‘I keep seeing Ruth and remembering … It was bad, Carter. Really bad. It was dark but I could see that her throat was cut. There was so much blood … And then the footsteps. I thought I was next.’
‘What footsteps?’
When she looked up he was staring at her. For the first time it occurred to her that in all of the chaos she’d never had a chance to tell anybody about what happened outside.
When she filled him in, he kept returning to the footsteps she’d heard. ‘You’re quite certain the footsteps came from within the school and then headed away?’
Allie nodded – she could see that his mind was working.
‘How many footsteps did you hear? I mean, how many people do you think there were?’ he asked.
‘One, I think, but I’m not certain. I was too frightened. Carter, who could have done this? Do you think it could have been a student? Or … a teacher?’
Until now, the idea had not occurred to her, but suddenly it all seemed appallingly possible. She hoped he’d laugh at her, or tell her she was being stupid. But he didn’t.
Instead, he rubbed his eyes. ‘I don’t know. I don’t think so – but I don’t know any more.’
‘Why didn’t they kill me too?’ Her voice was plaintive as she finally said the words she’d been avoiding since last night. ‘Why am I still alive?’
Carter looked out over the school grounds. He didn’t speak for a long moment. When he did, his voice was rough. ‘I don’t know, Allie. But if it’s possible the killer saw you, and maybe thinks that you saw him … Well. You need to be very careful from now on.’
It was a warm morning but Allie shivered. She lowered her voice to a whisper. ‘Carter, what is going on?’
His eyes locked on hers, and she could feel how much he wanted to tell her something, but the moment passed and he shook his head.
‘I can’t, Allie. I just can’t.’
She was so tired she couldn’t bear to argue – she’d had almost no sleep in two days. Resting her head on her hand and closing her eyes, she yawned.
‘I want to stay awake and fight off murderers but I’m too tired,’ she murmured. ‘It really sucks being alone right now, Carter. I wish you could stay.’
A long silence passed between them, but she’d dozed a little and didn’t notice until Carter spoke again.
‘Scoot over,’ he said.
She made room for him on the desktop and he climbed lithely through the window then closed it behind him.
A sudden rush of adrenalin made her feel very awake. ‘We’ll be so busted if Jules finds out,’ she said, although she didn’t really care.
‘Oh, I can handle Jules,’ he said. Sitting on the floor beside the bed he stretched out his legs with a groan of pleasure – his lanky frame had been compressed on the window ledge, and he’d probably been running all night. ‘Besides, everything’s crazy today. Nobody will notice. Get into bed and let’s both try to sleep.’
After a second’s hesitation, Allie climbed off the desk and onto the bed. Feigning nonchalance, she pulled the blue blanket off the footboard and handed it down to him. But when their fingers touched as he took it from her they both froze for a second.
‘Do you need a pillow?’ she asked, forcing her voice to be steady.
‘Thanks – no, this is good.’ He sounded calm but she could see how tight his jaw was as he unfolded the blanket.
Allie stretched out and tried to relax but her body was rigid – every muscle tensed as if for flight. She put her hands over her face.
‘I can’t do this. I’ll never sleep.’
Carter lifted one of her hands off her face and held it. ‘Did I ever tell you that I used to have panic attacks?’
Surprised, Allie rolled onto her side so that she could see him. ‘Did you? When?’
‘A few years ago.’ He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. ‘I was going through a rough patch and I started having these … episodes. A good friend helped me through it. And one thing he taught me was to stop thinking about what was freaking me out, and to concentrate instead on things that made me feel safe. Even … happy. To force better thoughts into my head. What makes you happy, Allie?’
She thought hard. Christopher, alive and well and normal. Being part of a normal family. Being here. Until last night anyway.
‘I don’t know,’ she whispered.
Carter was quiet for a while, holding her hand against his chest. When he spoke again, she could feel the rumble of his voice through her fingertips.
‘Imagine … we’re somewhere else. Somewhere really beautiful. Maybe on a beach with white sand and blue water.’
