“Okay. But … when you went radio silent, I thought you might disappear again. This time for good.” His soft tone didn’t disguise that real fear.
The part of me that would always love him melted. “Ah. I’ll make you a promise. When I’m ready to move on, I’ll say good-bye in person. I won’t just vanish. Deal?”
Unless my molecules just go whoosh. In macabre bemusement, I wondered, Will I go in gold sparks or black smoke? Or maybe that was reserved for dying immortals, and I’d just wink out of existence like a snuffed candle. Hoping my expression didn’t show these thoughts, I managed a smile as Kian studied me.
Then he seemed to relax. “Deal. That makes me feel better. But sometimes the way you talk, it’s like I’ll never hear from you again. You’re going to Miami, right, not Mordor?”
“One does not simply walk into Mordor,” I said, deadpan.
He grinned. “You’re not walking to Miami, either.”
“True.”
We headed into school together, as we crossed the parking lot, dodging skateboards, girls showing off chunky heels and short skirts in honor of Dwyer, he said, “Want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” There was no question he was asking about my broken relationship.
“Well, what happened?”
“Basically, he got tired of my nonsense,” I said. “My shitshow of a life and my poor choices. He said he couldn’t stick around to watch it end badly.”
Kian stopped, eyes wide. “What an asshole.”
My defense came out on its own. “Nah, just honest. And … he’s not wrong. It was always his choice to stay, and now he’s chosen to go. I respect his decision, and I don’t fault him for it.”
“You must love him a lot,” he said softly.
“Maybe. It’s—”
“Complicated.”
A quiet laugh escaped me. “Exactly. Now you’re up to speed.”
“I’m here if you need to talk about anything or hang out. Oh, there’s Vonna.” With a parting wave, he hurried to meet her.
She stood in front of the school with a bright smile, looking cute as hell in red walking shorts. When they joined hands and went in together, my heart only hurt a little. Every time I saw them together, he felt more hers and less mine. Glad I made the right call last night.
Finally, however, I knew what I could do mitigate the damage I’d unwittingly inflicted on Jake Overman. Today, he looked better, less furious and bitter, and he didn’t seem to care that people were ignoring him. But I understood how much pain an apparently imperturbable façade could hide, so after I stopped at my locker, I headed for his.
“Want to have lunch with me? I have a proposition for you.”
“Sounds interesting. I’m game.”
“Okay, see you then.”
On the way to class, I noticed Tanya holding hands with an upperclassman, one of Wade Tennant’s cronies. She’d moved on with a quickness, so my plan wouldn’t trouble her. But this wasn’t all for Jake’s benefit; with the best intentions, Kian would probably tell Vonna my depressing news and maybe ask her to cheer me up girl-style. She wouldn’t think it was some big secret, so the rest of Devon’s group would know soon enough. Based on gossip patterns at Blackbriar, I predicted anyone who cared would know I was single by the end of the day. And Wade seemed like the kind of guy who would pester me, unable to process the fact that I was indifferent to his charms. I mean, shit, the guy sent me a rose back when I had a boyfriend. Ergo, the problem the Harbinger had solved initially still existed.
When lunch rolled around, I went to find Jake, who was standing like a pillar outside the cafeteria. I raised my brown bag. “Got mine here. What about you?”
“Yeah. I’ve been in the library lately. We’re not supposed to eat there, but if you hide behind a book, leaving no mess, they usually don’t crack down.”
“We can’t talk in there.”
“Roof?” he suggested.
“Are we allowed?”
“Not really. But nowhere else will be as private.”
“Then let’s go. I’m not afraid of breaking a few rules.” That came out sounding cockier than I intended, and Jake shot me a look.
“Come on. The back stairs are usually unlocked.”
This time proved no exception, and we slipped upstairs with no challenges. A few cigarette butts hinted that people liked to smoke here, probably teachers and students alike. Jake led the way around the corner, past a knot of pipes. Here, there were actually ratty cushions that didn’t smell very good, but I plopped down anyway. For ambiance this was -10, but as he’d mentioned, the privacy couldn’t be better.
