‘A flaming watermelon out of my fanny.’ I’ve heard her cute analogy a few hundred times. ‘I know.’ Turning into her, I pout playfully as I cup her boobs, circling my thumbs over her nipples until they pebble. ‘Tonight you’re going to let me ram my deprived cock inside that sweet pussy of yours and stretch it in preparation.’
Her grin is thrilling. And wanting. And lustful. That’s one of the few things that hasn’t been different this time around. Her unrelenting craving for all things me. Thank God, because that would be a tragic loss. ‘You’re so selfless.’
‘Anything for you, baby.’ I lean in over her belly and rest my lips on hers. The usual sparks of magic happen inside me, my heart thrumming wildly.
‘Deprived cock?’
‘Yes, deprived. Only a minute after leaving the snug warmth of that special place my dick feels lonely.’ It’s no lie. ‘You going to challenge me?’
‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’ Her smile lies on mine as my hands feel the delicious weight of her amazing boobs.
‘Besides, I have to take all I can get because you’re going to be out of service for a while.’
‘You poor thing.’
A rustling from beyond the bushes has me pulling away quickly, scanning the area. I cock my eyebrow at Ava, who indicates to the left with a nod of her head. ‘I can see you,’ I call, getting comfortable and rocking the bench again when I realise it’s stopped. Two heads pop out of the hedge, grinning. ‘Neither of you would make stealth ninjas.’
‘We were gonna jump out and scare you,’ Jacob declares, breaking free from the branches and twigs, pulling a few leaves from his blond mop. ‘We’re fed up of waiting for Peanut Junior.’ He offers Maddie a helping hand when her blouse gets caught up.
‘You’re fed up?’ Ava laughs. ‘Try carrying this thing around with you for nine months.’
‘Don’t be dramatic,’ I quip, patting the bench next to me for Maddie to come and sit. ‘It’s not been that big the whole time.’
Maddie giggles as she jumps onto the bench and snuggles into my side, Jacob taking the side next to Ava. ‘Dad, seriously. Do you want Mum to hurt you?’
‘She’d have to catch me first, and that ain’t happening when she’s in that condition.’ I put an arm around each of my girls, looking across to Jacob. His head is lying on Ava’s stomach, his ear pushed close.
Ava’s hands start threading through his blond hair, stroking while he listens. We settle and swing for a while, all of us quiet and relaxed, legs swinging freely, heads resting on various shoulders. I could stay here all night, but it’s getting chilly and Sam will be here soon with his girls, as well as Drew with his. I smile. Raya gave birth only last week to a little girl, Imogen, bang on time. All these girls; by the rule of probability, Ava has to have a boy in there. I pray she has a boy in there.
‘Come on, it’s getting cold.’ I nod to Ava’s nipples on a smirk, and she rolls her eyes. ‘The gang will be here soon.’
Jacob is first off the bench, helping a puffing Ava to her feet. ‘Thank you, darling.’ Her arm goes around his shoulders as they start back to the house together. My boy. My gorgeous, sweet, thoughtful boy. He’s overtaken Maddie in height now, clearing her by a good few inches. He’s not far off Ava.
I feel the sleeve of my T-shirt lift and look out the corner of my eye to see Maddie inspecting the scar left behind. She doesn’t look sad these days when she’s feeding her need to see it at least once a day. These days, she smiles. ‘Did your life flash before your eyes, Dad?’
I laugh and dip, hoisting her up over my shoulder and following on after Jacob and Ava. The sweet sound of my girl’s squeal fills my ears. ‘Yes, and do you know what I thought?’
‘What did you think?’ she asks, bouncing upon my shoulder in time to my strides.
‘I thought about how much I’d miss your sass.’
‘No you didn’t,’ she laughs, slapping my back. ‘Hey, Dad. Can I go to the cinema on Friday with Robbie?’
Robbie. So that’s the flavour of the month. ‘Sure you can.’ I set her on her feet when we make it to the house, leaving her behind as I follow Ava and Jacob. ‘What are we watching?’ I call behind me.
‘You’re hilarious.’ Her exasperation makes me chuckle as I open the fridge and pull out some Sun-Pat. But that chuckle fades to nothing when it’s swiped from my hand. ‘Hey!’
Ava grins and sashays as best she can to a stool, finger-dipping my jar as she clambers onto the seat. ‘What’s yours is mine,’ she declares, popping a delicious-looking finger into her mouth and making an over-the-top job of licking it clean.
