relief that she’d never try and come back into Dixie’s life. Dixie is a beautiful woman inside and out.” Momma paused, then reached over and squeezed my arm. “A woman your brother loved enough to propose to. Remember that, okay, Asher?”
Remember that. There was no forgetting.
I couldn’t sleep. Dixie’s face and the sounds she made while I’d been inside her the first time replayed over and over in my mind. It was a memory that would never grow old. I also wanted to do it again and again until neither of us could walk. I thought being with Dixie couldn’t get any better. I’d been wrong. The sex was life-changing. Feeling her naked against me, her thighs open, their insides pressed against my hips had felt like heaven on earth. Nothing that felt that good could ever be wrong.
I’d had sex with eight other girls in the past, all of them older than me and with tricks that I hadn’t known until they taught me. I appreciated those lessons. I enjoyed every one of them. I was a guy, so I won’t deny it. That sex was amazing. But none of those experiences had prepared me for how it would feel sliding inside Dixie for the first time, knowing I loved her. I didn’t want to hurt her, I wanted it to be a memory she could cherish forever. I’d been about to explode inside her when her nails dug into my back and she cried my name with a scream. Dixie’s head was thrown back, her body trembling with release, and I could feel her pleasure churning through her body like a twister. I knew from Bray’s stories that virgins didn’t orgasm the very first time, and even though I’d wanted that for Dixie, I didn’t expect it. I just wanted her to enjoy it.
While standing in the middle of my bedroom, I decided to move the furniture. I wanted to bring Dixie up here one evening, maybe next week when Momma was at church and my brothers were all gone. I wanted to be with her, here in my room. The squeaky floor under the bed would be an issue if we ever did it late at night when everyone was here and asleep. I wanted to be with her in a bed and not in the grass for once. She didn’t seem to mind the blanket on the grass by the lake nor did she mind my truck. But she deserved more than that.
It had been three weeks since we made love the first time, but we’d managed to do it as often as we could since then. Dixie was sore the first few times and I’d been taking it easy with her. But the more we did it, the wilder she was getting. The memory of her begging me last night was giving me a boner. I had those a lot lately just thinking of Dixie.
The shower would ease me some, but that was always just a short-lived release. I couldn’t seem to get her off my mind even after thrusting my cock into my hand in the shower. I was going to need to wear myself out. I could move furniture, then clean. My room needed it, especially if I was going to bring Dixie up here and make love to her in my bed.
I moved the bed away from the wall. Then I stepped into the space to make sure the headboard didn’t break because I’d yanked it sideways from the wallboard. The floor beneath my left foot moved and made a soft clunking sound. That had to be the source of the squeak. I looked down at the loose board now catty-cornered under my foot. I hadn’t noticed it when I first moved up here. But then I’d had my bed sitting over this spot all along.
I squatted, grabbed the board to see if it could be nailed down, but my eyes found something else. Something that had been hidden there for a very long time. I didn’t know that yet, but I was curious. I picked the old shoe box up, anxious to open it, the idea of it being a family heirloom exciting me to no end.
I sat on the edge of my bed and slowly opened the box. Several letters were inside, folded neatly one on top of the other. I lifted one from the pile and wondered if I should open it, if I had any right to do it. If they contained secrets, maybe those secrets were meant to stay hidden for a reason.
My curiosity got the best of me. I carefully unfolded the pages. The words were handwritten and as I read them slowly, my world as I knew it began to change. Darkness engulfed me and any joy, any happiness I felt was ripped from me one word at a time. I wanted to stop reading and burn the whole box, watch it catch fire and pretend I ever read any of it . . . but I knew I couldn’t. Every single word was seared into my brain forever. I read every letter, every page. I knew I had to break the heart of the only girl I’d ever love, even if that love was all wrong.
Dixie Monroe
SCARLET’S WHITE CAMARO came down my long driveway. I sat in the porch swing watching as she made her way to the house. We hadn’t talked much in the past two days. She seemed to understand that I needed some distance with Asher being back.
She had no idea how crazy things had gotten.
When she stopped and her door swung open, I realized that Scarlet might be my best friend, but there were things I just wasn’t ready to talk with her about. I wasn’t telling anyone about this until I got myself mentally prepared to tell Asher that we weren’t related. Once I realized that my daddy was my daddy and that he loved me even more than I’d known, I was left knowing that this horrible secret that made Asher leave me three years ago no longer stood between us.