She tried to see herself sitting with Carter in the shade of a palm tree, sand between their toes.
‘You’re safe here,’ he said, his voice low and steady. ‘Maybe later we’ll snorkel and watch the fish swim. Bright colourful fish. Can you see them?’
Focusing on his words, she thought she could see them – flashing by in the blue water. She began to hear the rhythmic rumble of waves. His voice was so calming, her shoulders relaxed at last as bright shoals of tiny blue, red and yellow tropical fish scattered across her imagination. Her breathing became more steady. She felt herself sinking into the warm water – slowly and deliciously.
‘It’s beautiful.’ Her voice was thick with sleep.
‘Yes it is,’ he said, still holding her hand.
In her mind she surfaced, and saw a ship on the horizon, sails unfurling as she fell asleep.
SEVENTEEN
When Allie woke some time later, she was alone, but she had the not unpleasant feeling that Carter had been with her most of the time. She’d half-woken several times from bad dreams and in her exhausted daze thought she’d heard him whisper: ‘It’s OK. Sleep.’
Sitting up, she looked at the alarm clock. It was just before seven o’clock.
Morning? Or night?
A glance out the window revealed a summer evening. She’d slept all day.
As she stretched her tired muscles, her stomach rumbled so loudly at first she didn’t know what she was hearing.
‘Starving,’ she announced to the empty room.
Jumping out of bed, she headed straight for the door then skidded to a stop when she caught a glance of herself in the wall mirror. Her hair stood on end, her face was smudged with soot and she still wore the same clothes she’d put on in the middle of last night, now almost unrecognisably wrinkled.
She made a face at herself. Oh balls. Even I can’t go out looking like this.
Grabbing a hairbrush off the desk, she forced it through the tangled waves, then quickly changed clothes, hopping up and down on one leg and swearing under her breath when her skirt caught on the shoes she’d put on first.
Still buttoning the waistband, she rushed out of her room, stopping briefly at the mirror to wipe the soot off her face, and headed down the empty hallway to the landing, where she stopped.
It was quiet. Unnaturally quiet.
An awful thought crossed Allie’s mind: What if everybody left while I was sleeping, and they just forgot me?
Even though she knew it was absurd she felt a rush of fear as she raced down the stairs, hearing only the rubber patter of her shoes on the steps. As she neared the ground floor, though, she saw crowds of students moving in a subdued hush to the dining room and she slowed her pace. She felt ridiculous.
Of course they hadn’t left.
You’re losing it, she scolded herself, before taking a calming breath and joining the throngs.
The smell of food mingled unpleasantly with the acrid scent of scorched wood and plaster. As she looked around for a familiar face, she noticed that several of those around her had visible bandages. One hopped on crutches.
In the dining room, the night’s chaos had all been cleared away, but the tables had not been reset for supper with the usual crystal and china. Stacks of plates stood on every table, and students were handing them around to each other. No candles glimmered (
after the fire she was glad of that). Everyone sat quietly as if nobody knew quite what to say.
She noticed with relief that Jo, Gabe and Lucas were at their normal table and she headed straight for them, but then Carter walked up beside her.
‘Hey.’
As she turned to look into Carter’s dark eyes her stomach flip-flopped. Suddenly shy, she shoved her hands in her skirt pockets.
‘Hey back.’
‘Did you sleep OK?’
He’d showered and changed – his cheeks were still rosy from the water, and his hair was damp on the ends. The tiredness was gone from his face.
She nodded, trying to stay cool, as if boys slept in her bedroom every day. But heat rose in her cheeks, betraying her. ‘Did you? When did you leave?’
‘An hour or so ago.’
He had a way of talking so quietly that she was forced to lean closer to him in order to hear. It made even ordinary conversations like this one feel intimate.
‘I needed to change,’ he continued. She was hyper-aware that her arm was rubbing against his. ‘I didn’t want to wake you – it took you so long to fall asleep.’
The tension between them was unbearable. One of them was going to have to look away, but Allie didn’t want to be the one.
