the dim light, but she read it as confused.
“What are you talking about? The trip to Venice is for a week. Then you’ll spend a week in the studio in Los Angeles. Only if Pierre and Everlong are still blocked do they plan to go to Rome after that.”
“So since I’m not blocked, I can skip Venice?” Though she could tolerate a week away from Kellen. Maybe. She knew he was struggling with the band breakup, no matter how calm he claimed to be about it.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Traveling with them will give you the chance to get to know your co-writers in a less formal setting. And come on, kiddo—it’s freaking Venice. You love Venice.”
But she loved Kellen more, and she was very concerned for him. She’d already arranged her flight out of Prague for a day earlier; she’d be leaving for Houston in the morning. She’d tried for a flight directly to Austin, but couldn’t find an empty seat to any airport closer than Houston. Her crazy travel plans probably weren’t the best for avoiding the jetlag that was sure to knock her on her ass, but even though Kellen had insisted he didn’t need her and that he was fine, she wanted to be there for him. Needed to be there for him.
“Can I go to Venice for just the final three days of their trip? Do you think they’ll compromise?”
“Kiddo, I’m sure they’ll compromise. They’re trying to play it cool, but it’s not normal for them to hound a new star’s poor agent ten times a day, and it’s really not normal for them to send him to Prague to encourage her to sign their contract. You tell me what you want, and I’m sure I can get it. Dream big, kiddo. Let’s make it happen.”
She hugged him. He’d been her champion from the beginning, learning how to represent a classical artist because he’d always been more of an agent for popstars and rappers and the occasional rock band. She’d never understand how she got so lucky to have someone as keen as she was on making her dreams come true. Of course, the ten percent commission he earned from her had to be one of his motivations, but his dedication was more than that. Her success was his success.
“Okay,” she said breathlessly. Just admitting that she wanted to go forward with the deal added a new twist to the knot that had been churning in her gut all day.
“I’m going to go make a call and tell them you’re willing to negotiate but want some provisions. We’ll work on the specifics after your performance.”
He squeezed her hand and patted her back.
The nervousness that had vanished while she’d been practicing began to bubble up inside her again. Her hands were shaking. She couldn’t perform with shaking hands.
Wes rubbed her back. “Why don’t you go through your set list again? It’ll calm you down.”
“So I look as freaked out as I feel?” Perhaps her face wasn’t obscured in shadows as his was.
“You’re trembling.” He squeezed her hand again. “You got this, kid.”
Dawn smiled, not sure if he could see her gratitude. “Thanks. I do need to hear that on occasion.”
“I’ll try to remember that. It’s hard when someone blows you away every time you see them work.”
“Quit,” she said, giving him a playful shove.
“See you later.”
He climbed from the bench, and she played him off the stage with her classically inspired version of “Freebird.”
*****
Her performance earned her a standing ovation, and she treated the audience to Mozart’s Piano Concerto no. 21 as an encore, which earned her an even longer ovation, which led to a second encore—her souped-up version of “Flight of the Bumblebee.” And they loved it. By the time she was escorted to the green room, her initial exhilaration had waned, leaving her exhausted. She spoke to a few local fans—could she call them fans?—who showered her with compliments in a mix of English and Czech. Well, she assumed they were being complimentary by their grins and nervous twittering. They could have called her a twisted goat herder and she’d have smiled and thanked them anyway. She was given several bouquets of roses, champagne—which she planned to drink straight from the bottle—and even more compliments. Wes stood off to the side of the room, talking to a manager or agent or some other bigwig in the music industry. He’s lovely wife, Corrine, stood at his side. Wes spared Dawn the occasional glance and proud smile. He was the type of man she’d wished for in her father, and maybe that was why she adored him so much. Wes was only fifteen years her senior, though, so while it was biologically possible for him to have a daughter her age, she didn’t think he held a paternal affection for her. Not exactly.
When the dressing room finally cleared out, it was quite late. Only early evening, stateside, however. Dawn was wiped out, her fingers stiff, her back and shoulders achy.
Wes shared a few words with Corrine, and after she kissed her husband’s cheek and gave Dawn’s arm a squeeze punctuated with heartfelt congratulations, she left the green room and closed the door behind her.
“I wouldn’t mind if she stayed,” Dawn said, feeling bad for sending Corrine out on her own in a foreign place.
“She wanted to go stand on the stage. She misses it.”
Dawn had forgotten that Corrine had once been a pop singer in a girl band. At least as a classical musician Dawn wouldn’t be kicked to the curb for having the audacity to age.
“I spoke to Everlong. Steinberg was unreachable.”
“And?”
“He wants you in Venice. So bad he can taste it.”
Dawn laughed, wondering what that would taste like.