Running to him had been the first thing I wanted to do, but then I remembered Steel. I had to deal with Steel first and see where we stood. I had to think about this, think it all over and decide on the right thing to do, so I sat on my porch and listened to my mom humming as she cooked lunch, knowing that I was safe. My life wasn’t about to be pulled from under me. So I had to give myself time to be able to make the right decision.
Scarlet spoke as she approached, “Since my best friend couldn’t pick up a phone and call me, or heck even text me, I figured I better check on her. The Suttons got you in a tangled web?” She walked up the steps onto the front porch that wrapped around our house. I replied, “Sorry. I’m spending a bit of time with my thoughts,” before patting the empty spot on the swing beside me. “Sit and talk if you’d like.”
Scarlet flicked her red hair behind her shoulder, smirking and shooting back, “Fine, but only ‘cause you’re sexy,” she teased, before sitting next to me. She gave the swing a big push with her legs, then tucked her knees beneath her chin. “Brent said there’s been some drama.”
I confirmed, “Yep, you could say that. But right now I want to stay away from it. Try peace for a day or two. I have to talk to Steel, but not just yet.”
Scarlet sighed. “Please don’t tell me you’re gonna break it off with him. He loves you. Don’t mess it up because of Asher’s sexy ass. He ain’t worth it, Dixie.”
She didn’t know any of it. But hearing her talk about Asher like he wasn’t worth the fight was hard. Because he was. Well worth it all. Steel did love me and I had to figure out if what I felt for him was love. I knew I was in love with Asher. I adored him. He was everything I wanted. But he was also dangerous, could hurt me so easily, and now he might not want me at all. Steel did. At least I thought he did before he found out about the letters. Now he and Asher would have to know the truth.
“You talked to Brent today?” I asked wanting to change the subject.
“Yeah,” she replied, then looked out at the yard. “I also talked to Bray.”
If she’d talked to Bray, that wasn’t a big deal . . . or it wouldn’t have been if she hadn’t said it like she felt guilty about something. I studied her face for a moment and wondered if I’d been so wrapped up in my own life that I’d missed something important happening in hers.
“Why did you talk to Bray?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
She didn’t look at me, but the way her shoulders tensed wasn’t good, not good at all. “Scarlet,” I said, “look at me.”
“Do you ever wonder what Bray’s thinking? He’s so guarded. He rarely smiles.” She paused and a small smile touched her lips. “But when he does smile, it’s really something.”
Whoa. This was not good.
“Scarlet, um, is there something you need to tell me?”
She released a long sigh, then turned her head toward me and rested her cheek on her knees. “Probably shouldn’t. It’s bad. I’m bad for even thinking it. What
kind of person does that? He’s Brent’s twin brother, but they’re so different. Bray’s moody and mysterious and he’s got this sexy, angry look about him that makes me feel funny in my stomach. Do you get what I’m saying?”
The Sutton boys were trouble. Beautiful trouble. Lots of stinking trouble. And Bray was the worst of them all.
“Bray isn’t like Brent and that’s a good thing. Brent loves you, while Bray likes all girls, and he especially likes getting blowjobs from them. You’ve heard the stories on how he gets off. Having girls drop to their knees before he gets rough with them. Remember what Jenn said about Bray? How he gagged her and called her names, while he held the back of her head?”
Scarlet grinned and pressed her lips together. “Yeah, but she also said it was sexy and then she went back for more.”
What? “Scar, please tell me you’re kidding,” I replied. Nothing about that sounded sexy.
Scarlet lifted a shoulder and gave a little shrug. “The idea of Bray talking dirty to me while getting off . . . well, it kind of excites me.” She then squeezed her eyes tightly together. “That makes me a slut, doesn’t it? I sound awful just saying that.”
I had no answer. No right response to give her. I didn’t think that sounded exciting at all. The rumors about Bray and his sexcapades were rampant, not just in Malroy, but throughout the entire county. Girls loved him, but they said he wasn’t sweet and easy. Bray took what he wanted, when he wanted it, and how he wanted it.
“If Asher,” she said, lowering her voice, “pushed you down to your knees in front of him and shoved his dick down your throat, telling you that you had a dirty little mouth and called you his bad, naughty girl, saying that you needed to be punished, maybe even spanked, you . . . that wouldn’t turn you on?”