What’s happening to me? she wondered. I can’t fancy Carter. I just … can’t.
‘Yeah,’ she said breathlessly. ‘I mean … I had to change too.’
Looking around, Carter noticed that most of the room was seated. ‘We better go or Zelazny will start shouting.’
He steered her to the table and waited until she was seated then, to her surprise, pulled out the chair next to her. He never sat with her group at meals, and she tried not to show on her face how pleased she was.
Gabe had no such qualms.
‘Carter!’ he said, leaning back in his chair with a teasing smile. ‘You do us an honour.’
Carter shrugged. ‘Oh, you know how it is, Gabe. Sometimes I just need to be close to you.’
Jo, who still looked tired, leaned towards Allie. ‘Did you sleep?’
‘Eventually,’ she said. ‘You?’
‘Not really.’ Jo gave a weary smile. ‘But I think I might be starving. Does that make me a bad person?’
‘I hope not,’ Allie said. ‘Turns out death and destruction can really negatively impact a low-calorie diet. Who knew?’
‘Any news on Lisa?’ Carter asked.
Lucas was the one to answer. ‘I tracked down Eloise an hour ago and she said Lisa’s awake and doing OK. We should be able to visit her soon.’
Allie felt herself smile for the first time since last night. The mood lightened, and for a while conversation buzzed in an almost normal way.
Then Lucas’ voice rose above the hum. ‘Hey, did everyone hear about the announcement?’
Allie glanced around the table, but she could tell nobody knew what he was talking about.
‘What announcement?’ Carter asked.
‘Isabelle’s making some sort of big announcement tonight about what happened. There’s a rumour that they’re sending everybody home, shutting the place down for the rest of the summer.’
‘No!’ Jo sounded stricken and Allie glanced over at her, surprised by her vehement tone. Gabe put a hand on her arm and she looked up at him with wild eyes. ‘They can’t send us home. They can’t.’
‘I’m sure they won’t.’ Gabe’s voice was soothing and Allie looked away as he tried to calm her.
The doors at the end of the dining room opened and the staff emerged in their usual orderly black-clad ranks, carrying steaming bowls and platters. Even though she was ravenous, Allie watched with strange disinterest as they set food on the table. Eating seemed so pointless, somehow, after all that had happened.
Sensing movement, she glanced down to see Carter serving stew onto her plate. He caught her eye and smiled guiltily.
‘Mmm … Delicious stew,’ he said lamely, and she surprised herself by laughing.
He slipped vegetables on her plate next, but when he handed her a roll she held up her hands in surrender. ‘All right, all right. Stop. I’ll eat. I promise.’ She took a dutiful bite, chewing with false enthusiasm. ‘OK?’
Now busy clearing his own plate, Carter ignored her sarcasm. In fact, that first bite had tasted pretty good and Allie found the second went down even easier. In the end she emptied her plate and sopped up the last of the gravy with the roll, then sat back in her chair with a satisfied sigh.
‘You really were hungry,’ Carter observed, amused.
‘My brother always says I eat like a boy …’ Allie said without thinking, and her smile faded as suddenly as it arrived. She never talked about Christopher.
The low hum of conversation in the room gradually increased as rumours spread about the impending announcement, and Allie was relieved that things felt, if only momentarily, slightly more normal. But as she glanced around the table she noticed that Jo looked wan and worried as she picked at her food. Before she could say anything to her, a voice spoke from the front of the room.
‘Can I have your attention, please?’
Dressed neatly in pressed black trousers and a pale blue cardigan, Isabelle stood still until the room quieted. The man she’d been dancing with the night before stood a few feet behind her, his hands folded in a position of calm. His alert eyes seemed to miss nothing. Then Allie felt her heart pound – Sylvain walked through the door and stood nearby, as if he were part of a triumvirate.
What’s he doing?
Isabelle’s face was sombre, but Allie marvelled at how normal she looked.