“He wants me to keep pressuring you to sign, and my every instinct wants to do exactly that. Dawn, you aren’t going to get an opportunity like this ever again. I don’t understand why you’re even hesitating.”
“Let’s sit,” she said, nodding toward a small plum-colored settee. She carefully laid her roses on a coffee table and set her bottle of champagne aside.
“Let me explain my hesitation. I know it’s your job to help me make the best career decisions, but hear me out.”
“You already explained this in L.A.,” he said, sitting next to her. “I know you’re afraid that you’ll be trapped as a ghostwriter and never be able to succeed on your own, but I don’t think that’s going to happen, kiddo. I won’t let that happen. This opportunity will be your step up.”
His assertion made her feel marginally better, but she knew there were no guarantees in life. “That’s some of my hesitation,” she said. “There’s more.”
Wes sighed. “This is about your new guy, isn’t it?”
Was she that transparent? She chuckled. “He is part of the puzzle, but not what I wanted to discuss. My ultimate goal—that’s what I need to tell you about.”
“Writing scores for Steinberg movies isn’t your ultimate goal?”
“No.”
Wes blinked at her. “You want to work for a different director, is that it? Do you have an ethical aversion to fantasy and science fiction or something?”
Now she was laughing; it was fun to listen to his guesses. It proved to her that he really didn’t see past the Hollywood sign. “No.”
“Well, don’t keep me guessing. We’ll be here all night.”
“I want . . .” She licked her lips and folded her hands in her lap. She’d never told anyone—except Kellen and Pierre—about this dream of hers, and only Kellen had taken her seriously. She doubted Wes would be impressed. “I want to compose the kind of timeless symphonies that orchestras play.”
Wes cringed. “There’s no money in that.”
“It’s not about the money, it’s about a legacy. My legacy.” She flushed. Damn, that had sounded cheesy. She wasn’t even thirty years old and she was talking about legacies. “I don’t mind being known as a Hollywood composer, but it’s not what I dream about.”
Wes gnawed on his lip as he looked at her. “I don’t know how to help you with that, kiddo. I wish I did.”
“I know,” she said. “I don’t really expect you to, but I’m afraid if I take this wide
open road set before me, I’ll never try that scary, twisted path that probably leads to nowhere. But how can I know where it goes if I don’t take a step in that direction? Maybe the scary, twisted path leads to the realization of my perfect dream.”
“Sometimes,” Wes said, holding up his hands—palms facing one another in front of him. “Sometimes the road and the path run alongside each other, so you can keep that path in sight as you confidently take the road.” He curved his left hand back and forth, but shook the right—the straight and steady path—up and down for emphasis. “Take the road, Dawn.”
She should take the road. Why was she so hesitant?
“Why don’t you write the symphonies of your heart in your free time?”
Dawn hadn’t realized that Corrine had returned until she asked her question.
“I won’t have much free time,” Dawn said.
“You will after the movies are finished.”
“And when will that be?”
Wes smiled at his wife before turning back to Dawn. “We can limit the contract to a year with a chance at renewal. Will that make you feel less skittish?”
“A year?” That wasn’t long. She could give her all to this project for a year and if it didn’t work out, she could walk away. Reach for her next star, a star she was unlikely to ever hold in her hand. But she wanted to at least try to capture it. “I think I can handle a year.”
She’d expected that making her decision would offer some relief, but she still felt off, felt unsure. Wes, who instantly crumpled into the sofa and covered his eyes with both hands, obviously didn’t hold her reservations.
“Kid, you are going to be the death of me,” he said. “I honestly thought you might turn this offer down flat out. I was prepared to forge your signature.”
She knew he was joking, so she laughed.
“Thanks to my brilliant wife for her eavesdropping.”
“They wouldn’t let me on the stage,” Corrine said. “They were cleaning it.”
“It’s not really your kind of stage anyway.” Wes pulled a folded contract out of the inner pocket of his tux and smoothed it on his knee. “Let’s hammer out your demands so I can negotiate for you,” he said to Dawn. “Besides needing a few days to get your affairs in order before you start and limiting the term to a year, what else do you want?”
“Equal billing with Everlong. I want to be a co-writer, not a ghostwriter.”
Wes beamed at her. “Now we’re talking. What else?”
Contract negotiations were like a drug to him. She was happy to give him his next fix.
After Wes finally returned her to her hotel room, a face-splitting smile still in place as she closed her door, she pulled out her phone and collapsed on the bed. The first time Dawn tried calling Kellen to share her news—her scary decision, one that could affect their future together—he didn’t answer. Perhaps he was asleep; it was after one in the morning. But then she remembered it was closer to six in the evening where he was, so unless he took evening naps, he wouldn’t be sleeping. Maybe his band had reconciled, gotten back together, and he was rehearsing for that night’s performance. That would be so awesome. Then she wouldn’t have to feel the slightest bit of guilt for her career gains.
