“Yeah, we did.”
“I didn’t run off, you did, Jim.”
“You two were eating a human, plus Steve tried to kill me,” Jim said. “Anyway, finish the fucking story.”
“So he came in the house calling for me. After I didn’t respond, he went in the kitchen and saw me staring at this man’s head. Steve told me that that although we’ve been friends since we were 16 years old, he’d have to kill me now that I’d seen the head.”
“That had to be surreal,” Jim said.
“So he grabbed me and forced me into the pantry. He put a knife to my cheek. That’s when I begged him to spare my life. Steve told me that the only way he could spare my life is if I were to eat some of the man’s brain. I remember puking at the thought, but once I tasted it, I couldn’t get enough. That’s when Steve started killing off your enemies, and we would eat them whenever an opportunity presented itself.”
Jim became nauseous. “What does a brain taste like?”
“I don’t know,” Jessica answered. “There’s nothing like the taste of a human brain.
“And this is the woman that Steve left me for?”
“At least he didn’t eat you,” Jim said.
“Yes he did,” Carla remarked.
“With you, he chose to have a furburger, but you could have been a hamburger.”
Carla laughed heartily; Jessica didn’t find Jim’s remark very funny, but she wasn’t angry with him. Jim, on the other hand, was weary and allowed himself to get lost in the moment. He looked toward the car. Oh shit, the murder weapon’s still in there.
“Ladies, we gotta move.”
Jim walked Jessica to Carla’s vehicle. Her face was swollen and bloody. It looked as if she had gone 10 rounds with George Foreman. Carla walked over to Jim after Jessica handed him the dismantled pieces of the gun. Jim shut the door and returned her 22 caliber handgun and started walking.
“Jim, where ya going?”
“Home.”
“Why don’t you ride in the car with me?”
“I didn’t know I could,” Jim said. “You kicked me out your car, remember?”
“Jim, look at me.”
He turned around and faced her. “Why you pointing a gun at me?”
Carla walked to him and got close to his ear with the gun pointed to his rib cage. “Jim, I don’t care what I told you earlier. If you leave me in the car with Mrs. Jeffrey Dahmer, I’m going to kill you and her.”
Jim laughed. “Then I have no other choice than to get in, right?”
“Come with me, Jim.”
“My place it is.”
Chapter 5
“Ladies, stay in the car. I’m going to see why my front door is open. If you hear anything…”
“No, I’m going in with you,” Carla said.
“So am I,” Jessica said.
“Carla, give me your gun.”
They took slow steps toward the front door, Carla and Jessica both following Jim’s lead.
“Carly, let me see your compact.”
Jim opened the compact and used the mirror to see through the doorway. Frank and Steve sat in the living room watching ESPN. He wondered why Frank came to his house with Steve, but had a feeling that Steve wasn’t there to kill him. Jim took no chances.
He took slow steps through the doorway and pointed the gun toward Steve. “Don’t fucking move!”
Steve cooperated, “Jim, put the gun away. I’m here to do business.”
“Frank, are you here to empty out my refrigerator before you kill me?”
Looking towards his barbeque container, Frank was still anxious to eat his third full slab of ribs despite the firearm that was pointed at him. “No Jim, why are you so paranoid?” Frank asked.
“The same reason you ate all my Twinkies.”
Frank stuffed two Twinkies in his mouth simultaneously. “I didn’t eat all your Twinkies. Can you put the gun down so we can talk?”
“No, I can talk while holding my gun. Now why are you here?”
“I told you, Jim,” Frank said. “We gotta do something about Bones, but I wanted talk to you first.”
“What the fuck is Steve doing over here?”
“I heard that you got my guns.”
“You heard fucking wrong.”
“I don’t think so, Jim.” Steve said. “I got my info from a reliable source.”
“Your information is bullshit. I’ve been out of Chicago for a year and you’re still listening to weak motherfuckers who think they know what’s going on with Jim Money. They didn’t know that I was alive until I got tangled in some bullshit, so why would your source be able to give you anything good.”
“I’m telling you what I was told,” Steve said.
“Get your head out your ass, Steve.”
“Jim, I need those guns back.”
“Why are you so sure that I have your guns?”
“I told you, I have a reliable source.”
Jim pointed the gun toward Frank.
“Jim, I didn’t give him any information like that. I told him that you don’t have any guns, but someone convinced him that you did.”
“Who?”
Steve didn’t respond. Jim shot through his champagne glass which shattered on spot.
“Jim,” Steve said, “I told you, I didn’t come here to kill you.”
Jim had guessed right. Had Steve been there to kill Jim, he would have shot him before he walked through the doorway. There’s no way he could have snuck in on the most pathetic Marine, let alone an ex-Marine who served as a MPO while enlisted.
“So why are you here, Steve?”
“I need your help,” he whined.
“Okay, continue.”
“I took a loan from Don Carson.”
“Are you fucking nuts,” Jim blurted. “Of all people to borrow from, you chose Don Carson? How much did you borrow?”
“You don’t wanna know.”
“Fuck that, why did you take out a loan?”
“Because I tapped out when I loaned out most of my money to these deadbeats. It got to the point where I couldn’t pay my men to collect the debt.”
