfied, as she drops me. ‘Hurry up, then. You’ve made me late.’ Pulling her skirt down, she ushers me back so she can shut the door. It feels like I’ve just been played. Like she has learned again that to get what she wants, she has to catch me at my weakest moments, like bribing me with peanut butter and her boobs. My plan just backfired, and when she fails to hold her grin back as I round the car, my eyes burning through the windscreen, I know for sure I have definitely been played.
Yet that tiny shred of reason within me tells me to let it go. She’s right. As much as I want to – feel like I need to – I can’t have her nailed to me for all eternity. She has to rebuild other parts of her life. I’m just going to have to get used to the nervous breakdowns while she does that.
Chapter 51
Ava
When Jesse pulls up at the kerb, he releases my belt, turning to get me in his sights. ‘Be careful,’ he warns. ‘And I’ll pick you up at this exact spot in a couple of hours.’
‘Okay.’ I barely contain my eye-roll as I lean over and peck his cheek. ‘See you later.’ I slam the door and jog across the road.
‘Don’t run!’ he yells as I turn to face him from the other side of the road. ‘Might shake up the baby.’
I laugh. The man is a nutcase. I spot Zara up the street near Elsie’s and wave as I make my way over. She takes me in a big hug. ‘Is your husband waiting for you?’
I pull out of her embrace and look over my shoulder, seeing Jesse still idling at the kerb. ‘He’s probably checking I get in the building without injuring myself,’ I joke, returning my attention to Zara when he eventually pulls away. ‘He worries about me, and now he’ll be worrying even more.’
‘Why?’
‘We just came from the hospital.’ I take the scan picture from my bag and hold it out, and her blue eyes fall to it. I don’t get the reaction I was expecting, her eyes taking on a sad edge. My proud smile falls. ‘Zara?’ Oh, shit.
She looks up at me, a bit vacant. ‘I’m sorry.’ She shakes herself to life.
‘What’s up?’ I quickly get rid of the picture, concerned.
‘I’m being silly. It’s just, I can’t have children myself.’
‘Oh my God.’ I kick myself hard, moving in to give her a hug. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault. It’s not mine either, in fact. Just a rare genetic thing that they can’t really explain.’ She embraces my offer of comfort and returns my squeeze. ‘My ex blamed me, hence his handy fists.’
/> I wince. ‘What an arsehole.’ Pulling away, I push a wet strand off her cheek, and she smiles sadly. ‘You’re happier without him, right?’
‘Of course. My job’s going great, and there’s talk of a promotion already. Things really couldn’t be going better.’
‘That’s fab.’
‘Hey, as a matter of fact, I have a date later,’ she tells me, an excited sparkle in her eyes. ‘I need a dress. Fancy a quick trip to the shops after yoga to help me choose?’
‘Sure.’ I don’t hesitate. She needs me. I’ll call Jesse and let him know. He’ll be fine.
‘Congratulations on the baby, Ava.’ Zara nudges my shoulder, flipping me a genuine smile. ‘You’re clearly so happy.’
‘On Central Jesse Cloud Nine,’ I say without thought, frowning as I do.
‘Sounds like an amazing place to be.’
‘You have no idea.’
Chapter 52
For a Tuesday afternoon, the club is heaving. I wander through the reception area, nodding to people as I go. They all seem surprised to see me. Or are they wondering where Ava is?
I’m just heading upstairs when Sam calls. ‘Hey,’ I answer.
‘Sleeping pills. Where can I get them?’ He sounds urgent.
I smile, hearing the exhaustion in his voice. ‘Do I look like the local dealer?’ John spots me halfway up the stairs, surprise on his face, too, before pulling an about-turn and flanking me on my way up. I point to my phone and mouth ‘Sam,’ making John grin a shit-eating grin. ‘Knocking yourself out isn’t a good idea when there’s a baby around.’
‘Fucking hell, I’ve never been so tired. I’m walking dead. And Kate’s turned into a demon woman.’
I remember those days not too fondly, though we had two to deal with. I don’t point that out. Sam wouldn’t appreciate it. Instead, I do something any decent mate would do. After all, a bit of practice and refreshing my skills would probably do me well, plus Ava will relish in it, I’m sure. ‘Hey, how’d you think Kate would feel about letting us have Betty for the night so you two can catch up on some sleep?’
‘Argh, mate, you’d do that?’ He sounds perkier, just like that, just with the promise of some downtime. ‘She’d be fine.’
‘Hadn’t you ought to ask her first?’ I ask, remembering that first time we left the twins to have a date night. Ava was fine, mind you. It was me who was fretting. I reach the top of the stairs with John, breaking onto the gym floor. I point to Ava’s office and he nods, holding a finger up to indicate he’ll be there in a tick.
‘Trust me, she’ll be fine,’ Sam assures me. ‘And if she isn’t, then I’ll come and stay with you.’
I laugh, pushing my way into Ava’s office. I find Cherry sitting in Ava’s chair, and my laughter fades. She looks all wrong. There’s only one woman who belongs in that chair. ‘Speak to Kate and get back to me.’
‘We’ll be there at seven pronto,’ he counters, hanging up.
‘Oh, hi.’ Cherry beams at me, looking past my shoulder. ‘No Ava?’
‘No Ava,’ I confirm, heading for my wife’s desk. I scan the surface, noting many things out of place. The pen pot is on the wrong side, the mouse mat is different, and the in-and-out trays are all askew. Perfectly neat, but still askew. Ava didn’t have them like that, pushed neatly into the back corner. Not that my wife will know that.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ Cherry gets up, tapping a pile of papers on the edge of the desk to tidy them.