‘I know many of you were up all night, and I appreciate how tired you are. We are all so grateful for your efforts in putting out the fire.’
Allie glanced over at Carter and saw that he was watching Isabelle with a slight frown.
‘What happened last night was unprecedented in the history of Cimmeria,’ Isabelle continued. ‘It is disturbing and will require considerable work on our part to set right. The fire alone has damaged ancient walls. Bits of our history are gone for ever. But we will restore this school, have no doubt, and it will continue as it has always done.’
Faltering applause from the students seemed to take her by surprise, and she waited for it to fade to silence.
‘I am very sorry the events of last night occurred. It was upsetting for all of us. Our hearts go out to those of you who were close to Ruth Jansen – she was a lovely, if disturbed girl, and we will all miss her terribly. Her suicide came as a horrible shock.’
Allie gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Suicide? What is she talking about?
‘We know that some of you might have problems dealing with her death, we are all – the teachers and myself – ready to help at any time if you need counselling or just someone to listen.’ Isabelle’s eyes were suffused with understanding. ‘You don’t have to suffer alone.’
A murmur swept across the room and Allie noticed that some students were weeping. Turning to catch Jo’s eye, she saw that she was biting her lip and trying not to cry – Gabe had his arm around her.
‘A memorial service will be held at the chapel next week. I’m sure those of you who knew her well will want to attend.’
After waiting a moment for all of that information to be absorbed, Isabelle continued in a brisker manner. ‘Some students injured in the fire will be leaving us tomorrow to recuperate at home, and we wish them all the best. We hope to see you all back in the autumn term. For those of you remaining – the work to repair the damage done by the fire should take about a month, and I fear there will be some disruption in the meantime – it’s annoying but necessary. The great hall is, of course, off limits for now.
She took a step back. ‘For your safety, curfew is early tonight – we’d like everyone to be in their rooms by nine o’clock – and you are all to remain indoors at all times for at least the next forty-eight hours.’
As soon as she finished speaking, the teachers clust
ered around her and the students began trooping towards the door in a low rumble of hushed conversation.
Spinning around to face Carter, Allie whispered, ‘What the hell …?’
Tight-lipped, he shook his head.
Looking up towards Isabelle, Allie stood up. ‘I need to find out when we can see Lisa. I’ll catch up.’
Carter grabbed her arm, his eyes contained a warning. ‘Allie …’
‘I can handle it,’ she said, shaking off his hand. ‘I promise I won’t freak out. I really want to know about Lisa.’
‘I’ll find you after,’ Carter said, hurrying after Gabe and Lucas.
Standing at the edge of the group of teachers, Allie waited for a break in their conversation. They were clearly agitated, but they were whispering so quietly she could only make out a phrase here and there.
‘Too dangerous …’
‘Send them home!’ (Said with great force by Jerry, who was shushed.)
‘… about Nathaniel.’
Then Eloise noticed her. ‘Can we help you, Allie?’
Everyone fell silent as they all turned to look at her. Allie crossed one ankle behind the other in an unconscious gesture of nervousness.
‘I was just wondering if we can see Lisa?’
Isabelle stepped through the crowd and put her arm around her. ‘She’s doing OK, Allie. She’s awake but she’s groggy. You can see her tomorrow.’
Allie held Isabelle’s eyes challengingly. Up close she looked more anxious than she’d seemed from a distance – she had dark circles under her eyes. But she didn’t back down under Allie’s gaze.
‘Is there something else you need, Allie?’ she asked evenly.
For just a second Allie imagined saying, ‘Yes. Why are you pretending Ruth slit her own throat from ear to ear?’
But something told her this wasn’t the time or place to challenge Isabelle.
‘No … Thanks,’ Allie said, hurrying to the door.
Just before she reached it, she heard the whispers begin again.
Outside the dining hall Jo stood alone, leaning against the wall. She looked less pale than she had during dinner but Allie didn’t like the way her hands clenched and unclenched. She seemed to cheer up briefly when Allie gave her the good news about Lisa, but something was still not right.