“You haven’t learned shit from me.”
“Man, I was trying to get money just like you did.”
“I never got money overextending myself and living on the borrow,” Jim shouted. “You fucking amaze me, Steve. You were there from day one when I was coming up as these other guys fell simply because they were tapped out, but you ain’t learned shit from that. Anyway, why are you at my house?”
“I need the guns, Jim.”
Jim walked in a slow pace through his living room. “Steve, you don’t need guns. You need another 8-lives with Don Carson coming after you.”
“Where the fuck are the guns?”
Steve felt a hard slap to his face. “Motherfucker, you’re going to show me some got damn respect in my house. Now, I told you I don’t have any guns.”
“Then where are they? I know you had my home games robbed.”
“Motherfucker, you don’t know shit. If this wasn’t my house, I would kill you right now, but I spent too much money on the hardwood flooring and my living room set to ruin it with your blood. Even if I robbed those gambling spots, I was only getting what’s mine since you ain’t pay no tax for operating in my shacks.”
“That was the only money I had coming in.”
Carla peeked through the doorway. “Jim, is it okay to come in?”
“I thought I told y’all to stay outside.”
“But you were gone for a really long time.”
“Come on in, it’s just your worthless husband and Frank.”
“Steve?” Carla said.
Both women walked in. Steve said nothing until Jessica walked in, her face bruised and swollen. “Jessica, what happened to you?”
Carla flew into a rage, slapping her estranged husband. “Steve, you can’t say anything to me, but as soon as this homewrecker walks in wit
h a bruise you’re concerned? I’m your wife dammit.” She continued to punch Steve until Frank and Jim pulled her off him.
“You and Jessica go to the damn kitchen,” Jim instructed.
“This man tried to kill us in Chicago, or have you forgotten? And remember what happened today?”
“Carla, what the fuck have I told you about talking back to me? Get in the fucking kitchen.”
Frank walked with both women to the kitchen. Jim overheard Frank apologizing to Carla for getting barbeque sauce on her. He told her that she caught him when he was on his third slab of ribs. What a fat fuck. Carla accepted his apology. Then Frank walked back to the living room with two -2-liter sodas in his hands—strawberry and orange flavored.
“Jim, you’re all out of soda.”
“No shit, Frank.”
“I’d thought I’d give you a heads up.”
Frank gulped down half the strawberry soda as Jim stared at him in utter amazement. This man would make a food-eating competition unfair. Kobayashi has nothing on this fat fuck.
“Steve, one last time,” Jim demanded. “What do you need from me?”
“I need a favor.”
“You go from trying to kill me, to needing a favor from me. This is truly poetic justice.”
“Those TGI Friday’s frozen dinners were tasty, especially the ones with the buffalo wings,” Frank said. “You’re all out of those, too.”
“Damn Frank, I’m not going to have any food left because of you.”
“You still have plenty of carrots.”
Chapter 6
“Jim, you’re my last hope. If I don’t repay Don, he’s going to kill me.”
“He’s going to kill you anyway, fool. You don’t need money or guns, you need an army. Then you need to settle an arrangement with the Cobras. That’s whose shipment you stole. They’re looking to behead the person behind that robbery, but the leader is more willing to compromise. Don on the other hand is ruthless. You can pay him back with interest and he’ll still kill you just for you to serve as an example to anyone who dares to cross him.”
“You had no problems with him.”
“He knew that I was one of the few people who could make life hard for him. Besides, he was afraid of the south side, but now the south side is free game since you told everyone within an earshot that I was dead, you dumb fuck. Your envy and jealousy ultimately destroyed you and the dynasty that we built.”
“Jim, he’s got men at my house waiting for me to come home.”
“That doesn’t affect me one way or another.”
“You and Carla skipped town and abandoned us. Everyone was running wild, people got killed until I took over. That’s why I owe Don. Because of you.”
“No, you owed him because of you. You could have allowed for things to play out naturally then take over, but you were so anxious to show Chicago that you had big balls stored in Hefty bags. I told you then that you couldn’t do what I do, and it shows now. You’re fucking pathetic.”
“What do I do from here?”
“That’s for you to decide.”
“Jim, what would you do?”
“I don’t know, because I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Frank, what was the point of bringing this fuck to my house?”
“I didn’t. He walked in after I got here. That’s when he said that we should squash our differences and work together so that our business can survive.”
“I don’t think that’s true. He just hired two men to kill me and Jessica earlier this afternoon.”
“I didn’t hire anyone to kill you, Jim.”
“Steve, one of the guys that kidnapped me and Jessica said that you hired them.”
“Whoever they were are some motherfucking liars,” Steve said. “I don’t have the money to hire two hit men to drive all the way down to Memphis to kill you. You know the kill fee on that kind of job.”
Jim’s wheels began to churn. If Steve is as broke as he says he is, then he couldn’t pay those guys to drive down here, put them up in a hotel room, comp a rental, and case out the house. He put the .22 caliber gun away.
“Jim, we should kill Don and take over his operation.”
“I don’t want to get involved in that. He went to high school with the mayor, plus he’s got the city council and the governor in his pocket. I don’t fuck around with the syndicate. Besides, you destroyed my structure out here.”