I couldn’t respond. The idea of being on my knees in front of Asher and being able to bring him pleasure made my heart race and my body feel feverish. Okay, maybe she had a point.
“But you love Brent. Why would the idea of Bray doing these things excite you?”
She turned her gaze back toward the yard. She wouldn’t look at me. What wasn’t she telling me? Had I completely missed something important happening in her life? “He’s different. I like it when I can make him smile. He doesn’t smile enough.”
We were two peas in a pod. Both torn between two Sutton boys. Maybe our reasons were different, but who was I to judge? I wrapped my arm around Scarlet’s shoulders and rested my head against hers. With a shove of my feet, I got us swinging again, then pulled my feet up under me. “Bray can’t be trusted with your heart. You know that, right?” I reminded her.
She didn’t reply right away. We listened to Mom humming and the sound of the tractor way out in the field. It was peaceful. Until Scarlet replied, “Just like Asher can’t be trusted with yours.”
She was right, but I hated hearing that. The front door then opened, Mom sticking her head through it and twisting her face toward us to speak, “I have peach cobbler hot from the oven and vanilla ice cream for the top. Y’all want me to bring two bowls?” She then came out the rest of the way and waited for our response. Seeing her smiling blond head, slightly wide hips, and makeup-free face beaming at me with such love and adoration made me want to get up and hold her for hours just because she was there. She wasn’t what the world would consider beautiful, but to me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Especially where it counted the most. She’d loved a little girl who wasn’t hers and made all her bad dreams go away. She’d been there the day I got my period and got scared out of my mind, and she’d held me when Asher left me. I was the luckiest girl in the world to have her as my mom. She was the kind of woman I hoped to be one day.
“We’ll come inside and eat some with you,” I told her before standing up.
“I need some cobbler,” Scarlet agreed.
I walked over to my mom, wrapped my arms around her and said, “I love you,” swallowing the emotion in my throat, and pushing back the tears what were threatening to come.
She gave me a quick squeeze, kissed my cheek and replied, “I love you more, princess. Never forget that.” That had always been her response whenever I told her I loved her.
Asher Sutton
I HADN’T SEEN or spoken to Steel in two days. I knew Bray had told him everything that Momma told us. He let me know that Steel knew the truth about Dixie and the letters, and once I got my emotions under control, I had planned on going to Dixie and telling her everything. It was the only thing I’d been able to think about. But then I realized it wasn’t my place to tell her. Steel had proposed to Dixie. Momma had been sure to remind me of that.
I waited for something to happen, but Steel never came to find me. I was getting tired of waiting on him to do something.
He’d left early this morning to go mend the south fence. Bray said it was Steel’s turn to pull wire when I asked where he was during breakfast. I had to talk to Steel because I wanted to go to Dixie, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t free to do that. The idea that I could hold her, that I could love her freely again was taunting me. The way I felt about her wasn’t wrong or messed up, it was allowed. I was allowed to worship Dixie, to tell her that she owned my soul, that she was everything to me.
But I was waiting on my own little brother to do . . . something . . . anything.
When I got down to the barn, I could see the farm truck headed toward me, knowing Steel was in it. The posts and wire he hadn’t needed were clanking around in the bed, the diesel engine rumbling to an idle, then to a stop behind the barn. Steel climbed from the truck and slammed the door without looking at me. The anger on his face wasn’t what I’d been expecting to find. I hadn’t done anything to piss him off. He was the one who’d hurt Dixie.
“What?” I asked, forcing him to look at me and meeting his glare.
He let out a hard laugh. “What,” he repeated, “I’m waiting on you to tell me you’re going to see Dixie today. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To tell me you’re going to talk to her. To warn me you’re about to swoop in and give her what she wants. What she’s wanted all her life.” He pulled off his work gloves and threw them down on the ground. “What the fuck do I do with that? I can’t compete. So go get her, Asher. Go fucking take her away from me.” He then spun and stalked toward the barn.
Steel loved her, maybe not the way I did, but he loved her all the same. And I loved him, he was my little brother and I’d always been there whenever he needed me. I’d taught him how to throw a football. Where to hit a baseball on the barrel of your bat. How to tackle with your head across.