I hear the kids laugh as I sulk at my wife, wondering why, of all the things she could crave, it has to be my pots of heaven. Sharing my vice is no joke. I’ve only just got to grips with Jacob pinching my passion. ‘Share,’ I order, taking myself swiftly across the kitchen and joining her on the next stool, my mouth dropping open. I may even be dribbling.
Humming, she scoops out a huge dollop and holds it out to me. This part of the sharing process I don’t mind at all. My mouth watering, I move in to claim her finger. But she quickly diverts it to her own mouth, lapping it up quickly on a satisfied smile and sparkly eyes. I recoil, disgusted by her game, though the kids seem to think it’s hilarious.
Only one word comes to mind. ‘Three,’ I practically snarl, widening her grin.
‘Oh boy,’ Jacob sighs, collecting some juice from the fridge. ‘Mum, will you ever learn?’
‘Don’t mess with the peanut butter,’ Maddie adds, resting her elbows on the counter and settling in for the show. ‘You’ll pay, and your bladder isn’t as strong these days.’
I laugh on the inside when Ava tosses her an indignant look, her finger hanging out of her mouth. ‘Stay out of it, sassy-pants.’
Maddie shrugs her shoulders, chin resting in the palms of her hands. ‘I’m my mother’s daughter. Ask Dad.’
She isn’t wrong. ‘Two,’ I say, turning back to Ava, my eyebrows high.
‘There’s nothing wrong with my bladder.’ She takes another huge helping of the good stuff, her nose high. ‘And if there is, it’s your fault.’ She nods at the kids in turn.
‘One.’ I start drumming my fingers, all casual and cool, appearing tired of the light banter. I’m not tired at all. These moments, the simple moments, are some of my favourite family times.
‘Mine,’ Ava whispers, plunging in her finger again and holding it up in demonstration before lapping it clean. ‘Get your own, Ward.’
‘Zero, baby.’ I’m off the stool in a flash, my fingertips homing straight in on Ava’s weak spots.
‘No!’ The jar is quickly cast aside in favour of my arms.
‘You asked for it,’ Maddie sings, going on her way and leaving us to it. ‘Don’t pee yourself.’
‘Whose is the peanut butter?’ I ask in her ear, handling her gently but firmly. ‘Just say the words, baby, and I’ll stop.’
‘Never!’ She laughs, fighting my hands away with little success. ‘Ohhhhh . . .’
My torturing fingers stop. That wasn’t a regular sound that I hear when I’m tickling her stupid. I release her in a heartbeat, scanning her up and down. ‘A twinge?’
Jacob’s by my side quickly, and Maddie’s not far behind. Ava stills while we all wait with bated breath for her conclusion, her eyes focused on her bump as she drops to her feet from the stool. ‘Yeah, I think . . . oh my FUUUUCK!’ She doubles over and screams, forcing all of us to cover our ears or burst our drums. ‘Sorry, kids,’ she adds, starting to pant.
‘Bloody hell!’ Maddie starts running circles around the kitchen in a panic. ‘Peanut Junior is coming!’
‘Shit!’ Jacob yells.
My head could pop off my neck. What’s with all this fucking bad language? ‘Will everyone watch their mouths!’ I yell, taking Ava’s elbow.
‘But the b
aby’s coming!’ Maddie shouts, still doing panicked laps of the kitchen. ‘Call an ambulance. The doctor. Anyone!’
‘It’s coming!’ Jacob covers his face with his palms. ‘It’s because you tickled her!’
Christ, everyone needs to calm the hell down. I take a deep breath. ‘Don’t worry, kids,’ I say calmly. ‘Dad’s got this.’ Am I telling them, or myself? ‘Maddie, you get Mum’s bag. Jacob, you get my mobile so I can call the hospital and tell them we’re on our way.’
We all flinch when Ava lets out another almighty, bloodcurdling scream, grabbing onto me with both hands, her nails puncturing my forearms. ‘Fucking hell, Ava,’ I hiss, prising her buried claws one by one out of my flesh. ‘Sorry, kids.’
‘Does that hurt, Ward?’ she pants, bending, starting to sweat.
‘Just a bit.’ I play it down. I shouldn’t have. She sinks her nails into me again on an evil look.
‘Good.’
Jesus, she’s turning into a psycho. I watch the kids fly out of the kitchen to fulfil their orders, and realign my focus on Ava. ‘You want to sit?’