“Just get your crew from down here to come to Chicago.”
“I have no operations based down here.”
“Then how are you making enough money to install hardwood floors and big screen televisions?”
“I make an honest living down here as a biotech sales rep.”
“You got a square job?”
“Yep.”
“They sure pay you a lot of money to live this good.”
“I work 15 hour days sometimes to exceed my quota.”
“I still think you’re hustling.”
Jim walked over to the window to adjust the blinds with his back facing Steve. “No, I’m an everyday American worker now. I have no desire for the fast life anymore.” Frank almost choked on the other 2-liter soda.
“Jim, snap out of your square life fantasy,” Steve shouted. “Whoever tried to kill you today had to be close to you to know that you were in Memphis.”
“How did you know that I was down here, Steve?”
“Bones told me that you were living down here.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, but he told me that you and Frank conspired to rob my gambling spots. Actually, they were your spots, but you still robbed me.”
“And you took my girl from me?”
“She was my girl before she was yours. I introduced you to her at our barbeque. You just had to make her your woman, but she was my woman, Jim.”
“You were married, Steve, and yeah, I knew that you were knocking her on the side when you and Carla were still together, but fuck that personal bullshit, let’s talk business.
“My thoughts exactly.”
“Steve, go back home and pretend that everything’s normal until we put together a plan.”
“I can’t go back home. I drove by my house yesterday and saw Don’s men positioned on the street.”
“Wait a minute, Bones told you where I was?” Jim thought aloud. “Frank, remember when you guys switched plans?”
“Yeah.”
“Whose idea was it?”
“Bones’.”
“Here’s the deal, fellas.”
Both men leaned in and listened closely.
“Don isn’t the only one who wants you killed, Steve. Bones set you up by stealing the crates of guns from you. He figures that if Don doesn’t kill you first, the Cobras will once they find out that you were involved in the heist. Don kills you, then it would be assumed that Frank would take over the south side.
“Now Bones is your right hand man, and waits for the right time to set you up and get you killed. Now he’s running the south side after the two biggest kingpins on the south side get murdered, neither one by Bones.”
“That’s a slick bastard,” Frank said.
“As well thought out as this was, Bones fucked up. The pedophile raped Frances and it almost turned out brilliant because he had you believing that it was Steve. At this point Steve has two people who want him dead, possibly three if the Cobras knew anything, but they don’t know shit. This almost worked until Frank figured out that Bones raped his daughter.”
“Yeah, the fucker comes to the cafeteria talking about offing Steve to consolidate the south side,” Frank added. “At the time I still thought that Steve raped my daughter, so I was for killing Steve. I told him that since those were still your territories that we have to cut you in on the action. Bones said to me that he had something for Jim. He called you a pussy. Then my daughter comes to the table, sees Bones and almost had a nervous breakdown. He got up and ran out the caf
eteria.”
“Then Bones met me in the elevator,” Steve said. “He wanted to make a deal with me to kill you and he would kill Frank when the time was right. Afterwards we could control the south side. I told him that I didn’t know where you were. That’s when he dropped the dime and told me that you were somewhere in Memphis. I told him that I’d get back to him, but most likely I wasn’t going to move because I was tapped out with no wheels.
“He let me borrow his car to pick up a few things from home on good faith. I drove by my house and saw Don’s men there. I got desperate and drove down to Memphis to seek your help. That’s when I saw Frank at the rib joint.”
“Wait a minute,” Jim said. “Bones talked to you about you offing me, and him offing Frank? So the two goons that kidnapped me and Jessica. They weren’t Cobras, and they weren’t your people. Are either of you familiar with Jeff since the time we…”
“Yeah, him and Jacobson put in work for Bones on occasion,” Steve replied.
“It makes sense now. Jeff and Jacobson came down here to murder me because of what I did to him. He said that you wanted me brought back alive so that you could kill me. They said this to get my cooperation and lead them to the guns before executing me and Jessica. Jacobson’s incentive was the street value the guns, Jeff’s was revenge. Bones got desperate and hired them to come down at the last minute.”
Jim paced through the living room, running his hands through his hair. Then he saw Carla in the kitchen brooding with Jessica on the other side of the table checking her Facebook notifications. She got ten messages from the ‘I Love Pointless Gossip’ group.
“Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to run to the kitchen for a few minutes.”
Frank belched from having downed a 2-liter Strawberry soda and half an orange soda in the same sitting. “You should keep more soda in the house, Jim.”
Jim shot a blank stare in Frank’s direction before walking toward the kitchen. Carla saw Jim approaching and turned her head in the opposite direction. Jessica was preoccupied with her Facebook app. “OMG... Usher’s babies are so cute… awww.”
“Jessica, stay down here until I get back.” Jim grabbed Carla’s arm. “Come with me.”
“Get your damn hands off me.”
“I will when you hear what I have to say. Come with me.”
Carla rose from the table and followed Jim to the basement. To her surprise, his basement was plusher than his living room. Jim grabbed a chilled bottle of red wine from his miniature refrigerator, poured two glasses and gave one to Carla They sat down on a velour couch.