I loved Dixie. But my lost chance with her. Steel was there for her when she needed someone to comfort her after I’d walked away from her without a word. I didn’t deserve her. Steel was the better man. Deep in my heart, I knew that as I called his name and he stopped. He turned just before entering the barn. The anger in his eyes was now gone, replaced by the kind of pain that further cemented my decision.
“What,” he replied, “what, Asher?”
“Go get her! She was yours until now. She hasn’t been mine in a long time. I’ve lived three years believing what I had with her was wrong and disgusting. You only lived that hell for a day. Your love for her is still pure. It’s you she needs right now, not me. I’m pretty sure I’m broken beyond repair and won’t ever be whole again.”
The tension in Steel’s shoulders loosened, his eyes then becoming those of a worried brother. “You’re not broken. You’re a good man, Asher. A great one if you ask me.”
He was wrong, but he loved me. His love was special, exactly the kind of love I wanted for Dixie. She wouldn’t ever be faced with the dark demons that had taken over my life, demons I wasn’t sure would ever go away. Finding out the truth didn’t magically fix me. It freed me, but it didn’t fix me. That required something I wasn’t willing to take—Dixie’s love. I couldn’t have it. It would never be mine again.
“Thanks,” I told him, “but I’ll be leaving next month. S
he needs a man who’ll be here for her. One who will show her the sunshine every damn day. I have too much darkness in my soul to give Dixie the light she deserves.”
Steel stood there staring at me. Finally, he nodded in agreement. “Okay,” he replied. “I do love her, you know.”
“I know,” I quietly assured him.
He wiped his hands on his jeans, then flashed a small smile, before jogging down to his truck. Watching him go wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do.
The barn door opened and I glanced back to see Dallas standing there wearing nothing but a pair of white shorts and a set of boxing gloves. I hadn’t known anyone was inside the barn. Dallas was just staring at me.
“I love all my brothers, but just to clarify, Asher, you’re the best one of them. We all know it. Even Steel.” Dallas spoke, giving me a sad smile. He then lifted his chin toward the inside of the barn. “Come on in and beat the shit out of that heavy bag. I just finished and I’m about to lift weights. The bag is all yours if you want it.”
Hitting something sounded really fucking good. I walked up to the barn as Dallas pulled his gloves off and slapped me in the stomach with them. “Here you go, old man,” he teased.
I grabbed the gloves and felt a genuine grin tug at my lips for the first time in a really long while. “This old man could beat your ass.”
Dallas chuckled and pointed at himself, before flexing his impressive arms. “Dude, you looked at me lately? I’m a beast,” he replied. “A monster.”
In return I laughed, really laughed, all the muscles one used to do that finally coming to life again. They’d lain unused for years.
“Yes, you are, little brother. Both a beast and a monster,” I said. The surprised expression on Dallas’s face was quickly replaced by a big grin of his own.
Steel Sutton
While pulling onto the dirt road that connected our driveway with Dixie’s, I noticed Bray’s truck parked in the field. Slowing down, I checked to see if he needed anything. But when I saw a red head and a pair of tits rising and falling like the sea, I shook my head grinning and kept driving toward Dixie’s house. In broad daylight, the bastard had a girl out there, fucking away without a care. Dude was crazy. My brother was nuts.
Dixie and me hadn’t had sex. We’d been together now for eleven months. It was my longest stint of celibacy since I was fifteen and Brenda Vickers first showed me her eighteen-year-old tits, then how good it felt to slide my dick into a hot, wet pussy. Sex became as important as oxygen to me. But then I’d fallen in love with Dixie and waiting on her becoming even more important. Turning down willing women wasn’t easy sometimes, but Dixie was worth the wait. She was better than a meaningless night with some easy lay. Dixie was worth it all.
Seeing Bray getting some made me a little jealous. I was tired of masturbating. But what he had was cheap and would be over soon. I had something more with Dixie, something worth the sacrifice, and the long wait that went along with it.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Dixie’s Jeep parked outside, so I hurried to her door. I didn’t want to wait any longer. For two days, Dixie hadn’t called or texted me. I was so damn sure that Asher would come and take her away from me anyway, so I didn’t try to contact her either. I believed Dixie loved me. She’d told me she loved me, but then again, I wasn’t sure she loved me as much as Asher. Their history was longer than ours, longer and more complicated. I always felt like second fiddle to him. But now that he wasn’t planning on coming for her, she would be mine again.