‘No!’
‘You want to stand, then?’
‘No!’
‘Right.’ I roll my eyes, accepting my mobile when Jacob thrusts it at me.
‘You okay, Mum?’
‘Yes, darling.’ She reaches blindly for his head and gives it a loving, reassuring pat. ‘I love you.’
I recoil, shaking my head in wonder. So she’s just a psycho bitch with me, then? Dialling the hospital, I keep hold of Ava as she moans, constantly cursing me and apologising to the kids. ‘Hi, my wife’s gone into labour. Ava Ward.’ I watch Ava’s face turn bright red. ‘We’ll be around half an hour.’ Her nostrils start to flare. ‘Yeah, great. Bye.’ I hang up and hand the phone to Jacob. ‘Call Nan and tell her to get her arse here quick.’
‘We can’t come?’ He looks totally put out.
‘Trust me, mate. You don’t want to be anywhere near your mother while she’s pushing Peanut Junior out.’
‘I’d rather him than you,’ Ava spits, going into another scream, grappling at my arms.
‘There’s no need for that now, is there?’ I sound so condescending, but other than dishing out a Retribution Fuck, which is off the cards right now, I have no other option but to humour her. ‘It’s your body that rejected the pill.’ She’s not slapping this on me. No way.
‘Really, Dad?’ Maddie smacks my arm. ‘You’re saying that to her when she’s in labour?’
So it’s gang up on Dad day? Has it escaped everyone’s notice that I’m the only calm one around here? ‘Jacob, call your nan,’ I order, this time less calmly. Ava’s contractions have come on fast, and there’s not much space between them. I pull Ava’s hair from her damp face and indicate for Maddie to tie it up with the hairband on her wrist as Jacob dials Elizabeth.
‘Nan, it’s Jacob.’ He dances on the spot, eyes on his mother. ‘Mum’s in labour. Dad said get your arse here now.’
I hear my mother-in-law’s screech of joy. ‘Tell her to hurry,’ I call.
‘Hurry, Nan!’ he shouts, hanging up and stuffing my phone in my pocket for me.
‘I love you,’ Ava tells Maddie while she secures the tie, feeling at her startled face. ‘You’re beautiful, smart and sassy, and I love you.’
‘Love you, too, Mum.’
If she wasn’t in labour, I would think Ava was drunk. What’s got into her? It’s a stupid question. I know what. It’s that whole replacement thing. ‘Come on, lady,’ I say, breaking up their moment. ‘Let’s get you to the car.’
Her answer is an epic scream, her body unmoving when it solidifies in a natural attempt to stem the pain. ‘Oh my fucking God!’ Pant, pant, pant. ‘Sorry, kids.’ She fists the front of my T-shirt and hauls me forward with a power Wonder Woman would be envious of. Her eyes are wild. ‘This baby is coming out now, Ward.’ Yet another scream pierces the air immediately after her statement.
And following that, my panic. ‘What?’ No. No, no, no. ‘Ava, we just need to get you in the car and I’ll have you at the hospital in no time at all.’
She starts to fold to the floor, moaning on her way down. I have no choice but to scoop her up and carry her through to the lounge where it’s more comfortable. ‘There is no time,’ she wails as I lay her on the couch. ‘Not on the couch! It’ll be ruined.’
‘For fuck’s sake.’ I can’t help it. ‘Sorry, kids.’ I lay her on the carpet and get her head comfy on a pillow. ‘Baby, I need to get you to the hospital.’
She shakes her head. ‘It’s coming.’
‘Jacob, Maddie, hold your mum’s hands,’ I order, sending them to the top end. Once they’re in position, I reach under Ava’s long skirt and pull her knickers down; the material is drenched. ‘I’m just going to check what’s going on down there,’ I tell her, to appease Ava more than myself. ‘Then we’ll get you to the hospital.’ I help her legs to bend, ensuring I keep her covered as best I can as the kids look on.
‘I need to push,’ she pants.
‘You do not need to push,’ I assure her as I take a peek between her legs. It’s way too soon. ‘Oh, fuck!’ I blurt, seeing the crown of a head breaching her vagina. ‘Shit, Ava!’
‘I fucking told you I need to push!’
‘Dad?’ Jacob’s unsure voice lifts my hollow head, and I find two sets of very worried eyes. This wasn’t part of the plan. They’re panicking.