She had made the right decision, hadn’t she?
It still didn’t feel right, but maybe after she joined her co-writers and actually got to work, her heart would open to this idea as much as her head had.
She got ready for bed, wanting to steal a few hours of sleep or at least rest before catching her flight in about six hours. She could never sleep on a plane, no matter how long the flight or how tired she was. She’d have to be at the airport in four hours. Before she climbed between the sheets, she tried Kellen again. This time he answered.
“Dawn,” he said, a breathless hitch in his voice. “I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m not the kind of guy who cheats. I should have never . . . I shouldn’t have . . . I’m sorry.”
Wait? Did he say he cheated? The man who had remained faithful to his deceased fiancée for five years couldn’t keep it in his pants for one day for her?
“What?” she said, plopping down on the bed and drawing a pillow to her lap. She hugged it against her belly, which was suddenly heavy and achy. Or maybe that was her heart down there hurting so bad. It had definitely sunk at his confession.
“He looked so sad and he was so close and I still don’t understand why I wanted him right then—I wasn’t even tied up. But it was like I couldn’t help myself, and once I got started, I couldn’t stop.”
Wait? Did Kellen say he?
“You slept with Owen?” It was even worse than she’d realized. She knew Kellen cared about Owen. This wasn’t just some random affair with someone he didn’t have feelings for.
“Slept with?”
She actually heard him swallow over the phone.
“No. I kissed him.”
Dawn covered her mouth with a trembling hand and tried to calm her breathing. Kellen kissing Owen was a betrayal, she couldn’t deny that, but she could get over it. She could forgive him for that. But only if it never progressed. If it hadn’t meant anything.
Of course it meant something.
“Was it like a little kiss?” she asked.
“I wish I could say it was. Maybe then he’d speak to me.”
“So he wasn’t pleased?” Her crumbling world stopped falling apart.
“Pleased?” Kellen’s scoffing snort sounded desperate. “No, he wasn’t pleased. He was upset over Chad, and I made it worse for him. God, what the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Start from the beginning.” Maybe once he explained, she wouldn’t be so confused.
He told her everything. The way watching Owen with Caitlyn had made him feel lost and almost jealous, how being around Lindsey no longer made him feel like Sara was watching him, how Jacob’s strange interview on the evening news had made him doubt Sole Regret would survive their separation, and the devastating news concerning Chad. She tried to be supportive through it all. Parts of his long spiel gave her hope, other parts made her nervous, but most of it just broke her heart.
“You were upset too, Kelly,” she said. “You were hurting too. And no one was there to comfort you, so you reached for Owen.” Dawn wished she’d been there so she’d have been the one he reached for. And now that she’d agreed to sign that contract, she’d be there for him less, not more. She supposed there was no reason to hold back the truth from him. What had been her good news to share suddenly became more bad news for him. “I’m going to sign the contract to do the scores for the Steinberg movies.”
“Oh,” he said. “If that’s what you want to do, then you should.”
She wasn’t sure it was what she wanted to do. Now more than ever she was filled with doubt. “I think it will be best.”
“Don’t sign just to get back at me for hurting you.”
Kellen wasn’t usually self-centered, so his words cut her. Did he really think she was stupid and emotional enough to make that kind of decision to get back at a man for hurting her?
“I decided before I knew you rammed your tongue down Owen’s throat.”
That was how she got back at a guy for hurting her, by cutting him to the quick. Not by signing a life-altering contract.
“Oh,” he said flatly. “I really am trying to distance myself from everything and everyone important to me, aren’t I?”
That sounded more like the Kelly she knew.
“I don’t want you to distance yourself from me,” Dawn said. “I’m taking an early flight in the morning. I should be in Houston around three in the afternoon.”
“If you’re signing the contract, won’t you be going to Venice?”
“One of my conditions was that the contract doesn’t start until Friday. I said I needed time to get my affairs in order, but I really just needed to see you again. And apparently get your affairs in order.”
“I’m not having an
affair, Dawn. I won’t cheat again,” he said. “I hate to do this over the phone. I want to look you in the eye when I pledge—”
“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t put yourself in the same position you were in with Sara. Don’t do that to yourself.”
“You don’t want me to promise?”
“I want you to follow your heart, and you can’t do that if it’s tied.” And if she wasn’t where his heart was leading, she’d suffer—God, how she’d suffer—but she didn’t want to be the one he settled for. She wanted to be the one he loved above all others.
“Do you think my heart wants Owen?” Kellen asked. “It doesn’t. It wants you.”
That was his head talking, and she knew it. She bit her lip and blinked, trying to hold back the tears swimming in her eyes. “I’m not sure I can let myself believe that right now.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “I understand.”