‘A water, thanks.’ I drop into the now-vacant chair and scan the room while Cherry makes her quiet exit. It feels empty. Lacking life. I rest back and wedge my elbow into the arm, drumming my fingers on my cheek, thoughtful. And I smile. A new baby.
‘What are you grinning at?’ John asks, stalking towards the desk. It occurs to me in this moment that one of my oldest friends is in the dark over the past few days’ revelations.
‘I’m going to be a dad.’ I sound stable, and I’m proud of myself for it.
‘You’re already a dad, you stupid motherfucker.’ He drops into the chair opposite me. ‘I thought Ava was the one who lost her memory.’
Had anyone else said that, I would have beaten them black and blue. But this is John. He’d beat me black and blue. ‘Again,’ I add. ‘I’m going to be a dad again.’
The white of his eyes expand. ‘What?’
‘Ava’s pregnant.’
I see the laughter bubbling up from his toes and wait for it to work its way to his mouth and shake the whole damn club. But he doesn’t laugh. Somehow, he contains it, though I see his amusement plain as day. ‘Was it planned?’
I chuck a pen across the desk at him. ‘Stupid fucking question, John. What sane fifty-year-old bloke would volunteer for that, for fuck’s sake?’
His huge shoulders jump up casually. ‘I would have, had the opportunity passed me by.’
That shuts me up. And makes me shrink. I’ve never asked John about his past, and he’s never volunteered it. Something inside me, maybe caution, just warned me not to. I’ve often wondered if he’d wanted children if he found the right woman. And he’s just answered that. I shouldn’t be surprised. He’s great with the twins, always has been. Like an adopted pap, in a way. ‘Was there ever a Mrs John?’ I ask him.
He smiles his big white-toothed smile with his signature hint of gold. ‘What’s taken you so long to ask, boy?’
I inwardly laugh. ‘Maybe the hostile vibes I get any time I’ve ever even thought to pry.’
‘There was one woman once upon a time.’ He shrugs, like it’s nothing. It most certainly isn’t nothing.
I lean forward in my chair, intrigued. ‘Really? Who?’
He eyes me for a few moments, clearly wondering whether he should spill. ‘It doesn’t matter now. It’s dead. History.’ Clearly he’s decided against it.
I sigh, mentally plotting my advances, how I can coax the information from him. ‘Before I knew you?’
His glare is deadly. ‘Drop it.’
‘What if I don’t?’
‘Face the consequences.’
‘Which are what?’
‘Rein it in, you relentless motherfucker,’ he warns, the threat in his tone no joke, but something tells me that he really wants to share. Yet I do as I’m told, even if my mind is spinning, rewinding through the years, all the way back to when my uncle took me under his wing. John was there then, my uncle’s best friend. In fact, he’s always just been . . . there. I hum to myself, racking my brain. I know her. That’s why he’s being cagey and reluctant.
I flick through all the women who used to frequent The Manor on a regular basis as we stare at each other, for what seems like years, his eyes dark, mine curious. And then he draws breath to speak. ‘Falling in love with your best mate’s girl isn’t ideal.’ His eyes don’t move from mine.
His best mate’s girl? Uncle Carmichael was his best . . .
Realisation slams into me like a giant wrecking ball to my gut. ‘Sarah?’ I blurt, my heart taking the second shock of the day, except this one is no sick prank. He nods his confirmation. Fuck me. Sarah?
How has he kept that hidden all this time? ‘John, I don’t know what to say.’ He watched it all, close by, Sarah, me, and Uncle Carmichael, the wretched love triangle and all the tragedy that went with it. And the years that followed, Sarah constantly pining for me, going to epic lengths to try to win me. How did he do that? Face it? Endure it?
‘Say nothing and move on,’ he warns, obviously watching my mind go into overdrive.
All this time he’s been in love with Sarah? And I never knew? Never saw it? ‘How can you love someone who’s so destructive?’ I ask, baffled.
He looks at me like I’m stupid. ‘Ask your wife.’
I wilt where I sit, going over and over the years, searching for any clues that I missed. Now, I realise there were mil
lions. His calmness with her. His occasional attempts to defend her actions. His anger when she lost the plot all those times. He wasn’t entirely mad with her for what she was doing to me. But what she was doing to herself, too.
‘You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped,’ he says, strangely reminiscent. ‘You wanted to be helped.’
‘Shit, John,’ I breathe, throwing my hands up a little. Then something comes to me. She’s staying with him, has been for weeks. ‘Why would you set yourself up like that, and what the hell does Elsie think? Wait, what does Sarah think? Does she know how you feel?’
‘How I felt. And no, she didn’t and doesn’t. Neither did your uncle. You think I wanted to add to the fuck-up that was you, her and him? And I stopped loving her when she stopped loving herself. And the reason she’s staying with me is because she can do me less damage than she can do you.’
‘I—’
‘You’ll keep this to yourself.’ John’s tone is as threatening as threatening can be as he gets up from his seat. ‘It’s history.’
‘Of course.’ He doesn’t need to tell me twice. ‘What about Sarah? How long is she staying with you?’
‘Until she’s back on her feet.’
The man is a saint in disguise. ‘And what about Elsie?’
‘She has some holistic therapy shit she wants to try on Sarah.’ He looks back, rolling his eyes. ‘Who knows? Might straighten her out.’
The door closes behind him, and I sit there alone in the silent room for a long time, trying to get to grips with this news. The truth is, I can’t. No matter how long I try to wrap my mind around it. So many years to be assessed, too many occasions in history to be analysed to find what I’m looking for. I won’t find anything. John did too good a job of hiding his feelings from Sarah and the rest of the world. He’s put himself at the bottom of the pile every time. It isn’t right. Pulling out my phone, I find the number I blocked, unblock it, and dial, and the moment I hear her voice, my skin prickles and I’m out of my chair, pacing the office.