I need to take control. ‘Maddie, go and get towels and a cool flannel. Jacob, I want you to get the duvet off our bed and open the front door.’ I grab my phone as they shoot off like obedient bullets. ‘Ava, baby, no pushing yet, okay?’ I dial for an ambulance as she nods, blowing out short, sharp shots of breath. ‘I need an ambulance. My wife is in labour, and she most definitely isn’t going to hold out until I can get her to the hospital.’
‘What’s your wife’s name, sir?’
‘Ava. Ava Ward.’
‘And your address?’
I reel it off as the kids dart into the lounge simultaneously, both their arms full of my requests. ‘The baby’s head is crowning,’ I tell the operator, trying to push back the urgency I’m feeling and remain calm for Ava. She’s huffing and puffing, cheeks blowing out, eyes clenching shut.
‘Okay, Mr Ward, first things first, don’t panic.’
I laugh. If she’d said that to me when Ava’s waters broke with the twins, I would have verbally ripped her head off. ‘I’m not panicking,’ I assure her coolly. ‘But I am going to need someone to walk me through this.’ I take another quick peek under Ava’s dress. ‘This chap is in a rush.’ Fucking hell, he’s stalled making his entrance, and now he’s decided he’s got jet propellers in his feet. I watch as Jacob plumps pillows and Maddie flaps the duvet out.
‘An ambulance has been dispatched and the midwife called.’
‘Thank you.’ They’d better hurry.
‘Okay. Now who is there, Mr Ward?’ the operator asks.
‘Me, my son and daughter.’
‘How old are they?’
‘Twelve. They’re twins.’ Ava’s eyes spring wide open, her head shaking furiously from side to side. Sweat is dripping from her. ‘Just hold one moment while I get her comfortable.’
‘No problem.’
I drop the phone and slide my arms under Ava’s body, lifting her from the floor. ‘Pull the duvet under,’ I tell Maddie. ‘And the pillows there.’ The two of them work efficiently and calmly, and I know for sure that my coolness is the reason why. I just need to maintain it. But, fuck, this was not part of my plan when I’ve mentally walked through Ava’s labour dozens of times. ‘Guys, I need your help,’ I tell them, lowering Ava back to the soft duvet. ‘Can you do that?’
Both nod, eyes passing back and forth between me and Ava. ‘Is she all right, Dad?’ Jacob asks, the shock not masked in his
voice as well as it is on his face.
‘She’s fine,’ I assure him, stroking back Ava’s hair from her wet face, dropping a kiss onto her forehead. ‘Aren’t you, baby?’
She groans but tries to nod, too, her head jerks uncontrolled and erratic. I smile, grabbing her hand and squeezing. ‘You ready?’
Blowing out air through her pursed lips, she constricts my hand. ‘Don’t leave me.’
‘None of us are leaving.’
She looks up towards the kids, who are on either side of her head, straining a smile. ‘This is nothing compared to when I had you two,’ she assures them.
I laugh when the kids’ eyes bug, glancing at each other.
‘Maddie, put that damp cloth on Mum’s forehead,’ I order, moving back down Ava’s body. ‘Jacob, hold Mum’s hand. She’s going to squeeze it really hard, mate, so get those muscles flexing.’
‘I don’t want to hurt him,’ Ava wails, her back bowing violently when another contraction hits her.
Jacob quickly snatches up her hand with both of his, moving in closer to her head on his knees. ‘It’s okay, Mum. Squeeze as hard as you need to.’
My fucking heart melts as I grab the phone and put it on loudspeaker, resting it on the floor next to me. ‘Okay. We’re ready.’
‘Okay, Mr Ward. How far apart are the contractions?’
‘One minute, maybe two.’ I encourage Ava to bend her knees more and spread her legs further, taking a towel and laying it over her knees.
‘On the next contraction, I want Ava to push and you to apply pressure on her vagina.’
My eyes widen, and I look at the kids, who, as I expected, are cringing terribly. I’m not cringing. I am, however, fucking confused. ‘You want me to push the head back in?’ Surely not.
Ava screams as I utter my question, her face going red. ‘You’re not pushing it back in, Jesse! I want it out! Now!’
Fucking hell, the pressure. ‘Okay, baby. Calm down.’
‘Mr Ward.’ The operator isn’t laughing, but she’s not far off. ‘I want you to apply pressure at the top of Ava’s vagina.’ That word again, and the kids both grimace. ‘The angle will help the baby’s head pass through easier.’