“So here’s the thing,” I started.
“I’m not loaning you money.”
I raised a brow. “Excuse me?”
“Just wanted to get that out of the way first. Sometimes people who have seen my house go there, even if it makes no sense.”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“Then go ahead.”
“As I see it, we have similar problems with a symbiotic solution.”
His forehead crinkled. “You lost me. Nobody thinks you roofied an entire party.”
“Let me explain…” I outlined my plan.
Jake listened with a growing expression of incredulity. “You want to be my fake girlfriend for a month? You’re such a weird girl. If you’re into me, just ask me out. We can hang out, see where it goes. If it doesn’t work, no harm, no foul.” Sometimes it was really obvious he played basketball.
“Not a chance.” Sighing, I tried again. “It’s obvious to me you’re still in love with Tanya, and I just broke up with someone. We don’t need a relationship; we need a rebound. More to the point, you need other people to see that I believe in your innocence.”
“Huh?”
“If I thought you were guilty, we wouldn’t go out, right?” This felt like pulling teeth. Who knew it would be so complicated to make him see the benefits? When I thought this scheme up, it seemed straightforward.
“But you’re not dating me,” Jake protested.
Oh God.
“Don’t be so literal. I’m offering to do you a favor. Yeah, we’ll hang out, but as friends. But everyone else will think—”
“That we’re together. Okay, I kinda see the advantage for me, but what about you?”
“You act as a buffer basically. I don’t want to be bothered. Wade was hitting on me when I first got here, and he only stopped when he found out about Colin.”
“Yeesh. Yeah, he’s kind of a stat counter.”
“What?”
“You know. Wade likes being the first to tap a new girl if she’s hot. He comes on strong until she puts out, and then he never calls again.”
“Charming,” I mumbled.
“Most girls go for him eventually, though, unless somebody gives them a heads-up in the first week.”
“Well, that’s gross, and I don’t need the complication.”
“If I agree to this stupid idea, which seems like it comes straight out of a manga, by the way, you can’t fall in love with me.” Jake smirked, like this was a real danger.
“Not a problem. You shouldn’t get attached, either.”
“So one month, fake dating status. Should we write a contract?”
I shook my head, grinning. “That’s where they go wrong. Someone always finds it; then there’s blackmail drama, and I’m trying to simplify both our lives.”
“Then let’s work out terms, verbal agreement only.”
“Physical contact as necessary to sell the story. We tell no one about our deal.” I thought for a moment. “We should probably hang out at least once a week. Anything you want to add?”
“Can we have an option to re-up the contract?”
“I can’t promise,” I said. “But sure.”
“Our breakup has to be mutual. Dating you won’t help my reputation if you make up some crazy story about how I like to have sex in front of my grandma’s portrait.”
> When the snicker escaped me, a wash of red colored his cheeks. “That’s oddly specific. But definitely, one amicable split, coming up.”
“With or without hot fudge?”
“I’ll get back to you.”
“What are we doing about lunch?” he asked, opening his.
“Where to sit?” At his nod, I considered. “I’m pretty sure we can wedge a chair in Devon’s table. People would think it was weird if I suddenly spent all my breaks hiding on the roof with you.”
I halfway expected him to object since he’d once sat at the popular table, but Jake seemed relieved. “That’s better than the library. Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Not just for the lunch-seat offer, for all of this. I still think I’m getting more out of this deal, so I’ll be a good boyfriend, I promise.”
MY BODYGUARD
The next day when I showed up at the lunch table with Jake in tow, I got more than a few odd looks. But nobody protested when I squished a chair in for him. That left us thigh to thigh, but since we were supposed to be together, I couldn’t elbow him away. Plus, I didn’t mind because he wasn’t taking advantage of the chance for under-the-table action like another guy would’ve, Wade Tennant for instance.
“So when did this happen?” Devon wasted no time in asking for the scoop.
I exchanged a look with Jake, and at his slight nod, I answered, “Yesterday at lunch. We’re just seeing where things go for now.”
“Unexpected,” Carmen murmured.
Elton stared at me down the table. “You’re one of those codependent girls, huh? Can’t go one day without a boyfriend.”
I laughed. “Clearly.”
Jake seemed nervous, something that reminded me of Kian’s first day at this table. Man, I’m building networks all over the place. I remembered the silent woman at the Baltimore and how the Harbinger—of all people—reminded me that we needed connections to survive. The friendships I nurtured today likely would outlive me. That stunning, melancholy thought arrested me mid-bite, and it took some effort to choke down half my sandwich.
At the next conversational lull, Jake said, “I want you guys to know that I didn’t do … whatever went down at my party.”
“It was probably somebody who wanted you out of the way,” Nathan said.
“What?” Jake stared at him.
“Oh God help us, he encouraged Nathan.” Amanda put her head down on the table in a parody of despair.
The reason behind her reaction clarified when Nathan expounded for ten minutes on how the junior now dating Tanya probably bribed someone to make Jake look bad. By the time he finished the conspiracy theory, Carmen was pelting him with pickles and Vonna couldn’t stop laughing. Even Kian cracked a smile, though he hadn’t been in their group any longer than me. Still, there was something hilarious about Nathan’s outrage.
“What? You know I’m right. It totally makes sense. I mean, Jake’s sitting with us now, and his girl’s off with someone else. It—ow. Why’d you hit me?” He glared at Amanda.
She scowled right back. “You act like our table has leprosy. Plus, Jake’s already with someone else.”
“It’s not the dumbest idea I ever heard,” Jake said, narrowing his eyes.
Devon shook his head. “Don’t go down that road.”
“That’s probably wise. Whatever.” Jake shrugged and inspected how much was left of my lunch. “You’re not hungry?”
“I’m not a big eater.” Anymore, I added silently.
“Then can I have it?” At my nod, he pulled my leftovers toward him with a ravenous joy that made me laugh.
“So when you get popular again, are you planning to drop us like hot potatoes?” Elton wondered aloud.
Between his lack of tact and putting on porn on movie night, I suspected Elton might be the socially awkward one in the group. Someone kicked him under the table, but Elton must have been used to this because he dodged. While everyone glared, Jake fielded the question.
“You probably won’t believe me, but I’m done with them. I’m looking for low-key, no drama and minimal backstabbing.”
“That’s us.” Carmen lifted her soda can for a mock toast.
Initial hurdle passed, the rest of lunch went quickly, as did afternoon classes. Jake came to my locker in his practice clothes, likely to lend credence to our hookup. We attracted some looks from people leaving school, but when I made eye contact, they hurried by. He shook his head with a faint sigh.
“Lemmings, am I right?”
He nodded. “So lunch was fun. Maybe we can do something this weekend. Can I come over to your place?”
“Why not?”
Suddenly, he shifted from casual to intense and his voice got louder. “Anyway, I have training camp after school all this week. We didn’t make state finals, which is where we should be this weekend. So Coach scheduled extra sessions to help us.” He used air quotes around the word help. “Feels like punishment.”
And you’re telling me this why?
“Uh-huh…”
My tone must’ve said, I fail to see how this pertains to me, because he went on, a little louder. “Normally, I’d take you out, so I thought you should know it’s not that I don’t want to.” Jake shifted his eyes slightly to the right.
When I glanced over, I spied Tanya doing a crappy job of eavesdropping. So I fell into my role with enthusiasm. Going up on tiptoe, I put my hand on his shoulder. Obligingly, he leaned down so I could whisper in his ear, “You’re seriously trying to make her jealous?”
His grin made his eyes sparkle. “Maybe. Is that wrong?”
“Hey, you’re broken up. She can’t mind what you do.”
“Exactly.” He straightened and tapped his finger twice on his cheek. “One for luck?”
Why not? It wasn’t like my lips were gold-plated, and people in all over the world greeted complete strangers with kisses. But when I went in, he whipped his face toward mine so my mouth landed on his. And we both froze, me from plain shock, him probably that such an old trick worked.
Then he cupped my face in his hands and took it to the next level. Wow. Jake was a really good kisser, and I didn’t have to be crazy in love to enjoy making out. We both got a little more into it than we expected. I forgot Tanya was watching, and I suspected he did too because he looked kind of flummoxed when I pulled back.
“That should tide you over,” I mumbled.
“Maybe. Let’s make sure.” He leaned down for seconds, and I shoved at his chest.
“Go run sprints and do crunchies and herkies or whatever you athletes are into.”
He laughed so loud he almost snorted. “Sprints, yes, and I think you mean crunches. Herkies sound like an STD, but those are cheerleader jumps.”
“Bet you can’t do one.”
“You would be right.” Jake tousled my hair as he went by, a gesture that should pass for real affection.
Three, two, one …
Tanya didn’t disappoint me in the speed with which she rounded the corner, but she didn’t stop to chat. Instead, I got a nod. Her expression didn’t tell me much, but at least she wasn’t the type to act like a fool over a guy she left. Turning, I found Kian ten feet away. Guilt surged through me until I remembered he wasn’t my boyfriend … and he shouldn’t be looking at me with that odd mixture of hurt and confusion.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“That was some PDA. Are you sure you’re not rushing this?”
I shrugged. “That’s the least of my worries. Jake knows I’m not looking for some big serious thing and that I’m on my way out.” Well, that last part, not exactly, but he understood our deal was temporary.
“I’m more concerned about him,” he muttered.
“Huh?”
“You have this alluring, unattainable quality.” He struggled for words, like he couldn’t figure out how to articulate it without pissing me off. Finally, he settled on, “Even when you say, I’m leaving soon, you make people want to be the
one who can make you stay.”
People? You mean you? I fought the urge to ask. There was zero chance of a happy ending between Kian and me, so I had to keep him at arm’s length.
“You can’t make someone stay,” I said softly. “They have to want that.”
He let out a slow breath, clearly conflicted. “And maybe I shouldn’t admit this, but it bothers me that you invited him over so easy after you told me no. Twice, actually. We’re supposed to be best friends, but—”
“Whoa, hold up. My circumstances have changed. Colin doesn’t live there anymore.” Not that he ever did—with me anyway.
“Oh, you kept the apartment? I’m glad. Your room was so shitty.”
I ignored his commentary about the Baltimore. “So if you want to come over, it’s fine. The main reason I hesitated the other night is because I didn’t want to give Vonna any reason to distrust you when you’re just starting out.”
“Oh, shit.” It seemed like Kian hadn’t even thought of that. “I’m pretty new to this stuff. Maybe I should talk to her before we make plans?”
“If it was me, even if there was nothing to worry about, I’d still want to be kept in the loop. It’s respectful. Not like you’re asking permission, more that you care about her feelings.”
Kian smiled, the shadows fading from his gaze. “I feel like you’re tutoring me in how to be a decent boyfriend.”
“Vonna will handle the advanced classes.”
After that, I went home to find two messages on the anime board—from myself. That was pretty trippy, but I still read them eagerly. I continued the conversation about One Piece and then skimmed what she’d said about the school issue.
God, it’s odd referring to myself in the third person.
Per the timestamp, she’d written this one first, so it had a more formal tone than our mutual squeeing in the anime thread. Hi TimeWitch. (Cool handle btw. Which show is that from? I’ll check it out.) Basically there’s no point in telling my parents anything. They never listen to a word I say. They nod along and then tell some story from childhood that has nothing to do with anything. It’s hopeless. Maybe college will be better.
I could tell that young me was purposely trying to sound older. Smiling, I typed, Then make them take you seriously. If they respond to facts, compile some. Also, parents love deals. Tell them you’ll do one year at your current school to make them happy, but if you’re still miserable at the end, then they make you happy by sending you somewhere else. P.S. Have viable alternatives lined up, as it’s always easier to sell a concrete plan. Good luck!